Thoughts on how I should proceed with ex girlfriend?

[Seabreeze1]

My ex and I have been a part for 2 months now. We got back in touch 2 weeks ago; been texting almost everyday and she’s been sending me snapchats here and there. 
We wound up meeting up for drinks a few nights ago, just to catch up. For the most part it went very well. After drinks, we went on a little walk then went back to her car. We Sat in her car for a little while because she wanted to show me some video on her phone. I saw a couple messages from other guys come through and she quickly closed them.. that didn’t feel great but I figured she would be talking to other guys cause I did come across her tinder profile days before. 
But anyway, where things kind of went sour that night was that at one point something to do with the relationship came up (unintentionally) and I got a little emotional. She took it well but I was hoping to come off a little more confidant. We briefly talked about the relationship stuff but when I felt the conversation wasn’t going as I hoped, I told her I felt there was a lot more I wanted to say but that I wasn’t prepared to talk about those things that night (which is true). So she suggested I take some time to think things over and that we can talk About it another day.

Though we haven’t been texting since, she has sent me snapchats (keeping contact). My plan was to reach out before the weekend and see if we can meet up again to talk (it’d be a week at that point since the last met up). I know exactly what I want to say to her, but depending on how the conversation goes, would ya’ll suggest I flat out ask if she’d like to try to work things out, or to not put so much pressure on her and ask if getting back together is something she would consider?

if she say no, obviously I’d have to move on, but if she says she’d consider it, would I then keep in touch here and there and ask her out as if we were starting over? And see if that sparks anything later on? What are your thoughts? Thanks! 
 

Also our break up was amicable. And we are on good terms. It just seems she’s not as convinced as I that things will work out the way she’d like. 

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear that. What was the breakup about? How long were you dating?

[lee179108]

45 minutes ago, Seabreeze1 said:

My ex and I have been a part for 2 months now. We got back in touch 2 weeks ago; been texting almost everyday and she’s been sending me snapchats here and there. 
We wound up meeting up for drinks a few nights ago, just to catch up. For the most part it went very well. After drinks, we went on a little walk then went back to her car. We Sat in her car for a little while because she wanted to show me some video on her phone. I saw a couple messages from other guys come through and she quickly closed them.. that didn’t feel great but I figured she would be talking to other guys cause I did come across her tinder profile days before. 
But anyway, where things kind of went sour that night was that at one point something to do with the relationship came up (unintentionally) and I got a little emotional. She took it well but I was hoping to come off a little more confidant. We briefly talked about the relationship stuff but when I felt the conversation wasn’t going as I hoped, I told her I felt there was a lot more I wanted to say but that I wasn’t prepared to talk about those things that night (which is true). So she suggested I take some time to think things over and that we can talk About it another day.

Though we haven’t been texting since, she has sent me snapchats (keeping contact). My plan was to reach out before the weekend and see if we can meet up again to talk (it’d be a week at that point since the last met up). I know exactly what I want to say to her, but depending on how the conversation goes, would ya’ll suggest I flat out ask if she’d like to try to work things out, or to not put so much pressure on her and ask if getting back together is something she would consider?

if she say no, obviously I’d have to move on, but if she says she’d consider it, would I then keep in touch here and there and ask her out as if we were starting over? And see if that sparks anything later on? What are your thoughts? Thanks! 
 

Also our break up was amicable. And we are on good terms. It just seems she’s not as convinced as I that things will work out the way she’d like. 

By reading that I can tell you want her back, I've been there myself...  and in a similar situation now and its so hard...   but from what I've read it seems as you're giving her all the power...  she probably had options of other guys and you. If she truly loves you and wants to start again she will come to you, ive learnt that the more we chase etc the worse things get....   let it ride, let her come to you...  if you want to ask her this week then do it, but dont send a long message, keep it simple, if you dont get the answer you want then shut it down and go no contact. Dont let her mess you around though, in the meantime get back on the dating scene, get in shape and if its meant to be then it will. 

[Seabreeze1]

1 hour ago, lee179108 said:

By reading that I can tell you want her back, I've been there myself...  and in a similar situation now and its so hard...   but from what I've read it seems as you're giving her all the power...  she probably had options of other guys and you. If she truly loves you and wants to start again she will come to you, ive learnt that the more we chase etc the worse things get....   let it ride, let her come to you...  if you want to ask her this week then do it, but dont send a long message, keep it simple, if you dont get the answer you want then shut it down and go no contact. Dont let her mess you around though, in the meantime get back on the dating scene, get in shape and if its meant to be then it will. 

Last her and I spoke in person a few days ago, she didn’t outrightly Say no to trying to work things out, although that was kind of the vibe I was getting. But she suggested we talk another day after I’ve figured out exactly what I wanted to say to her, wether it was out of pity or genuinely wanted to hear what I had to say, idk. 
 

she’s definitely giving me mixed signals by reaching out to me via Snapchat and tonight she sent me a text to tell me about something that happened to her today. I’m confused by this behavior tbh. She’s openly told me she still cares for me so I’m wondering if she’s having just as much trouble letting go as I am? It could be a “have the cake and eat it to” situation but idk. She’s a good girl and I’d like to think whatever her reasons for reaching out to me aren’t with I’ll intent. I don’t think she’d purposely play with my feeling that’s way.

 

but hopefully by this weekend I’ll have better clarity to where we’re at. Also I’m not the one to ignore people and especially don’t think it’s a good idea to do that to her days before wanting to reach back out to her to talk.

Edited July 30, 2020 by Seabreeze1

[schlumpy]

From what you have written she doesn't seem to be in the mindset of wanting to work it out since she's actively dating.

This isn't a good move on your part because she has the power.

Go back to NC and focus on yourself. See yourself in the future without her.

[Seabreeze1]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Sorry to hear that. What was the breakup about? How long were you dating?

We dated for 2 years. I’d say the main reason was she didn’t feel I was excited about her (we lost that spark I guess). My thing is she didn’t even bring it to my attention. She just felt it wasnt gonna get better so she made the decision on her own. I’d like to talk to her about this and now that I know that was an issue, that I can try and be more mindful of it. And hopefully this is something we can work out.

[lee179108]

5 hours ago, Seabreeze1 said:

Last her and I spoke in person a few days ago, she didn’t outrightly Say no to trying to work things out, although that was kind of the vibe I was getting. But she suggested we talk another day after I’ve figured out exactly what I wanted to say to her, wether it was out of pity or genuinely wanted to hear what I had to say, idk. 
 

she’s definitely giving me mixed signals by reaching out to me via Snapchat and tonight she sent me a text to tell me about something that happened to her today. I’m confused by this behavior tbh. She’s openly told me she still cares for me so I’m wondering if she’s having just as much trouble letting go as I am? It could be a “have the cake and eat it to” situation but idk. She’s a good girl and I’d like to think whatever her reasons for reaching out to me aren’t with I’ll intent. I don’t think she’d purposely play with my feeling that’s way.

 

but hopefully by this weekend I’ll have better clarity to where we’re at. Also I’m not the one to ignore people and especially don’t think it’s a good idea to do that to her days before wanting to reach back out to her to talk.

Up to you what you do, I just remember my gf giving me the same mixed signals saying she wanted to be on her own but yet still texting me....  i went along with it and it just prolonged everything... whereas if i stayed quiet and just said dont text me unless you want to try make things work then that would have made myself feel better. Once I did cut off communication it took 2 months but she came back. If you want to continue talking then go ahead, its up to you... just make sure you get an answer of what the situation is this weekend, and then take it from there...  but experience has taught me that when crap like this happens to just mirror their emotions and no matter how hard you just got to carry on with life. 

[ExpatInItaly]

I don't know, OP. 

Given your past threads and this one, I think you're setting yourself up to the be the filler until she finds your replacement. I think she lost interest in the relationship which is why she never brought it to your attention - she didn't really have any desire to fix it.  

Be very careful with your heart here.

 

[Wiseman2]

2 years is enough time to figure out if it's going anywhere or stagnating. No one wants to be mean or hurt you or "use you as filler".  Breakups are hard and although misguided, the friend zone is a common offer. 

[d0nnivain]

Seabreeze 

In your other thread we established that your relationship ended because you are incapable of giving her the high level of attention & adoration that she needs.  For this to work you have to become some high energy romantic that you are not.  The low key chill guy you are is too boring for her.  She craves more excitement.  So unless in these few weeks you have become a completely different person, there is no saving this.  You will only be able to play / fake being that high energy guy for a so long then it will be back to where you have always been & where she doesn't want to be.  

She's in touch because she likes you as a person but not as a BF.  She also likes male attention. 

If you were the guy she seeks you would have had no trouble verbalizing what she needed to hear in that moment to have her fall back into your bed right then & there.  The fact that she had to reassure you after you got emotional & she had to give you time to figure out what to say confirms in her mind that she made the right decision by breaking up.  You are not the confident (c*cky) guy she craves.  You are good 'ole sweet Seabreeze. 

You can ask her to get back together but the answer will be no.  Maybe that is the kick in the teeth to finally accept that this isn't going to work out.  

 

[Seabreeze1]

[Update] 

I appreciate all the replies. 
so I reached out to her this past weekend and asked if she was around this weekend and would like to grab a bite to eat sometime? She told me she might be, but to let her see how work goes this weekend (she just started a job at a hospital and it’s been exhausting for her). Told her to let me know.. you think she let me know? Nope!

my cousin was over and convinced me to just call her and see what she was up to- so I did. She told me she was meeting up with a couple of her friends (they were in the area and she hadn’t seen them in a while). Told her I was looking to meet up, but that we’ll try some other time. She then texted me asking if I was ok. I said everything was good, and that I’m hoping we can meet up soon and continue that conversation from last week. She immediately replied: “of course, I’m sorry we couldn’t today”.

i went out with my friend that night for drinks and of course I ran into my ex and her friends.. she wound up calling me later in the night jokingly asking if I’m stalking her now then we continued the conversation for about 40 mins. I asked if we can meet up on Wednesday this week and she sounded unsure but then suggested if anything we could also probably meet up Tuesday night, but that she’ll keep me posted. 
 

so far it’s now Tuesday afternoon (2 days since we talked), and haven’t heard From her.. I may just give her a call tomorrow and if we can’t meet up, then I’ll leave it alone. 

 

 

[d0nnivain]

Why bother?  This woman has already blown you off so many times I lost count.  Why do you need her to do it AGAIN for you to get the message that she is not interested in dating you?  

She contacts you & is polite because she is a nice person but that doesn't make her want you 

[ExpatInItaly]

3 minutes ago, Seabreeze1 said:

it’s now Tuesday afternoon (2 days since we talked), and haven’t heard From her.. I may just give her a call tomorrow and if we can’t meet up, then I’ll leave it alone. 

Oh, Seabreeze. 

I know it's hurtful, but her wishy-wahsy behaviour and intermittent silence is your clue that she doesn't really want to meet you. There is no point in calling her again, asking to meet again, and trying to make this happen when she's not that into it. 

It's time to really start treating this as a break-up and take significant time and space away from her. 

[lee179108]

On 8/4/2020 at 6:17 PM, Seabreeze1 said:

[Update] 

I appreciate all the replies. 
so I reached out to her this past weekend and asked if she was around this weekend and would like to grab a bite to eat sometime? She told me she might be, but to let her see how work goes this weekend (she just started a job at a hospital and it’s been exhausting for her). Told her to let me know.. you think she let me know? Nope!

my cousin was over and convinced me to just call her and see what she was up to- so I did. She told me she was meeting up with a couple of her friends (they were in the area and she hadn’t seen them in a while). Told her I was looking to meet up, but that we’ll try some other time. She then texted me asking if I was ok. I said everything was good, and that I’m hoping we can meet up soon and continue that conversation from last week. She immediately replied: “of course, I’m sorry we couldn’t today”.

i went out with my friend that night for drinks and of course I ran into my ex and her friends.. she wound up calling me later in the night jokingly asking if I’m stalking her now then we continued the conversation for about 40 mins. I asked if we can meet up on Wednesday this week and she sounded unsure but then suggested if anything we could also probably meet up Tuesday night, but that she’ll keep me posted. 
 

so far it’s now Tuesday afternoon (2 days since we talked), and haven’t heard From her.. I may just give her a call tomorrow and if we can’t meet up, then I’ll leave it alone. 

 

 

I would stop calling her now, trust me if they want you they will come to you. Go no contact and be patient, she will message or call when shes ready if she wants to. Meanwhile get on the dating apps  (she is)  so you do the same. Im going through a breakup myself and guess what, once I stopped showing interest and being needy the roles have reversed. That doesnt mean things will work out though...  mental strength is so important in these situations, surround yourself with friends and keep talking to them and keep busy.. hell if even coming on to these threads help you then do it... it helps me!

[snowboy91]

She's trying to create space for herself to move on. I get the breakup was amicable and you still care about each other somewhat, but continuing to stay close to her like you have been isn't going to end well for either of you.

She's blowing you off because she doesn't want to feel "mean" and explicitly tell you she needs her own space to be herself and for you to leave her alone. That doesn't mean she doesn't care about you - it just means she wants to enjoy her life without having to worry about you, or be upset about the end of the relationship. Her vague blow offs give you the impression that she may want to get back together at some point, from what I can see in your posts. Unfortunately you'll need to regard the break up as final and start to move on yourself. If you've got thoughts on what went wrong in your relationship, apply it to the next one.