Jump to content

the 'age thing' in OLD (again)


Recommended Posts

Just an observation about OLD...

I was swiping through my recommendations on Match this morning. Most are bad matches, either so young I have to assume they wouldn't want to date me or live too far away ... that has become 'business as usual'.

But one photo caught my eye because I recognized the woman as one who I never met but with whom I exchanged friendly messages more than two years ago. Of course all I have to go on is her profile. But based on that, she is very attractive and has all sorts of other things (like economic success) going for her.

One thing I noticed right away is that her profile age was listed as 52, much younger than I remembered her to be. But written right under her summary parameters were the first few lines of her essay. What she wrote in her essay is that she was really 57 but had set her profile age lower because she didn't want to date above 59 and didn't want to get messages from 'older' men.

She's just a sample of one. But nevertheless an example of women having pretty 'hard' age criteria and having to game their OLD profiles in an attempt to enforce those parameters.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

@wiseman. I'm male 66 and I post my true age on OLD. I'd be willing to date a woman as young as 54. I'm currently dating a woman who says she's 69. More important than a number to me is whether a woman is willing to date a man my age and, most important, whether the woman can physically keep up with my activity level. I don't see any women younger than 58 who are willing to date a 66 y/o man. And I have yet to meet a woman older than 65 (one rara avis) who can keep up with me.

Edited by nospam99
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

That actually could be a feature added to online sites, to have a separate folder for people that message who are out of your parameters. That way people wouldn’t have to game the system.

Not quite the same, but when I was on eHarmony, they would send me “what if” matches which were exactly that. And my wife happened to be a “what if.” She was one year younger than the age range I selected.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, nospam99 said:

What she wrote in her essay is that she was really 57 but had set her profile age lower because she didn't want to date above 59 and didn't want to get messages from 'older' men.

You are 66, do you want to date above 69? 
The age milestones, 50, 60, 70, are often used as cut offs points.
This woman is nine years younger than you and I believe that is significant whatever the age group.
Different decades.

Link to post
Share on other sites
CAPSLOCK BANDIT
28 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

You are 66, do you want to date above 69? 
The age milestones, 50, 60, 70, are often used as cut offs points.
This woman is nine years younger than you and I believe that is significant whatever the age group.
Different decades.

No, this is not entirely correct; generations born before X, have gone through the technology age together; yes, they are from a different time, however they have had to adjust to the same hurdles and so although the way we are raised creates our foundation to be built upon and each of these foundations we individually possess are unique, the challenges and struggles that we go through also bring us closer together and this is definitely one of them, having to adjust pre-technology to post; nobody outside of Gen X is going to lead a normal life and be able to adjust any better to the age of technology than anybody else.

Hell, your relationship in this situation could be just removing the tech aspects from each others lives and embracing the past... Newer generations do not have that past to embrace, but anyone not born in the tech age, they have that past to embrace with others and I believe this embrace extends beyond a 10 year gap, but rather just a general cut off point.

We all like to pretend like age means we have different things going on in our lives or age means this or that, in reality, age is just a number and if you let a number get in the way of your happiness, I do not believe you have any intention of being happy.. I am not going to come down on anybody over age, date whoever you want, as long as your behavior is within the confines of the law.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

@capslock bandit. I disagree with the premise that you can arbitrarily assign people to pre and post technology just based on age. I'm 66, a Boomer. I was programming computers in '71 and interacting with production educational systems over real-time networks in '73. The Palo Alto Research Center developed the Xerox Alto in '73. It had a GUI that arguably had all the features of 'modern' user interfaces. We used trackballs as our pointing devices long before some engineer flipped them over and reduced the size of the ball to make a mouse. My customer, the Corning Glass Research and Development Center, was doing Computer-aided design by '78 (they were SO excited, like little kids showing off their new Christmas toys). TCP/IP was in production on ARPANET in '83. You just have to be an 'early adapter'.

Edited by nospam99
  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, nospam99 said:

I post my true age on OLD

why would anyone not?!

Be yourself, be who we say we are.

Link to post
Share on other sites
salparadise
2 hours ago, elaine567 said:

This woman is nine years younger than you and I believe that is significant whatever the age group.

Nine to twenty-five years younger is just about right imho. That's pretty much in line with the half plus 7 formula.

Edited by salparadise
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

@el. Referring to my OP, the woman I noticed posted a false age (five years younger) to avoid contacts from older men.

Not me, but the consensus is that men lie about being younger in order to try to get dates with younger women. I guess I can see that as a tactic if they're 'just looking for one thing'.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I have heard that women in their 50s get inundated with contacts from men 60+ and for a woman not willing to date that old, then she is right to try and avoid  that demographic.
As she is honest in her "essay" then no-one need feel aggrieved or misled. 

  • Like 4
Link to post
Share on other sites

My take on this OP.

As an older man (69) you are cutting your odds by relying on general online sites. We all know it is a numbers game at the best of times, but as you get older it gets harder still, and especially since you are fitter than average and ideally would prefer a younger lady, then you need to look outside the box: ideas:

1. Join a specialist matchmaker site where they have a credible success rate and members your type. Ensure they have local specialisation, ideally, local based. Unless you are willing to travek all over.

2. Join a specialist "sugar baby" site where you will get lots of younger women (as young as very young even lol). These girls and ladies want an older guy who they get on with and who will treat them well (usually financially, but not always). Again, this is a numbers game, and there are scammers and time-wasters like on any other sites, and of course gold-diggers, but there are also some lovely, genuine people on there as well. Do not believe all you hear, I have tried this and it can work!

3. This is your best bet: get social. Use your network of friends to meet new ladies. Join social groups, eg meetups and you will make friends, some women, and sometimes a special lady. 

Good luck, and above all, enjoy life!

 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

Agree, people try to manipulate the drop down menus and matching criteria by state different ages, incomes wights etc. Sad

The idea about niche sites is good. There are plenty of those 'over fifty' sites advertised. Maybe they'll have sprier women your age range there and not the old winded grannies. 👵

6 hours ago, Weezy1973 said:

Not quite the same, but when I was on eHarmony, they would send me “what if” matches which were exactly that. And my wife happened to be a “what if.” She was one year younger than the age range I selected.

 

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

^^^ Off topic because I OPed to share the story of the woman who was trying to manipulate the drop downs. But I have tried a couple of 'over fifty' sites: ourtime, silversingles, and datingforseniors. In my area effectively all women on the over fifty sites are also on Match AND Match has the superior feature of reporting recent (within 72 hours) activity by users. The over fifty sites do not. I avoid contacting women who are not recent/active users because I can't tell if they've been off the sites for months or years.

Link to post
Share on other sites
mark clemson

While I'm not dating, I think this is another reason to go for in-person events where you can see the other person, etc. That way they can assess you in person rather than filtering based on assumptions/tendencies. Of course all that's easier said than done right now, but hopefully that changes in a year or two. Age isn't "just" a number, but it's also true that some people maintain well/age gracefully etc, and so will be "worthy" dating material for some % of the peeps who are younger than them. Keep on with that exercising, etc that you're doing!

Link to post
Share on other sites
Blind-Sided
5 hours ago, elaine567 said:

I have heard that women in their 50s get inundated with contacts from men 60+ and for a woman not willing to date that old, then she is right to try and avoid  that demographic.
As she is honest in her "essay" then no-one need feel aggrieved or misled. 

I agree.  She is being honest.

OP... right or wrong... she doesn't want to date a 60 yo guy.   Sorry... just move on. 

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
16 hours ago, nospam99 said:

She's just a sample of one. But nevertheless an example of women having pretty 'hard' age criteria and having to game their OLD profiles in an attempt to enforce those parameters.

Good for her (and any other women like her).

If she doesn't want to date men older than 59, then it is a good thing she takes steps to limit and discourage men who 59 and older, from wasting their time (and hers) by bothering her when she isn't interested.

Wanting to date people who don't want to date you, is simply barking up the wrong tree . While whinging about it, is as useful as tilting at windmills.

At the end of the day nospam99 you have your criteria of wants as well, so you wouldn't date just anybody. So given that I am surprised that you seem to begrudge other women, for being like you and  having their own criteria as well.

If they're not interested in you, then don't bother and don't lose sleep over it. It's that simple.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
21 hours ago, nospam99 said:

Just an observation about OLD...

I was swiping through my recommendations on Match this morning. Most are bad matches, either so young I have to assume they wouldn't want to date me or live too far away ... that has become 'business as usual'.

But one photo caught my eye because I recognized the woman as one who I never met but with whom I exchanged friendly messages more than two years ago. Of course all I have to go on is her profile. But based on that, she is very attractive and has all sorts of other things (like economic success) going for her.

One thing I noticed right away is that her profile age was listed as 52, much younger than I remembered her to be. But written right under her summary parameters were the first few lines of her essay. What she wrote in her essay is that she was really 57 but had set her profile age lower because she didn't want to date above 59 and didn't want to get messages from 'older' men.

She's just a sample of one. But nevertheless an example of women having pretty 'hard' age criteria and having to game their OLD profiles in an attempt to enforce those parameters.

Some people, I think more so women than men, feel that if they are past a certain age, they will be completely out of the running of  ALOT of matches. Like at 49, you'll still in the green, but at 50...miniscule matches.

I get a kick out of women still trying to hold on to their youth and still brag about how they get "carded" getting liquor or at a club. 

Edited by QuietRiot
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Shame on you to the responders accusing me, even implicitly, for wanting to 'rob the cradle'. FWIW I only want to date women who I think want to date me, which I'm confident this one doesn't. At this point, 59 is the bottom of my practical age range and I only contact women younger than that if there is something exceptional about their profiles to make me expect we'd be a good match.

I OPed because I thought her tactic was both noteworthy and WRONG. In my value system, a lie is a lie and she lied. Qualifying that lie with a contradictory statement, as she did, does not make it truth. IMO, the 'right' way for her to have handled her profile would have been to a) post her true age (it's actually calculated by the system using date of birth) and b) write in the first line (or anywhere else) in her essay that she will not respond to men above a stated age (apparently 59 for her). Personal integrity is both in the eye of the beholder and a chronic problem on OLD. Clearly some of the responders have lower standards than I do.

P.S. Up until February, Match used to make a person's seeking age range visible in their profiles. No more. I respect people's age requirements and, if that range was visible, would use that range as a filter to decide whether to make contact.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Another way to look at this, tongue in cheek of course ....

She 'fudged' her age almost 9%.

If I had fudged my age by the same percentage from 66 to 60, what would people think?

If I had fudged my 5'8'' height by the same percentage and claimed to be 6'2'' because I ''didn't want to get messages from short women'', what would people think?

Dual standard here?

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

The problem  for you is that this attractive woman with a lot going for her, through a manipulation of the site to suit her own requirements, has made it difficult for you to date her.
BUT even if she had not done that, then she would have cut you dead anyway for being too old for her.
I get the frustration, especially when pickings are scarce, but there is no point in "judging" anyone for their own choices on a dating site.
She is on that site to find a match, she does not want to date anyone older than 59 and has figured out a way of filtering out those she would not date.
Saving time for her and for them.
The site cannot cater for everyone's filter choices.
I guess she had already been faced with too many "matches" of guys she would never date, hence the need to fine tune.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

@elaine

I don't care how 'difficult for you to date her' she's made it. I've known for two and a half years that SHE is not going to date ME. Me dating her (or any woman as young as she SAYS she is) is not the point of this thread. The point is to share an observation of a disingenuous OLD tactic.

I am 'judging' her (although I didn't in my OP) for dishonesty on OLD, something that many LSers seems to think is okay for women but wrong for men.

She can avoid dating anyone older than 59 simply by filtering on their profiles. She doesn't need to lie. With the way Match works, all she really accomplishes is keeping herself out of the result set (technical database jargon) if a male Searches (a specific Match function) with an age range whose lower end is above 52. She will still be in the result set if the hypothetical male sets his lower age value below 53. Nothing stops 60 y/os (and unrealistic older guys) from setting the value that low. (For comparison, I, at 66, currently set my low age search value to 58.)

As for her getting 'too many matches', since she's been on OLD for more than two and a half years, I conclude she's searching for a unicorn. FWIW, good luck to her since I think she does have a high DMV. Still, two and a half years (that I know about) is a long time

BTW, the reason she appeared 'on my radar' is that Match sent her to me among the several dozen (sometimes over 100) 'recommendations' they send every day. It's rare that even one of those daily recommendations is 'a good match'. But that is a criticism of the site, not of a particular woman. And, FWIW and for all its flaws, I still regard Match as a better 'dating tool' than PoF, OKCupid, ourtime, eharmony, elite, zoosk, or Bumble.

Edited by nospam99
Link to post
Share on other sites
12 minutes ago, nospam99 said:

since she's been on OLD for more than two and a half years, I conclude she's searching for a unicorn.

....and since you have been on OLD the whole time too, are you looking for a unicorn?

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

You know @nospam99 since you can't control what other people like her choose to do, there really is little point in complaining about it. Honestly if you feel she has no integrity, do yourself a favour and ignore her and move on.

Likewise if you want to claim that you are taller than you are, go ahead, yet don't be surprised to find that some people will dump you immediately if it gets to a first date. That said this is not about gender, and you should realise that you probably aren't doing yourself any favours by thinking it is.

At the end of the day if you or others do things that rule one another out, early in the piece. You would do well to appreciate it, for saving you a superfluous effort with someone that you don't want to be with. Or it will save you from wasting your time, with someone who doesn't want to be with you.

Seriously for your own good move on and get over it, no one owes you anything especially people on dating websites and apps.

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh and on the idea that she's looking for a unicorn, not that you should care since she isn't interested in you. She is allowed to wait for a unicorn, if that is her wish.

Successful dating isn't about taking pity on people who feel entitled to dating you, just because they feel that you ought to 

Again people who don't want to date you, are entitled to not date you whether they date a parade of people or no-one at all, and that especially includes on dating sites no matter how long they use them..

 

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...