Is this what living with a landlord is supposed to be like?

[Butterflying]

I recently went from home ownership the past 20 years to renting a room. My job transferred me to a city 500 miles away. I still own my home. Was planning to rent it out. But COVID19 put a halt on that. So I can’t afford to maintain that home & get an apartment in the new city (as that was my original plan). 
 

The first room I rented was very small in an old house in need of many repairs. There were ants & roaches everywhere. The 60 year old landlord (I didn’t discover until later) suffered mental illness. She never left the house, ever. Nobody visited. Prior to me moving there, she lived alone. Our rooms were across the hall. I travel for work. 
 

I noticed that everything I left in the refrigerator would be melted or spoiled when I returned from work. When I was home, she turned off the air conditioner at night in order to save energy. I later discovered that she turned off all power in the house while I was gone to save energy. It costed me extra money for wasted food. And I couldn’t rest without proper temperature in the house. After attempting to talk reasonably about it, I packed & left, losing a significant security deposit for breaking the lease early. 
 

Now the place I moved in after costs $200 more per month. But the landlord keeps adding new rules that make living here unbearable as well. First, it was supposed to be a basement apartment with my own private entrance & bath. After paying security deposit & first month rent, the landlord revealed to me that I would be sharing the bath with their family who lives upstairs (husband, wife, 2 kids). They have at least one bathroom up there. I’m not sure why they want to share one with me. But I succumbed because it had been a long week searching for places. I had just returned from a work trip. I was exhausted with a van full of my things outside waiting for move in. 

A week later the landlord sends a text message saying they no longer want me to use the private entrance because it requires me to walk through the side & front yard. 
 

In addition, I am only allowed to have one guest  visit. No overnight guests. I am not allowed to eat in my room. No food or candy wrappers should be in the trash in my room. I can’t even cook in the house unless it’s microwave because they don’t want to smell whatever I eat. Although I smell their cooking upstairs all day every day. And they will inspect it periodically to make sure I am following the rules. These are rules i consented to. And to comply, I bought a small burner to cook meals outside on the back patio. I eat out there as well. Mind you, I am paying $900 per month for what I believed was a basement apartment. Now it seems just a room that I am only allowed to sleep in, alone. 
 

Are my expectations for this type of living situation too high? I would like to at least have my boyfriend over to spend the night sometimes. He drives a distance to visit. And I’m usually only home one day/ night a week. I would also like to eat food or candy in my room. It seems an invasion of privacy that they will check the trash. Are landlords supposed to be this involved with their tenant? And I know the real reason they want me to stop using the private entrance is to monitor when I come & go. The front entrance requires me to go through their living room & kitchen where their family is often gathered. I just want to come & go leisurely without interference. 
 

 

[amaysngrace]

Do you have a signed written agreement with them stating the rules? 

Is the door to your room locked?

i would be so afraid of these people trying to steal my identity because they sound like total scam artists getting you to break your lease early 

Edited July 18, 2020 by amaysngrace

[Butterflying]

17 minutes ago, amaysngrace said:

Do you have a signed written agreement with them stating the rules? 

Is the door to your room locked?

i would be so afraid of these people trying to steal my identity because they sound like total scam artists getting you to break your lease early 

Yes there is a lease. All the rules I consented to are there. But the rule of not using the private entrance & not walking on the grass (because there’s no sidewalk) are not in the lease. I’ve only been here a week. I never leave personal info in the room. And I have a small safe with a lock for important stuff. They will allow me to put a lock on the room door; but I have to give them a key. So what’s the point? I’m just wondering if this is normally what I should expect from this type of arrangement. Since I’ve never done it before. Honestly it’s worse than being a teenager & living at home with my parents. At least I didn’t have to pay to live there!! Lol 

[amaysngrace]

I would just explain that to them, that it’s better for you to use the side door because you feel awkward using the family entrance and you hope they understand.

Are they being uncivil about it?  Like demanding?  

[Butterflying]

2 hours ago, amaysngrace said:

I would just explain that to them, that it’s better for you to use the side door because you feel awkward using the family entrance and you hope they understand.

Are they being uncivil about it?  Like demanding?  

When I explained, he gave me permission to continue using the back entrance. But said I still have to walk around the driveway (which I’m not allowed to park, I have to park on the street in front of the house) to the back. This creates a longer distance for me to walk, and I still have to go through grass on the other side of the house. So the logic about the grass doesn’t make sense. I believe their issue is wanting to know when I come & go and rather or not I have a guest. They could install security cameras in the back. They already have them in the front. Maybe they don’t want to spend that extra money. It still seems so ridiculous for them to want to keep track of my every move this way. They don’t trust me to follow the rules, even though I haven’t caused any problems. 

[amaysngrace]

I’m sorry it’s been difficult.  Maybe they’ve had bad experiences with tenants in the past so they distrust easily now.  

Is there a way you can put stepping stones down so you won’t need to walk on grass?  

[Butterflying]

7 hours ago, amaysngrace said:

I’m sorry it’s been difficult.  Maybe they’ve had bad experiences with tenants in the past so they distrust easily now.  

Is there a way you can put stepping stones down so you won’t need to walk on grass?  

Sure I could create a walkway. But why should I? It costs EXTRA money. I never complained about walking through grass. The landlord says he plans to create a walkway at some point in the future. It’s a new home. They have always been renters themselves. They’ve never been landlords before. It seems like they are being overly protective of their home & making me miserable in the process. I should’ve considered it a red flag when they put a rule in the lease that I’m not allowed to have food, candy, or drinks in the room. 

[amaysngrace]

In the lease does it state that you’re to have a basement apartment?

i don’t know where you live but tenants have rights.  If they’ve breached the lease agreement in some way you should be able to leave without penalty if the living conditions are unbearable.  

You are basically in an air bnb, not an apartment.  Do you have the original ad that you answered?  That may be helpful as well to show you aren’t getting what you were promised.

Edited July 18, 2020 by amaysngrace

[basil67]

I can't help you practically because I live in another country....but what you are describing in both residences would be illegal here.  I would strongly advise you contact a tenants advocate in your state and get some support.   

Edited July 18, 2020 by basil67

[Noproblem]

are you sure they are not just racist?

 

I am sorry but once they lied the first time, you should have sued them! 

why would you live in such conditions? You have a home, either rent a studio alone, or go home! ( I know you have a job, but if your job doesn't pay you enough to rent a studio alone, then what's good is that job for?)
 

 

 

 

Edited July 18, 2020 by Noproblem

[introverted1]

Since you're able to pay $900/month, could you find a 2 bedroom place for $1800 and live with a roommate instead?

I agree that not being able to eat a candy bar or have a beverage in your room is very restrictive (are they worried about bugs?), but if these restrictions are in the lease you signed it probably won't be easy to renegotiate now.

[mark clemson]

I rented a room in a house a long time ago and it can sometimes get a bit weird, but this sounds unusual expectations for an adult. Not sure of exact steps, but I'd figure out how to move to a new place with hopefully a better deal as well as fewer unusual restrictions as soon as reasonably possible. No need to panic or anything IMO, but my thought would be to just be methodical and move on once you're ready and your lease is up.

[Ellener]

I rented twice in 2019 and both times it was really weird. I got caught up in my friends' family dynamics. Then caught up in my friend's alcoholic behaviour when the pandemic happened.

I have a nice apartment now and would never rent from friends again!

 

 

[major_merrick]

Like others have said, check to see what (if anything) you have in writing.

Since you are renting a room instead of a whole place or an apartment, you're on shakier ground.  Personally, I wouldn't want to live near a landlord.  And as a landlord myself, I wouldn't want to have tenants within shouting distance of me.  But each to their own, and sometimes choices are no good.  And being told to use a specific entrance is really weird.  And their "no food" rule sounds awful.  If I couldn't have snacks while curled up in bed, I'd go crazy.

Honestly, I suspect your best choice is to get a different job where your house is at.  I've never let a job tell me where to go.  What do you do for work?  How did your job transfer you without you having the option to refuse?  It sounds like you've got multiple situations going on where you aren't being treated right.

[SumGuy]

On 7/18/2020 at 6:45 AM, Butterflying said:

Sure I could create a walkway. But why should I? It costs EXTRA money. I never complained about walking through grass. The landlord says he plans to create a walkway at some point in the future. It’s a new home. They have always been renters themselves. They’ve never been landlords before. It seems like they are being overly protective of their home & making me miserable in the process. I should’ve considered it a red flag when they put a rule in the lease that I’m not allowed to have food, candy, or drinks in the room. 

If you are in the US try reaching out to your states attorney general office.  They should have an office or department that can walk you through tenant rights.  Most states in the US I understand give renters a whole bunch of rights even without a written agreement or lease and make illegal certain terms.  A lease is usually for the protection of the landlord where I've lived, that is it gives the landlord a few more rights than the default without a lease.

Landlords are known to overreach and think they own you and can control all you do, and even change the agreement and walk into the place just because they own it.  Usually not even close in the US.  You are a renter not a serf.

You are entitled to the quiet enjoyment of your rental (which includes not having people come in to use your restroom or spring new rules on you or harass you or retaliate against you) and they are generally not allowed to enter your rental without advanced reasonable notice you agree upon. 

It doesn't matter two wits where I have lived if the unit is part of an owner occupied home.

You could also put in a camera (hidden or otherwise) to see if the landlord comes in when you are not around.  Can check also with your attorney general if that is OK, if you need to post a sign can you record sound, etc.  It's your place with an expectation of privacy when you are not there.  Landlords entering without permission (unless a emergency) can be breaking and entering in places where I have lived, and certainly criminal in those places I've lived especially if they start messing with your stuff.  Their owning the place doesn't matter where I've lived, barring an emergency them entering your place without permission is the same as some random person doing it.

Edited July 20, 2020 by SumGuy

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

I'm dealing with a renter right now who is in a similar space with my parents; he is a young man, my parents rented him their basement, then try to subject him to all their rules, I feel so bad for the guy, I try to mediate between the two.

Then, the other day, we asked to enter the suite and he basically said we needed to issue a 24 Hour notice to enter, which completely eroded whatever good will was left on my parents end, now the all out war has begun... Like who has time to enforce their stupid f***in rules lmao.

A lot of people will believe that this behavior is uncommon when living with a Landlord, but i disagree, they own the space, they own the lease, you are subject to their rules. I think most Landlords are not going to be petty about it, but some are, my folks get petty about it but I can understand why, renters have to be kept on a short leash and a shorter lease.

[Butterflying]

Yes my job pays me enough to afford a place of my own. Not sure I mentioned it before. But I still own a house in the city I left. The transfer is a promotion with more money. But it’s not enough to afford a house & an apartment!! The house is supposed to be a rental property. Due to COVID19 I am afraid to rent it because most people in that area live in poverty. I still have to pay the mortgage & maintenance fees on that house while it’s empty. If I rent it out, the renters might not be able to pay. Government doesn’t allow evictions due to the pandemic. I would still be stuck paying all the bills even with tenants living there. So it’s better to keep the house empty until the pandemic ends. I can’t sell the house because I would still lose money due to the poverty stricken area it’s in. 

[ShyViolet]

The things you are describing are not normal at all.  You don't have your own proper living situation, it's like you are someone's houseguest.  Next time get everything in writing first, there should be a proper written lease and any rules they want to enforce should be in writing.  Make sure you really understand what you are agreeing to.

[Pumaza]

Are you man or woman And what is your job?
How your job dont help you with a stable home ,day one!!!?😠

Shame on them ,If you work like this they must atleast advice you since they know the area.

If you got the rules on paper,they cant tell you nothing.You have rights!

Living with landlord should be not on your list. But i get what you told us.

But living with landlord often is drama.They wanna be all up in your business. etc.

You seem like you doing a job that is important,and pays well??!

Eitherway step to your boss and ask him help you,and ask coworkers that seem like they are not trouble makers and could be able to help you find a place where you can be on your own.Dont go live with no coworker so you get in same situation again.

You are a adult, living with people is past.

 

[Pumaza]

On 7/22/2020 at 6:29 AM, Butterflying said:

Yes my job pays me enough to afford a place of my own. Not sure I mentioned it before. But I still own a house in the city I left. The transfer is a promotion with more money. But it’s not enough to afford a house & an apartment!! The house is supposed to be a rental property. Due to COVID19 I am afraid to rent it because most people in that area live in poverty. I still have to pay the mortgage & maintenance fees on that house while it’s empty. If I rent it out, the renters might not be able to pay. Government doesn’t allow evictions due to the pandemic. I would still be stuck paying all the bills even with tenants living there. So it’s better to keep the house empty until the pandemic ends. I can’t sell the house because I would still lose money due to the poverty stricken area it’s in. 

No freind or family member that wants to rent it till you sell it and pay you rent so you can earn something out of it atleast? Make sure you also put everything on paper so they know they cant live there for ever. Humans can change and act a fool even if they your best freind or family.

 

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear this. There's some great advice here about some legal recourse you have. The first place sounds like a nut house and the second sounds like a prison. You need to hold them to thier original verbal or advertised agreement. Don't let them change the goal posts all the time.

[dangerous]

I am in the UK, but in the US I'm sure you have rights and if so...

You need to stand up for yourself OP:

The rental apartment is not what you signed for, THEY broke the lease (by not providing you with the advertised entry and bathroom) , so you should move ASAP. If they hold your deposit then can you sue them afterwards? In the UK we have a "small claims" court process which is cheap and easy to do. Do you have similar?

Regarding your own house, I would make an effort to find a good tenant: either through friends or family or perhaps an institution eg charity or housing association. I would prioritize a good and reliable tenant over cost (let it below market value) then everyone will be appreciative. Even in a pandemic there are people who need accommodation, just like you.

Good luck.