Can't get her in the mood... and it's ruining us

[tommylovesjacqui]

Hey People,

I got alot to say so hopefully you guys have time. I've been going out with my girl Jacqui for almost three years now. I live in NYC, she lives in PA, but we went to school together for 9 months out of the year for 2 years, so we only had to spend 3 months apart over the summer.

 

Now that I graduated and she has 1 year left, we're having problems. When we first started going out... the sex was great. I was a virgin and she was just really into me so initiating sex wasn't an issue. We'd be alone, and bang, we couldn't help ourselves. Ever since then our "honeymoon phase" has slowly died down, and now it's completely dead. I personally can't keep my hands off of her, but it's not the same for her. It's a mission to get her in the mood to have sex, and I'm horrible at it. I was a virgin when I met her (by the way I'm 21 and met her when I was 18), so I have no experience at all. I mean my cheap tricks work once in a while... kissing her neck and stuff like that but it's getting old.

 

Recently she told me she's not in love with me anymore... and I know that our crappy sex life is one of the main causes. We only see each other 2 days out of the week, and if we have sex it's never great because it's not started off right.

 

What kind of "moves" can I do that would work? How can I get her in the mood? What have you guys or girls done in the past that get your partner in the mood? Kissing the neck just isn't cutting it anymore.

 

I know it's my fault. Because I'm not experience in this kind of stuff, I'm kind of embarassed to do "romantic" stuff. But if I hear from you guys that it's stuff that works, I'm up to do it. I'm desperately in need of help. I'll do anything to make this girl happy. I'm madly in love with her, and I want her to be in love with me again. Please, I need advice. Thanks people.

[gidgit1961]

Recently she told me she's not in love with me anymore... and I know that our crappy sex life is one of the main causes.

 

I may be going out on a limb here, but have you actually sat down and talked to her about this?

If you're basing a relationship on sex alone, my question would be where do you expect it to go?

Try talking to her and find out what caused her feelings to change.

[Outcast]

Recently she told me she's not in love with me anymore...

 

Why are you still going out?

 

I know it's my fault. Because I'm not experience in this kind of stuff, I'm kind of embarassed to do "romantic" stuff.

 

Well there's your problem. 'Moves' don't work; romance does. If you love her, then show it - OUT of the bed. Take her nice places and treat her well. The road to a woman's bed is through her head not by groping her so you have to make her feel loved and wanted and you do that through romance.

 

I'll do anything to make this girl happy. I'm madly in love with her

 

Well tell her that and then LISTEN when she tells you what she would like you to do.

[Topper]

I hate to say this but chances are since she said she is not in love with you anymore she has moved on. My guess is she has met someone else and just can't bring herself to tell you. woman need to feel something to get in the mood and if her feeling aren't there ,there isn't a move in the world that would work. Right now your best bet is a long heart to heart be prepared for the worse. You have to ask her what's going on? She will cry tell you how she never wanted to hurt you etc... It's an old story. The pain is going to be very real and you have to deal with it. Be the man hold your head high walk out with dignity and be grateful that she was your first.

[lilmoma1973]

Wake up !! She has someone ..You live to far apart long distance relationships very rarely work she must be getting it from someone else !! Have you asked her why she don't love you anymore ? Maybe it is time for you to move on ... Good Luck

[whichwayisup]

Recently she told me she's not in love with me anymore... and I know that our crappy sex life is one of the main causes. We only see each other 2 days out of the week, and if we have sex it's never great because it's not started off right.

 

I'm sorry. This says it all. As horrible as this is for you to do, break up with her and get into the no contact mode. The only way you'll find out if she has feelings for you now is to walk away and let her figure it out on her own. It will be very hard on you as you still love her.

 

When one person says they don't love you anymore, or have fallen out of love, especially at your age, it's usually over. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news.

[spiritual73]

I hate to say this to you, but it seems her all of a sudden not being interested in sex with you could be that she's already experienced it with someone else, or she's really bored of sex and it's become a chore for her. Her telling you she's not in love with you anymore sounds like she's trying to get out of the relationship when maybe she already has moved on. If I was in your shoes, I'd seriously try to respect myself and stop wasting time on someone who doesn't return your feelings of love. If your not getting what you want from the relationship, then move on. You sound like you have more than enough love to give someone who is willing to recieve it. Good Luck!!