Why tell me?

[Bantosm]

I was added on social media by Sara, a woman I dated several years ago. I was mostly responsible for the relationship falling apart. I tried a couple times to get back in touch but no luck.

Last year, a common friend, Mary told me how Sara wanted to be friends with me. I didn't really believe it, so Mary showed me their chat and sure enough Sara said multiple times how she wanted to get know me again. Sara was single. I contacted her on social media and she accepted but she completely ignored my messages. 

Now six months later, Sara added me on social media. I figured she wanted to apologize so I accepted her request. I recieved two messages from Sara and she said how Mary was being mean, and asked me please get Mary to stop. 

I don't see why Tara would tell me, or why she would expect me to do anything when she flat out lied. Any ideas?

 

[Realitysux]

They were being hurtful by choice. They all knew they were hurting you and chose to participate. People do all kinds of things to other people and most don't think twice about it. There are no answers. It sounds to me like they were outcasts in highschool, had an opportunity to be a part of some club and jumped in on it. Other posters are going to tell you to learn from if but they need to learn that in the end, they have problems. 

Edited July 31, 2020 by Realitysux

[schlumpy]

You made a mistake listening to your matchmaker friend. Sara mentioning how it would be nice to be friends with you again to Mary was not a true indication that she wanted to reconnect. The only thing that would indicate that is if she sent you friend request, called on the phone, or knocked on your door.

You should have thanked Mary for the information but treated it with skepticism. 

Next time you will know better.

 

[Wiseman2]

3 hours ago, Bantosm said:

I was added on social media by Sara, a woman I dated several years ago. I was mostly responsible for the relationship falling apart. I tried a couple times to get back in touch but no luck.

Last year, a common friend, Mary told me how Sara wanted to be friends with me. I didn't really believe it, so Mary showed me their chat and sure enough Sara said multiple times how she wanted to get know me again. Sara was single. I contacted her on social media and she accepted but she completely ignored my messages. 

Now six months later, Sara added me on social media. I figured she wanted to apologize so I accepted her request. I recieved two messages from Sara and she said how Mary was being mean, and asked me please get Mary to stop. 

I don't see why Tara would tell me, or why she would expect me to do anything when she flat out lied. Any ideas?

 

Try to stay out of thier issues.

[Bantosm]

4 hours ago, schlumpy said:

You made a mistake listening to your matchmaker friend. Sara mentioning how it would be nice to be friends with you again to Mary was not a true indication that she wanted to reconnect. The only thing that would indicate that is if she sent you friend request, called on the phone, or knocked on your door.

You should have thanked Mary for the information but treated it with skepticism. 

Next time you will know better.

 

Sara sent me a friend request last year. She mentioned that she had a boyfriend at the moment but really it was a long term relationship and they had posts about getting married, so I left it at that because I hadn't talked with Sara in several years. 

I did treat Mary's info with skepticism. That's why I asked for proof and Sara explictly mentioned several times how she wished to be friends with me again. 

[schlumpy]

I understand. You like her.

That's why your doing an end run around my point.

If I'm talking to a friend and they mention an old flame from my past, I might say something complimentary about my old love interest. Maybe I'd add that I'd like to know what she was up to now-a-days. That's something generated from my own imagination and memories of days gone by.

I would not then pick the phone up and contact her. It's just a conversation with a friend.

You have never done anything like that before? Say something that you had no intention of acting on?

I'm not critical of you taking a chance with her. Go for it.

Just accept the consequences that follow.

[Andy_K]

14 hours ago, Bantosm said:

Now six months later, Sara added me on social media. I figured she wanted to apologize so I accepted her request. I recieved two messages from Sara and she said how Mary was being mean, and asked me please get Mary to stop. 

I'm not sure I follow. Your only mention of Sara and Mary interacting is last year when they were talking. So if Sara is asking you now to stop Mary being mean, what on earth is that referring to? What is Mary doing recently that's mean?

Edited July 31, 2020 by Andy_K

[Bantosm]

17 hours ago, schlumpy said:

I understand. You like her.

That's why your doing an end run around my point.

If I'm talking to a friend and they mention an old flame from my past, I might say something complimentary about my old love interest. Maybe I'd add that I'd like to know what she was up to now-a-days. That's something generated from my own imagination and memories of days gone by.

I would not then pick the phone up and contact her. It's just a conversation with a friend.

You have never done anything like that before? Say something that you had no intention of acting on?

I'm not critical of you taking a chance with her. Go for it.

Just accept the consequences that follow.

I haven't talked with Sara in several years, so I don't even know her now let alone like her. I did feel responsible for the relationship failing and wanted the chance to get know her again but she clearly didn't want that despite what she told Mary. 

End run around your point? The main point in question is why Sara added me on social media simply to tell me what she did, months after flat out ignoring me. 

12 hours ago, Andy_K said:

I'm not sure I follow. Your only mention of Sara and Mary interacting is last year when they were talking. So if Sara is asking you now to stop Mary being mean, what on earth is that referring to? What is Mary doing recently that's mean?

Good point. I don't know because Sara hasn't replied to my message. It's evident that she has my messages on ignore. She didn't want to communicate only for me to take action against Mary. The only action I did was to unfriend Sara.

Mary had legitimate reasons to be angry with Sara. I expected Sara added me to apologize but instead more poor behavior. 

[La.Primavera]

I think this was about petty girl drama, not about you.  She was never going to apologize.

It sounds like she just assumed you were an orbiter, who would be happy to reach out to Mary on her behalf, just to please her.  She would only do this if she knew it would get a reaction from Mary, so this is totally about one upping each other.  That's the strongest motive I get from this.  It is incredibly immature.

If you're smart and actively avoid drama you won't say anything to Mary about it or bother talking to Sara , unless you want to call her out on her BS and tell her to deal with her issues like a grownup and not to bother you with these trivial matters.   

To be honest I think they are probably both guilty of using you as a pawn against the other.   

Like I said, it has girl drama written all over it.

 

[Bantosm]

15 hours ago, La.Primavera said:

I think this was about petty girl drama, not about you.  She was never going to apologize.

It sounds like she just assumed you were an orbiter, who would be happy to reach out to Mary on her behalf, just to please her.  She would only do this if she knew it would get a reaction from Mary, so this is totally about one upping each other.  That's the strongest motive I get from this.  It is incredibly immature.

If you're smart and actively avoid drama you won't say anything to Mary about it or bother talking to Sara , unless you want to call her out on her BS and tell her to deal with her issues like a grownup and not to bother you with these trivial matters.   

To be honest I think they are probably both guilty of using you as a pawn against the other.   

Like I said, it has girl drama written all over it.

 

Sara has apologized to me in the past, so that is what I expected her to do so in this case. I have no reason to ask Mary about it.

Why do you say that Mary used me? She knew that I wanted to get to know Sara again and that Sara had explictly said the same about me.  I think she owed it to tell me and prove it. I'm glad she did because I was able to use this info and now I have no excuses about Sara. Unless Sara apologizes to me and has a good explanation for what she did, I'm done with her. 

[dangerous]

Facebook games like this are not reality and are a waste of your time. As a man, grow some b****s and talk to women directly.

Good luck.

[Bantosm]

On 8/2/2020 at 4:53 PM, dangerous said:

Facebook games like this are not reality and are a waste of your time. As a man, grow some b****s and talk to women directly.

Good luck.

I talk to women directly. If you ever are responsible for a failed relationship you'll find chances for direct communication slim to none. 

Facebook games? No, Sara intentionally lied.