Mary J Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 Hi everyone, I would really appreciate some advice as my situation is rather complex. I'm 37 now and married at 36 to my boyfriend of 6 years. We had issues in our relationship during those 6 years (including moments where I wasn't interested in sex or being sexually attracted to him due to his alcohol problems). Throughout those 6 years I found myself caring for him, but it started to morph into a caring friendship, because we didn't have sex for years. While I was 36, I found work at a nearby high school as a substitute teacher and fancied my direct report but I didn't realise it consciously until months later. I still cared for my husband but I couldn't hide this crush I had for my supervisor. However, my supervisor (who I found out recently is 6 years younger than me!) noticed this and kind of encouraged my feelings to develop for him over a period of 9 months through text. I reckon we liked each other from the start, bit like a soul recognition. I found myself flirting with my new crush through text and phone (he did too mind you) and fell in love with him. He also fell in love with me. It's like my soulmate knew I was with the wrong man and tried everything under the sun to get me to notice and break down the relationship with my husband. Sounds terrible but I think he knew he stood a chance because he saw me arguing on my mobile often at work. Another reason why we fell in love is because he discovered I was in fact a gifted adult (and so is he) and after 37 years no one ever cared to understand that, including my parents, and my own teachers during my schooling. Bottom line is I'm not sure if I should get a divorce. We are married for 1.5 years. I don't have kids with my husband. I know I'm not really in love with my husband but I'm scared. My soulmate has contacted my friends through Facebook and they are dropping me hints about dating him and the like. My crush has also met with my father (not hard to do because my father owns a popular business and it wasn't hard for him to approach and find him on a Saturday). I have ever never found a man where I feel physically, mentally and spiritually attracted to, and I know that he is the one for me where love will last. As I'm 37, I'm scared because it's a big big move to divorce my husband and take a chance with my soulmate. My soulmate might not be ready for kids, as I am. I have stipulated to my friends that I am still married and would not cheat on my husband out of pure respect. Due to Covid 19, my husband is now back in his home state, while I am alone in my apartment in my home state. And my soulmate, as sweet as he is, put a tracker on my car so he knows where I am at all times, helped me gain new bookings for my airbnb business (he advertised the booking himself and acted as second manager and pretends to be the guests who book with me, i know it's odd, but it's kind of sweet and smart. So here's the big question, my husband misses me in his home state, and we do argue. we haven't had sex for a while. I think of having sex with my soulmate all the time (as he would too no doubt about that). I am far more attracted to my soulmate physically than my own husband which explains why I'm not physically as attracted to my husband. (my husband has gained weight too, which I won't judge but I am naturally slim and my soulmate is handsome, tall and also a slim build. WHAT DO I DO???? I AM GOING MAD. I CANNOT DECIDE. BOTH MEN TEXT ME CONSTANTLY. I AM 37 AND NEED TO GET PREGNANT AS WELL. I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT HAVING MY SOULMATE'S BABY, ASHAMEDLY. THANK YOU ANY ADVICE IS APPRECIATED! Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 If your husband is an alcoholic, get divorced one way or the other. Using people to compensate for your lack of resolve in leaving an alcoholic will harm you in the long run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 44 minutes ago, Mary J said: My soulmate has contacted my friends through Facebook and they are dropping me hints about dating him and the like. And my soulmate, as sweet as he is, put a tracker on my car so he knows where I am at all times My dear, these two things are very concerning. A man who respects a woman has has appropriate boundaries in a relationship does not put a tracker on a woman’s car - particularly not a woman he barely knows. This is incredibly creepy and unacceptable behavior. As to your marriage, your husband is an alcoholic. You should never have married a known alcoholic that you do not love. Bad decision, I’m afraid. Do not have a child with either man. Neither man and neither relationship is healthy or stable enough to responsibly bring a child into this world. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 Gifted? Conceited maybe, sounds like you enjoy having your own stalker. You need someone to want you, probably why you married your alcoholichusband. So you'll never cheat? Got news for you - you're already there, plus you're planning your family with your stalker. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 Your "soulmate" sounds as bad as your absentee alcoholic spouse. It seems like you depend on your spouse financially and this bnb thing your wannabe lover is giving you advice on is not successful. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Syre17 Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 There is nothing sweet about putting a tracker on your car; this is a HUGE red flag! Contacting your friends and family through Facebook? Also a HUGE red flag. You may think these actions are harmless, but they speak volumes and his intentions are nefarious IMO. This is very controlling type behavior, that will only get far worse if you carry on with this guy. You’ll be going from one bad situation to another. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
FMW Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 1 hour ago, Mary J said: It's like my soulmate knew I was with the wrong man and tried everything under the sun to get me to notice and break down the relationship with my husband. My soulmate has contacted my friends through Facebook and they are dropping me hints about dating him and the like. My crush has also met with my father (not hard to do because my father owns a popular business and it wasn't hard for him to approach and find him on a Saturday). And my soulmate, as sweet as he is, put a tracker on my car so he knows where I am at all times, helped me gain new bookings for my airbnb business (he advertised the booking himself and acted as second manager and pretends to be the guests who book with me, i know it's odd, but it's kind of sweet and smart. All of the above is the behavior of a controlling and manipulative person with absolutely no respect for boundaries. 1 hour ago, Mary J said: Another reason why we fell in love is because he discovered I was in fact a gifted adult (and so is he) and after 37 years no one ever cared to understand that, including my parents, and my own teachers during my schooling. He's purposely appealing to your ego and your need to be recognized and appreciated, another manipulation 1 hour ago, Mary J said: I AM 37 AND NEED TO GET PREGNANT Being a mother is a huge responsibility and from what you've written you are nowhere near ready emotionally to take on that responsibility. "Needing" to get pregnant indicates that you are seeking something to make you feel better, another way to be recognized and feel appreciated. A child is a separate and vulnerable being that requires unselfish love and attention, it's about their needs, not yours. Deal with your marriage, sounds like it's been over for a long time. This other guy just sounds like a creepy predator. Please don't get pregnant until you straighten out things in your own life and can take care of yourself, financially and emotionally. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 Take your alleged soulmate out of the picture. Would you still want to divorce your husband? If so get out of marriage immediately & do not have a child with your husband. Also do not have a physical affair, the EA you are having will hurt your husband plenty. Meanwhile your "soulmate" sounds like a psycho. He put a tracker on your car? Are you kidding me? At that point you needed to become furious & drop him like a hot potato! He pushed his way into your life, your friends, meeting your father & your business! Good heavens. Why don't you see that for the meddling controlling behavior it is? Drop both men & get some therapy to figure out why you see the "soulmate's" actions as good when then are horrendous. He's a BAD guy. Run. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 Sounds like another person making their rounds.... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Allupinnit Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 Beware - if he's doing all of these things already he's probably going to tell your H. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 My goodness, not wanting sex with your husband going on 6 years, you only considering him a friend; divorce the man already. Maybe you are the cause of his drinking. You need to woman up and free your husband, give your soulmate a chance and if that doesn't work out stay alone for a while. It will do you good. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 Hello, first time poster who just joined 7 hours ago! That's quite a story. If this situation is even real, you should know that both of these men are bad news. Divorce the first and run from the second. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Azincourt Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 Your husband is an alcoholic. Alcoholism is not just a physical sickness, it's a mental illness, and why would you want to deal with that, but that second guy, the ''love of my life,'' sounds pretty sketchy himself. Divorce your husband and stay away from the second man, get personal therapy from having dealt with all of those problems and issues, and then start thinking about dating again. Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 What a story. The real one is probably worse. You sound desperate. You seem like a horrible decision maker: The guy is six years younger, and you think he wants to settle down and have children with someone who is currently in a marriage, who also is almost 40? The cope about how virtuous you are because you won't compromise being physical with your "soul mate", since you're currently in a "marriage", is laughable when you understand that you're just rationalizing all the guilt you are experiencing; which is also why you took the time to create this thread. Honestly, people like you are the reason why marriage is a literal joke. Yikes. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 10 hours ago, Mary J said: he discovered I was in fact a gifted adult 🤔Unfortunately choosing men and writing stories are not your best gifts. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Realitysux Posted August 4, 2020 Share Posted August 4, 2020 2 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: 🤔Unfortunately choosing men and writing stories are not your best gifts Mine either 1 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 A tracker??? FFS! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 Unfortunately, your soulmate sounds as problematic as your husband. Tracking your car isn't sweet, it's very weird and creepy especially if you're not even dating. I share my location through Apple with my partner and if I'm on a trip, with family or my close friends for safety but can't fathom me starting to date someone and they decide of their own accord to put a tracker on my car. This is a red flag. A lot of times it's easy for us to see the problems in our partners but not make the connection that something about us chose them or turned a blind eye to red flags. It's much easier than looking at where we may be off track. That said, I really think you should focus on thinking about what qualities you're attracted to and why and not simply think hopping from one relationship to another will lead to soulful bliss, as we carry ourselves and our "picker" with us and usually if there's a problem we haven't addressed we end up in the same or worse situation. And by the sound of it, your new soulmate may not be as wholesome and wonderful as you're imagining. Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted August 23, 2020 Share Posted August 23, 2020 (edited) Lol so you run from an alcoholic to a stalker? Is that you, all you see is your age! I am 37 < I am 37 < I am 37 You don't even have to be married! Your soul mate seems very creepy .. I felt it from the moment you mentioned he contacted your friends, and your father.... He is looking to trap you and not in a good way, in a physical way that is only gonna end up pretty badly. and your husband does not even have sex with you and is an alcoholic who is using you to take care of him Do yourself a favor and dump both of them and get rid of the tracker! Edited August 23, 2020 by Noproblem Link to post Share on other sites
Zona Posted August 24, 2020 Share Posted August 24, 2020 You really think a handsome guy who is several years younger than you is going to make a life-long commitment? If he's handsome and has a lot going for him, he probably has quite a few women he is courting and sleeping with. Link to post Share on other sites
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