Teresa Cruz Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 Long story short, I wanted a relationship and he didn’t, I tried for 1.3 years then I left...then he wanted a relationship and literally begged me to give him a 2nd chance, so I gave him a 2nd chance to take things serious and then 2 months later I bring up the “What are we conversation” & he tells me he’s not ready yet so I cut him off but I told him we’re better off as friends than a couple & we both agreed on that... I blocked him on all social media and now he’s been texting me asking How I’ve been doing, and I never replied and I just blocked his number too. I just feel so guilty because i told him we’d remain friends but I can’t be his friend.. i feel like I just went ghost on him or something, I just feel so guilty for not responding. I don’t know if i did the right thing, or why am i feeling so guilty? I know it’s for the best but i just care about him a lot, what if something is wrong...ugh maybe I’m too nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 If you told him you should be friends... why would you block him and not respond? So yes... to me... you should feel bad since you lied to him. You obviously don't what to be friends either. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 You did the right thing deleting and blocking him from all social media and messaging apps. He was jerking you around and is certainly not a friend. Never accept a demotion to FWB if you want a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 Look Teresa. You gave it your all which may have doomed you. People who demonstrate that they will always be there no matter what usually get taken for granted. He needed to know early on that there was expiration date on your offer. No, of course you can't be friends. You are too much danger for that. Your only recourse is to beat back the longings of your heart until there is nothing but indifference. No sense in pining for what could have been. That had to be a shared vision and he was seeing a different version. In the future make sure the SO is on the same page you are. Don't expect them to see how wonderful life will be if they will only fall in love you. It's hurts now but wisdom will be the result. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Teresa Cruz Posted August 5, 2020 Author Share Posted August 5, 2020 3 hours ago, schlumpy said: Look Teresa. You gave it your all which may have doomed you. People who demonstrate that they will always be there no matter what usually get taken for granted. He needed to know early on that there was expiration date on your offer. No, of course you can't be friends. You are too much danger for that. Your only recourse is to beat back the longings of your heart until there is nothing but indifference. No sense in pining for what could have been. That had to be a shared vision and he was seeing a different version. In the future make sure the SO is on the same page you are. Don't expect them to see how wonderful life will be if they will only fall in love you. It's hurts now but wisdom will be the result. So I shouldn’t feel bad for not telling him that’s we can’t be friends? I feel like he’s messaging me because i told him we’d be friends and now I just blocked him. I feel like a bad person Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 27 minutes ago, Teresa Cruz said: So I shouldn’t feel bad for not telling him that’s we can’t be friends? I feel like he’s messaging me because i told him we’d be friends and now I just blocked him. I feel like a bad person You are right that you can't be friends when you wanted more. Now you have to tell him you blocked him because you can't be his friend so stop trying for contact. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 You are not a bad person. You are too nice. For your own peace of mind you can try sending him a closure text along the lines of I know you wanted to be friends after our break up but I can't. You know I wanted more, to be your GF, for us to have a real relationship. Being around you as your only friend hurts too much because it's not enough. Seeing you, talking to you . . . it's just too painful. If you are truly my friend, if you care about me at all, give me time. Please leave me alone to grieve & process the rejection. You really hurt me. Stop rubbing salt in the wound. I can't be your friend right now but I don't hate you. Be well. Take care. Then don't bother about him. Later in time if it's not too painful you can reach out & wish him Happy Holidays or something. If you are not ready, then just keep him on the back burner. Obviously, if you see him out & about, you can be nice & make small talk for 5 minutes but that is about it. You be civil, nothing more. You are allowed to be hurt & you are allowed to self soothe by enforcing separation & NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Beachead Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 (edited) @Teresa Cruz 13 hours ago, Teresa Cruz said: Long story short, I wanted a relationship and he didn’t, I tried for 1.3 years then I left...then he wanted a relationship and literally begged me to give him a 2nd chance, so I gave him a 2nd chance to take things serious and then 2 months later I bring up the “What are we conversation” & he tells me he’s not ready yet so I cut him off but I told him we’re better off as friends than a couple & we both agreed on that... I blocked him on all social media and now he’s been texting me asking How I’ve been doing, and I never replied and I just blocked his number too. I just feel so guilty because i told him we’d remain friends but I can’t be his friend.. i feel like I just went ghost on him or something, I just feel so guilty for not responding. I don’t know if i did the right thing, or why am i feeling so guilty? I know it’s for the best but i just care about him a lot, what if something is wrong...ugh maybe I’m too nice. You made the right call. He wasn't interested in a relationship. If he was, it would have happened a long time ago. You two would not have been friends, given the feelings you had for him. Feelings corrupt the sincerity of a friendship because with it, comes hope, ulterior motives and hidden intentions. You'd read into all his actions and his words and interpret it in the way that affirms your hopes and desires. Furthermore, your state-of-mind would have been tied to his treatment of you. If he texted you or you two hung out, you would have felt elated as it would have made played into your hopes. If you didn't hear from him for a few days, you'd begin to feel low and anxious. All this would have generated anxiety and you wouldn't be able to feel relaxed or like yourself. It would have interfered with your life and ultimately stopped you from truly opening your heart up to someone new in the future, who'd be willing to give you what you wanted. Having said that, telling him you wanted to be friends when you didn't and then cutting it off like you did, wasn't cool. That was an error in action. It's not the cutting off part that was wrong, so much as it was your dishonesty. From your perspective, I can understand you were probably frustrated by the situation and felt like if you talked to him, he'd feed you something that'd make you want to stick around and wait some more, when you didn't want to wait anymore. Abruptly leaving without another conversation was the easiest way to leave it. Going forward though, if you experience unreciprocated feelings with someone, just be honest with the person and let them know you're not interested in anything other than a relationship and if that's not what they want, then you're out. From there, you go your own way. Even if you feel like you were rude, you can find solace in knowing you were honest and direct. For your conscious, so that you won't feel regret, I'd unblock him and just let him know whats up, and wish him well. - Beach Edited August 5, 2020 by Beachead Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted August 5, 2020 Share Posted August 5, 2020 (edited) 14 hours ago, Teresa Cruz said: I just feel so guilty because i told him we’d remain friends but I can’t be his friend.. i feel like I just went ghost on him or something, I just feel so guilty for not responding. I don’t know if i did the right thing, or why am i feeling so guilty? I know it’s for the best but i just care about him a lot, what if something is wrong...ugh maybe I’m too nice. Look, it's not the kindest thing in the world to ignore someone and block them. BUT, under the circumstances, it's understandable. You've been deeply hurt and you're doing it to protect yourself. If there's any chance that engaging with this guy will result in your allowing him to talk you into a relationship on his terms again, then you need to keep on ignoring him. It's clear that you don't have much practice in putting your own interests first and setting strong boundaries to protect yourself. This is as good a time as any to start. You shouldn't lose any sleep over the situation. He doesn't seem to have lost any sleep over the fact that he drew you back into a relationship in which he had no intention of meeting your needs. He was being selfish then. Your mistake then was allowing your sympathy for him to override your instinct for self-preservation. That's how you ended up together with him again. You risk doing something similar again. If he has an iota of empathy for you, he will have figured out by now that his actions hurt you deeply and remaining friends is just too painful for you. And he will respect your space. Above all, remember that he's a big boy. He can and will deal with any feelings of sadness or disappointment he feels, just like you did when you were in a relationship with him. Just like most of us do when sad things happen to us. In future, hopefully you will do a better job of setting boundaries and doing what's best for you from the very beginning. That way, you can avoid having to block someone out of the blue. But, for today, forgive yourself for being a bit clumsy at something that you're new at. Edited August 5, 2020 by Acacia98 Correcting a typo Link to post Share on other sites
Fox Sake Posted August 7, 2020 Share Posted August 7, 2020 People always want what they can’t have. When they can have it they don’t want it anymore. this is just a game to this guy, An ego boost to know that he can hook someone whenever he likes and have them string along to his every whim. I’ve done it before with a girl about 8 years ago. exactly the same thing happened. She chased me for 18 months before she gave up. She decided she had enough and I begged her to talk to me again as she had started talking to another guy ( a week befofe I was meant to travel overseas to spend a month with her) We actually ended up in a relationship after that , and I totally fell in love with her. She dumped me and hasn’t looked back. I now know we are not compatible at all so who knows why I went back and fell for her. It’s made me believe love is a process over time. Don’t feel guilty for blocking him. Feel guilty for offering friendship and then withdrawing it without saying anything. At the very least you should have said that you didn’t like how he was hot and cold and made you yo-yo, and that you needed some time to gather your thoughts until you felt indifferent. With indifference comes acceptance. I’m sure after he realised he was blocked, he will start to understand that he hurt you. If he can’t ever see why you would have done that then he isn’t worth any of your time. So keep him blocked for now until you have your head in order, and if you really feel that you do want to be friends with him down the line, and nothing more, then you can reach out as a buddy. Take care of yourself good things will come your way soon enough 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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