This may sound ridiculous....

[elaine567]

6 hours ago, Midwestgirl said:

with probable mental health issues

Can you expand? What kind of mental health issues does he suffer from?

[Wiseman2]

On 7/25/2020 at 3:13 PM, Midwestgirl said:

 Tried therapy, didn’t go well. 

In situations where family is advising divorce and there is too much strife and control, and this type of gaslighting, marriage therapy is contraindicated. You need to go alone to sort through what you want to do.

[Midwestgirl]

So, my higher salary is fairly new and bears zero impact on my level of respect in my marriage. It’s not an ego thing for me. It’s survival.

There is history of anxiety and now it seems the mood is up and down from day to day. On couch sleeping one day and fun loving and goofy the next. 

We tried marriage counseling and it was not the right thing for either of us. I did IC for about 6 months and it was very helpful to have someone else tell me this is not normal. 
 

to explain the FB post-the prom date is one of dozens of high school friends I am FB friends with. When the prom pic was posted, I was tagged in it, my teenage son must have seen it due to my being tagged, and he added 2 rude comments to the post. Like “shame on you for posting this of a married person“. My husband supported this behavior.  Certainly not stuff that I will solve and on a forum like this, it just helps to have outside perspective because I constantly justify this like I deserve it somehow. 
 

 

 

[d0nnivain]

On 7/25/2020 at 6:00 PM, Midwestgirl said:

Then he’s been without a job for many months with lots of time on his hands. 

He's bored & knows that you are now the breadwinner.  His ego is in the toilet because he's unemployed & you are out working.  Covid isn't helping.  

So he is lashing out.  It's irrational but part of him may feel that now that you are earning money on your own you don't need him any more. You said that you are growing more confident & that scares him too.  He probably has no idea where he fits in your world any more.  

He's lashing out & making things worse which isn't helping. 

It would be great if he could find another job but that is easier said then done.  

You know things were bad before but this added stressor isn't helping.  You do need to figure out what you want & then do that.  Either you both have to work to fix things or you need to get out.  You can get a new sanctuary if you have to sell the vacation home.