Tiki37 Posted July 26, 2020 Share Posted July 26, 2020 My 12 year old broke his step fathers cell phone. The consequence is pay back cell phone (value $400), we will be keeping his monthly allowance and do one extra chore a day (worth $2.00). My husband feels he should do 2-3 chores a day. I think that is way too many? I’m fine with everything else. Thoughts......Thank you in advance. A little background about my son, ADHD, his biological father chose to leave my son’s life a year ago which is really hard on him. He also has anger issues and has been seeing a therapist. I Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 26, 2020 Share Posted July 26, 2020 A 12yo should be doing 2-3 chores per day even without a broken phone. Make bed, put dirty clothes in hamper and help clean the kitchen after dinner? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tiki37 Posted July 26, 2020 Author Share Posted July 26, 2020 Yes, I totally agree. I should have added he does make his bed every morning, puts away his own laundry, sets the table, throws out the trash, mows the loan, vacuums and the list goes on. The 2-3 extra chores would be on top of what he does daily. Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted July 27, 2020 Share Posted July 27, 2020 How aware is the step father regarding your son's background? For younger adolescents a sense of leniency is typically expected, but never too significant to make them feel as though they can get away with anything without any consequences - discipline is a necessity in building a younger person's mentality as well as stopping them from developing bad habits. Perhaps you could waive a few smaller chores and replacing them with other household tasks that may require a little longer time Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 27, 2020 Share Posted July 27, 2020 Sounds like he's already helping a lot. I think paying for a new phone and a genuine apology would be quite adequate. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted July 27, 2020 Share Posted July 27, 2020 I agree he needs to work it off / pay it back. But I don't think you should pile it on, or he may just rebel against it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 28, 2020 Share Posted July 28, 2020 On 7/26/2020 at 8:31 PM, basil67 said: Sounds like he's already helping a lot. I think paying for a new phone and a genuine apology would be quite adequate. I agree. My decision would depend on how remorseful he was about the incident. If he is remorseful, that should be more than enough... He also wouldn’t be getting a phone or access to other electronics for a while... at this age, they are a privilege, not a right. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 28, 2020 Share Posted July 28, 2020 Did he break it on purpose or by accident? If by accident, maybe he only has to repay 1/2. Given your son's ADHD & anger issues I think you & your husband should get phone insurance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 28, 2020 Share Posted July 28, 2020 Did he break it on purpose? Is this punishnent the stepfathers idea? Is there anyone in his life he is close to? A grandparent or aunt/uncle. Your husband and the kids biological father seem like bad role models. Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 28, 2020 Share Posted July 28, 2020 How/Why the phone was broken is an important piece of information. Up to this point has your husband equally parented your son with you? Without more information, I would hesitate for the stepfather - whose phone was broken - to be allowed to determine the severity of the punishment when you disagree with him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tiki37 Posted July 28, 2020 Author Share Posted July 28, 2020 My son did break it on purpose. The reason why is because we were giving him another consequence for another incident. My husband and I agreed to take his Xbox away. My husband grabbed the Xbox, my son got angry and threw his cell phone. He felt bad at first no remorse after that. My son is missing his father, he is taking it out on my husband. Yes, we do co-parent together. We have scheduled weekly therapy for my son stating this week, prior he was going twice a month. Some of the weekly therapy will be the three of us as well. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 28, 2020 Share Posted July 28, 2020 Since it was intentional & especially because it was a nasty response to another punishment making him pay for the whole thing is very reasonable Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted July 28, 2020 Share Posted July 28, 2020 I agree with d0nnivain. It sounds like you're dealing with a difficult and stressful situation. I hope therapy helps and brings some relief for all of you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CAPSLOCK BANDIT Posted July 28, 2020 Share Posted July 28, 2020 Consequences for kids, need to make sense and be related to the act. For example, if my child uses their bike to run away and the consequence we implement for that is "NO MORE VIDEO GAMES!" well, video games have nothing to do with a bicycle, nor running away, so how does this consequence make sense for the child? It does not make sense, so the idea of the consequence is not relayed, instead they focus on the individual situation, as opposed to looking at their behavior as a whole. I think you are on the right track OP, but one more thing I would add, is if your child has access to a phone, you should restrict their usage of that phone until the new one is bought... Not that I am saying a 12 year old having a phone is a good idea or not, my opinion of that is outside the point. Link to post Share on other sites
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