Am I cursed or just born to be miserable?

[raquellexxx]

Hello. I am a 26-year-old girl who feels completely alone, devastated, exhausted, and unwilling to fight anymore. Please, don't judge or insult me as this is the last thing I need since I try my best fight and heal my invisible wounds. I am a believer who lives neither in America, nor in England, nor in a country where there are Protestant churches. It's no secret where I live, but I just prefer not to go into such details. However, thanks to the Internet, I started following profiles of Christians in social media - people who inspire me with wisdom and their life. Unfortunately, due to many reasons and obstacles in my life, I will never be able to live abroad and experience such type of life. And this weighs on me too.

However, the reason I turned to you for valuable advice, even though I go to therapy, is because I always believed that you are a great source of support, lack of judgment, and a shoulder to lean on.

I know that no one has a perfect life and everyone has problems. But I feel like my problems are endless and I will never be truly happy. I had many problems with my appearance, health, and life in the past that I managed to overcome by myself. BUT my biggest problem that terrifies me is that I am 26 years old and I will never find the right person and true love. Boys always preferred someone else instead of me and they almost never been interested in me, although my friends say that I have a great character and I am beautiful. All my friends already have long and happy relationships, and so far, I've only had one. While looking in the profiles of Christians in social media, I often see how they define themselves ''blessed and happy people without big problems, to whom God often sends miracles'' They find the love of their lives in a unique way in their early 20s. They build big and happy religious families, which we often see in beautiful photo sessions. They have many amazing and loyal friends.

And even though I know the comparison is bad, I can't help but take a look at my life. I am 26 years old and so far, I have only had one relationship. There is no prospect of meeting the right person anymore, because the places where people meet their loved ones, are impossible for me. I graduated from college, there are no men in my work, and I have 2 girlfriends who also don't go out in big companies. I don't think I've done anything so bad in my life, nor am I a bad person, and I really don't know why nothing good happens in my life. I also pray to meet the love of my life, to have a strong and happy family, but unlike believers in social media, miracles don't happen to me. On the contrary - I'm alone and I don't think I ever have a chance to meet the right person. My parents are not interested in me, my dreams are shattered ...

All these years, I have struggled with my problems and unhappiness all by myself, but now it really becomes too difficult and I can't stand it, I don't find meaning in life.... I even start thinking that I'm cursed or born to be alone and unhappy, while so many people around the world, especially my age ALREADY have wonderful families and a happy life full of miracles. Please, from the bottom of my heart, I go to therapy, but I would love for you to give me a piece of advice or just an opinion, because I really feel shattered, exhausted and I can't anymore ...

[SincereOnlineGuy]

 

I guess that if I were in your setting and feeling as you do, I would first want someone to suggest to me that I should improve the small things about myself which frustrate me, and/or seem to hold me back in some way.   The time spent focusing  on those things is time utilized for the greater good.  Simultaneously it takes time away from the amount typically allocated to pondering in woe-is-me fashion.

 

Think of yourself like one of those women  who starts out weighing 164 pounds and who is absolutely sure  that she will self-destruct by a certain point in time if she is unable to reduce her weight to *125".

 

Well the rest of us all know that the same woman would probably be great company  even if she weighed 137.4 pounds...  and that she could probably function within the vast realm of normalcy if she weighed anywhere between 100 and 200 pounds.

 

Most important is to recognize that the "125" target she created was something pulled out of thin air... which her mind, absent any objectivity at all, just pulled out of thin air, because it was a nice, round number.

 

Translation:   she's not being very realistic and it is quite likely that you aren't being realistic either.

 

But while you're stalled here, at age 26, wondering about the big picture...    you can devote time to the little stuff...     tiny self-improvements which only require a bit of attention.

 

Then, later, you will further remind yourself that meeting LOTS of people is the best recipe for mating and dating.

 

Maybe now is the time to find and pursue some hobby that you've long thought about...  and place yourself in settings where you are interested, engaged, and having fun...

 

and you will be *noticed*  by potential candidates.

 

At 26, there IS lots of time...   and maybe you just need a 4-year plan...    AND you still have another couple of 4-year plans possible even IF you'd like to have a kid one day.

If being a parent isn't a necessity, then you have much more time before you need to 'solve' yourself.

 

Just find (goals) to occupy your time in the near future so you won't deepen the hole of despair and self-pity that you'll need to climb out of.

 

Take it step by step.