Is it odd to feel like this about your husband?

[Ruby Slippers]

11 hours ago, Catlady1988 said:

I always thought: Hubby is working SOOOO hard for us. Made me feel a little special.

I am just disappointed that the picture he used to paint of himself “l am the man who gets the job done. Just look how hardworking I am. Just look I am working looooooooooooong hours“ is not fully true.

It's very common that people "play roles" in relationships. He's been playing the hard-working provider role, you've been playing the pampered housewife/mom role, and you're both starting to feel the constraints. These role playing games can be sexy and fun for a while, but eventually they feel restrictive, as we want to express other facets of ourselves than this limited role we've assumed.

3 hours ago, Catlady1988 said:

I was just unsure if it offends him if I ask him for something like this but looking at the reactions on this thread I think I should.

This is your obedient housewife/mom voice. What about the hot sexy goddess who wants to be left alone to do her own thing and get back in touch with her radiance for a while? 

Men think they want the perfectly obedient little wifey, then get bored with her, as he's got you, like a bird in the cage, no more challenge. Get your back up and express some independence and initiative and suddenly he has to capture your attention and approval again, thereby increasing his respect and desire for you.

[Catlady1988]

5 hours ago, elaine567 said:

Plenty YouTube videos on abdominal massage including self massage. 

Good to know. Well, I have read some massage tutorials... but I still think I cannot do it as a professional massage therapist would... and it might even cause harm.

[Catlady1988]

5 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said:

It's very common that people "play roles" in relationships. He's been playing the hard-working provider role, you've been playing the pampered housewife/mom role, and you're both starting to feel the constraints. These role playing games can be sexy and fun for a while, but eventually they feel restrictive, as we want to express other facets of ourselves than this limited role we've assumed.

This is your obedient housewife/mom voice. What about the hot sexy goddess who wants to be left alone to do her own thing and get back in touch with her radiance for a while? 

Men think they want the perfectly obedient little wifey, then get bored with her, as he's got you, like a bird in the cage, no more challenge. Get your back up and express some independence and initiative and suddenly he has to capture your attention and approval again, thereby increasing his respect and desire for you.

I mean he still is a provider. He doesn’t earn less just because I found out he isn’t as hardworking as I thought he was.

When we first met he told me one of the things he liked about me was how independent I was. 

[kismetkismet]

For the work thing, it sounds like you've lost a little respect for him. I know that when my husband is really stressed from work, I go out of my way to do a little extra for him - take over dinner, make him treats, do more of the chores so that his evenings really give him time to unwind. If I found out that he was kind of just hanging out and schmoozing at work I would probably feel a little resentful. I think with time you'll get over it as your new perspective settles in.. He's still providing for you, he's just not sacrificing himself in the way that you thought he was. Maybe it will give you more respect for yourself/sense of equality in the relationship, since you now know that you work at least as hard as him. 

This combined with the lack of personal space is probably also repelling you a bit. You're used to having your own space and time in the day, and now you're making up for alllllll of the coworkers that he used to unload his social energy onto. His neediness is making your mental barriers go up as you try to reclaim space. And since he ALWAYS needs you, you're constantly depleted, leaving no period in the day where you have energy to readily give.

Can you talk with him about having certain hours in the day for yourself? It's perfectly normal to want to establish boundaries, especially with COVID. Carve out separate areas of the house and have work hours with the odd social break. Tell him that it's not personal, that you are just introverted and need the space so that you're not socially drained when it's time for you to spend quality time together.