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I am not sure under which forum to put this post, as I am NOT the OW but feel as though I may be being perceived as a threat to a marriage, and not talking about it is eating me up. 

Two years ago, I had a crush on a professional person n  my life, of whom I was, and have been and am currently,, a client.   He is married.  I am divorced.   I never divulged my crush to him.   I did divulge that I had a crush on a married man to my counselor/therapist.  I was looking for help with trying to get him out of my head, and I felt safe in telling her that much and asking for her advice bc she is my therapist.  I did not tell her who my crush was on, but she was trying to get me to tell her, and then she guessed his name (she knows him too).  I denied it, but if felt like she realized she had guessed.    I told her how it is just a crush and I would never act on it bc that is not who i am.  I would never put myself in the middle of a marriage.  She validated my feelings and said that it is not unusual, and something that happens quite often.  she advised me to think of it as not being attracted to him, exactly, but rather I am attracted to certain qualities he has.  I said yes, there were certain qualities in him that I wish I had.  She said I could try to develop those qualities in myself more.   

The man and I have communicated by email many times over the last 2 years due to the nature of our professional relationship.  I take responsibility for allowing my inappropriate feelings to develop  and allowing myself to indulge in them occasionally privately (daydreaming).    He has not always acted entirely professional, as he once called me beautiful in an email, and has a habit of sending jokes/memes rather than writing a response.   I do admit I would try to get his attention over email by embellishing an email here or there, and it would usually provoke a response (him writing back).   I was with him in person at his place of business.   I can think of one time over a year ago when I brushed a piece of lint off his shirt.  

Anyway, that ended over a year ago, our odd email exchanges.  I have worked on getting over my crush on him, by telling myself what my therapist said, and other things, and it was not mutual.    However I am still his client and need him to handle certain things for me.  

i also do know his wife, and do respect her;  As far as I know, no one had knowledge that I had admitted to a crush on her wife other than my therapist.  His wife and I both belong to the same ladies/friends group, and i'd avoided seeing her for over a year bc I felt so uncomfortable with myself for having those feelings at one time  I finally Felt I was over my feelings when his wife and i did allow myself to go to a small gathering that I knew she would be at.   It was a small group, 6 women, sitting  around talking in  a backyard.

there were a couple different stories told, then she started telling us the story of how she and her husband met.  I immediately felt on alert bc the topic of how one met their husband was not the topic anyone else had remotely brought up or referred to that night.  She went on to tell how when she and her husband were dating, he was seen at a park across town with another women and her children,.   The reason he was with them was related to his line of work at the time.   She said some  acquaintances of hers saw him at the park with the women and her chlidren, and  they called her to tell her that her boyfriend was seen out with them.   

she said she was extremely upset, thinking he was cheating on her.  When she confronted him, she learned it was a situation related to his work.   The point she wanted to make was that she was struck by how people she was only acquaintances with would call her up and tell her what they saw.    She then stood up and stepped away from the group, and two of the women there got up and went with her.  the two women left in the original group then leaned in to me and started talking to me on a different subject.

Am i paranoid to think her story was meant for me to hear, and that the message was that she has people around everywhere that will tell her if there is a situation where it looks like her husband is interacting with someone in a manner that a husband shouldn't? 

I hope this makes sense.  

 

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It sounds to me like there is a possibility this man has cheated previously. It’s strange that such a story would produce such an emotional response. I feel like there is something here that you don’t know. 

Regardless, I think you are overthinking things.

Just because you have a crush on the man, doesn’t mean that you have to act on it. It’s quite common for people to develop crushes on others that they find attractive or interesting. As you are aware, it is possible to feel this way and still respect the boundaries of a marriage. 

Edited by BaileyB
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sounds like the wife might have her spidey senses up in regards to you. Could be that your therapist told her but it could also be that she has seen your email exchanges between you and her husband and she has rightly deduced that you are seeking her husband's attention. In any case, if she knows there is not much you can do about it other than keep your communication with her husband strictly professional and scarce. 

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For your own well being and satisfaction in life and dating, stay away from people who are taken. If you are divorced, try to start communicating with single men you don't work with. Try some dating apps or other social means of meeting some men.

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It's possible the husband has cheated before and as a consequence the wife monitors his emails etc. This could be a subtle warning from her.

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