Narc Question: Does a Person Really Love You If They Say it's 'Ok' that you cheated on me.

[Solotruthfinder]

The question is one that I’m not sure many will be able to answer.

The story goes like this:

Your a girl and you cheat on your BF to jump on a new relationship. The girl bounces back and forth from two guys the Lover and the new Dude likely between 12 or more times.

The lover finds out the truth and goes crazy over the idea of his girlfriend (GF) cheating. Upset angry and hurt over it. 

And the new Dude says it’s “ok” that you cheated. New dude doesn’t get as angry as the lover. The new Dude knew the truth about the bouncing back and forth for 9 months and the new dude has always been saying he “loves“ the GF.

Now is this a normal reaction from someone who says they love the new GF or is it not love?

Is it Real love? Infatuation? Control? Games? Or anything else?

One might imagine if it was true love the new dude would of been hurt enough to basically lose it like the lover has over the hurt. To maybe actually break it off or be upset. To actually show real pain versus saying “it’s ok.” Like it’s normal or absent real loving emotion.

The question is being asked cause there isn’t to much data on the reactions of those who’ve been hurt and to identify if the new Dude actually loves his new GF or if for him it wasn’t about love.

The kicker to this equation is the new Dude knew all about her bouncing cause the GF told him openly but not the lover to protect her own feelings, since the new Dude was to new to have caused herself from feeling like she really hurt someone she loved.

This brings me to the second question: Narcissism questions!

If the GF told the new Dude that she wanted to go back to the Lover and the new Dude repeatedly did things against the wants of the GF immediately following such as:

Upon being blocked - changed his number frequently to get past the block. (Like everytime blocked)

New Dude would show up at her house and demand her availability to see him following.

New Dude after unblocked would call 12 or more times in an hour.

New Dude would buy non essential things like TV’s and offer money and things constantly.

New Dude would never get angry at all whatso ever no matter how much toxic issues were being thrown him.

New Dude would drive past Lovers home and not bring it up to the GF to call himself out.

New Dude does the silent treatment for guilt or says generically heart felt thoughts, like “why.” After he knew the truth that GF was with the Lover those nights.

The question is:

Is this new Dude a Narc?

I heard the word “Love bombing” before to describe a Narc.

I heard the word “Guilt bombing” to describe a Narc.

I heard the words “Manipulation” to describe a Narc.

I heard the word “Hoovering” to describe a Narc.

Is the entirety of this thread describing a Narc or a person who just isn’t in touch with themselves or more?

If there are studies on a person saying their ok with being cheated on for months can I have them shot below.

If this appears to be a Narc at play or a normal person please share the info below.

If there is a PSYCH doctor online or one that is known please share something below or ask your friend who is one to chime in.

This question is being asked to see if as a whole what people think.

Is it love or is it a NARCs version of love???

Edited August 3, 2020 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Wiseman2]

Are you the girl, the new dude or the lover? 

Sounds like an open relationship.

[schlumpy]

I understand why she's doing it. She's having fun.

I imagine her sexual partners may not feel the same except when she's taking her clothes off.

These are the moments where you decide what values define your life and what kind of behavior you will accept from an SO.

[Wiseman2]

33 minutes ago, Solotruthfinder said:

 

Reddit universe the questions have been asked

What is the "Reddit universe"? You'll have to pay a psychiatrist $250/hr if you want advice like that.

[d0nnivain]

The girl wants the attention.  The lover is getting played because the girl repeatedly lies to him & cheats.  The dude just wants the thrill of winning the girl over the lover.  The dude does not necessarily love the girl.  Much of his behavior like changing his phone # to contact the girl when she blocks him, driving past the lover's house & calling 12+ times  is stalker-ish, obessive & unhealthy.  The idea that the girl thinks the dude's psychotic behavior is love says a lot about how deranged she is too.  

 

[Solotruthfinder]

The Lover was myself and the reason over the question is to understand if this New Dude is legit in love or if he is something else. If I personally wanted someone for a relationship I wouldn’t accept the behavior and I haven’t. The new Dude sorta looked at it differently. Not only the idea that the GF was lying and sleeping back and forth but also the things the New Dude did during the course of her asking to end it with the New Dude. 

He literally did some things that only concern me due to sharing a child. 

 

The only way I could of accepted the idea of what was happening would be if I didn’t love at all. To me it’d be primal and so I’d keep it about sex and would consider the person no more than a FWB.

If he is a narc or is he just a confused guy who also cheated on the GF with his ex that was only revealed a few months in.

GF Rationalized his behavior cause of her beHavior to her Love (me).

He comes off either to be a type of guy who doesn’t allow feelings in or is something worse.

So I ask these questions to show myself what could of been the truth.

 

[d0nnivain]

You got lied to & cheated on.  Just put both the girl & the dude in your rear view mirror.  Stop trying to understand the behavior of crazy people.  

[Solotruthfinder]

Here’s the thing - I can’t just put it in the rear mirror. Simply because I share a child. If I knew this guy was a manipulator (narc) my concern is that my child will grow around a man who is capable of way more ruin than just sleeping with the GF.

I’m not trying to understand the GF, she likely was infatuated and yes attention seeking.

The new Dude likely showed a few things that screamed red flags, even cheating and lying about his past girlfriend who he was planning on making a baby with just a week with her prior to her existence being revealed.

 

 

[d0nnivain]

Then do what is best for your child.  Set a good example.  Talk to your child & educate that person about the ways of the world & how to be a good person as well as how to spot bad actors like the dude. 

If you have actual evidence that the dude is dangerous then speak to a lawyer & file to change custody.  

[Solotruthfinder]

8 minutes ago, d0nnivain said:

Then do what is best for your child.  Set a good example.  Talk to your child & educate that person about the ways of the world & how to be a good person as well as how to spot bad actors like the dude. 

If you have actual evidence that the dude is dangerous then speak to a lawyer & file to change custody.  

So aside from the GF

 

Would you qualify it as the Dude as bad character or just a confused person. Notice I’m not name calling but aside of his reactions it came off as “love bombing.

 

According to GF when he’d find out the truth in pieces he became even nicer.
Not only nice statements but he would totally ignore what she was saying and would instead deflect the convo immediately.

Following his nice statements he’d buy her things that aren’t (to be considered) essential like a giant TV and whatever else he could do to possibly cause a “guilt bomb.”

So even if she wanted to leave he’d have a weight over her conscience.

I don’t believe he’d ever give up even if she wanted to Leave the relationship.

 He’d only throw more guilt at her over “all he has done for her.”

 

 

Edited August 3, 2020 by Solotruthfinder

[d0nnivain]

Based on what you posted I think the dude is a bit stalker-y toward your baby mama but I have no other insights into whether he's dangerous.  In your shoes I would keep a close eye on my kid.  Other then removing yourself from being a lover to your baby mama, just stay out of it unless you witness danger to your child. 

[smackie9]

The guy is fatally obsessed, a doormat, not a Narcissist. Narcissists do get very mad and vengeful when they are crossed, you said : New Dude would never get angry at all whatso ever no matter how much toxic issues were being thrown him.

possible BPD. They tend to be stalkers, don't know personal boundaries, can lack empathy or respect for others etc. Behavior is unpredictable.

 

Edited August 3, 2020 by smackie9

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Solotruthfinder said:

 I share a child.

 

 

So this is your ex you have a child with and she's with someone new who you do not like. Why use the odd third person story telling?  Why not "I" instead of lover, "ex" instead of gf  and "her bf" ind stead of 'dude'?

Be a good dad, follow the appropriate visitation and custody schedule and stop sleeping with her (if you are).

Stop obsessing over her new bf. It's useless to keep googling narcissist, etc. You don't like him because she left you for him.. If you need mental health care it's not free online, you'll have to go to a doctor and get a referral to a therapist.

[kendahke]

Quote

Does a Person Really Love You If They Say it's 'Ok' that you cheated on me.

Either that or they are so desperate for/dependent upon a relationship with you that they don't care how you treat them as long as you don't leave them. However, they will feel it's their right to punish for as long as it amuses them to do so... which will eventually cause the relationship to dissolve, as it should have once the cheating was discovered.

if the cheater isn't of the mind to stop and amend their ways, then you're just a willing participant in messiness and that stuff won't wash/rub off. You're just as messy as they are.

Edited August 3, 2020 by kendahke

[Solotruthfinder]

5 hours ago, smackie9 said:

The guy is fatally obsessed, a doormat, not a Narcissist. Narcissists do get very mad and vengeful when they are crossed, you said : New Dude would never get angry at all whatso ever no matter how much toxic issues were being thrown him.

possible BPD. They tend to be stalkers, don't know personal boundaries, can lack empathy or respect for others etc. Behavior is unpredictable

Thank you the analysis, I do appreciate it. BPD is usually and up and down thing, angry one second and happy the next. I thought Narcs only get upset if confronted. In this case I’d of bet he was doing the passive manipulation thing. Knowing being angry would only further push the GF away.

4 hours ago, kendahke said:

Either that or they are so desperate for/dependent upon a relationship with you that they don't care how you treat them as long as you don't leave them. However, they will feel it's their right to punish for as long as it amuses them to do so... which will eventually cause the relationship to dissolve, as it should have once the cheating was discovered.

if the cheater isn't of the mind to stop and amend their ways, then you're just a willing participant in messiness and that stuff won't wash/rub off. You're just as messy as they are.

The last statement I also agree. Thank you that point thank you very much!
 

Its hard to see where you stand on a battlefield when your in a war.
 

The outside perspective has helped me greatly.
 

I may have a question if you guys might help a bit more later.

 

 

Edited August 3, 2020 by Solotruthfinder

[elaine567]

Spend some time on the OW/OM forum to witness the mindset of people who will  enter into affairs.
I doubt if this guy is a narcissist, he is just a guy who got caught up with your gf, in the hope she would leave you for him.
He probably does love her.

He knew all about you which is exactly how it usually plays out. You are the one in the dark so when you find out you are devastated, hurt, angry, upset.
He knew she was playing away all along, so I am not sure why you think he should break it off or get upset.
He wants her and apparently she wants him so all is hunky dory. Not perhaps the best way to start a new relationship but it happens all the time.
Woman unhappy in a relationship gets charmed by another, there is a bit of an overlap but they make it through.
As you have a child then you need to be the bigger person for your child's sake.

[Artdeco]

1 hour ago, Solotruthfinder said:

I thought Narcs only get upset if confronted. In this case I’d of bet he was doing the passive manipulation thing. 

 

What does the bold mean?

Anyway - I don’t understand why you’re so obsessed trying to find out if he’s a “narc”. Or whether or not he has BPD. Why does everybody these days have to get labeled with a personality disorder? “He’s a narcissist”, she has borderline PD, he’s manipulative, blah blah - so overused. Some people just act carelessly sometimes, and some are just misunderstood or disliked/hated. Or they go with the flow (esp with a new GF who’s only halfway out of her previous relationship). No reason to suspect a personality disorder around every darn corner.  Jeez. “Narc” - seriously?

He probably didn’t care about her back and forth, bc he knew you a) guys have a kid together, hence the contact, plus b) he met her while you were still officially together - some minor indecisiveness is expected in situations like that. So he played along as long as he had to. Also - how do you know he was indifferent about what she did or didn’t do? If she told you, she probably did so because she didn’t want you to contact him and mess things up. If he did, he probably didn’t want to appear weak. Or if a third party told you, it could be a combination of the two (based on what other people have been told, gossip, etc.) ..... still no reason to suspect a “narc” (Gawd, how I dislike this type of armchair psychology 🙄🙄 - CRINGE)

Can you focus on your kid, and try to coparent as well as possible? 

[healing light]

I knew upon reading the first post you were the lover.

Let me preface this by saying none of us are qualified to diagnose mental illness. The new dude does not sound like a narcissist to me, nor does he sound completely borderline to me. Borderlines terribly fear abandonment, yes, but they also tend to engage in splitting/all or nothing thinking/rewriting history, etc. Some of their tactics fall in line with narcissists because they are both Cluster B personality disorders. So when this girl was choosing the lover over him, I would expect a borderline to paint her in all black, be very emotional, potentially spiteful, engage in destructive behaviors like self-harm as opposed to never showing anger. Conversely, they might grovel and do anything to avoid abandonment, etc. Frantic attempts to reconcile or cut her off completely. They tend to exhibit very poor impulse control, a cycle of moods, and be arrested in development emotionally in a child-like phase. What I wouldn't expect is someone completely calm and still in communication. Narcissists would not be as cool a cucumber when crossed or when their supply leaves them unless they have larger scheming to take out revenge on this girl once they get her back. Just this story does not seem to fall in line with a narcissist to me.

This guy sounds more like he has terribly low self-esteem and is fine with the cheating because it wasn't cheating on him--it was cheating with him. He will stick around for whatever crumbs she throws her way because he's obsessed and lacks all sense of boundaries (12 missed calls in an hour, constantly getting around being blocked, getting involved with a girl who is with someone else, etc.). He sounds more to me like an obsessive stalker type that wants this woman at all costs, so I think he has very likely convinced himself he loves her and can't live without her. Hence, he is doing the pick me dance and hoping she will come his way permanently, so he doesn't lose his s*** when she waffles because he wants her to choose him over you.

Regardless of what psychological issues are going on, this whole thing sounds like a toxic mess. Be sure to maintain a fair custody arrangement but I wouldn't entangle myself with this woman emotionally or romantically if you can avoid it. Keep a watch to make sure your kid is alright and isn't exhibiting any warning signs that would call for you needing to gain further guardianship, etc. But minimize the drama where you can by putting your focus on doing what's best for your kid and not allowing yourself to be manipulated by this woman.

Edited August 3, 2020 by healing light

[Solotruthfinder]

Ok Alright, I‘m thinking he’s an average guy that got sucked in. Much of the reasons over wondering if this guy was a narc is simply based on having learned things from afar. When the GF (my ex) was telling me things about him she’d paint him into being possessive of her (likely jealousy). He did do things over the top such as when she decided 3 times to leave him he’d be at her door, call her incessantly and would be super nice to the point the GF hated him for it. When I found him to be buying her things that she didn’t need I was left wondering why a man would go that route. For me you cant just buy your way into someone’s heart and make it seem realer than doing simple things like “listen.” Other things he’s done that we’re said were a bit off. Examples: one time he took her keys and refused to let her leave. Another example he took her spare house key and when she found out and asked him over 3 days he would stop by and not have the key til she became upset enough to tell him to get it and he obliged. Another example of weirdness was he’d leave behind property at her place even when he was moving things out, he’d also leave things of hers at his place after she asked for her things, intentionally.
 

From what I understood she had made at least three attempts to stop that relationship and he never once backed down. He only became even nicer and following bought unneeded items that weren’t even nudged over like a TV. looking a bit from the outside made me think the worse of him - not cause he simply is her new guy but cause of the things he might of been. She also stated anytime she’s tell him about leaving he’s deflect the it and would immediately want to go on about anything else. She’s ask him if he heard her and he couldn’t even repeat the things back that were said.

The irony of this whole situation is she’s (GF) shown a few signs of issues. Yes, manipulation to the extreme in many cases. Using highly emotion reasons to get back in touch with me. Saying “she needed me” and other things like her head is going crazy enough to consider suicide. 
 

I called her out on occasion for the manipulation she was doing on the Dude even. One time saying our heated discussion was getting to her and receiving a text from the Dude saying “stop messing with her.” This only made him more likely to want to fight to be with her
 

I do wonder if she has issues which are more likely that the Dudes. Lying for control and he seems to also want that same type of control over things in other ways.

My biggest concern was for my son. I felt if he was a narc and rubbing off on her he’d want her to make my life hell so I’d be put out and discarded. I’m sure custody and all that would relieve this but of course I’d be hurt pretty bad. Anytime he’s suggested anything to hurt me over our son she refused and did the opposite of what he wanted. She is the type of you recommend or demand from her the fact it was driven in this manner means she always refuses even if it’s for the best.

One other thing she does which makes it harder for me is she stops down to my house with my son and demands or feigns issues she needs help with. She actually broke in a couple times, I know of, and otherwise sits for hours on my porch with my son messaging me “your son needs water, food, etc.

I have hit the point I’ve already considered other people to date and see just to distract me enough to not feel so connected. Every 4 days she’s breaks from both me (Lover) and him (Dude) cause either she misses either, is guilted by either over real issues, or simply wants to disrupt any plans to move on.

Literally so much of what everyone said on this thread has been spot on! The more I learn the more scared I am of this Entire situation.

I’m literally seeking to sell my home and move the hell out of here, hour drive to at least put distance. The thing is my son who’s not even 2 yet needs me. I also feel she can’t support her own self with her own apartment and food even for her or my soN and her self both. I have no doubts she’s using both myself (lover) and the Dude. Me for emotional/Child and him for financial/emotional.
 

Shes doing this openly, I don’t see shame when she tells him she was with me, I don’t see her lying to him but only Me. She says she has more to lose with me so she lies and she says she tells him the truth cause it’s easier.

She says she loves me BUT she also says she loves him..and I’m like wondering if you love someone can you say the constant mistakes are “Okay.” If I were her (GF) Id be like How can I trust back a relationship if the person I was with is tolerant of the idea of me cheating along, saying to me he’s ok with doing it back.

Edited August 4, 2020 by Solotruthfinder

[JTSW]

Get the hell away from this girl and this freak guy.

Seek legal advice on custody of your child citing infidelity. 

[usa1ah]

Sound like the OM just wanted an easy FB. He would say the right things just to screw your ex girlfriend. Why would he care if all she was to him F toy. 

There are those that don’t care and are in open relationships. There aren’t as many of those. He doesn’t seem like the type. 
 

It takes a real POS to mess with someone in a relationship already. It takes a bigger POS to cheat like your girlfriend did. That is where the bad influence will come from. All you can do is get 50/50 custody and be the best example for your kid. 

[Wiseman2]

As long as you follow the required child support and visitation schedule the rest of this is all pathological jealousy on your part and that is toxic to you.  Stop obsessing about this guy. Your ex and her new bf are no longer any of your business. pay child support. Pick up your child on schedule and otherwise stay out of it. Your possessiveness and obsessions are  not helping anyone most of all yourself and your son.

[Solotruthfinder]

1 hour ago, JTSW said:

Get the hell away from this girl and this freak guy.

Seek legal advice on custody of your child citing infidelity. 

I understand. I wish I were able to just move on the spot sometimes and even when I’m away staying with my family I still feel like crap over some of the things she’ll message. 
 

Recently, she was at my home. I said every dirty thing to make it seem like I was already “dating” someone and wasn’t interested. I called her mean things - “W” word and despite all my efforts to push away she still insisted on staying on my porch with my son. I told her she doesn’t need me, to go back to her Dude and be done with this madness. I hate the person I’ve become and feel trapped in a sense. 

That day, the Dude was pretty upset and was bombing her with guilt. She still tells him the truth and he still persists despite knowing what she’s actually doing. She cried and made it seem like it was over me. She takes it out on me when she has no one else to be upset with.

I feel like I’ve changed who I’ve been inside. I feel bad for what I said to her.  I feel bad for how all this will impact my son. I hate her sometimes I care for her sometimes, I’m confused over my feelings even tho they settled into an abyss. I think she’s going to ruin her life, my sons life and mine the longer I remain in contact.

Even when I tried blocking her she tried to get under my skin by saying I’m immature for blocking cause “if our son needs something I won’t be able to help.” So I keep it unblocked and yet she doesn’t care to really speak with me except when either she misses me and makes up an excuse To ask for help or when she And her Dude get into something but still won’t tell me and insists on making up a reason to be with me.

I ask for space, she tries harder. I say mean things, she tried harder. I stay out of town for a few days and she tries to manipulate with highly emotional texts.

It is driving me crazy, cause I care/d and she makes me feel like the victim of her own feelings. It’s crazy that she doesn’t care about what I feel, that guy or even her own value inside to herself.

I’ve made so many mistakes in my life, I wouldn’t make the choice to hurt someone I love knowing I was. I had the chance a long long time ago and cheated with someone in my long ago past. After devastating the person I loved then I never went on and cheated again, cause she was so innocent - absolutely someone I should of valued but was to young to recognize. For family, marriage or a lifetime with someone I wouldn’t betray them ever especially. If it love I can’t cheat, if I felt less I’d explain and break away but never to harm a real persons soul against all they hold dear. 

What’s being done is unimaginable...

 

I feel like I can only blame myself. I have to accept responsibility for my part, being the Lover. Allowing her to move across back and forth and never looking at myself while in the middle of a war.

I just want to do what I can for my son. I wish he was older so I could feel assured in hearing his thoughts to protect him. Right now I can’t do more than co parent. She only values what she can control, the less control the more out going she is on All fronts.

Edited August 4, 2020 by Solotruthfinder

[usa1ah]

Tell her if she needs to get a hold of you about your son to email you. Then block her on everything. She really does know how to manipulate the crap out of you, you need to stop engaging with her. Read no more Mr. nice guy and the 180. 

[Solotruthfinder]

You guys ever heard of gaslighting?

Lying is one thing.

Manipulation a bigger thing.

Gaslighting the mother of all things! 

Often I noticed when she lies and is caught red she begins to tell me I’m crazy for having thought these things after seeing and hearing things that were obviously real.

She’ll pretend she is not doing anything wrong. She’ll tell me I’m “assuming.” Even when the proof is already in hand.

I typically call her out right as I know. Only one time before did I allow her to keep on lying to the point she called me “crazy.” She was even laughing and ridiculing me while she was yelling back. I waited for the moment she was done before I blew it all back.

The reason why I call things out  ASAP was to stop her from further showing me she how far she’s is willing to go. To prevent her from showing me how much pain she is capable of inflicting. As weak as it sounds I may have been doing this to really protect myself by denying myself the truth inside, that she is capable of destroying everything I valued. I just never wanted her to think less of herself and I just didn’t want to feel less for her.

For the longest time I’ve said to her “I want her to be a better person.” I hoped she would see for herself that manipulating the father of her child was worse than the lie itself. Gaslighting me to hurt me to a degree I’d of felt worthless. No longer feeling like the person I used to be. Being more anxious and less confident than I used to be.

I would tell her that I wanted to grow with her, to change together as life offers us the challenge to decide on what we want to become. I felt by offering myself selflessly she see might see I actually loved her. To give to the relationship unconditionally without expecting something back from her (GF). She never once understood that for me, giving love meant sometimes I was actually sacrificing myself even if she didn’t notice.

There were times where I (Lover) saw her reflect this back and I noticed. Times where I was filled with happiness just watching her (GF) smile or laugh out loud even though I was having a bad day and noticed her spirit lift at times when it was reversed. I genuinely felt she was a beautiful person and like all of us, is capable making mistakes but even more so capable of making it right.

People tend to rub off on each other. When I felt she was showing signs of Narc peculiarity by manipulating me I suspected it was cause she was being given suggestions by the Dude. I can’t tell to what degree she allowed him to intervene into her thoughts but I’m sure he played along or did advise her to become worse inside. Instead of becoming as beautiful as my heart felt was instead turning into darkness.

She has to live this life, he possibly supporting her with her decisions left me to think the worst of him as well as-well as the things he’s done for her (being overly nice) to keep her trapped inside guilt if she ever left him. He won’t leave her even if she wanted to go. I don’t feel he values her life or what she stood to lose forever.

I obsessed over this cause to me she was a part of our family. I felt the need to help her even if I couldn’t and support her even tho I had no place. I broke so many of my own rules to show her that if she felt guilty over what she had done that she had to understand it was wrong. I can see my actions and words did hurt her and also myself. I can see that aside from her (GF) manipulating both of us, the Dude as well as myself was doing the same back to her in our own ways and even between eachother.

For him the TV purchases was him saying “I’m here.” For him parking nearest her was him saying “I’m here.” For him leaving a hicky on her neck was saying “I was here.” 

Ironically, I never once cheated on my ex. She (GF) and he (Dude) began cheating while they both were with other Lovers, myself being one. She seems to think he’s the most honest thing on the planet cause he has dished away a lot of his past secrets and even threw his own ex away in front of her after she found out he was not entirely done. Justifying his actions based on her own. She listens to him, shares more with him openly, and even tells him the truth. So to me it’s seems like even if she ever considered walking away she’d of wanted him no less cause giving trust away with words means giving away a part of her, I was denied for months.
 

How could I ever had been viewed as someone worth her love if I was denied the truth so she could of trusted me back the same. How could I have ever been given a real chance for her if I was told lies that meant nothing when I would ever had supported her. She can’t understand that I was ever truly just wanting to had made us better. For as long as either of us remain in her life and offered ideas she’d never be able to settle with all the insecurity she felt over her own actions, would never believe i could of wanted to move past this had the Dude stepped out entirely. 

I feel the longer I stay in contact with her the worse this would all become. The more abuse she’d dish my way instead of at least wanting to be a better person so I could even forgive. It’s like the only way to save myself and her from falling into this abyss is by leaving her forever. I do worry if she doesn’t recognize that she is gaslighting, manipulating and lying throughout it will translate into her giving those parts to our son. She gets upset over my feelings about our son cause I want his future to be free of accepting being  anything less than Having honor for himself and others.

I want to say thank you to all who may have helped me to see In myself my wrongdoings. I can’t fix this for others, only myself. I can’t support her like this, I can only supper our son. That I may have to accept this person will never change. It’s just the level of hurt she pushed even when she asks for things about our son says to me she doesn’t care to see me feel even good about what I do for our son. 

The GF just doesn’t care about anyone else, it shows and she denies it inside. I only hope for her she can be someone that is worth being remembered for more than all the lies she believes in.
 

I need to heal, I’ve already accepted my horrible misgivings and was lost in an OCD/Obsessive manner that can only be released by saying something out loud.

So I rest my thoughts here and hope that instead of the being beaten for my ignorance I might be given some compassion. I have hit rock bottom, I can only go one way.

I don’t think she ever loved me. I need to stop believing it was ever love. I need to accept the truth in what I see. I see nothing. Only darkness, tho I wanted to be the light, I flicker hoping to find a reason to shine...again.

I’ll pray and hope the future doesn’t being further harm for anyone.

I choose to love me and my son.

I’ve said all I might and again thank you all.

 

TL;DR
I lost myself, I lost Love, I will find myself. She may never know. Til I’m lost to even her. To be found by a future I can’t see but to dream.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 6, 2020 by Solotruthfinder