Halosglow Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 Lets just say that I could never see myself with this person he is my gardener. But we would talk when I would help him do the work that I wanted done. He was very kind and sweet and funny. I have been single for many years and as time went on he started to flirt with me and tell me things that I truly needed to hear from a man. Well one thing led to another and we took off to a hotel casino resort. And I was so nervous. Well it turned out amazing and I fell for him hard. The thing is he is married and I know his wife as well. They were actually homeless and have finally moved out of the bushes and into a camper. Any way I think about him constantly and we have seen each other everyday since. But I told him yesterday that we could not see each other anymore. And I cannot stop myself from wanting to contact him or go see if I can find him around where he stays. This truly sucks Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 Oh god, as if his wife isn't and hasn't been going through enough hardships in her life. Did you say this poor woman was actually living in bushes and then you start an affair with her husband? Obviously he's the one that owes her loyalty but compassion is also something. 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 It sounds like you went slumming because he was easy prey for you. Give people jobs and stop taking advantage of people. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 Talk about desperate housewives... Surely this man and his family have enough to worry about - if this is true, please leave this man alone. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 You did the right thing by telling him you can't see him anymore. Now keep the promise & stay away from him. Problem solved. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Halosglow Posted August 5, 2020 Author Share Posted August 5, 2020 I am not going to try and explain myself for something I clearly regret. Yes I am the worst person on earth. Thanks for all the positive feed back. I obviously was looking for encouragement. Thank you d0nnivain. I am going to stick to it for sure. I am not even sure how it happened. I just feel really bad about it. And I did get them into the place they are staying. And bought the wife some things she needed etc. Helping them was my true goal. I just felt like (How did I end up in such a situation?) Anyway lesson learned. Desperate NO! Lonely maybe, There are some bitter ones on here. I am sure this is a topic full of this banter. I am going to check it out. Thanks for taking the time to comment! Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 Haloglow, it is very good that you made the choice to end this and plan to stick to it. I would suggest now taking the time and effort to examine why you made these choices and why you thought these choices were okay. Not to beat yourself up, but in order to learn and change and grow. To prevent this kind of situation from happening again. You say "I'm not even sure how it happened." You need to look deeper than that. I was a MW and I did a lot of introspective work to figure out why I thought what I was doing was okay. It was painful and hard and took some time but I am in a much better place now. I would equate it to peeling an onion...when you find one why, one layer of the onion, then keep going. Because there are always more layers. I peeled that onion until there was nothing left. Good luck. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 I've heard remorseful WS/OM/OW say it's the remarks that sting which tended to highlight something they needed to work on. Something for you to consider going forward. BTW getting the wife somewhere to sleep doesn't mean you get to have sex with her husband just because you feel lonely. You don't think she's been through a hell of a lot worse? You took advantage of a man in a vulnerable situation. 3 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Bittersweetie Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 29 minutes ago, Amethyst68 said: I've heard remorseful WS/OM/OW say it's the remarks that sting which tended to highlight something they needed to work on. Yes, exactly. The comments that have pissed me off the most on this site were the ones hitting a nerve I needed to examine. And Halosglow, you are not the worst person on Earth. You are a person who made selfish and hurtful choices, so now you need to figure out why you did that, what kind of person you want to be moving forward, and what you are going to do to get there. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lurker74 Posted August 11, 2020 Share Posted August 11, 2020 Loveshack in general and the OM/OW section in particular is a harsh place. People love to post judgmental things because it validates their own sins, mostly. So, @Halosglow, the reason this section exists is because many people have been where you are. Your particular story - the formerly homeless gardener - is a bit unusual, but your feelings are not. That is not to dismiss your feelings as nothing but rather to help you to understand that what you are feeling is not uncommon at all. The vast majority of APs did not truly plan to be in an affair regardless of circumstances. They made a series of bad choices that felt so good that they kept trotting down that path. You are down that path as well, now. But here's the thing, and I've said this many times in this forum: Your feelings for your AP and his for you are lies. That isn't to say they are conscious lies but that they are lies of dimension. Your relationship with your gardener has all of the good parts and none of the banal parts. You have an exciting, emotional connection, sexual tension, sex, and drama. Don't discount drama...the excitement of emotional turmoil and the eventual relief from it when you decide that "this time" it will work out or "this time" I will end it is like a drug. But you don't have the boring things like who cleans the kitchen, who pays the bills, whether or not your kids are dating reasonable people, who's getting the oil changed, where you are going to empty the septic tank on the camper. You don't have 20+ years of shared history where you get SOOOO grossed out by him clipping his toenails in the kitchen or he gets tired of your not cleaning the drain in the shower. How is anyone real supposed to compete with that? How is the rest of your life supposed to compete with that? So, like any drug, you have to learn to accept that the relationship is a lie because it's only two dimensions. A photograph is not a person...it is a flat representation of a person, just as your relationship with the gardener is...and I say "is" because until you get to the acceptance that it was a wonderful, exciting, sexy lie, then you are still in that relationship. This does not make you a bad person. Perhaps you will not be nominated for a Nobel but your actions make you human, not evil. Still, if you want to be with him, insist that he get divorced first. Ask yourself if your love can demand that and ask yourself if you demand it will he comply? If the answer to either of those is no, work on not having any contact with him and let yourself move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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