Slugg0thepugg0 Posted July 21, 2020 Share Posted July 21, 2020 (edited) Both my wife and myself are 27. We had just celebrated our year anniversary. Two weeks ago, she started acting different with me. We work polar opposite shifts, something I was attempting to change, because we both wanted to spend more time together. She used to take anti-depressants and anti-psychotics and they made all the difference in the world. She just got a promotion two weeks ago, and has been miserable because of all the stress. When she started acting distant with me, I gave it a few days to see if things went back to normal. Then, when I finally asked her about it, she said she did not want to be with me anymore. She gave multiple reasons, like “with the hours we work, I just fell out of love with you” and “I don’t know who I am” and “with my new job, I decided that I don’t want a husband or to have a baby anymore.” And a baby was all she’s wanted for a long time. It shocked me. I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn’t even look at me. When I asked why she wouldn’t look at me, she said “it just makes all of this so much harder.” That was over a week ago, and she hasn’t been home since. Said she was staying with her girlfriend from work. But she’s insisted that it’s over, and that she doesn’t want to be with me. One day, I said I was worried about her and she responded with “I’m worried about me to” and I asked her if she needed help and she said “I really don’t know.” She hasn’t served me divorce papers, or moved her stuff out yet. She RARELY responds to my texts anymore, and when she does she’s either angry, or says that she’s not in a good headspace right now. I just don’t know what to do. I’m in love with my wife, and we argued from time to time, but less than a month ago she was talking about if she didn’t have me, she’d be so sad. And she LOVES the pug too, but since she hasn’t been here, it’s like she doesn’t even want anything to do with him. I just don’t know. I’ve been depressed for days not knowing what’s going to happen. Still just playing the waiting game, worried about her and about us. It’s like she went from being crazy about me, to wanting absolutely nothing to do with me. Edited July 21, 2020 by Slugg0thepugg0 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 21, 2020 Share Posted July 21, 2020 5 minutes ago, Slugg0thepugg0 said: She used to take anti-depressants and anti-psychotics and they made all the difference in the world. I think we need to hear more about this. Does she have a diagnosis? When/why did she stop taking these meds? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Slugg0thepugg0 Posted July 21, 2020 Author Share Posted July 21, 2020 She was taking them when I first met her, and then stopped for a little while when she first met me because she said she didn’t need them anymore. I’m not exactly sure about the diagnosis, but the doctor did prescribe her both of those medications. She got back on them after like 4 months together. When she was on her meds, she rarely rarely got angry, and if she did anything than upset me, I could tell her and she’d be completely understanding. But without them, she would get angry quite a bit, and if something went wrong and I tried to talk to her, she would just say something like “I really don’t want to talk about this right now.” She stopped taking them about 6 months ago, I think because she doesn’t like having to rely on them. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted July 21, 2020 Share Posted July 21, 2020 Well, maybe she's right and she doesn't "need" them and wants to try to live without them. Kudos to her. But, one of the dangers of meds like those is that the do improve quality of life which sometimes can fool you into thinking you're fine and don't need them, right? She may actually need them is what I'm saying. She also could have someone else....have you thought of that? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Slugg0thepugg0 Posted July 21, 2020 Author Share Posted July 21, 2020 I whole heartedly believe that she needs to take them. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with needed to take them. They helped her so much and she was on them she even agreed. I would’ve never forced her to take them, which is why I didn’t say anything when she stopped. And I highly doubt it. That’s just not her. But I’m not going to say never because that’d just be ignorant. But I really don’t think so. That’s not like her, but then again she hasn’t been acting like herself at all the last two weeks. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 21, 2020 Share Posted July 21, 2020 (edited) I find it odd that you knew about the meds but not the diagnosis. I don't know if you didn't care to ask or if she was too closed up to share....but there seems to have been quite a disconnect happening between you. I understand you not wanting to force her to take meds, but did you express concern? Did you check that she was doing it under medical supervision? Edited July 21, 2020 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 21, 2020 Share Posted July 21, 2020 1 hour ago, Slugg0thepugg0 said: I whole heartedly believe that she needs to take them. And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with needed to take them. They helped her so much and she was on them she even agreed. I would’ve never forced her to take them, which is why I didn’t say anything when she stopped. And I highly doubt it. That’s just not her. But I’m not going to say never because that’d just be ignorant. But I really don’t think so. That’s not like her, but then again she hasn’t been acting like herself at all the last two weeks. I would really check into the possibility of another man. I have an uncle who was the same way, taking his meds and he was great, once he started feeling great he would think he no longer needed them. In a matter of weeks his behavior would be erratic, but pretty all encompassing. From what you've described her behavior is only erratic about your marriage...find out where she is staying, that would be a start. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted July 21, 2020 Share Posted July 21, 2020 So where is she staying the past week? its possible she’s interested in someone she’s working with. start checking! Look at her phone bill if you can. See if she is communicating with someone on a regular basis! That’s the person she’s with. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted July 21, 2020 Share Posted July 21, 2020 Your immediate problem is that you are deep in love with her and she knows that. That means she can do what she wants and you will sit by the phone waiting to hear her voice. You are in limbo and it will take months for you to climb out of the pit, so you need to borrow someone else's willpower and find an ally that you trust to make good decisions on your behalf. In other words, it's time to rub her nose in the reality of what she is doing. Your first trip is to see a good divorce lawyer and take their advice. Your wife has abandoned you and your child. If you file now you should be in a good position to retain custody. The person who files first has an advantage. It should also help you regain some control over your life. The divorce can be stopped anytime you want if you find you can reconcile but be extremely alert for false reconciliation. If she wants back there has to be a real sacrifice on her part. No rug sweeping allowed. The only card you have to play is to protect yourself and your child. Fully understand that your "wife" does not have your best interest at heart and will only be making decisions in the future that are to her benefit and not to yours. Don't allow her to pin you in place so that after she "finds herself" she will return and be the best wife that you could ever want. Lucky you, eh? Type in to Google "cheating 180." This is program that will help you, over time, detach from your feelings and allow you to once again make rational choices. There is hope but you must be prepared to lose what you hope to gain and by doing so protect yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted July 21, 2020 Share Posted July 21, 2020 (edited) 9 hours ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: But, one of the dangers of meds like those is that the do improve quality of life which sometimes can fool you into thinking you're fine and don't need them, right? Bingo. I've had several people in my life who have been on meds at some level. One of my cousins keeps going off her meds because she thinks she is fine... but everyone around her knows she isn't. One of my guy friends takes them because he was depressed... and he knows that he needs to just stay on him. (since he wasn't nutz) But he has even told me that those pills become "The new normal", and he gets his prescription changed from time to time. OP... I can feel your pain. my exW was medicated... and one day said... "I don't love you, I haven't in a long time, and I fear for my life." But unfortunately, I know her mom and sister have issues too, (so, family issues) and I knew my exW was medicated... but while it was ending... I found out she had been medicated for upwards of 9 years. I tried to figure out what was wrong, and what she needed... but in the end... she was just not stable, and didn't really want to talk about what could be done to solve the issues. I know she will read this, and disagree... but the reality is... if your wife doesn't want to be helped... you can't really help her. With that said... your ONLY path would be to contact her folks. They may be able to help. But then again... maybe this is a good thing. I know you love her... but maybe you are dodging a bullet here. Only married a year, and no kids. It will make the divorce a lot easier than being together fro 20 years, 2 kids, and all the assets of a life time together. I wish you luck and peace in moving forward. Edited July 21, 2020 by Blind-Sided 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted July 21, 2020 Share Posted July 21, 2020 I apologize I misread that there was a child. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 21, 2020 Share Posted July 21, 2020 It sounds like she's off her meds again. the problem with these drugs is that when people are on them & things are good they think they don't need them anymore. Then they go off them without a doctor's input & their lives derail because those drugs are what is holding them together. If you know her doctor, try calling that person & informing the doctor that you think she's off her meds. Unless she goes back on them you can't fix anything because you are not dealing with a rational person right now. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted July 21, 2020 Share Posted July 21, 2020 (edited) 3 hours ago, d0nnivain said: It sounds like she's off her meds again. the problem with these drugs is that when people are on them & things are good they think they don't need them anymore. Then they go off them without a doctor's input & their lives derail because those drugs are what is holding them together. If you know her doctor, try calling that person & informing the doctor that you think she's off her meds. Unless she goes back on them you can't fix anything because you are not dealing with a rational person right now. Also, especially when anti-depressants, once they leave your system, there is a chance that, reintroduced, they will not provide the same quality of benefit that was provided the first time, this is why its extremely important to always stay on your meds, because maybe they wont work again and then you have to go through trials again to find the next thing that works for you... This is a huge hurdle that honestly a lot of people have failed to jump, especially without the proper help. Unfortunately, at this point, you are of sane mind, she seems not to be, so you need to be the provider and care for the child, thats a tough job man, especially when you are already working 1 job... If there was any time to call upon your family, times like this are it. Edited July 21, 2020 by CAPSLOCK BANDIT Link to post Share on other sites
emprosnet7 Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 You have to protect yourself, you must get a divorce as soon as possible. You can do little to help her. She needs her parents to take over. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 Sorry to hear that. Is she still seeing a psychiatrist and doctors/therapists for the bipolar disorder? If she is on/meds all the time (unfortunately quite common), agree to the divorce. Your life will be much more stable and happy. Link to post Share on other sites
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