Missy Love Posted July 20, 2020 Share Posted July 20, 2020 I’m having a hard time dealing with the fact that my boyfriend has a lot of women friends. There are several women in his life (before me), who he grew up with who he still maintains a close friendship with. He reassures me that there was never anything more than friendship there. Most of them do have significant others, and he told me that he truly just sees them as family. I trust him, but I feel jealous of the bond that they share that he and I will never have. They shared a lot of memories together growing up, and he always hugs them when he sees them. I wish it didn’t bother me, but when I see him texting with them, or learn that he caught up with them over the phone, I feel hurt by it. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 20, 2020 Share Posted July 20, 2020 You shouldn't be hurt by it. If those friends are so close to him that he considers them family, in time they will be your friends too. Some of my husband's BFFs are buddies of mine from childhood. If anything I'm hurt; I tease the guys all the time that they dumped me for him. lol Pre-existing platonic friends are part of the package. People who have a lot of friends are often empathetic, charming & easy to talk to. Those are positive desirable qualities in a BF 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted July 20, 2020 Share Posted July 20, 2020 One of the things I learned dating older women: People who are experienced cheaters, are experienced cheaters... You think 2 minutes isn't enough time for 2 people to have sex quick or get a quick bj or whatever, its more than enough time to get it done, without even getting caught. People who are experienced cheaters, they are hard to catch and know when they are being suspected... The game is a game of highs, a game of thrills, the thrill of the bad, will we get caught, will anybody find out if we just bang in the parking lot? The truth is, being in a relationship is about trust, not catching people cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 Unfortunately you're never going to have the same history with a partner as they have with their friends (regardless of sex) because they've known each other for a lot longer. But on the flip side, the emotional nature of a romantic relationship is very different. If your BF really has known these girls for so long, he has had more than enough time to date them. He's not dating them now because either a) he never saw them that way (true to his claim), or worst case scenario b) he did date them and it didn't work out. Either way, it's not worth worrying about. Another angle to think about it is this: If he had something to hide, he would be more vague and secretive about what he's up to with his friends. He sounds like he's being really open about his communication and time spent with them, so that would suggest he hasn't got anything to hide. If you're that worried I'd suggest asking to hang out with his friends next time he does - that will give you more insight as to the nature of their friendship and demonstrate that it's all above board. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Missy Love Posted July 22, 2020 Author Share Posted July 22, 2020 Thanks for the input. I guess I'd also feel a bit more relaxed about if it were a group of men and women, but part of it is that he is the only man in this particular group. They will contact him for advice about their relationships and such, like he was the go to guy among all of them. He didn't ever date them, but just a very close bond / friendship. I'm not worried about him cheating, more just find it a little strange that he had so many close women friends, and he happened to be the only man amongst them. He did say that he will limit the contact he has with them now. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 He is being sensitive & respectful of your feelings so kudos to him. Being the token male, he probably has great insights into women. This should make him a better BF overall. Since he helped the women with their relationships, they most likely give him tips on being a good BF. This looks like it will work in your favor if you let it. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 22, 2020 Share Posted July 22, 2020 I looked at your posting history to get context. I found a thread about a man (who I assume to be your boyfriend) where you complain that he contacts you too often, but you're not satisfied with the substance of his messages. And I found a thread where he's friendly towards everyone. What I get from this is that he's popular because he's both thoughtful and accessible. It explains why he reaches out to you and why he's kept his old friendships with female friends who respect him. He sounds like a good guy. Are your insecurities getting away with you? Link to post Share on other sites
homecoming Posted July 24, 2020 Share Posted July 24, 2020 On 7/22/2020 at 7:35 AM, snowboy91 said: he has had more than enough time to date them. Yes! This is key. Think of it like this; why would he suddenly decide to date them when he's with you? He's had lots of time to Link to post Share on other sites
JTSW Posted July 28, 2020 Share Posted July 28, 2020 You need to end it with this guy because you have now made numerous posts about the same thing. It bothers you. It will ALWAYS bother you. He is never going to ditch friends he grew up with and you can't make him because that would make you a horrible person. End it. He's a good guy and deserves a better woman than this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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