Prudence V Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 On 7/17/2020 at 12:23 PM, sheep123 said: Could it possibly be pure friendship and she is offended I asked what's going on? I asked, she waited days and days to acknowledge my question, and her response was ANGER. If it was innocent, I could understand she is embarrassed she was caught, but to be angry at the wife? Angry? If the man's wife asked you "What's the texting about" ~ is it a normal reaction to say, "What an offensive question!" and avoid you at all costs? Is this the reaction of a woman texting friendly texts? <snip> Is it possible to be 100% innocent, flip it around that this is a crazy wife, that you had the right to continue with this woman's husband, and you don't owe the wife an explanation, even if you COULD prove your innocence? Yes, of course it’s possible. BTDT. Some wives are just paranoid about any contact (whether professional, activity-related etc) between their H and any other woman, and will accuse any woman engaged in any communication with their H of being inappropriate. Many of those women will respond as this woman has - with initial shock and disbelief, waiting for the wife to sober up and apologise for her preposterous allegations, and then when the paranoid wife fails to text an apology and the woman realises the wife really believes her own ludicrous claims, responding to tell her her claims are preposterous. (Others may do the simpering woman thing and just apologise to keep the peace, even though they know the claims are ridiculous - but some women refuse to play those sorts of games.) It’s certainly possible. That may, or may not, be the case here. The fact that your H deleted the texts suggests that he, at the least, overstepped, whether or not she did. If she was a friend, she’s not one any longer - either her actions, or your accusations, ended that. But more of a problem is your H. If you can’t trust him to behave around other women, why are you with him? Link to post Share on other sites
Love2015 Posted August 17, 2020 Share Posted August 17, 2020 (edited) Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. I have one thing coming into my mind...it doesn't truly matter if they are cheating or not...what really matters is this: you don't trust him which clearly tells me you are not in a secure and loving and trusting relationship. Hence this is what you have to work on with him. I will play out to scenarios for you . #1 - She and him are having a full on affair and they are hiding it from you...or trying to ...yet you keep digging for evidence. The issue here is you looking to blame them or discover them and then blame them. Will this make you a good person and them bad? #2 - They are not having an affair and they actually act this way because they are bored or your insecurities for years and they feel that if you loved them ( husband and friend) ...you wouldn't behave this way. Clearly even if this is the case...what is for sure is your relationship is broken. I would encourage you to look within and what do you truly want. It's easy to look at what the other one is doing but look first within. Ask yourself do you love your husband? Does he give you what you need? If scenario #1...ask yourself ..do you need to even know? Say your suspect is true....do you know what will you want after knowing it is true? Would this be to get rid of your marriage or to try and work it out? The other thing is do you all not interact together? How does that feel? Read also about triangulation in narcissism..see if this is happening. If #2 scenario...then you may have to look within to see why you feel this way and probably seek couples therapy. It doesn't truly matter if it is #1 or #2...what matters is for you to look inside and figure out what you want and analyze your wants against both scenarios. ... From all you wrote ..I feel you have checked out of your marriage too but are having a hard time accepting it....regardless if it's #1 or #2 scenario. If you feel this is true then look ways of improving your marriage. Edited August 17, 2020 by Love2015 Spelling Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 17, 2020 Share Posted August 17, 2020 Don't confront her confront your husband. He's the problem. Yes talk to your attorney and a therapist privately to develop your exit strategy. Link to post Share on other sites
pepperbird2 Posted August 17, 2020 Share Posted August 17, 2020 meh, I don't think either one of them has much moral high ground here, and you don't sound happy at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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