How can I stop hating myself and fearing rejection?

[genericwhitemale]

As I write this topic, I am entering the final week on inpatient care for anorexia nervosa [unusual for a male, but whatever]. The thing is, I have strong feelings of self-hate and as such project these feelings onto others, as I automatically assume others hate me as well, even if these beliefs don't align with the facts. For example, I am in treatment with two others who seem to like me to some extent [they're referred to me as their friend, we've exchanged phone numbers, etc.], but I hate myself so intensely that I look for all evidence that others hate me as much as I do.

I legitimately believe I have zero good qualities and have nothing to offer anyone. Even though the other patients I've met here have expressed interest in remaining friends outside of treatment, I am always anxious around them and believe they will reject me. The counsellors at the clinic have given me a book and some exercises relating to building self-esteem and self-worth, but it's hard to buy into. I ultimately believe I am worthless.

How can I stop hating myself and fearing rejection?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm sorry your brain is feeding you these lies, as I'm sure none of it is true :(.  As soon as you get out of the facility you are in you need to find a qualified psychiatrist to help you address these issues.  It's very much beyond the scope of what anyone here can offer since we are not trained professionals.

[ShyViolet]

Yeah I was just gonna say....these sound like very deep issues that you need professional help to work on.  Make sure you get yourself a really good therapist.  

[Foxhall]

A relative of mine( a guy) had this issue as a teenager, hes doing great these days.

likewise as the others say listen to your counsellors and psychiatrists, they will help you get through it, there is always a brighter tomorrow.

all Ill say is you deserve to enjoy yourself, once you get out, go get some indian takeaways and pizzas, build yourself up, 

 

[d0nnivain]

Discuss your issues with whoever is providing you with your inpatient treatment.  I hope you are containing the discussion when you transition to out patient.  

[Redhead14]

On 7/17/2020 at 9:05 PM, genericwhitemale said:

The counsellors at the clinic have given me a book and some exercises relating to building self-esteem and self-worth, but it's hard to buy into. I ultimately believe I am worthless.

How can I stop hating myself and fearing rejection?

I can assure you, you are not worthless and I'm sorry you're feeling that way, however, I doubt very much coming to a relationship forum for input is mentioned in those books and exercises the professionals have given you.  You need the help of the professionals and no one here is qualified or ethically able to provide sound advice through the keyboard.  Coming here may actually cause you harm if someone says something unintentionally to upset you or work against your progress or professional advice.

The best that anyone here could say really is that you need to focus yourself and steadfastly jump into counseling and do what the professionals are suggesting. 

[homecoming]

On 7/18/2020 at 2:05 AM, genericwhitemale said:

As I write this topic, I am entering the final week on inpatient care for anorexia nervosa [unusual for a male, but whatever]. The thing is, I have strong feelings of self-hate and as such project these feelings onto others, as I automatically assume others hate me as well, even if these beliefs don't align with the facts. For example, I am in treatment with two others who seem to like me to some extent [they're referred to me as their friend, we've exchanged phone numbers, etc.], but I hate myself so intensely that I look for all evidence that others hate me as much as I do.

I legitimately believe I have zero good qualities and have nothing to offer anyone. Even though the other patients I've met here have expressed interest in remaining friends outside of treatment, I am always anxious around them and believe they will reject me. The counsellors at the clinic have given me a book and some exercises relating to building self-esteem and self-worth, but it's hard to buy into. I ultimately believe I am worthless.

How can I stop hating myself and fearing rejection?

Have you looked into reading about cognitive distortions? This sounds to be what you're experiencing. 

There are also many DBT self-help books and websites that offer practical advice in how to manage these kinds of thoughts.