do guys like or dislike shy girls?

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10 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

I say skip all the shyness. Your dating life as described here has nothing to do with shyness. What you're describing is being willfully distant and unresponsive. That's not shy. A shy person finds someone interesting to them--they'll return the call fast. A shy person finding someone they trust to talk to ... can talk up a storm. 

You are distant ... and you admit, "indecisive." Well there's your problem there. Half, more than half, of successful dating is figuring out who you like and then taking a step to show interest in them. And you can show interest in all kinds of "non-clingy" ways. Listening with interest to someone talking ... shows interest ... replying to what someone is saying with your own interesting comment ... shows interest. Smiling at someone can be a show of interest. And all of these are small steps and many are almost unnoticeable so you won't get accused of being clingy. 

There is no such thing as appearing clingy. Clingy means you truly have no life and you are clinging to another person like oxygen, like you cannot live a moment without them. Showing interest is not clingy. Which brings me back to the point that your dating life as you describe it has nothing to do with shyness. What you are describing is insecurity and also hiding. You are hiding from people--that's different from being shy.  The most extroverted people in the world experience moments of nervousness and anxiety. But they push forward when they are interested. 

Trust me: being mysterious (whatever the eff that means) quickly loses its "mystery" when a guy discovers that someone is simply unknowable and unresponsive. Again, you're confusing hiding and being distant--with being "mysterious" in the sexy sense. No, mysterious people express themselves, it's just that they have unique views and perspectives and they don't share EVERYTHING! But we have to know people in order to date them.  "Mysterious" as you describe simply means unapproachable, so the guy says, "I'll leave her alone. I have no idea what's going on with her." And he'll give you and your mysteriousness not one more thought in his life. 

 

From your description of shyness vs being emotionally distant, it largely depends if I like the guy or not. Guys always approach me (exception of the shy ones) and some always feel entitled or expect me to automatically like them back or reciprocate the same interest.

Whenever I like a guy and am truly attracted, he knows from a mile away. This is exactly what happened with my ex and two previous guys before covid-19. They knew I was shy but I'd always touch them during physical/sexual intimacy, initiate plans, calls, and smile while giving them my undivided attention when we're out or talking. 

My personality around them just isn't as outgoing at times compared to when I'm with my friends and they immediately notice the difference. I'm just generally more outgoing and extroverted with my girl-friends. It's always been this way but I'll work on it.

So I think it fully depends on if the guy is keeping my interest or if other things are affecting it. 

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, UrbanOutfitters said:

Most guys always approach me for this trait first. It's not because they noticed my personality upon meeting me.

If someone is friendly toward you, whether to flirt or just chat it's very easy to be polite.

If they ask you out and you're not interested, a simple no thanks is fine.

You can't read minds and neither can they. So just practice being polite and brush up on your interpersonal skills.

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2 hours ago, basil67 said:

From what your most recent posts describe, it's not that you are shy with men, it's that you are wary and standoffish.  You're not confident that you won't survive another heartbreak, so you're protecting yourself by not opening up. This stems from a lack of confidence in your own resilience should a breakup happen again. 

Do a bit of research in building resilience.  

I intentionally avoided relationships after my ex due to this reason so I agree. Still went on dates and connected with two guys but I wasn't fully ready to get back in another because of fear. I mainly wanted to have fun while being single but I still met more after him. 

Edited August 9, 2020 by UrbanOutfitters

[Lotsgoingon]

2 hours ago, UrbanOutfitters said:

Whenever I like a guy and am truly attracted, he knows from a mile away. This is exactly what happened with my ex and two previous guys before covid-19. They knew I was shy but I'd always touch them during physical/sexual intimacy, initiate plans, calls, and smile while giving them my undivided attention when we're out or talking. 

...So I think it fully depends on if the guy is keeping my interest or if other things are affecting it. 

This all simply means that if you are not responsive, then you don't really like the person, and there is nothing wrong with being standoffish. Believe or not, many folks, me included, actually have struggled to figure out when we really like someone. I got into a bad period of not paying attention to how comfortable I was around someone--and instead I focused on whether they checked a bunch of boxes. What I learned over time is that someone can be extremely pretty and extremely bright and check a number of my boxes ... and yet still I may not be comfortable around them. 

So sounds like you can relax then. When you're shy and distant, that's likely a cue that they're not your type. Remember, romance needs HIGH interest, powerful interest, to ignite and survive. Mild interest doesn't cut it. 

Edited August 9, 2020 by Lotsgoingon

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2 hours ago, Lotsgoingon said:

This all simply means that if you are not responsive, then you don't really like the person, and there is nothing wrong with being standoffish. Believe or not, many folks, me included, actually have struggled to figure out when we really like someone. I got into a bad period of not paying attention to how comfortable I was around someone--and instead I focused on whether they checked a bunch of boxes. What I learned over time is that someone can be extremely pretty and extremely bright and check a number of my boxes ... and yet still I may not be comfortable around them. 

So sounds like you can relax then. When you're shy and distant, that's likely a cue that they're not your type. Remember, romance needs HIGH interest, powerful interest, to ignite and survive. Mild interest doesn't cut it. 

Yes, I'm very relaxed and engaged when I'm interested or attracted to the guy. My ex wasn't shy but he was a laidback introvert so he kind of understood my body language and demeanor when we met. I always carried on our conversations and smiled. I would occasionally blush or create a temporary awkward silence but overall, I was still very responsive in the initial stages.

 

 

[major_merrick]

I'll provide another female perspective.

I've dated and gone home with a lot of different girls over the years.  I'm definitely on the "assertive" end of the spectrum.  Being passive only works for women if you're being pursued by a potential partner who has the time and energy to deal with your games.  It will work with some guys, but a lot of the good ones will say, "Nah.  She's not serious."  My husband is one of those guys.  He would pursue, but only to an extent.  If not met with interest in return, he'd look elsewhere.  With his education, money, and assets...partners were not hard to find. 

Of course, there's always exceptions.  For example, if you're in an area with way more men than women, you can be choosier and more passive and still get results.  But since you mention that guys are approaching you for you looks instead of your personality, I suspect that is because you're being passive so you're not showing much of anything about who you are.  What else would guys have to approach your for then, except your looks? 

Me.....I'm not the best looker in the group.  But for some reason, I've never had a problem with girls ignoring me.  Even the straight ones.  Why?  I'm damn difficult to ignore with my attitude.  When you aren't passive, you'll get noticed.