Blindsided

[Hopeful_85]

Hey Everyone,

I have been reading your posts for a few weeks now and they have been extremely helpful to me.  I would like some of your input on my situation.

I was blindsided by a breakup the end of May.  We were only together for 5 months.  I was starting to have strong feelings for him and was thinking we would exchange I love you’s soon.  I was feeling really good about things and hopeful for the future.

Prior to this relationship, I was single for a while by choice because my first ex was a cheater.  I was with him for 7 years.  I took the time after that break up to work on myself, read self-help books, journalled and learned how to be single again.  I eventually met my current ex on a dating site and we immediately hit it off. He pursued me. We became exclusive after dating for a couple of months.  We are both in our 30’s. We always seemed to be on the same page and had a lot in common.

He did reveal to me after dating for a bit that he had abused an opioid prescription in the past that he was prescribed for anxiety.  He quit them cold turkey and said he was recovered.  I knew this was a red flag because he never got professional help for his addiction and currently drinks alcohol to cope with his anxiety. He drinks everyday but doesn’t get drunk.  He has addiction problems in his family and also some of his friends. I feel he thinks his behavior is normal.  He would probably be classified as a functioning alcoholic.  He has been with the same job for 7 years. I have never dealt with anyone in my life who suffered from these issues.  I asked him if he felt like he “needed” alcohol and he said no and that he was pretty much just bored during the pandemic.  I didn’t want to end things with him because at this point it wasn’t affecting our relationship.

I am a sensitive person and a few times I felt like he was moody and he made a few comments that were belittling in my opinion.  I told him how I felt and he said he was used to teasing his family, friends and co-workers and that he’d have to remember that I wasn’t them.  I would never talk to him that way.

Also, his exes were either controlling, dramatic and “psycho”, as he put it.  He said I was different from anyone he had ever been with and that I treated him really great and that I was mature in the relationship.  He said he matured since those relationships too.  He was single for about 2 years before we met. But I felt these were more red flags because I wondered why he would stay with women who treated him this way.  I also wondered that if he was so used to being with people the opposite of me would it cause problems for me and him down the road.  He said at one point that he wanted to see my “angry side” and I said well eventually you will.  We were in the beginning stages of the relationship and I thought this was really odd to say.  I don’t have a “bitchy” side and am mild natured.  I don’t bottle up my anger but I was happy with him and had no reasons to be fighting with him at this point. 

When he broke up with me and said he didn’t have strong feelings anymore and that he should be thinking of love and the future.  And yet he missed me and selfishly wanted to see me. This completely broke me to hear because I really felt that the I love you’s were coming soon.  I was really confused. He also said that he was used to “him pissing people off and them making him feel it”, he said we never fought and that I treated him so good, was mature and sweet and that he was probably an idiot for ending things.  (Two weeks before the break up, I had gotten him birthday presents and he said it was the first time anyone treated him like that in 10 years.  Again, said I was sweet and was appreciative but maybe this made him uncomfortable but he didn’t say anything about it to me if it did).  He also said I deserved to be loved and that he didn’t want to “take me for a ride” and that things would eventually end anyway.  He stated he was distant in the end which I didn’t see or feel because we were still talking everyday and making plans for the upcoming weekend. The last thing he said was maybe we need a break but he wasn’t sure, I said I don’t know either and neither of us spoke since.  We both went no contact and then I blocked/deleted him.  It’s been almost 2 months since the break up.  I still feel urges to reach out to him but I won’t. He never once communicated with me at anytime how he was feeling about ending things AND he ended the relationship by text. I know closure comes from within but where I was blindsided it just feels so unfinished to me, it’s really hard to deal with.

At the beginning of this relationship I was trying not to get invested too quick.  We took things slow.  I had a really rough time with the break up with my first ex and had trust issues but felt like I was finally ready to open my heart to a new relationship. I have to work on my self-esteem issues.  I have a counseling appointment this week. I was only seeing his good qualities and that fact that he was so attentive and was a never a cheater was really attractive to me.  I am also shy/introverted and find it hard sometimes to go on dates and meet new people. I recently went back online dating just to look because I am not ready to be dating and he was already back on there and “liked” my profile.  There was no contact made.  He’s not on anymore, probably already in a new relationship but I’ll never know.

I feel as though a combination of things led to the end of our relationship, the pandemic, the honeymoon phase being over, his issues with addiction/mental health, him probably needing drama in the relationship and lack of him communicating for whatever reason.  I am just so sad that even though I was such a great girlfriend to him it didn’t matter in the end and I’m left feeling such a loss.  I am analyzing the relationship all the time and trying to curb my thoughts.  I feel as though I should have seen this coming. I have a tendency to “split” my exes after a break up and keep forgetting all his bad qualities. I still haven’t been sleeping well and crying here and there. I’m trying to keep busy and haven’t missed any work. I’m still grieving. I really don’t want this situation to affect my future relationships. Any thoughts on this would be so helpful. Thanks for reading.

[Uptown182]

2 hours ago, Hopeful_85 said:

Hey Everyone,

I have been reading your posts for a few weeks now and they have been extremely helpful to me.  I would like some of your input on my situation.

I was blindsided by a breakup the end of May.  We were only together for 5 months.  I was starting to have strong feelings for him and was thinking we would exchange I love you’s soon.  I was feeling really good about things and hopeful for the future.

Prior to this relationship, I was single for a while by choice because my first ex was a cheater.  I was with him for 7 years.  I took the time after that break up to work on myself, read self-help books, journalled and learned how to be single again.  I eventually met my current ex on a dating site and we immediately hit it off. He pursued me. We became exclusive after dating for a couple of months.  We are both in our 30’s. We always seemed to be on the same page and had a lot in common.

He did reveal to me after dating for a bit that he had abused an opioid prescription in the past that he was prescribed for anxiety.  He quit them cold turkey and said he was recovered.  I knew this was a red flag because he never got professional help for his addiction and currently drinks alcohol to cope with his anxiety. He drinks everyday but doesn’t get drunk.  He has addiction problems in his family and also some of his friends. I feel he thinks his behavior is normal.  He would probably be classified as a functioning alcoholic.  He has been with the same job for 7 years. I have never dealt with anyone in my life who suffered from these issues.  I asked him if he felt like he “needed” alcohol and he said no and that he was pretty much just bored during the pandemic.  I didn’t want to end things with him because at this point it wasn’t affecting our relationship.

I am a sensitive person and a few times I felt like he was moody and he made a few comments that were belittling in my opinion.  I told him how I felt and he said he was used to teasing his family, friends and co-workers and that he’d have to remember that I wasn’t them.  I would never talk to him that way.

Also, his exes were either controlling, dramatic and “psycho”, as he put it.  He said I was different from anyone he had ever been with and that I treated him really great and that I was mature in the relationship.  He said he matured since those relationships too.  He was single for about 2 years before we met. But I felt these were more red flags because I wondered why he would stay with women who treated him this way.  I also wondered that if he was so used to being with people the opposite of me would it cause problems for me and him down the road.  He said at one point that he wanted to see my “angry side” and I said well eventually you will.  We were in the beginning stages of the relationship and I thought this was really odd to say.  I don’t have a “bitchy” side and am mild natured.  I don’t bottle up my anger but I was happy with him and had no reasons to be fighting with him at this point. 

When he broke up with me and said he didn’t have strong feelings anymore and that he should be thinking of love and the future.  And yet he missed me and selfishly wanted to see me. This completely broke me to hear because I really felt that the I love you’s were coming soon.  I was really confused. He also said that he was used to “him pissing people off and them making him feel it”, he said we never fought and that I treated him so good, was mature and sweet and that he was probably an idiot for ending things.  (Two weeks before the break up, I had gotten him birthday presents and he said it was the first time anyone treated him like that in 10 years.  Again, said I was sweet and was appreciative but maybe this made him uncomfortable but he didn’t say anything about it to me if it did).  He also said I deserved to be loved and that he didn’t want to “take me for a ride” and that things would eventually end anyway.  He stated he was distant in the end which I didn’t see or feel because we were still talking everyday and making plans for the upcoming weekend. The last thing he said was maybe we need a break but he wasn’t sure, I said I don’t know either and neither of us spoke since.  We both went no contact and then I blocked/deleted him.  It’s been almost 2 months since the break up.  I still feel urges to reach out to him but I won’t. He never once communicated with me at anytime how he was feeling about ending things AND he ended the relationship by text. I know closure comes from within but where I was blindsided it just feels so unfinished to me, it’s really hard to deal with.

At the beginning of this relationship I was trying not to get invested too quick.  We took things slow.  I had a really rough time with the break up with my first ex and had trust issues but felt like I was finally ready to open my heart to a new relationship. I have to work on my self-esteem issues.  I have a counseling appointment this week. I was only seeing his good qualities and that fact that he was so attentive and was a never a cheater was really attractive to me.  I am also shy/introverted and find it hard sometimes to go on dates and meet new people. I recently went back online dating just to look because I am not ready to be dating and he was already back on there and “liked” my profile.  There was no contact made.  He’s not on anymore, probably already in a new relationship but I’ll never know.

I feel as though a combination of things led to the end of our relationship, the pandemic, the honeymoon phase being over, his issues with addiction/mental health, him probably needing drama in the relationship and lack of him communicating for whatever reason.  I am just so sad that even though I was such a great girlfriend to him it didn’t matter in the end and I’m left feeling such a loss.  I am analyzing the relationship all the time and trying to curb my thoughts.  I feel as though I should have seen this coming. I have a tendency to “split” my exes after a break up and keep forgetting all his bad qualities. I still haven’t been sleeping well and crying here and there. I’m trying to keep busy and haven’t missed any work. I’m still grieving. I really don’t want this situation to affect my future relationships. Any thoughts on this would be so helpful. Thanks for reading.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, you will start to feel better soon.  I had something similar happen to me in the beginning of April, we were together for 7 months, exchanged “I love you” for months and he still disappeared on me.  He didn’t even have the decency to actually break up with me!  I was devastated, was walking around with a pit in my stomach for about a month, no appetite, crying 3-4 times daily.  But with time it slowly started to get better.  

one thing I don’t get is in one breath he’s saying he no longer has strong feelings for you but in the other he’s saying he misses you and wants to see you, and then follows it up with “maybe we should take a break”?  He sounds confused to me 

keep doing what you’re doing, don’t reach out to him, keep busy and you’ll start missing him less and less.  

[SincereOnlineGuy]

3 hours ago, Hopeful_85 said:

 

Wow,  I so...  admired, really...  your effort here.

 

It was so thoroughly considered... and I'm sure it feels like it "helps"   to keep contemplating the scenario over and over in your head, to (learn something useful for next time).

 

BUT...  what IF you aren't allowing FOR the other entity in a relationship  to be a 100% variable...  as they all are??

 

That is to suggest:     what if YOU...  DON'T need work... need some adjustment...  need... more compassion... 

 

what IF his not fitting ideally with you is because he either needs another addict...   OR   someone schooled over time in the role of a **caretaker** for an addict ??

 

NOBODY looks in the mirror and says:   "Damn!  Why can't I be one of those things??? "

 

Before your first 3 paragraphs were over, I was concerned that you are someone who is likely in 5 or 10 years to have as mating criteria  only the following: 

 

A -   Never drinks directly from the milk container

 

B -   Doesn't shoot hoops with the guys   every Tuesday

 

C -   Doesn't leave smelly socks on the living room floor

 

D -   Never calls me a 'bitch' 

 

...  at least 3 of those things don't matter AT ALL

 

Rather, they are just *CODE*  for  you potentially over-correcting relating to small factors about each *at bat*  you have or will have had.

 

WHAT IF this relationship EFFORT on your part was JUST FINE... and WHAT IF (in part, even due to your neither demanding nor asking-for the world  IN a romantic partner) YOU were every bit correct in reading the signals and creating fair expectations FROM those signals you read about him, and about your shared relationship?

 

WHAT IF it was solely his flawed personality which needed a seeming crutch/enabler IN A romantic partner which you simply weren't pre-qualified for being?

 

It will be WAY TOO EASY for you to OVER-emphasize factoids ABOUT this man upon contemplating your next relationship... which may well be with a very HEALTHY and optimistic person.

It's difficult enough when going to JOB INTERVIEWS to keep boldly presenting yourself as an ace computer programmer in either of two specific computer languages...   realizing that maybe there are THREE top tier computer languages out there... and when it seems 'all the jobs out there now are going only to those who know that third language'.   Of course we all know that to keep presenting the exact same *you*  each time is your best move, because your talents in the computer field speak for themselves when in your own wheelhouse.

(***    don't anybody update/correct me on how many trillion computer languages there are - I am just making s#*&   up for one purpose)

 

To do that in the romantic world is very difficult...  as there are untold numbers of variables out there...  and even if you were a socialite, your dance card could only fit some relatively small, very finite number of romance partners over time.  Yet so many people can't help but want to OVER-correct because of what they think they "learned" from one relationship.   (to begin, most of what one learns in a first significant relationship is about themselves...  what it's like to be vulnerable... what it's like to feel third...  at times (behind 'him', and 'us', because you WANT to be third on occasion) )

It's way too easy to over-emphasize some dumb little thing about ONE partner, because that partner represents so much of our 'experience' soon after...

 

A great reason to present *you*  and only *you*  from the get-go, to everyone... is that down the road a bit, your whole life with that partner will be SO much more comfortable because you knew all along that you'd presented ***YOURSELF***.   Don't have to hide anything, don't have to BE anything, don't have to pretend anything...

 

Just...   sometimes  they need an alcoholic, or somebody plenty schooled at knowing how to take care of one...

 

 

Edited July 21, 2020 by SincereOnlineGuy

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, Hopeful_85 said:

I feel as though a combination of things led to the end of our relationship, the pandemic, the honeymoon phase being over, his issues with addiction/mental health, him probably needing drama in the relationship and lack of him communicating for whatever reason.  I am just so sad that even though I was such a great girlfriend to him it didn’t matter in the end and I’m left feeling such a loss. 

I think this was especially significant. He sounds like he has quite a dysfunctional view of love and relationships. You can be the kindest person in the world but you'd be barking up the wrong tree with someone who has a toxic streak like this. You can't love someone into loving you, in other words. 

This isn't a reflection of you, though I realize it's hard not to wonder that after a break-up like this. He is looking for someone who doesn't make his own flaws that much more evident. This is nothing you did intentionally; this will happen with anyone in his life who isn't dramatic, addicted and generally as troubled as he appears to be. He doesn't sound like he's truly ready to face his own demons  and so he will sideline people who are different enough to make him realize he's got some problems. 

You sound like a lovely person, OP. This guy was most definitely not the one for you, but the right man will appreciate what you bring to the table. Listen to your gut in the future, too.  It appears it was bang-on with this man and the doubts you had about him were legitimate. 

[Maldives]

1st off you sound really beautiful ..your aware and really InTouch with your feelings and thoughts. It's rear to find that in an indivifual. 

Ye your experiencing grief the loss of someone you developed strong feelings for. 

It's normal man you just gotta hear my own story lol I'm still greiving somewhat coming up to almost 4 years.

I disagree that closure comes from within I mean as in you just processing it in your head especially when it's so sudden and like in your situation blindsided. That's why I'm still grieving this current ex. I'm working with a therapist to process this now in my case even though it's not really painful I know there's still somethn that hasn't been resolved. It's normal to grieve the relationship even if it was 5 mths. It's time to honour your own heart wth what you had and lost the therapy is a step in the right direction 

 

 

Edited July 21, 2020 by Goodguy05

[schlumpy]

I wouldn't worry about being the greatest girlfriend and having no effect. You had a very large effect. So much so, that he had to get away from you before your loving nature forced him to face exactly who he is. You will be on his mind for a very long time and may be an inspiration in the future if he ever comes clean with himself.

I am a bit concerned for you. I see "White Knight" tendencies in your choices. If you want an attentive loving relationship then you must choose men that have these qualities. Instead you pick cheaters and emotionally distraught men. 

You can learn from this. Know what the signs are and don't let them love bomb you. You must not allow your hopes to get ahead of what's happening on the ground.

 

 

[kendahke]

It sounds like he was needing an enabler or someone used to dealing with a substance abuser/alcoholic and that's why he can't work out your algebra of being a woman who isn't fragmented.

Take things one day at a time... don't expect too much out of yourself. Some answers may not come as quickly as you'd like for them to.

[Hopeful_85]

Thank you all for the responses.  Your understanding, advice and support mean a lot to me.  I wish more people knew how detrimental it can be on someone, if they choose to end things by blindsiding the other person. I'm hoping to be stronger after I get through the heartbreak. 

[HurtingGirl1979]

On 7/21/2020 at 2:38 AM, Hopeful_85 said:

Hey Everyone,

I have been reading your posts for a few weeks now and they have been extremely helpful to me.  I would like some of your input on my situation.

I was blindsided by a breakup the end of May.  We were only together for 5 months.  I was starting to have strong feelings for him and was thinking we would exchange I love you’s soon.  I was feeling really good about things and hopeful for the future.

Prior to this relationship, I was single for a while by choice because my first ex was a cheater.  I was with him for 7 years.  I took the time after that break up to work on myself, read self-help books, journalled and learned how to be single again.  I eventually met my current ex on a dating site and we immediately hit it off. He pursued me. We became exclusive after dating for a couple of months.  We are both in our 30’s. We always seemed to be on the same page and had a lot in common.

He did reveal to me after dating for a bit that he had abused an opioid prescription in the past that he was prescribed for anxiety.  He quit them cold turkey and said he was recovered.  I knew this was a red flag because he never got professional help for his addiction and currently drinks alcohol to cope with his anxiety. He drinks everyday but doesn’t get drunk.  He has addiction problems in his family and also some of his friends. I feel he thinks his behavior is normal.  He would probably be classified as a functioning alcoholic.  He has been with the same job for 7 years. I have never dealt with anyone in my life who suffered from these issues.  I asked him if he felt like he “needed” alcohol and he said no and that he was pretty much just bored during the pandemic.  I didn’t want to end things with him because at this point it wasn’t affecting our relationship.

I am a sensitive person and a few times I felt like he was moody and he made a few comments that were belittling in my opinion.  I told him how I felt and he said he was used to teasing his family, friends and co-workers and that he’d have to remember that I wasn’t them.  I would never talk to him that way.

Also, his exes were either controlling, dramatic and “psycho”, as he put it.  He said I was different from anyone he had ever been with and that I treated him really great and that I was mature in the relationship.  He said he matured since those relationships too.  He was single for about 2 years before we met. But I felt these were more red flags because I wondered why he would stay with women who treated him this way.  I also wondered that if he was so used to being with people the opposite of me would it cause problems for me and him down the road.  He said at one point that he wanted to see my “angry side” and I said well eventually you will.  We were in the beginning stages of the relationship and I thought this was really odd to say.  I don’t have a “bitchy” side and am mild natured.  I don’t bottle up my anger but I was happy with him and had no reasons to be fighting with him at this point. 

When he broke up with me and said he didn’t have strong feelings anymore and that he should be thinking of love and the future.  And yet he missed me and selfishly wanted to see me. This completely broke me to hear because I really felt that the I love you’s were coming soon.  I was really confused. He also said that he was used to “him pissing people off and them making him feel it”, he said we never fought and that I treated him so good, was mature and sweet and that he was probably an idiot for ending things.  (Two weeks before the break up, I had gotten him birthday presents and he said it was the first time anyone treated him like that in 10 years.  Again, said I was sweet and was appreciative but maybe this made him uncomfortable but he didn’t say anything about it to me if it did).  He also said I deserved to be loved and that he didn’t want to “take me for a ride” and that things would eventually end anyway.  He stated he was distant in the end which I didn’t see or feel because we were still talking everyday and making plans for the upcoming weekend. The last thing he said was maybe we need a break but he wasn’t sure, I said I don’t know either and neither of us spoke since.  We both went no contact and then I blocked/deleted him.  It’s been almost 2 months since the break up.  I still feel urges to reach out to him but I won’t. He never once communicated with me at anytime how he was feeling about ending things AND he ended the relationship by text. I know closure comes from within but where I was blindsided it just feels so unfinished to me, it’s really hard to deal with.

At the beginning of this relationship I was trying not to get invested too quick.  We took things slow.  I had a really rough time with the break up with my first ex and had trust issues but felt like I was finally ready to open my heart to a new relationship. I have to work on my self-esteem issues.  I have a counseling appointment this week. I was only seeing his good qualities and that fact that he was so attentive and was a never a cheater was really attractive to me.  I am also shy/introverted and find it hard sometimes to go on dates and meet new people. I recently went back online dating just to look because I am not ready to be dating and he was already back on there and “liked” my profile.  There was no contact made.  He’s not on anymore, probably already in a new relationship but I’ll never know.

I feel as though a combination of things led to the end of our relationship, the pandemic, the honeymoon phase being over, his issues with addiction/mental health, him probably needing drama in the relationship and lack of him communicating for whatever reason.  I am just so sad that even though I was such a great girlfriend to him it didn’t matter in the end and I’m left feeling such a loss.  I am analyzing the relationship all the time and trying to curb my thoughts.  I feel as though I should have seen this coming. I have a tendency to “split” my exes after a break up and keep forgetting all his bad qualities. I still haven’t been sleeping well and crying here and there. I’m trying to keep busy and haven’t missed any work. I’m still grieving. I really don’t want this situation to affect my future relationships. Any thoughts on this would be so helpful. Thanks for reading.

Hi,

I just wanted to say I’m so sorry about what you’re going through and I really can empathise with how you’re feeling. Even though our stories are different, your story really resonated with me. Like you, I feel that I was such a great girlfriend to my partner who was struggling, and the relationship ended for the same reasons: end of the honeymoon period, the pandemic, and his mental health issues. 
Although I feel like the universe has given me a gift - this man was incapable of making me - (and perhaps anyone) happy long-term, I still feel a huge sense of loss and hurt. No matter how many times I tell myself that I’ve dodged a bullet it doesn’t take the pain away. It almost makes it worse that he had all of these issues and I was there to help him, but he still rejected me. Like you, I think of all his good qualities and how much I miss him, but fail to deeply acknowledge his huge issues. 
No matter what I do to try and feel better about it, the loss and rejection are still cutting deep. I’d love for someone to tell me when it will end, but I know I just have to be patient. 
Good luck, and I hope you’re journey brings lots of growth and insight to come out stronger. 

[Datergirl]

When I read the part about him saying 'all of his ex's were controlling'....this alarms me because he's not taking responsibility for his part in the relationship and blaming them for being 'controlling'

What if his ex's were just totally fed up of his addictions and wanted him to quit? He then viewed that as being controlling. Not accepting that his addictions were the problem.

I'd be wary of someone who says all of their ex's were the problem, it shows they have very little insight into their own contributions (or lack of) in the relationship.

Also, if he feels he is continually getting into controlling relationships he's not got the thought to ask himself why this keeps happening to him. 

In my view, he wouldn't have made a very good long term partner, having a partner with addiction issues can seriously affect your own mental health.  Even though you cared very much for him, you will be better off in the long run without him. 

Good luck. I hope you start to feel better soon. 

[Hopeful_85]

On 7/25/2020 at 6:44 AM, HurtingGirl1979 said:

Hi,

I just wanted to say I’m so sorry about what you’re going through and I really can empathise with how you’re feeling. Even though our stories are different, your story really resonated with me. Like you, I feel that I was such a great girlfriend to my partner who was struggling, and the relationship ended for the same reasons: end of the honeymoon period, the pandemic, and his mental health issues. 
Although I feel like the universe has given me a gift - this man was incapable of making me - (and perhaps anyone) happy long-term, I still feel a huge sense of loss and hurt. No matter how many times I tell myself that I’ve dodged a bullet it doesn’t take the pain away. It almost makes it worse that he had all of these issues and I was there to help him, but he still rejected me. Like you, I think of all his good qualities and how much I miss him, but fail to deeply acknowledge his huge issues. 
No matter what I do to try and feel better about it, the loss and rejection are still cutting deep. I’d love for someone to tell me when it will end, but I know I just have to be patient. 
Good luck, and I hope you’re journey brings lots of growth and insight to come out stronger. 

Hi there,

I have read your story and feel your pain.  Thanks for the suppport. I hope we are both off this emotional rollercoaster soon.  It'll be great when the feeling of indifference takes over.  Focus on you and good luck on your journey, too.

[Hopeful_85]

On 7/25/2020 at 7:16 AM, Datergirl said:

When I read the part about him saying 'all of his ex's were controlling'....this alarms me because he's not taking responsibility for his part in the relationship and blaming them for being 'controlling'

What if his ex's were just totally fed up of his addictions and wanted him to quit? He then viewed that as being controlling. Not accepting that his addictions were the problem.

I'd be wary of someone who says all of their ex's were the problem, it shows they have very little insight into their own contributions (or lack of) in the relationship.

Also, if he feels he is continually getting into controlling relationships he's not got the thought to ask himself why this keeps happening to him. 

In my view, he wouldn't have made a very good long term partner, having a partner with addiction issues can seriously affect your own mental health.  Even though you cared very much for him, you will be better off in the long run without him. 

Good luck. I hope you start to feel better soon. 

Thanks for your insight on this. I agree with you and didn't like it when he didn't take any blame on past relationships. I will watch for this in future relationships for sure.