Blind-side Posted July 29, 2020 Share Posted July 29, 2020 Trial separation puzzle About three weeks ago my wife (33F) told me she is unhappy. We have been married coming up on our 5 year anniversary. Me (41M) can’t understand why she is unhappy. My wife does not an open communicate very well and hasn’t hinted at any unhappy feelings. Although did mention that Covid-19 lockdown did not help. Recently she has been hanging out with friends a lot more. All this group of friends are single. We tried to talk about things and both went to seperate counselling sessions. My session was all about communicating and hers came back with that she wanted a trial separation. We also have a 3 year old together. We have organised to seperate and take turn about for a week living with our son. We also have a couples therapy session next week. Is it to early to give up the fight for her or am I in denial about the relationship being over? Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted July 29, 2020 Share Posted July 29, 2020 By separating you are allowing her to party with her friends. Maybe she will come back after she tires of the party life. Then she will be the best wife your ever had. You can put a stop to that by filing for divorce and shutting off her money. Your choice. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted July 29, 2020 Share Posted July 29, 2020 1 hour ago, Blind-side said: Recently she has been hanging out with friends a lot more. My session was all about communicating and hers came back with that she wanted a trial separation. We also have a 3 year old together. We have organised to seperate and take turn about for a week living with our son. We also have a couples therapy session next week. Sorry to hear this. Is it possible there is someone else? If she is willing to go to marriage therapy there may be hope that you could restore things. Link to post Share on other sites
notbroken Posted July 29, 2020 Share Posted July 29, 2020 She has 'grass is greener' syndrome and thinks you are keeping her back from a fabulous carefree life of partying, etc. You aren't doing that. Life and her circumstances are. Honestly, the lust for a different life isn't likely to go away. She is unhappy and you are taking the blame. Her single friends aren't helping. All she sees is the good they have and not the bad. I'm sorry, but she is likely gone and logic isn't going to help. Cut off her money for a carefree lifestyle. She wants to be single? She can pay for it. She'll also need to care for the kid 50% of the time so you too can go out and party (tell her that - up to you if you actually do it). In the meantime your kid suffers. I'm sorry but there likely isn't much you can do about it. You can't control the thoughts and feelings of your wife. She wants to be single. Help her get there. Don't resist - it will only push her further faster. Don't help her either (no money, make her take care of your kid when appropriate, etc). 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 29, 2020 Share Posted July 29, 2020 I have a friend who did this, married with three kids. Her husband tried for the better part of a year to convince her to stay - absolute misery for everyone. In the end, he had to let her go... very painful for all but everyone is in a good place now. My point being, you can’t force someone to be in a marriage when they are determined to explore other options. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted July 30, 2020 Share Posted July 30, 2020 (edited) I agree with all of the above. I was with my exW for close to 20 years, and one day... she went nutz, and wanted out. I got blamed for things going all the way back to when we were dating. In all those years, she never tried to talk to me about the things she saw as an issue, but yet they were my fault. I even took responsibility of the "Issues" and asked why she never tried to talk. She said things like... "I never felt I could talk to you" and "I shouldn't have to tell you how to be a good husband." AND... to reflect the points above... I was accused of keeping her from the life she wanted. (The real issue) Unfortunately... you can't force someone to love you. Some people just cant be happy with the life they built, and they will mentally make the other person the "Bad Guy" to justify what they are doing. My only advice is to file, and save yourself the possible years of anguish waiting to see if the "Separation" helps her want you back. But with that said... could you really ever trust her again? I'm sorry for what you are going through, but I wish you peace in moving forward. Edited July 30, 2020 by Blind-Sided 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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