I lost of the love of my life and 6 months later I am still hurting so bad

[Wiseman2]

15 hours ago, DesireeUgottabe said:

Kept hitting obstacles.

What obstacles? Make sure you are taking care of yourself mentally and physically. Don't just fix the one issue because of sex.

It sounds like you were very incompatible and the lack of interest in sex was as emotional as well as physical.

He wanted out but made it seem like your fault and tried to look like a nice guy doing it.

Overall be glad he is gone.

[DesireeUgottabe]

2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What obstacles? Make sure you are taking care of yourself mentally and physically. Don't just fix the one issue because of sex.

It sounds like you were very incompatible and the lack of interest in sex was as emotional as well as physical.

He wanted out but made it seem like your fault and tried to look like a nice guy doing it.

Overall be glad he is gone.

I explained the "obstacles" in my post, but I guess you didn't read carefully. He stayed with me for a year with no sex, so obviously he loved me. I think you are projecting.

[Wiseman2]

15 minutes ago, DesireeUgottabe said:

I think you are projecting 

Thank you Dr Phil for your analysis of my helpful and well intended advice.  

Hopefully you are around supportive friends and family now and have some health coverage to take care of the depression and gyn issues.

Why did you suddenly quit your hospital job and not tell him? It seems like you hit a fork in the road and needed to go separate ways.

Edited August 3, 2020 by Wiseman2

[DesireeUgottabe]

11 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Hopefully you are around supportive friends and family now and have some health coverage to take care of the depression and gyn issues.

Why did you suddenly quit your hospital job and not tell him? It seems like you hit a fork in the road and needed to go separate ways.

Unfortunately, I'm far away from my remaining family. My closest friends here are being super cautious about the coronavirus, understandably so. They also have partners so they don't have as much need to go out and be around other people. I am planning on driving to visit a good friend in PA on the 16th and staying with her for probably a week, so I'm looking forward to that. At this point I'm going to request Financial Assistance to have the surgery, because the specialist I want to go to  (there are not that many skilled surgeons who focus entirely on removing endometriosis) doesn't accept insurance with out of network benefits. My ex always told me as soon as he became a Nurse he would have the resources to focus on getting custody or visitation rights of his son, which he sadly had not seen in 5 years. I think I quit my job without telling him bc I was afraid he would try to talk me out of it since I didn't have another job lined up right away. I also justified in my mind that because I wasn't asking for money from him or depending on him financial it didn't involve him, but of course he took that on himself (being the good person he was) and didn't want to leave me high and dry.  I was working part time and was planning on getting more hours, but it was definitely a poor decision, I know. 😔 I'm sure it made me seem impulse and lack judgement, which was somewhat true.

This is what he said: "I’ve been thinking a lot about it and I think that it might be a good idea if we went our separate ways. I love you and care about you so much. I want you to be happy and successful and I feel like our paths have kind of diverged where we are going in different directions. I love you so much, but I feel like the lack of intimacy has changed the nature of that love from a romantic to platonic dynamic. It is really hard for me to do this, but I know that in the long run it is the thing that is best, because it allows you to move on to someone that can give you the things that you want, need, and deserve. I want to see you grow and have the opportunity to be fulfilled in all of your ambitions. You are the sweetest girl I have ever known and I only want good things for you in your life and for you to be Happy."

 

I miss him so much. 😢

Edited August 3, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
OP request

[DesireeUgottabe]

11 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Hopefully you are around supportive friends and family now and have some health coverage to take care of the depression and gyn issues.

Why did you suddenly quit your hospital job and not tell him? It seems like you hit a fork in the road and needed to go separate ways.

He additionally said:

I love you. Part of that means respecting you and allowing you the opportunity to be happy and to be with someone worthy of your time and attention. Me staying in a relationship that is more platonic than romantic and knowing that my life is about to be a lot more crazy and my time may be possibly split between here and Texas is not kind to you. It makes me sad to leave. It brings me no joy to say goodbye. It hurts my heart that you feel that I am just giving up, but I do not want to dictate your narrative. I understand you feeling that way. I love you. I’m not giving up on you, or us. I have to acknowledge that I am not the best person for you. I’m sad at that thought, but I’m generally sad as it is. I’m going to be consumed with legal embattlement, work, more school and traveling back and forth to Texas. This is not me moving on to someone else. It’s me sparing you more years of physical absence and being only partially emotionally available. You’re better than that and you deserve better than that.

 

Edited August 3, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
OP request

[Wiseman2]

Yes get to social services for medical care, mental health care as well as assistance with food, housing, job training, and other support.

 Try to be realistic about what professions you may be best suited for with regard to training and job demands.

[kendahke]

On 8/1/2020 at 8:52 PM, DesireeUgottabe said:

 but I didn’t put the work into the relationship that I needed to, in ways that were important to him.

that's another way of saying "I took him for granted".

[DesireeUgottabe]

8 hours ago, kendahke said:

that's another way of saying "I took him for granted".

Yes, in that way I guess I did. In other ways, not at all. He also didn't communicate with me about it and all and outright wasn't honest with me when I asked him directly. He also wasn't wiling to try new things and by the time he told me I was doing everything in my power to fix it, but it was too late, so we were both at fault.