Boyfriend insulted me

[BaileyB]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

It's not mildly abusive.  Verbal abuse may not have the literal impact of fists, but it's still serious abuse.  

I agree. This kind of experience will affect how she feels about herself as a woman. It will affect every future relationship she has - hopefully in a good way, if she learns from this experience and decides never to settle for a man who does not respect her. But, there is a lot of growing that needs to happen... the damage has been done. There are no visible bruises, these bruises are harder to see and harder to heal...

[mark clemson]

11 hours ago, basil67 said:

It's not mildly abusive. 

I guess I see it as mild relative to physical abuse. So I would term it that. But sure, you're entitled to your view.

[kendahke]

37 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

I guess I see it as mild relative to physical abuse. So I would term it that. But sure, you're entitled to your view.

verbal abuse is as destructive as physical abuse. Periodt.

[d0nnivain]

3 minutes ago, kendahke said:

verbal abuse is as destructive as physical abuse. Periodt.

Long term verbal abuse yes but I'd rather take 1-2 insults (verbal abuse) then 1-2 broken bones.  They are both bad but on the bad scale, they are not equal although they both constitute reasons to end a relationship where they are present.  

Edited July 28, 2020 by d0nnivain

[mark clemson]

10 minutes ago, kendahke said:

verbal abuse is as destructive as physical abuse. Periodt.

Everyone's entitled to their opinions and certainly verbal abuse can be quite hurtful.

I'm going to suggest to all that we not take the phrasing from my comment above and turn it into a T/J debating the nature and types of abuse as I'm sure everyone has their views. There is agreement that the relationship was abusive. That should be enough for OP to recognize what's going on IMO.

[Amethyst68]

Don't be surprised if you see his behaviour escalate and he starts to try controlling who you can see in real life. I'm not talking other men, I'm talking your family and friends to try and isolate you, to make you dependant on him.

The good thing is you know there's a problem, you've recognised his treatment of you isn't "right" but it's up to you to make the next step.

[elaine567]

On 7/27/2020 at 7:33 PM, anamia said:

I hate havin arguments with him because each time we do, he insults me and I end up being a whore in my partner's eyes so believe me, I don't want to argue at all

Men who can't win arguments with women will go for the jugular and in your case it is calling you derogatory stuff.
His intention is to make you back down, he wins and all is hunky dory.
In this way he controls you.
You stop arguing, you give him his own way and he is happy no matter how sad or upset you are. In fact some guys are never happiest than when their partner is sobbing her eyes out.
With time you become numb and compliant.
If you do stand your ground, you may find he escalates it into violence in order to shut you up.
He needs to get you back into the numb and compliant role to keep the upper hand. A punch or a slap will do that.
In fact you may do nothing to "annoy" him, he may just pouch or slap you anyway...
He may or may not be sorry, some men are some men aren't, but you will likely stay anyway.
You will search incessantly for the "good times", times when he was nice, times when you felt good as proof he is really a good man, as proof you were correct to stay with him.
But these good times become less and less... one day you realise the "good man" persona was never real...

[smackie9]

I have been in an abusive relationship that was verbal that turned physical...they are both just as bad. The physical, bruises heal, the mental abuse is long lasting.

OP where you are with this hit me in the gut. I have been there....I will say it again, it will only get worse not better. There is nothing on this planet that will make him "trust" you.

Edited July 29, 2020 by smackie9

[Blind-Sided]

On 7/28/2020 at 10:39 AM, mark clemson said:

I guess I see it as mild relative to physical abuse. So I would term it that. But sure, you're entitled to your view.

 

On 7/28/2020 at 11:17 AM, kendahke said:

verbal abuse is as destructive as physical abuse. Period.

If I may.....

Without a doubt... mental abuse is bad, and destructive.  But since it is "Mental"... abuse is subjective.   Sure... years of name calling, and degradation of one's person and mental state will cause damage that is hard to change.  But... some people will take simple loud/firm talking as a HUGE hit to their psyche (people who are timid)... where the next person will simply see a heated debate. (abuse isn't even thought of)   I'm not trying to justify what Mark is saying... I'm just trying to say it's not as "Black and white" as @kendahke says it is. 

Anyway... OP... regardless of where the truth is... you are not happy, and it's time to move on. 

Edited July 30, 2020 by Blind-Sided

[kendahke]

2 hours ago, Blind-Sided said:

'm just trying to say it's not as "Black and white" as @kendahke says it is. 

If that was true, bullying wouldn't be the issue it is

[ThePhoenixStillRises]

There are a lot of red flags here.  You have to think in the long term...would you want to live like this for another year?  Five years?  Ten?  Control and mental/emotional abuse is difficult to change in a grown adult...and my guess is that he would never admit to doing either.  

I ignored the red flags while dating...and honestly more signs didn't really appear until we were already married and it was too late in my eyes.  I kept thinking that the next good thing in our life would change him.  But it never did....so I took it until I couldn't anymore.  So, please....end things now while he is still just a boyfriend and you aren't totally brainwashed and scarred after years of enduring this treatment.

[Datergirl]

I've been in your situation,  5 months into my relationship my now ex, called me a little cunt and told me to f*** off, seemingly to me, out of the blue. 

I read up on verbal abuse, which is what this was. What I found out is that it ALWAYS gets worse and leads to physical violence...which it did. 

The name calling got much worse, threats of violence towards me, which eventually resulted in him trying to strangle me, I fought to get him off and he punched me in the face. 

He's been arrested and charged with assault. He's on bail with strict conditions (which he does not stick too)

Please don't let this happen to you. I gave him chance after chance because of his issues, childhood trauma, ex military and because I loved him and thought he loved me. I stayed with him for 18 month's and it was 12 months too long. I should have terminated the relationship, like I was going to, the day he called me a cunt.

Its not love when someone does that to you. Its about power and control. I don't think he actually even likes women that much. He has so much anger and hate seething inside him. 

This man you are with is abusing you. He does not love you. Please get away from him before he does any more damage to your self esteem. You deserve better. 

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, if I may ask, how old are you?