Seabreeze1 Posted July 18, 2020 Share Posted July 18, 2020 After a few weeks of no contact with my ex gf, I reached Out via text and told her I was driving through her town on my way home and I thought of her; then asked how she was doing. She immediately responded that she was thinking of me too. we got to talking for a little while, and the conversation was good, but she happened to be starting her new job the next morning so she had to get to bed. She thanked me for reaching out and checking up on her. I then wished her luck and she asked if I’d like her to let me know how it goes- I obviously said yes. So the next day she reached out to me like she said but I felt the conversation was very one sided and she didn’t show much of an interest in talking to me (at least that was the vibe I got)- as her responses seemed short, tho she was replying fairly quick. Last thing I said to her however took a few hours to get a response and it wasn’t anything I could really reply to so I decided to let it be. Then she sends me iMessage games (something we did on a daily basis when we were together).. I wound up waiting till the morning to play my turns and I also shot her a good morning text but didn’t hear anything all day.. Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted July 18, 2020 Share Posted July 18, 2020 3 minutes ago, Seabreeze1 said: After a few weeks of no contact with my ex gf, I reached Out via text and told her I was driving through her town on my way home and I thought of her; then asked how she was doing. She immediately responded that she was thinking of me too. we got to talking for a little while, and the conversation was good, but she happened to be starting her new job the next morning so she had to get to bed. She thanked me for reaching out and checking up on her. I then wished her luck and she asked if I’d like her to let me know how it goes- I obviously said yes. So the next day she reached out to me like she said but I felt the conversation was very one sided and she didn’t show much of an interest in talking to me (at least that was the vibe I got)- as her responses seemed short, tho she was replying fairly quick. Last thing I said to her however took a few hours to get a response and it wasn’t anything I could really reply to so I decided to let it be. Then she sends me iMessage games (something we did on a daily basis when we were together).. I wound up waiting till the morning to play my turns and I also shot her a good morning text but didn’t hear anything all day.. Cause you guys are exes so there is no point in jumping to reply. It's not the same excitement as a romantic interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted July 18, 2020 Share Posted July 18, 2020 (edited) Hey Seabreeze1, I read your previous thread. Experience has taught me to never stay in contact once a breakup happens, unless there are some very particular circumstances that force you two to remain in contact (But this isn't that). The reason being is, there just isn't any point. Your ex broke up with you, and in doing so she basically chose to be with someone new, whether that person has already arrived into her life or will later on. I've tried to remain friends with exes in the past, and I've been through the process, as first hand, as a dumpee. You aren't one the girls. You're not some platonic guy friend. You're not family. You're an ex an no new boyfriend would be cool with their girl staying in contact and hanging out with their ex. So this ultimately ends with them meeting someone else, and you being pushed out of her life. Her decision to end it with you wasn't some impulsive one either. Decisions to end relationships brew over time. They start with doubt and uncomfortable feelings that dealt with in private moments. The pros and cons of being in the relationship vs. being out of it, are weighed over time. Eventually the person gets to a point where they know they want to end it, and its just a matter of working up the courage to do it. So don't think you can convince her to change her mind, by being in her life. She was serious and your relationship is over. Your ex is hot and cold, because she's back and forth in her mind and that's being projected through her actions, which you're picking up on. She no longer feels like she wants to be with you, but she's dealing with the anxiety of being on her own, and wondering if she'll find someone who's more suitable for her. So to cover her basis and to feel safe, she keeps you around, just incase she changes her mind. That's not fair to you, and its not good for either of you because its keeping the both of you in a state of limbo..especially for you, the one who got dumped. Also, the irony is, so long as you are around, she won't get the chance to experience what life will be like without you, which is a prerequisite for realizing whether she really wants to be with you or not. It's sabotage. This doesn't mean she'll realize she wants to be with you after time apart. She may just move on. At the moment, she is not thinking clearly and is a making keeping you close, despite breaking up with you and you're making a mistake by allowing her to do it. Your relationship no longer has any clearly established boundaries. You are neither together nor are you friends..and that makes this extremely dangerous for the both of you, who are vulnerable right now. You both need to understand what a breakup is and respect it. A breakup means its over. What you two knew up to now, ends. Case closed. Is it possible to be friends in the future? Yes..but in the distant future, with sufficient space and time to heal and to learn how to be happy on your own, without her. There is a catch in that, by then, you may not even care to resurrect this past, that you struggled to move on from. Be the stronger one here, and sever the connection here, that she is unwilling to do. You can talk to her and let her know, that if she no longer wishes to be together, then you need to stop talking, so that you can let go and heal, and to do so you'll need space. This isn't to punish her or to win her back. This is to respect the decision to breakup, to respect that the both of you are going your separate ways, and to do what is best for you in the long-run. Keeping in touch will only lead to complications. That is a reasonable explanation. Following that, pull her from your social media. Pull her number off your phone. Box her things. Box or move all pictures or anything having to do with her out of your sight. Silence and time apart will bring clarity to her and she'll decide what she ultimately wants. If she wants to try again, she may come back, but if she does..make sure she's serious and that you two talk about the problems you had and how to proceed going forward. If she doesn't come back..there's your answer. I speak like this is all easy, but I know it's not. Having said that, your priority now is you and you have to take care of your well-being. Remaining in contact with this girl, will most definitely hurt it. She's in charge of taking care of herself. - Beach Edited July 18, 2020 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
Goodguy05 Posted July 18, 2020 Share Posted July 18, 2020 She's your ex right? That answers your question 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 18, 2020 Share Posted July 18, 2020 Seeing as how she is indeed your ex, it isn't realistic to expect frequent and consistent contact anymore. And yes, that includes conversations that just fizzle out and messages that go unanswered. This is why it's better to not re-initiate this sort of communication when you still have feelings for her. It hurts too much when you realize the interest isn't exactly mutual. You would be wise to take plenty of true space from her, with no contact, so you don't wind up back in this crappy emotional limbo again. Link to post Share on other sites
lee179108 Posted July 24, 2020 Share Posted July 24, 2020 (edited) Similar to what Beach said experience has taught me not to stay in contact with an EX and act like things are normal.... delete her number and get her off your social media, you can tell her why you're doing that as well... (because you want more and you love her) so you dont want to act like things are fine. She will understand that. My experience is that with an ex i tried to stay in contact with them like nothing happened, it just didnt work, it messed my head up all day every day. You can reply with short messages but just tell her you dont want to be just friends as you want more or want to try again in future. If you stop talking and they truly love you and miss you they will come back at some point, my ex came back to me after 2 and a half months. Weather you wanna try again at that point is up to you, but ive learnt in relationships you just need to be chilled with the communication part, as coming across needy can damage things. Ive been guilt of this in the past which probly affected my relationship. Edited July 24, 2020 by lee179108 edit Link to post Share on other sites
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