CLS63AMG Posted July 29, 2020 Posted July 29, 2020 22 hours ago, Goodguy05 said: My question is is it worth even trying? Find it so off putting. Is it even worthwhile trying to build momentum and what's others experience on here with this? I've tried asking questions that don't solicit a yes or no response. Does it show lack of interest from there end or am I just asking the wrong type of questions? Ive tried the simple approach hi how are you how's your day and also tried something that there interested in and have put on there profile and open the conversation that way. It's doesn't happen all the time but more often than not 8 times out of ten. be interested to hear people's perspective She's juggling 18 other dudes 1
CLS63AMG Posted July 29, 2020 Posted July 29, 2020 15 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: This reminds me of THE lamest chat/message opener ever. Yes, some people actually do this... "Hey" HEY????? You may as well send a message that says: I am the lamest, laziest person ever lol Why would a guy sit there and send out heartfelt paragraph first messages just to get no replies? If its some sausage fest free site (POF/OKC/Tinder) she gets a hundred a day and is probably only responding to 2-3 and the first message likely doesn't even matter. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted July 29, 2020 Posted July 29, 2020 24 minutes ago, CLS63AMG said: Why would a guy sit there and send out heartfelt paragraph first messages just to get no replies? If its some sausage fest free site (POF/OKC/Tinder) she gets a hundred a day and is probably only responding to 2-3 and the first message likely doesn't even matter. You don't need to write poetry. But "Hey" isn't worth answering. "Hi. How are you?" was enough for me to take a look at his profile and see if there's any potential. "Hey" is so lazy it's almost insulting, immediate reject. 2
Erik30 Posted July 29, 2020 Posted July 29, 2020 (edited) 7 hours ago, snowcones said: Give them the same thing back and see where it goes. If it doesn't go anywhere, then she wasn't interested enough or doesn't know how to converse properly (an astonishingly common problem these days, I'm afraid). 3 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: You don't need to write poetry. But "Hey" isn't worth answering. "Hi. How are you?" was enough for me to take a look at his profile and see if there's any potential. "Hey" is so lazy it's almost insulting, immediate reject. I usually ignore it... unless she's someone I'm very attracted to (often it's not) I think people who just send "hey" want you to do all the work. I might send a "hey" right back next time to see what happens Edited July 29, 2020 by Erik30 1 1
Author Maldives Posted July 29, 2020 Author Posted July 29, 2020 Reading the responses has opened the ol eyes such great advice everyone really appreciate all the feedback. Now I know lil better and will approach it differently 1
Andy_K Posted July 29, 2020 Posted July 29, 2020 12 hours ago, Ruby Slippers said: When I get "hey," just "hey," I think "blech" and delete, ignore. Maybe guys see it differently. I can't be with a lazy lame-o. It's a bit different from our perspective. Since the women are getting tons of messages already, having one reach out first and even say 'hey' is quite a big indicator of interest, rather than laziness. 2
Author Maldives Posted July 29, 2020 Author Posted July 29, 2020 Wow thanks @snowcones great perspective and advice good to hear it from a woman 1
snowcones Posted July 29, 2020 Posted July 29, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Goodguy05 said: Wow thanks @snowcones great perspective and advice good to hear it from a woman Sure, no problem and good luck, buddy, I know it's hard. It's more challenging to connect online due to not being in person (because in person you feel each others energy through your senses which helps). This is the new challenge with online dating, which is probably the #1 way people meet now (esp during corona). This platform makes you have to use your words more. It's harder in that sense. Online dating gives the appearance of easy access and this is what is appealing to so many people, but the trick (and where we get held up in time) is figuring out if you are one of the select few who it's easy for. The rest of us have to dredge through it in frustration. Edited July 29, 2020 by snowcones 1
Wiseman2 Posted July 29, 2020 Posted July 29, 2020 Craft a simple note about a sentence or so. Mention something on her profile, something about yourself that connects to that and suggest getting coffee some time. If there is a one word message simply delete/block... or send a pizza emoji. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted July 29, 2020 Posted July 29, 2020 4 hours ago, Andy_K said: It's a bit different from our perspective. Since the women are getting tons of messages already, having one reach out first and even say 'hey' is quite a big indicator of interest, rather than laziness. Interesting. I've never messaged a guy on a dating site, but if I did, I'd sure as heck write something a lot better than "hey" 1
alphamale Posted July 29, 2020 Posted July 29, 2020 On 7/28/2020 at 3:15 AM, enigma32 said: They aren't really interested in you. They're likely bored just enough to send out that one word but not enough to actually engage you in any meaningful way. A one word reply to me is as good as no reply. I'd break off communication. ^^this 1
central Posted July 29, 2020 Posted July 29, 2020 19 hours ago, Erik30 said: Almost all of the women who sent me a message (first) opened with just "hi/hey," sometimes plus an emoji.... Same here. If they look interesting, I'll respond with a short sentence or two ending in a question. If they don't answer it and ask one of their own, I'm done with them. 1
Grey40 Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 Average looking women get 20-40 messages per day, good looking women match with every single guy and could have hundreds of messages daily. That’s why. if they’re interested enough they’ll show more enthusiasm. You don’t need to wow them or say something interesting, makes no difference. If they are attracted enough they’ll put some effort in. This is why online dating is really hard because it’s pretty much initially all about your pictures/looks. It’s unfortunate but that’s really the major filter women have to weed out the matches. Just like companies use algorithms to weed out job applicants. 1
Ruby Slippers Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 Don't let that stop you, though. Appearance is not my #1 criterion, not even close. Every time I've done online dating, the men I selected to meet were objectively not the ones who would have won the beauty contest on the site. They were probably way at the top in terms of intelligence and other personality qualities. But a pretty face isn't what I've ever been looking for. 1
DCGurly Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 On 7/28/2020 at 1:52 AM, Goodguy05 said: My question is is it worth even trying? Find it so off putting. Is it even worthwhile trying to build momentum and what's others experience on here with this? I've tried asking questions that don't solicit a yes or no response. Does it show lack of interest from there end or am I just asking the wrong type of questions? Ive tried the simple approach hi how are you how's your day and also tried something that there interested in and have put on there profile and open the conversation that way. It's doesn't happen all the time but more often than not 8 times out of ten. be interested to hear people's perspective For ((some)) men my age. I feel they don’t want to put any effort into dating. They want whatever is easiest. Some women will take whatever is offered to her. Low standards and lack of self esteem. Hanging out is a date? Not in my book and I’m 26. I was married young 18 and divorced now a year but I’ve found dating is a lot different now. I only put energy into people that do the same for me. Ask me on a proper date or we aren’t talking. 1
OatsAndHall Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 Generally speaking, I got one word replies when I opened with bland questions like "How're you?" or "How's your day going?". The responses I got were the women being polite as I asked a question but also hinting for me to stop messaging them. 1
Wiseman2 Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 On 7/29/2020 at 12:30 PM, alphamale said: ^^this Wassup 1
nibelheim89 Posted July 30, 2020 Posted July 30, 2020 (edited) In my experience, it is usually due to one of the options below (equally can apply to men), 1. They have 1000s of options and one word responses mean you are not near the top of that list. 2. They are "basic b's" - In my experience the people that have the generic "Wanderlust globetrotting travel junkie, 1975 countries and counting, wine lover, coffee addict, swiped right for your dog, your mum will love me, follow me on instagram" profile are incapable of stringing a sentence together when faced with a situation where they cannot use phrases they picked up from their favourite influencers on Instagram. 3. They are only using it for an ego boost, they have no interest whatsoever in meeting anyone or even talking to anyone, but the number of matches they get along with the attempts to start conversations they receive is a dopamine rush. I've met quite a few partners on dating apps but in the main....geez...it just makes you lose hope in humanity. Edited July 30, 2020 by nibelheim89 1
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