leasigi Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 (edited) Hi guys Me and my boyfriend had an argument and we were fighting for 4 days. I was so stressed because of that, that I couldn't focus on things I had to do (I have an exam in 2 days and I had to study but on those days did nothing) Things with my boyfriend got better and everything was fine until at 2:30 am. I was still studying and was stressed and full because I knew I had no time to finish everything in 2 days. I didn't even eat much because I didn't want to waste time and my back and my body was aching because I had been studying the whole day. My boyfriend was trying to tell me that he was horny and he wanted sexting (We haven't seen each other for more than a week because we are living in different countries) I was trying to do sexting with him because I didn't want to totally refuse him, but he could tell that I didn't want to do it. He got mad at me and was acusing me for cheating, that there was somebody else that I have done that and that is why I was refusing him. It was totally a different reason. I was stressed and sleepy and I had to study. He is still mad at me and is getting angry because he thinks I'm lying and there is no way to refuse partner because we are still young. He said that he would never refuse me for this even though he might be stressed. I tried to seduce him today and I let everything I had to do, and he is still mad at me and don't want to do that. He said "once you refuse me for something, there is no way to do it anymore".. I don't know what to do. He is making me feel gulty, even though I did nothing. I just had much to do and I was tired. Edited August 1, 2020 by leasigi Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 Your boyfriend is a jerk, OP. Sorry, but I would dump this disrespectful, entitled little punk. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 Were you clear with your BF that you had an exam? In your shoes I would have said -- Honey I love & lust you. I'm all yours in 2 days, after my exam but right now I have to hit the books. If he can't understand priorities, he's a jerk & you need a new BF. His comment that you are never allowed to refuse him tells me you should permanently refuse to be his GF because he's not a kind, understanding person. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
DarrenB Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 Selfish and disgusting behavior from someone that wants to do things for his own gratification alone I have no other advice to offer besides you dropping this sorry excuse of a 'man' - sounds like a damn right boy to me. You have more important things in your life to prioritize that will actually enhance your well-being instead of depriving you of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author leasigi Posted August 1, 2020 Author Share Posted August 1, 2020 (edited) 10 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: Were you clear with your BF that you had an exam? In your shoes I would have said -- Honey I love & lust you. I'm all yours in 2 days, after my exam but right now I have to hit the books. If he can't understand priorities, he's a jerk & you need a new BF. His comment that you are never allowed to refuse him tells me you should permanently refuse to be his GF because he's not a kind, understanding person. He knew I had an exam. I told him that I didn't even eat much because I was trying to study. It looks like he doesn't care. He said " I see your priorities. I'm not one." Well he is. I wouldn't let all the things I had to do when we were fighting, if he wasn't prioritie. But at the moment I have to study and I don't want to fail. Edited August 1, 2020 by leasigi Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 He's not a good man. School always has to be a priority. For him to fail to realize that makes him a poor prospect for a long term partner. Project into the future: you have a work deadline but your kids are sick. He's hungry. In his mind you should drop everything to make him a snack while he sits on his butt. Do you really want that to be the rest of your life? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author leasigi Posted August 1, 2020 Author Share Posted August 1, 2020 3 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: He's not a good man. School always has to be a priority. For him to fail to realize that makes him a poor prospect for a long term partner. Project into the future: you have a work deadline but your kids are sick. He's hungry. In his mind you should drop everything to make him a snack while he sits on his butt. Do you really want that to be the rest of your life? I feel bad and it is impossible to try to convince him that I have to do this right now and it is important for me. And thatbI was stressed and full and I didn't even know was I was saying on that time. A day before that, I was trying to seduce him and to show that I was horny, but he was with friends. Was I supposed to get mad at him? 🙄 I've noticed that he is not empathetic in other situations as well Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 (edited) You don’t really want a boyfriend who is selfish and dismisses your feelings, do you OP? I personally would rather be single than put up with this child of behavior from my boyfriend. Edited August 1, 2020 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 (edited) 3 minutes ago, leasigi said: I feel bad and it is impossible to try to convince him that I have to do this right now and it is important for me. You shouldn’t have to convince him. If he loved you, he would know that this is important to you and he would support you. If he had any kind of maturity, he would be able to delay gratification because you had other things you needed to do. School is always the priority. He acted like a child, and that’s not attractive at all. Edited August 1, 2020 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 11 minutes ago, leasigi said: He knew I had an exam. I told him that I didn't even eat much because I was trying to study. It looks like he doesn't care. He said " I see your priorities. I'm not one." Well he is. I wouldn't let all the things I had to do when we were fighting, if he wasn't prioritie. But at the moment I have to study and I don't want to fail. You have to remember that some men hate it when their woman is a success, and will therefore try to sabotage. He knew you had an exam, he knew you were stressed and so he decided to make it all about him...trying to sabotage your chances... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author leasigi Posted August 1, 2020 Author Share Posted August 1, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, BaileyB said: You shouldn’t have to convince him. If he loved you, he would know that this is important to you and he would support you. If he had any kind of maturity, he would be able to delay gratification because you had other things you needed to do. School is always the priority. He acted like a child, and that’s not attractive at all. And what makes it worse, is that I have always wanted and dreamt to study here, where I am at. It is expensive for me and my parents have done anything for me to study here and I don't want to disappoint them and myself as well. I have worked hard my whole school years, just to reach my goals and make my dream come true. And it seems like my BF doesn't support me and doesn't care. I love him but I'm starting to hate his behaviours lately Edited August 1, 2020 by leasigi Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 Don't ditch your dreams for a guy who just wants to ruin things for you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 (edited) 22 minutes ago, leasigi said: And what makes it worse, is that I have always wanted and dreamt to study here, where I am at. It is expensive for me and my parents have done anything for me to study here and I don't want to disappoint them and myself as well. I have worked hard my whole school years, just to reach my goals and make my dream come true. And it seems like my BF doesn't support me and doesn't care. I love him but I'm starting to hate his behaviours lately Don’t ditch your dreams for any guy... There is nothing saying that you have to date this guy. There are plenty of men out there who will love you AND support your dreams. The fact that this guy doesn’t do that should be a big clue - he is NOT the one. Kindly, don’t tell me that you keep him around because you LOVE him. What you are saying when you say this is... “I love him, thus I’m willing to tolerate his selfish and bad behavior...” That’s not ok. Love yourself more than any man. Love yourself enough to say - this dream is important to me and my family, and if you can’t support me in pursuing this dream... you won’t be a part of my life. Edited August 1, 2020 by BaileyB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 (edited) 39 minutes ago, leasigi said: I feel bad and it is impossible to try to convince him that I have to do this right now and it is important for me. And thatbI was stressed and full and I didn't even know was I was saying on that time. A day before that, I was trying to seduce him and to show that I was horny, but he was with friends. Was I supposed to get mad at him? 🙄 I've noticed that he is not empathetic in other situations as well Having a relationship is so much better when both parties are adults. Send him back to his parents so they can finish the job they started and were failing at apparently by raising a spoiled, self-absorbed, manipulative testosterone tot. Edited August 1, 2020 by Redhead14 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 44 minutes ago, leasigi said: A day before that, I was trying to seduce him and to show that I was horny, but he was with friends. Was I supposed to get mad at him? 🙄 I've noticed that he is not empathetic in other situations as well More evidence that it's his way or the highway. Show him the highway. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 Just break up with him. You'll have plenty of opportunities to meet nice men once you graduate. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 You're not his alternative to porn or a sex worker. Get rid of this guy. Reflect on your self respect and why you would bother to put up with this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Atwood Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 I can only echo others in this thread. I'm so sorry you've been put through this OP, it must have hurt such a lot. Nobody should be treated like that by their partner, or anybody. Focus on school, work hard, and you'll meet someone who supports you and wants you to succeed in the future. You do not have to settle for any less than that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 Send him a couple of hundred bucks and tell him to find a hooker and leave you alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 Do not send money or bother with snarky retorts. Simply tell him you are focusing on school, it's not working out. Then block and delete him from all social media and messaging apps. Talk to a trusted adult, professor, counselor, doctor, family, etc about improving your self esteem and self respect. You don't have to act like this to hang onto a guy. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 4 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Do not send money or bother with snarky retorts. Simply tell him you are focusing on school, it's not working out. Then block and delete him from all social media and messaging apps. Talk to a trusted adult, professor, counselor, doctor, family, etc about improving your self esteem and self respect. You don't have to act like this to hang onto a guy. I think she understands that I was being facetious. At least I hope so. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 2 hours ago, leasigi said: He knew I had an exam. I told him that I didn't even eat much because I was trying to study. It looks like he doesn't care. He said " I see your priorities. I'm not one." Well he is. I wouldn't let all the things I had to do when we were fighting, if he wasn't prioritie. But at the moment I have to study and I don't want to fail. This is terrible. Why are you still with him? What was the previous 4-day fight about? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 You need to tell this guy what to do with himself. Really, he interrupted your important study with sexting ... and then accused you of cheating? Sister, that is what abusers do. They get their partners on the defensive. I can't totally tell your tone, but it sounds to me like you are working awfully hard to convince yourself that you did nothing wrong. Where you want to be is furiously angry with him and on the verge of dumping him. Do not let someone accuse you of cheating if you're not cheating. Do NOT! ... That's a major no-no ... The answer to an accusation like this (when you are in the middle of an important project) is NOT to defend yourself. But to tell him that if he makes the accusation one more time, you're blocking him and the relationship is over. You are not dealing with a kind person here. He has revealed himself to be a controlling jerk. Your mind may not have caught up with that fact ... and your heart certainly might not be ready to accept that you are partnered with a jerk. Nothing good comes from partnering with a jerk ... or trying to please a jerk. Get out of the relationship. Do not defend yourself. Get out. BTW: he's likely to become verbally abuse if you tell him you want out ... that's just another sign that you picked a jerk. The learning question here is, How did you miss that this guy was a jerk?! It cannot be that this is the first time he's been mean and unreasonable with you. You want to notice where you caved to his abusive behavior before--so that you train yourself NOT to do that again. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author leasigi Posted August 1, 2020 Author Share Posted August 1, 2020 (edited) 27 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: This is terrible. Why are you still with him? What was the previous 4-day fight about? He was controlling and got jealous for nothing. Still acusing me for cheating. He has done that all the time and I can take no more. I have never cheated on him, have never thought about it, but being acused all the time makes me think he deserve to be cheated Edited August 1, 2020 by leasigi Link to post Share on other sites
Author leasigi Posted August 1, 2020 Author Share Posted August 1, 2020 43 minutes ago, leasigi said: He was controlling and got jealous for nothing. Still acusing me for cheating. He has done that all the time and I can take no more. I have never cheated on him, have never thought about it, but being acused all the time makes me think he deserves to be cheated Link to post Share on other sites
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