Self Esteem is Down and Anxiety is up

[JolliX]

I am going through a roller coaster of emotions and trying to come out on top. While understanding that my most recent relationship wasn't ever going to work (for various reasons detailed in other posts), I am still having a tough time with missing the ex and feeling like I won't be able to improve what I want to improve (namely my professional life/career). While in my last relationship I let me now ex know that I had been looking for another job for some time because mine was not fulfilling and lacked opportunity to move up. She asked what I had been doing and I told her that I put in applications each week (3-9; I did that weekly for a long time up until COVID lock downs happened), and she immediately said she didn't believe me, stating that if I was putting in that many I would have found something. I explained to her that I had gotten interviews, and even turned down a couple of jobs that looked like they had no potential and were not a step up from where I was now (I would apply to all kinds of stuff, sometimes just to get interviews for practice, etc.). I received no real support from her, just lectures on how to fix things, and eventually I started feeling like it was pointless to even try anything (this isn't her fault entirely, I was heading that direction, but the lack of support quickened the fall into despair). Now at the same time she was getting ready to look for something because she was in a contract that was close to running out. She had interviewed for positions with the company she was in contract with, but nothing so far. Then a colleague recommended she apply to a position. She interviewed and got the position immediately. It was a massive promotion and raise for her. I was happy for her In, but at the same time this hit me hard because within a week she went from not really looking to landing an astounding job. I never told her how it made me feel because that was/is a me issue and I didn't want to bring down a big moment for her. Continue on with other aspects of the relationship, I started having some health issues. I nearly passed out one night (and had other issues) after sex over at her place. I grabbed a shower because I was having a difficult time breathing and was sweating horribly, and after the shower I went and sat on the couch with her. She was playing a phone game, and continued to play it, not looking at me, not asking how I was doing, just continued to play and it was silent. I didn't know what to do/say. I had literally almost passed out just 15 minutes prior, had bleed, and she didn't even asked if I was OK. Later I told her I had a doctor's appointment and she wanted me to ask if it was OK for me to have sex, and I did, but I didn't tell her the answer right away simply because I didn't think to. I updated her on my health issues themselves, and her response was that she was upset I didn't tell her the answer to the question that she wanted me to ask the doctor. Now that I'm ranted again, the short of it all is she wanted to fix things when I was asking for support (I even defined support), and when I would tell her that I didn't want her doing things for me she would become upset. I never truly felt supported, watching some great things happened for her that I wanted to happen for me (obtaining an amazing job) and it seeming like she didn't care about things that were super important to me (my health) impacted my self esteem a lot. 

My health is improving because I have been eating better, exercising, etc. for the last 10 weeks (7 of those weeks I was in a relationship with her and she would never ask how it was going or compliment me on my progress, which I didn't realize until friends, etc. would tell me that I was looking great and that they were proud of me). So I feel good about my health and my progress, and it is the one area that it easy to keep motivation.

My career hunt though is tearing me up. My anxiety is sky rocketed, I have no real idea how to improve me skill set, references, etc. because I can't find opportunities right now (talking volunteers opportunities for networking, skill building, and in getting a foot in the door). In addition to this every time I think about how she now has this amazing job that just pretty much fell into her lap, I feel like am just hosed and won't get anywhere. My self esteem is pretty significantly tied to my career and career potential, and I don't feel those are going well, and being with her made that all feel worse. 

I rant a lot when I post on here. So my plans:

I am trying to improve my productivity at my job. I am capable of doing it very well and being great at it, but I am burned out, and slowly falling behind which makes it all worse. I am spending this week catching up on everything, and I have a week of vacation starting next week to hopefully destress. The hope is that if I am caught up constantly I won't feel as stressed at work, and then I can take on extra projects to increase my skill set. 

I am trying to expand my professional network. I used to be really good at this and have a great network, but over the last 5 years I have let that drop. I am using LinkedIn again, trying to participate in various events (mostly virtual, some in person), and trying to find places to volunteer (this is tough right now).

I am trying to learn new skills through e-learning (also hopefully through volunteering soon). I am having trouble with motivation with this, as merely having a new skill isn't the same as having a new degree or work experience. 

I am continuing to improve my health through eating well and exercise.

 

Really, I just want ideas of what I can do to continue on a path that will lead to where I want to be professionally, as I am mildly lost at what to do and my self esteem in that area is floundering. Thank you. 

[d0nnivain]

You are doing the right things to improve your career.  Eventually that will pay off. 

Stop basing your opinion about yourself on her.  WTH does she actually know about your industry?  Probably nothing so why are you taking her word as Gospel?  You are getting interviews.  

As for improving your skills take some kind of on-line class  With Covid there are plenty of 6-8 week courses so you can talk to an employer about how you improved

[Realitysux]

10 hours ago, JolliX said:

I am going through a roller coaster of emotions and trying to come out on top. While understanding that my most recent relationship wasn't ever going to work (for various reasons detailed in other posts), I am still having a tough time with missing the ex and feeling like I won't be able to improve what I want to improve (namely my professional life/career). While in my last relationship I let me now ex know that I had been looking for another job for some time because mine was not fulfilling and lacked opportunity to move up. She asked what I had been doing and I told her that I put in applications each week (3-9; I did that weekly for a long time up until COVID lock downs happened), and she immediately said she didn't believe me, stating that if I was putting in that many I would have found something. I explained to her that I had gotten interviews, and even turned down a couple of jobs that looked like they had no potential and were not a step up from where I was now (I would apply to all kinds of stuff, sometimes just to get interviews for practice, etc.). I received no real support from her, just lectures on how to fix things, and eventually I started feeling like it was pointless to even try anything (this isn't her fault entirely, I was heading that direction, but the lack of support quickened the fall into despair). Now at the same time she was getting ready to look for something because she was in a contract that was close to running out. She had interviewed for positions with the company she was in contract with, but nothing so far. Then a colleague recommended she apply to a position. She interviewed and got the position immediately. It was a massive promotion and raise for her. I was happy for her In, but at the same time this hit me hard because within a week she went from not really looking to landing an astounding job. I never told her how it made me feel because that was/is a me issue and I didn't want to bring down a big moment for her. Continue on with other aspects of the relationship, I started having some health issues. I nearly passed out one night (and had other issues) after sex over at her place. I grabbed a shower because I was having a difficult time breathing and was sweating horribly, and after the shower I went and sat on the couch with her. She was playing a phone game, and continued to play it, not looking at me, not asking how I was doing, just continued to play and it was silent. I didn't know what to do/say. I had literally almost passed out just 15 minutes prior, had bleed, and she didn't even asked if I was OK. Later I told her I had a doctor's appointment and she wanted me to ask if it was OK for me to have sex, and I did, but I didn't tell her the answer right away simply because I didn't think to. I updated her on my health issues themselves, and her response was that she was upset I didn't tell her the answer to the question that she wanted me to ask the doctor. Now that I'm ranted again, the short of it all is she wanted to fix things when I was asking for support (I even defined support), and when I would tell her that I didn't want her doing things for me she would become upset. I never truly felt supported, watching some great things happened for her that I wanted to happen for me (obtaining an amazing job) and it seeming like she didn't care about things that were super important to me (my health) impacted my self esteem a lot. 

My health is improving because I have been eating better, exercising, etc. for the last 10 weeks (7 of those weeks I was in a relationship with her and she would never ask how it was going or compliment me on my progress, which I didn't realize until friends, etc. would tell me that I was looking great and that they were proud of me). So I feel good about my health and my progress, and it is the one area that it easy to keep motivation.

My career hunt though is tearing me up. My anxiety is sky rocketed, I have no real idea how to improve me skill set, references, etc. because I can't find opportunities right now (talking volunteers opportunities for networking, skill building, and in getting a foot in the door). In addition to this every time I think about how she now has this amazing job that just pretty much fell into her lap, I feel like am just hosed and won't get anywhere. My self esteem is pretty significantly tied to my career and career potential, and I don't feel those are going well, and being with her made that all feel worse. 

I rant a lot when I post on here. So my plans:

I am trying to improve my productivity at my job. I am capable of doing it very well and being great at it, but I am burned out, and slowly falling behind which makes it all worse. I am spending this week catching up on everything, and I have a week of vacation starting next week to hopefully destress. The hope is that if I am caught up constantly I won't feel as stressed at work, and then I can take on extra projects to increase my skill set. 

I am trying to expand my professional network. I used to be really good at this and have a great network, but over the last 5 years I have let that drop. I am using LinkedIn again, trying to participate in various events (mostly virtual, some in person), and trying to find places to volunteer (this is tough right now).

I am trying to learn new skills through e-learning (also hopefully through volunteering soon). I am having trouble with motivation with this, as merely having a new skill isn't the same as having a new degree or work experience. 

I am continuing to improve my health through eating well and exercise.

 

Really, I just want ideas of what I can do to continue on a path that will lead to where I want to be professionally, as I am mildly lost at what to do and my self esteem in that area is floundering. Thank you. 

You have to morn the relationship that damaged the self esteem so bad. I was also in a situation where he and a lot of other people did not support me but lectured me and I fell into despair. I had a lot happen and my health deteriorated. You need to remove them! Your ex needs to leave you alone now so you can heal 

[Ellener]

On 7/20/2020 at 9:08 AM, JolliX said:

I started having some health issues. I nearly passed out one night (and had other issues) after sex over at her place.

Well don't have sex or relationships lightly.

Move on now.