I have a problem with irrational jealousy

[Noproblem]

On 8/1/2020 at 7:16 AM, schlumpy said:

Do you think it would help you if your SO would make a big show out of getting rid of any memorabilia she has from that time of her life?

If she sat you down and purged her facebook feed of anything that related to this past relationship, would that help you cope? Old snapshot of them together? Feed it to the fire. Trinkets that he gave her? Heave ho and into the river they go. T-shirt that he bought her at the concert? Give it to Goodwill.

If you think something like that might help then unless you can telepathically plant that in her mind, you will have to use words and see if she wants to help you out. It would be so much more effective if she realized it herself but I don't think you can count on that.

 

 

 

why would she do that?

That was part of her past and her memories and no one has the right to delete that and cancel her history!

Op has a problem, he needs to get mental help. Regular doctors won't help him. Like he pays for beers and  food, he can pay for therapist as well!

 

 

[basil67]

I agree @Noproblem   Asking someone to ditch all bits of their past is completely unacceptable.   

[explosivetomato]

2 hours ago, Noproblem said:

why would she do that?

That was part of her past and her memories and no one has the right to delete that and cancel her history!

Op has a problem, he needs to get mental help. Regular doctors won't help him. Like he pays for beers and  food, he can pay for therapist as well!

 

 

When exactly did I say I was going to do that?! I never mentioned that!

[ExpatInItaly]

12 hours ago, explosivetomato said:

Thanks a lot. I’ll do that and hopefully shake off the demons. Most people on here have been helpful but I’ve got Kendhake trying to goad me into splitting up with my gf so I’m going to bow out here, but I appreciate all the helpful replies!

As with this situation with your girlfriend, you have to learn to not be so shaken by others' opinions of you. One person's views should not be enough to scare you away, OP - either from this thread or from proceeding with your girlfriend. 

[Wiseman2]

12 hours ago, explosivetomato said:

hopefully shake off the demons. Most people on here have been helpful but... 

Just like in real life you need to use the ignore features. Whether it's other people, forums or inner voices

[basil67]

Whe you ask for advice, part of the processing is working out which bits resonate with you and which bits to ignore.   If you want advice which is only what you want to hear, this is what your friends are for.   The down side of this is that they won’t always be entirely honest.   

Sift through all the different ideas and then form your own opinion

[curlygirl40]

I admit that I haven't read every response on this thread  before I respond but wanted to chime in quickly.   I thought maybe sharing my story and thought process might help.

This is an issue I have also, we've been together 3 years.     There are some books out there, I bought one and started to read it but it didn't resonate with me, but it might with you.   Go on Amazon and search retroactive jealousy and see what's out there that might help you.  This guy who wrote the book I bought also had a website, I haven't visited it yet. 

It took me a very long time to figure out why I have this problem.    My bf is a wonderful guy, as loyal as they come.   I'm NEVER jealous or concerned about anyone he's talking to, etc.   Like he has female co-workers, he has female clients, etc., etc.    I'm never worried or feel threatened by any of it.  I trust him plus I also trust myself to leave if he ever crossed the line.   But his past is another story, that's what I have a problem with. 

It took me so long to figure out what my issue was, so I'm going to detail my thoughts in case it helps you at all.

There are 2 women in his past that I have issues with.  One was a longtime college gf who he broke up with and later regretted it and tried to get her back but she had moved on.  He's very honest with me and when I asked him why they broke up he said 'because I'm an idiot'.   This was 25 years ago, she has since married and they still keep in touch, her and her husband came out to see me perform a couple of times, she went to his father's funeral and such.   My stomach is in knots even telling the story.   She's delightful and I don't feel threatened by her at all.   

Then his ex wife.   She left him for another man.   He tried desperately to keep the marriage together (he didn't know she was cheating at the end of the marriage).    

So similar to you, it's a strange feeling to know that the person you're with wasn't the one who wanted the relationship to end.

For me, I've decided it's because I somehow feel like I'm not his first choice.  That's a strange place to be, it's a strange feeling.    

He loves me, I have no doubts about that.   He's happy, we have a great relationship, we are talking about moving in together.   I have no doubts that he's a happy guy and happy with me and he loves me.     But at the same time there's always this nagging insecurity that I'm not his first choice.  That he somehow wishes his life worked out differently.      I can't seem to shake that some days even though I am secure in our relationship.    

But I know it's my issue and not his.   He doesn't make me feel this way, I make myself feel this way.   I feel like I'm close to getting over it now that I have been able to pinpoint in my mind why I am feeling this way.  It doesn't cause issues in our relationship but I'll tell you I'm tired of feeling those emotions.   

Check out those books in case they help

Best of luck 

 

[curlygirl40]

On 8/1/2020 at 11:37 AM, explosivetomato said:

 

In general I just feel that as she was engaged before, as at the time she didn’t choose to end it, that I’ll always on some level be a second choice. This doesn’t make sense to some people as she didn’t know me then, but it’s how my brain works.

I also feel that if we get engaged society will by default view it as lesser than her first one - that her ex will always be considered the “real” one. I know she won’t see it that way, but I’m worried others will and it will stress me out and bring out a lot of hurt and anxiety.

We actually discussed this last night (she actually has a tiny touch of insecurity herself about my ex, nothing as bad as me though). She said her family etc all know that this is a much bigger deal than the past, that she was young and didn’t know what she wanted etc etc. I do believe her but still these feelings remain.

So I responded without seeing this and now see this is how you see it too.   Funny.  Not in a ha ha way.   

I'm not sure how to fix this as I feel the same way.  It's not debilitating tho, I try to just shove it down.     

Do you feel like you are a better fit for her than the ex fiance?  Does she tell you that?    

Relationships are tough.   And the emotions surrounding things are tougher.   

[kendahke]

15 hours ago, explosivetomato said:

 but I’ve got Kendhake trying to goad me into splitting up with my gf

Me not validating your destructive course of action is not goading.

Someone has to be your girlfriend's champion

 

[explosivetomato]

3 hours ago, curlygirl40 said:

So I responded without seeing this and now see this is how you see it too.   Funny.  Not in a ha ha way.   

I'm not sure how to fix this as I feel the same way.  It's not debilitating tho, I try to just shove it down.     

Do you feel like you are a better fit for her than the ex fiance?  Does she tell you that?    

Relationships are tough.   And the emotions surrounding things are tougher.   

I’ve no doubt I’m a better match. She’s loyal, loving and makes that clear. She’s outright said it when I’ve asked and has insisted that even though he ended it, they’d be long finished now anyway. He was a cheat, incapable of having sex and a compulsive liar and she insists that she just didn’t know what she wanted at that age and got carried away as it was her first relationship.

She actually did dump him first after he cheated, but he begged for her back. She went back and then he permanently dumped her straight after.

Despite all this pointing towards me not actually being second choice, the fact that he officially ended it, the fact that they were engaged and the fact she admitted it did break her heart at the time just means that my brain cannot compute anything other than me being a backup because the guy she really wanted left. Even though rationally I know it’s not the case, I still feel that way. Does that make sense in terms of your situation? Do you have that same frustration and niggle that won’t go away?

I also sometimes feel sad thinking about them planning their wedding and how her, her family etc won’t get the same level of excitement when we do.

[explosivetomato]

2 hours ago, kendahke said:

Me not validating your destructive course of action is not goading.

Someone has to be your girlfriend's champion

 

I don’t see how you’re being her champion by suggesting the man she claims to be the love of her life dump her when she’s done nothing wrong. You’re the only one on this thread to suggest that and seems to me you’re more interested in stirring the pot than anything else.

Edited August 3, 2020 by explosivetomato

[Acacia98]

33 minutes ago, explosivetomato said:

I don’t see how you’re being her champion by suggesting the man she claims to be the love of her life dump her when she’s done nothing wrong. You’re the only one on this thread to suggest that and seems to me you’re more interested in stirring the pot than anything else.

I don't think Kendahke is a pot-stirrer. That's my opinion based on those of her comments I've read. She has a different perspective on your problem, probably based on what she has seen and experienced. It is okay for people to have different opinions. You don't have to agree with them or follow them. I suggest that you take what feels useful to you. Perhaps someone else reading this thread will find Kendahke's perspective useful for his or her situation.

[Wiseman2]

54 minutes ago, explosivetomato said:

I’ve no doubt I’m a better match. She’s loyal, loving and makes that clear.

You'll need to attend some premarital counselling sessions.  Start now so you can lay the cards on the table and start the dialogue about finances, kids, boundaries, trust, families etc. 

[curlygirl40]

2 hours ago, explosivetomato said:

I’ve no doubt I’m a better match. She’s loyal, loving and makes that clear. She’s outright said it when I’ve asked and has insisted that even though he ended it, they’d be long finished now anyway. He was a cheat, incapable of having sex and a compulsive liar and she insists that she just didn’t know what she wanted at that age and got carried away as it was her first relationship.

She actually did dump him first after he cheated, but he begged for her back. She went back and then he permanently dumped her straight after.

Despite all this pointing towards me not actually being second choice, the fact that he officially ended it, the fact that they were engaged and the fact she admitted it did break her heart at the time just means that my brain cannot compute anything other than me being a backup because the guy she really wanted left. Even though rationally I know it’s not the case, I still feel that way. Does that make sense in terms of your situation? Do you have that same frustration and niggle that won’t go away?

I also sometimes feel sad thinking about them planning their wedding and how her, her family etc won’t get the same level of excitement when we do.

I also have no doubt that I'm a better match for my bf than his wife was.    The last 3 years of their marriage (they were married 9), they fought constantly.  He's not a fighter but he just started to fight back when she would throw her fits and it ended up being a miserable last handful of years.    He wasn't happy.  But yet he never would have left her (according to him).       She eventually left him for another man.   

I understand exactly how you feel because that's how I feel and yes it's always buried in my mind somewhere, even though things are going great.  So I'll ramble a bit and hope some of it resonates with you.  

Here are the tools I try to use and other thoughts that might help. 

In relationships, you have to have 5 positive interactions for every negative.   So every time that niggle comes into your head, instead of letting it take seed and grow, how about you try to quickly think of 5 positive things about your relationship.    Whatever.   5 great memories, 5 ways you are better for her, 5 things she does that you love, etc., etc.    Try to bury the bad thoughts with good thoughts.    

I have a girlfriend who I have known since we were 15 (we're in our early 50's now).    Her first marriage didn't work out, she met a guy after her divorce and they dated for 5 years, they got married and within months he left her for another woman.   He was SO wrong for her.  I didn't like them together actually.   But she says that she never would have left him.   She's too loyal, she would be too worried about being a '2 time loser', etc.     This was 15 or so years ago.   Right now she is in the best relationship of her life.   Since we've been friends for 35 years, I know this to be true.   She describes the 2nd husband leaving her as a 'death row pardon'.    He did her a favor which allowed her to re-asses, to grow up some and to figure out exactly what she wanted/needed in a partner.    'Sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck'.     Her current husband used to have retroactive jealousy regarding her second marriage.  Probably because of the same reasons you and I do.   He left her, etc.     But as an outsider, so to speak, I would hear of him having these feelings about her ex and in my head I would be like 'omg no, just stop.   He was so wrong for her'.    Her entire family and all of her friends are so glad they are not together anymore and they LOVE her current husband.   He is, no doubt, the love of her life.     

So look at it that way.  You are the love of her life.    You are the one everyone knows she should be with.   So when you envision the wedding and the excitement, know that her family likely didn't like the other guy and knew he was wrong for her.  So probably when you envision how excited her family was for the wedding, much of it was faked.  Or they were happy for her because that's what families do, but deep down they knew he was not the right guy for her.    So the planning of your wedding is going to be so much better because everyone knows the relationship is healthy.   They will not be thinking 'here we go again' they will be thinking about how exciting it is to see her with the love of her life and not some loser.  Because now they don't have to fake their happiness for her.   It will be genuine.   

Also, have you ever watched or read any Brene Brown?    She has a video on YouTube, can't remember the name of it.  But the line she used which I loved is 'The story I'm telling myself is....'.     That is what you are doing.   You are telling yourself that her family won't be as excited for her to be planning a wedding for the second time.  But you don't know if this is true.   You are telling yourself that story.  And let me ask you this, does that line of thinking serve you in any way?   No it doesn't.   So sometimes when you have those thoughts, think about that line.  The story I'm telling myself is xyz and then remember that you could be wrong.   Just because you have convinced yourself that you're second choice, that her family won't be as excited about the wedding, etc., these are not truths, these are stories you are telling yourself.    And that line of thinking doesn't serve you at all.   

Sometimes I go through this exercise of thanking his ex for letting him go.  She didn't appreciate him and what an amazing human he is.  He is everything I have ever wanted and more.     So do that.  Thank her ex for being stupid enough to let her go so that you could appreciate her.   He didn't appreciate what he had, he let her go.   All the while you were looking for someone just like her.    The world works in amazing ways.  Doors close, doors open.   He will go along to make some other woman very miserable and in the meantime, you're able to appreciate her and everything about her.     

Spend your energy showing her how awesome she is and how grateful you are that he's such a moron instead of spending that energy feeling bad that you don't feel like you were her first choice.    It's not serving you at all.   

Lastly, let's go down this road.   Let's say that yes, you are her second choice.  She really wanted things to work out with this guy but it didn't.  Does it really matter?    Does it mean she loves you any less?   Does it make your relationship any less perfect or any less fun?  You can't measure love.  Someone doesn't only have so much love.    A parent (most parents, lol) will not love one more than another.  They love all.    So even if she does have some regrets, even if she hoped her life went a different way, well it didn't.    And now she's with you.    It doesn't diminish your relationship, it doesn't make her love for you any less.    She's showing up for you every day and loving you with all that she has right now.  That is what matters.   

Talking about choices, she is choosing you every day.  She has free will, she can leave at any moment.  But she's choosing you.  She chooses you today, tomorrow and forever.   That is the choice she made.  And it's a healthy one.  

Now I'm going to try to take some of my own advice.   lol  

Best of luck

[basil67]

4 hours ago, explosivetomato said:

I also sometimes feel sad thinking about them planning their wedding and how her, her family etc won’t get the same level of excitement when we do.

From the family's point of view:

My sister's first marriage was a disaster.   We all knew ahead of time that it would be so.  My parents even spoke to her the night before the wedding and told her that it's still not too late to change her mind.    Her second marriage was a joyous occasion with all of us happy to welcome her partner to the family.

Honestly, you have to tell your brain that it's completely out of line making assumptions about her family and how they felt.    

[explosivetomato]

2 hours ago, curlygirl40 said:

I also have no doubt that I'm a better match for my bf than his wife was.    The last 3 years of their marriage (they were married 9), they fought constantly.  He's not a fighter but he just started to fight back when she would throw her fits and it ended up being a miserable last handful of years.    He wasn't happy.  But yet he never would have left her (according to him).       She eventually left him for another man.   

I understand exactly how you feel because that's how I feel and yes it's always buried in my mind somewhere, even though things are going great.  So I'll ramble a bit and hope some of it resonates with you.  

Here are the tools I try to use and other thoughts that might help. 

In relationships, you have to have 5 positive interactions for every negative.   So every time that niggle comes into your head, instead of letting it take seed and grow, how about you try to quickly think of 5 positive things about your relationship.    Whatever.   5 great memories, 5 ways you are better for her, 5 things she does that you love, etc., etc.    Try to bury the bad thoughts with good thoughts.    

I have a girlfriend who I have known since we were 15 (we're in our early 50's now).    Her first marriage didn't work out, she met a guy after her divorce and they dated for 5 years, they got married and within months he left her for another woman.   He was SO wrong for her.  I didn't like them together actually.   But she says that she never would have left him.   She's too loyal, she would be too worried about being a '2 time loser', etc.     This was 15 or so years ago.   Right now she is in the best relationship of her life.   Since we've been friends for 35 years, I know this to be true.   She describes the 2nd husband leaving her as a 'death row pardon'.    He did her a favor which allowed her to re-asses, to grow up some and to figure out exactly what she wanted/needed in a partner.    'Sometimes not getting what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck'.     Her current husband used to have retroactive jealousy regarding her second marriage.  Probably because of the same reasons you and I do.   He left her, etc.     But as an outsider, so to speak, I would hear of him having these feelings about her ex and in my head I would be like 'omg no, just stop.   He was so wrong for her'.    Her entire family and all of her friends are so glad they are not together anymore and they LOVE her current husband.   He is, no doubt, the love of her life.     

So look at it that way.  You are the love of her life.    You are the one everyone knows she should be with.   So when you envision the wedding and the excitement, know that her family likely didn't like the other guy and knew he was wrong for her.  So probably when you envision how excited her family was for the wedding, much of it was faked.  Or they were happy for her because that's what families do, but deep down they knew he was not the right guy for her.    So the planning of your wedding is going to be so much better because everyone knows the relationship is healthy.   They will not be thinking 'here we go again' they will be thinking about how exciting it is to see her with the love of her life and not some loser.  Because now they don't have to fake their happiness for her.   It will be genuine.   

Also, have you ever watched or read any Brene Brown?    She has a video on YouTube, can't remember the name of it.  But the line she used which I loved is 'The story I'm telling myself is....'.     That is what you are doing.   You are telling yourself that her family won't be as excited for her to be planning a wedding for the second time.  But you don't know if this is true.   You are telling yourself that story.  And let me ask you this, does that line of thinking serve you in any way?   No it doesn't.   So sometimes when you have those thoughts, think about that line.  The story I'm telling myself is xyz and then remember that you could be wrong.   Just because you have convinced yourself that you're second choice, that her family won't be as excited about the wedding, etc., these are not truths, these are stories you are telling yourself.    And that line of thinking doesn't serve you at all.   

Sometimes I go through this exercise of thanking his ex for letting him go.  She didn't appreciate him and what an amazing human he is.  He is everything I have ever wanted and more.     So do that.  Thank her ex for being stupid enough to let her go so that you could appreciate her.   He didn't appreciate what he had, he let her go.   All the while you were looking for someone just like her.    The world works in amazing ways.  Doors close, doors open.   He will go along to make some other woman very miserable and in the meantime, you're able to appreciate her and everything about her.     

Spend your energy showing her how awesome she is and how grateful you are that he's such a moron instead of spending that energy feeling bad that you don't feel like you were her first choice.    It's not serving you at all.   

Lastly, let's go down this road.   Let's say that yes, you are her second choice.  She really wanted things to work out with this guy but it didn't.  Does it really matter?    Does it mean she loves you any less?   Does it make your relationship any less perfect or any less fun?  You can't measure love.  Someone doesn't only have so much love.    A parent (most parents, lol) will not love one more than another.  They love all.    So even if she does have some regrets, even if she hoped her life went a different way, well it didn't.    And now she's with you.    It doesn't diminish your relationship, it doesn't make her love for you any less.    She's showing up for you every day and loving you with all that she has right now.  That is what matters.   

Talking about choices, she is choosing you every day.  She has free will, she can leave at any moment.  But she's choosing you.  She chooses you today, tomorrow and forever.   That is the choice she made.  And it's a healthy one.  

Now I'm going to try to take some of my own advice.   lol  

Best of luck

Thanks a lot and hope you can take on the advice!

On your points - thinking of the food time does help and my gf has said things along the lines of your friend - she hadn’t quite phrased it as a death row pardon but along those lines. I just wish I could fully believe her and this would all be so easy. (Note  - I’ve no reason not to believe her).

The wedding is a tricky one - I know her mum wanted her to get back with the ex for a while afterward and that stings, however I also know that she changed her tack once my gf told her he’d cheated and now my gf says her mum and dad feel bad for supporting it at the time. Knowing they ever did is hard, even if it’s all been retracted, but hey treat me like one of their own so I can’t ask for much more.

As for thanking her ex or accepting second place as long as she loves me A I’ll struggle with those 2. The latter on particular I just couldn’t accept as it would mean she’s lied to me.

These are all great looking techniques though and some can hopefully really help me challenge myself and my view. Thanks again.

[explosivetomato]

1 hour ago, basil67 said:

From the family's point of view:

My sister's first marriage was a disaster.   We all knew ahead of time that it would be so.  My parents even spoke to her the night before the wedding and told her that it's still not too late to change her mind.    Her second marriage was a joyous occasion with all of us happy to welcome her partner to the family.

Honestly, you have to tell your brain that it's completely out of line making assumptions about her family and how they felt.    

See above post - I have enough info to suggest the family were thrilled or at least moderately approving at the time. They have since retracted though after finding out he was a cheat.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, explosivetomato said:

See above post - I have enough info to suggest the family were thrilled or at least moderately approving at the time.

"thrilled" is poles apart from "moderately approving".   Which was it?   

[ExpatInItaly]

Have you ever experienced this intense level of jealousy in other relationships, OP? 

[explosivetomato]

7 hours ago, basil67 said:

"thrilled" is poles apart from "moderately approving".   Which was it?   

I think they were happy and excited. Given the world we live in now anything we do will likely be smaller so having them feel it’s all a bit of a damp squib is another concern.

[basil67]

How do you know that they feel that this marriage is a "damp squib"?   Again, you need to stop assuming you know how others feel.

Honestly, if you keep this up, you're going to kill this relationship.  I hope you recognise this.    What proactive steps are you taking to overcome these feelings?

[explosivetomato]

2 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Have you ever experienced this intense level of jealousy in other relationships, OP? 

No not really. It’s been there at times but with good reason as cheating was involved. If only popped up at the end of relationships and in situations that were real, not imagined.

In this case my logical brain believes everything she says yet still I cannot handle the fact she was engaged and more importantly, did not choose to end it herself. Given we’re in our 30s in the grand scheme of things this would barely be considered baggage especially as it was years ago, yet the feelings persist.

[explosivetomato]

36 minutes ago, basil67 said:

How do you know that they feel that this marriage is a "damp squib"?   Again, you need to stop assuming you know how others feel.

Honestly, if you keep this up, you're going to kill this relationship.  I hope you recognise this.    What proactive steps are you taking to overcome these feelings?

I don’t know that it’s a damp squib. I genuinely think they view me as a better match but that doesn’t mean they won’t be disappointed on some levels.

Firstly, her older family are quite catholic and so both prize young marriage and dislike divorce - 2 issues that make our marriage not exactly perfect for them.

Second - what she had planned was very big and a huge event. She says this was all his doing and she wanted less fuss (the only thing I don’t believe her on to be honest), so wants a smaller one for us. Due to Covid I think that’s our only option anyway. Regardless, it will be smaller scale than her original wedding.

Even things like her dress become an issue. Her mum went to fit her last one with her - the kind of thing all mums dream of doing and it will be diluted when she goes this time, with comparisons made to her previous dress.

It all contributes to a deflating feeling that her “real” wedding and marriage didn’t happen and what we’ll have is her making do.

Im aware I’m just assuming what people are thinking and have no evidence. But equally I have no evidence people are not thinking that either and it would be naive for me to think that her past engagement won’t come up at all during the process. I know I’ll take it badly if it detracts from things.

[elaine567]

46 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Honestly, if you keep this up, you're going to kill this relationship.

This is I guess why Kendahke is suggesting a split.
Living with a guy who is not "all in" is going too be obvious eventually to his gf, if it is not already, and no-one really wants that.
I know you get defensive when a split is suggested but it seems to me she is already somehow tainted in your eyes.
She is second hand goods, she is not new and shiny, she was someone else's fiancee and he dumped her as she was not "good enough" for him to marry...
Is she "good enough" for you?
I believe retroactive jealousy is often underpinned by contempt.
If only SHE hadn't done that "bad thing" then we would be happy, but SHE did do that, and that is the crux of the matter.
One cannot rewrite history, but one can learn to accept it.
Can you accept this, or is the resentment,  the triggers and the upset going to poison everything eventually?

[explosivetomato]

8 minutes ago, elaine567 said:

This is I guess why Kendahke is suggesting a split.
Living with a guy who is not "all in" is going too be obvious eventually to his gf, if it is not already, and no-one really wants that.
I know you get defensive when a split is suggested but it seems to me she is already somehow tainted in your eyes.
She is second hand goods, she is not new and shiny, she was someone else's fiancee and he dumped her as she was not "good enough" for him to marry...
Is she "good enough" for you?
I believe retroactive jealousy is often underpinned by contempt.
If only SHE hadn't done that "bad thing" then we would be happy, but SHE did do that, and that is the crux of the matter.
One cannot rewrite history, but one can learn to accept it.
Can you accept this, or is the resentment,  the triggers and the upset going to poison everything eventually?

You’re making some pretty unpleasant an inaccurate assumptions here. People have pointed out I’m assuming in what others are thinking and you seem to be doing the same.

As I’ve already said, I know she has done nothing wrong. I know she was if anything, too good for her ex and I also know that my feelings are irrational and don’t make sense even to me.

I want my brain to be rewired, not to punish the love of my life. Her past is probably less of a deal than my own so how could I hold her in contempt?

I really do resent comments suggesting a split is an option to be honest. Why the hell would I split from someone who makes me so happy almost all of the time? The jealousy doesn’t even come into my mind when we’re together or when I have something to do, just when I’m bored and on my own. Maybe I just like creating drama in my head.

Edited August 4, 2020 by explosivetomato