Am I asking for too much?

[Agsmith]

 

Sigh. So my bf (23) and I (20) have been together almost 3 years now. We’ve been living together for a year and a half now but on our own for a year. Before we moved in together on our own, I lived with him and his parents for about 6 months as they offered to help us save to move as before my mom was charging me rent to live with her. The reason I bring this up during the time before we moved out on our own, we were happy. Not that we’re not happy now. It’s just then we had more time with each other and we actually made memories rather it was just taking trips to grocery stores, staying up late and joy riding, just anything that’s outside the house. 

Note: I am a Sagittarius and he is a Taurus for anyone who’s into astrology 

Ever since we moved I understand now that we’re working, we’re working to pay bills but we hardly do anything together (in the bed as well). I love him dearly and even though we’re polar opposites (literally) he’s always been there for me and actually listens to any problems I may be facing. I know he actually cares and honestly I never received any love than I did with him. But back to the point, for about 12 months now I’ve asked him “hey want to go so and so” he would just flat out say “not really” because apparently growing up he’s “done everything” he’s been hiking, snowboarding, camping, anything you name it. I constantly tell him “just because you did it in your childhood doesn’t mean you can’t experience it again” plus it’s actives I never got to experience and would love to experience it with him. Given I am a Sag, I love adventures even to the grocery store or just making a run to a drive through. Fast forward to 10 months is when he just has no interest in doing or going anywhere with me. At first it was fine because I like going to the grocery store alone or checking out a new place to eat but a few months later it started to hit me. I’d love for him to enjoy these outings with me. Constantly I ask “want to go hiking with me”, “do you mind going to the grocery store with me” “want to go out to eat tonight” and I’ll always get the same answer of “It’s my bad off I’m relaxing” or “I don’t really feel like it” and it’s now gotten to the point I don’t want to ask anymore but I still do. 

Keep in mind, we’re both managers at a fast food restaurant, I work more hours (about 45-50) and he works no more than 35 at the most. 

It’s not like his job is very demanding, frankly he always 10 min late all the time. 

We are both full time college students he’s studying graphic design and I, forensic science. He’s very talented at what he does and actually on his free time he shoots and edits music videos. 

I would say he shoots about once or every other week and it usually takes him 2-3 hours tops to shoot a whole video. 

By all this information, he has a lot of free time and I carry more weight as my degree is rigorous, and I’m “always” at work. So on my off days all I want is to spend time with my mans. 

Another thing that gets to me is since he does shoot videos, it takes him all over the city we live in and places I’ve been wanting to take him myself and share it with him but turns out he already went. I just hate going places on my own, he doesn’t even want to go to the grocery store with me. It just feels like our only time together is at home, like a prison. 

I tired bringing up doing activities at home like date nights and he just chuckled it off. I understand he’s a Taurus and a homebody but I want him to go somewhere with me once a year. 

I have brought it up to him multiple times and it’s the same conversation “Find something for us to do and set date and we can do it” but when it comes to picking out a place or activity, it doesn’t interest him. I even at one point said “why do you find a place” then he’ll talk about how he doesn’t have the money. 

I’ll admit I do pay more of the bills but money has never been a factor when it comes to our relationship. What’s mines is his and vice versa. I tell him don’t worry about the money because it’s something I want to do and enjoy with him. 

I feel like I tried everything by communicating but he’s not listening. He’s not understanding. He’s selfish. Some selfish behavior I’ve noticed::
    Recently our tire got a flat, we towed it to the tire place, 45 min wait, he didn’t want to wait, so he lyfts home, comes back an hour later, the tire place is closed and the car has not been touched all because he didn’t want to wait inside because there was a lot of ppl when he could have waited in his car with the A/C. 
     4th of July, ask if he can come with me and my family to celebrate, says he doesn’t want to be around kids and if we go only for 2 hours. 

    Since we live out of state from our family, ask him wants to come visit with me, declined, says he doesn’t miss his family yet. 

The list can go on. 

I confronted him about being so selfish he doesn’t see it affecting our relationship. We didn’t get the chance to talk about it yet as he’s currently at work but I just want advice.

Am I asking for too much? 

Given I have a history of depression, I’ve been able to cope with it but recently it’s just been overwhelming. May I add we didn’t even go out for Valentine’s Day, he didn’t get me a gift but I got him something. The last date we been on was for my Bday (which is in December). Given we are in a pandemic I understand that we can’t do that much but a nice hike or running an errand would be nice.

[Wiseman2]

Sorry to hear that. The realities of living together working and studying are hitting you all at once. You can move back home to your mother or try to make it work.

 

[snowboy91]

I don't believe in any of the star sign stuff, but let's sum it up this way: For reasons that may be based on beliefs or lack thereof, you seem to be someone who thrives off new experiences, or at least, shared experiences and changing up your routine. Your partner seems to enjoy a strong sense of routine and comfort.

In a previous relationship I was you in this situation, and your BF sounds somewhat similar to my then partner, so I know exactly how you feel. It's one thing to have mismatched preferences, but it doesn't seem like he has a drive to meet your needs at all. It could be linked to depression on his part, but I have a sense he might be starting to check out, if not has done so already.

All I can suggest is keep trying the suggestions - as in, tooth and nail and say clearly how it's making you feel when he doesn't want to do those things with you. If it does get to the point you decide to leave, he can't say you didn't warn him.

[d0nnivain]

You may be asking for more then he can give but that doesn't mean your desires are unreasonable.  He's simply unwilling to meet them.  One of my grandfather's was like this.  It was a different era so my grandmother's work around was to invite people over.  She always warned me that if they are like this when you are dating they will get worse later. 

So assuming he will never change you have to figure out if you want more or you are OK with a lifetime of this.  You will never get him to be the adventurous partner you want.  At 20 in college, I'd be off to greener pastures.  

[spiderowl]

I think if you are a couple then you will want to share some experiences. Some you might do alone; others are where you have fun together and support each other. 

It does sound like he is only doing what he wants to do at that moment. do you have anything like date nights or afternoons together at the weekends? If not, it sounds like you just share a flat. You don’t seem to want to carry on with this. Is this guy the kind of person you want to spend many years with?