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Is it unusual for a guest to provide some food for a wake?

exoduse22

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exoduse22

exoduse22

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My girlfriend lost her mother 2 days ago and they are currently having a wake for her mother. I asked her if I could provide some fast food for them tomorrow afternoon for her family and possibly some guests. I am not sure if this is a weird or unusual thing to do.

 

The only thing I know people provide is either funeral flowers or some money. But I asked my sister about giving food and she said that she never heard of people giving food. What are thoughts on this?

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Happy Lemming

Happy Lemming

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I was at one wake and the host ran out of food, so she ordered a bunch of pizza.

I'm not sure "fast food" would be appropriate.  The wakes I've attended always seemed to have home cooked foods.  Maybe purchase some of those large pans of pre-made lasagna and heat them up?? 

Do you know how many people will be attending the wake??

 

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exoduse22

exoduse22

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50 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

I was at one wake and the host ran out of food, so she ordered a bunch of pizza.

I'm not sure "fast food" would be appropriate.  The wakes I've attended always seemed to have home cooked foods.  Maybe purchase some of those large pans of pre-made lasagna and heat them up?? 

Do you know how many people will be attending the wake??

 

My girlfriend said food good for 20 people will do. In our country, simple comfort foods will do and usually ordered from restaurants/fast foods. Just wasn't sure if it was the host's job to think of what food to have on a certain day at the wake. Maybe they will feel restricted with a guest bringing in food or may find it hard to take care of the remainders. 

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Happy Lemming

Happy Lemming

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12 minutes ago, exoduse22 said:

In our country, simple comfort foods will do and usually ordered from restaurants/fast foods.

Oh... OK.

If that is what is customary for your country/culture, then it sounds like you have it covered.

Many years ago I was at my local pub and this woman was buying shots of Irish Whiskey for everyone (who walked in), as she lost her father. She wanted to celebrate his favorite drink with everyone that wandered into the bar that night.  I think it was part of a tradition from his home land.

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exoduse22

exoduse22

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5 minutes ago, Happy Lemming said:

Oh... OK.

If that is what is customary for your country/culture, then it sounds like you have it covered.

Many years ago I was at my local pub and this woman was buying shots of Irish Whiskey for everyone (who walked in), as she lost her father. She wanted to celebrate his favorite drink with everyone that wandered into the bar that night.  I think it was part of a tradition from his home land.

Thanks, I think a balance is the key. Not too much and not too little food. Just a light meal will do as an extra

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MJJean

MJJean

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I lost my son last year. We did not have a funeral, because he was cremated out of state where he died, so we hosted a Celebration of Life, which is basically a combination wake-funeral.

My husband and I estimated the number of guests who would come and we bought the beverages from a local bulk store. We got some soda, some tea, some bottled waters, and some juices for any kids that came with their parents. Think Sam's Club or Gordon's. Then we ordered large pizzas, a large platter of broasted chicken, and a large platter of boneless chicken strips, along with a selection of dipping sauces from a local take out pizza and more place that we'd pick up an hour before guests were scheduled to arrive. Many of my family and friends wanted to help. One volunteered to make a large roaster of meatballs, another wanted to do sweet and sour chicken, and the rest were asked to bring side dishes or a dessert. My sister and my friend coordinated to make sure we didn't end up with too much of any one thing.

It's not weird to bring a dish to a wake or celebration of life. It helps the grieving family so much as it's one more detail and expense they don't have to take on while coping with the loss. Figure out who is handling the organization of the wake, get in touch, and ask if there is anything specific they need food and beverage wise or if you can just bring whatever. Also check the estimated number of guests. We bought food for about 80 people and thought we were overestimating and would have leftovers. By the middle of the event we had to send some family back to the bulk store because we were running out of drinks. By the last hour there was no food left at all. We underestimated the crowd by about 20 people, so I suggest getting a bit more than you planned just in case and try to bring something that makes a good leftover.

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alphamale

alphamale

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1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said:

I was at one wake and the host ran out of food, so she ordered a bunch of pizza.

I'm not sure "fast food" would be appropriate.  The wakes I've attended always seemed to have home cooked foods.  Maybe purchase some of those large pans of pre-made lasagna and heat them up?? 

Do you know how many people will be attending the wake??

 

^^^this

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amaysngrace

amaysngrace

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is the wake visitation an all day thing? i don’t see why a snack would be necessary

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stillafool

stillafool

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I've been going to wakes since I was a kid and my mom always carried a big box of homemade food.  Fried chicken, potato salad and pound cake was always what she brought.  Usually there was family in from out of town for the wakes and that is why she took so much food.  Everyone did back then.  There would be 2 long tables filled with food.  Now days I don't hear too much about wakes.  They usually just have a viewing and meet and greet one hour before the funeral service and the churches cater the lunch after the funeral.  This is better because I remember people getting drunk at wakes held in homes back then.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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My cultural norm is that the host provides food, usually lunch, in a restaurant or hall for the guests who attend the funeral & interment.  No food is supplied at the wake. 

In the weeks after the death, friends bring food to the family, usually heat & serve casseroles, because the family is often too grief-stricken to prepare food for themselves.  

Your offer seems in line with your cultural norm

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Pumaza

Pumaza

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I dont see ehat you tryna do here!😳😵
Are you really clueless?

You asked her,what did she say?

First focus on being there for her and her needs.Fast food sounds childish. Unless its a wish of the dead one or its family to remember her loving junkfood.

If yoi really wanna do something and you know the family will be there having tea or a drink, you can provide small sandwiches from a company for them.

If you wanna just do it for few people, you can do it when they got nothing planned and then you make soup and breath and have a lil gathering.

But no one is interested in own plans.Unless you know what you are doing. I dont get your whole dynamic with the family and how they planned the days.How old are you?

If you are not sure.dont do it. Stupid stuff can annoy the family. And just be there for her and if she needs something.

And no one is busy with little stuff like that. The loss of a mom is much bigger.

 

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CAPSLOCK BANDIT

CAPSLOCK BANDIT

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That is a heart wrenching story @MJJean very sorry for your loss.

 

I don't believe its necessarily unusual for a guest to provide food at a wake, but I think asking the grieving parties about food, especially there Mom, at a time like this, its a bit of a cold shoulder almost, like the last thing these people are thinking about is food. I know if I was at my Mom's funeral and I had to smell pizza I think i'd puke.

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Watercolors

Watercolors

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13 hours ago, exoduse22 said:

My girlfriend lost her mother 2 days ago and they are currently having a wake for her mother. I asked her if I could provide some fast food for them tomorrow afternoon for her family and possibly some guests. I am not sure if this is a weird or unusual thing to do.

 

The only thing I know people provide is either funeral flowers or some money. But I asked my sister about giving food and she said that she never heard of people giving food. What are thoughts on this?

Are you in the U.S.? 

Sorry for your g/f's loss. When my father died, our neighbors, friends and family brought food over to our house constantly for about 5 months. For the wake, my aunts and uncles brought food over since my mother was in no condition to cook. About 50 people attended my father's wake. So there was a lot of food. We had to rent the inside of a restaurant for the wake. 

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basil67

basil67

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I was at a wake on the weekend.   It was finger food, mostly supplied by the host.  However, I did see people who were close to the host arrive with some food offerings for the table.   Thing is, I see you as someone close to the host rather than a guest.  You're very much in the realm of 'support staff'

Rather than fast food, I'd offer a tray of small sushi rolls/sandwiches/cake/brownies 

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major_merrick

major_merrick

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I think it varies by location and culture.  Where I live, things are done more after the funeral instead of before.  One I attended in the spring had a ton of food, and everybody brought something.  Do you know anybody else attending?  You could ask them...

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IndigoNight

IndigoNight

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Depends on the familial beliefs, and customs. I am Southern. Everyone brings some sort of food to a wake. Flowers are donated to local hospitals, except the ones from immediate family. Among several other expected family customs.

It was kind of you to offer.

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understand50

understand50

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Last wake I was part of, was POT luck.  Everyone brought something.  This all depends on the family and what type of funeral it is.   My friends, are not well off financially, so we all chipped in. 

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Poutrew

Poutrew

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Hmmm.... It wasn't a wake, but an old friend of mine died some years back. His family were health fanatics, and he used to complain how he couldn't drink even a beer any more, let alone the hard stuff we used to drink before he got married and let his wife run his life... the visitation was open casket. I slipped a small bottle of Irish Whiskey into one of his socks  where I hoped no one would find it before they closed the lid. The night after the funeral, I had one last toast dedicated to my friend... knowing that even if he wanted to, he would never be able to reach the bottle near his foot in that cramped space... that was how we were. I shudder to think where he would have stuck that bottle if our positions were reversed. 😇

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