Anne Avery Posted August 6, 2020 Share Posted August 6, 2020 Hello. I'm Anne. I'm in 7 years with my girlfriend. When I know her, she's a masculine girl. She's transition when we're together. She said she's transition because of her childhood sexual abuse and she's afraid that she looks feminine. Because of this sexual abuse she suffer of sex addiction. And that's the only secret she kept from me is about her sex addiction. and last year on September, she started to know a girl that have the same past like my gf. And they started grow close. and one day, that girl kissed her. And for 1 month, my gf started being cold to me because she feel guilty cos of the kissing. and looks like she really like that girl. So we break up on October. The things is the girl is already married to a guy and she wants an open relationship with my gf. And my ex cannot commit 100% to that relationship with the girl. Until one day, she knows that she got pregnant by the girl's husband. She also wants to get back to me. Please help me.. I feel sorry for her to do this alone... Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 6, 2020 Share Posted August 6, 2020 No criticism of your English you are much better at it then I at Malay but I am a bit confused. This is what I got: You are lesbian your ex girlfriend is bisexual She is romancing another women who has a husband and they seem to have an open relationship, but your ex girlfriend cannot commit to that 100% but she does seem to be able to commit enough to get pregnant by her new lovers husband. Now she wants to return to you and you are sympathetic but cautious. Oh what a tangled web we weave. How do you truly feel about it? Are you talking about just helping her through the pregnancy or helping her raise the child? Was children part of your life plan? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 6, 2020 Share Posted August 6, 2020 Sorry to hear that. You need to end it. She is much too confused and unstable to date. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 6, 2020 Share Posted August 6, 2020 8 hours ago, Anne87 said: The things is the girl is already married to a guy and she wants an open relationship with my gf. And my ex cannot commit 100% to that relationship with the girl. Until one day, she knows that she got pregnant by the girl's husband. She also wants to get back to me. Please help me.. I feel sorry for her to do this alone... This isn't your problem to resolve. Stay broken up. You don't need this in your life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted August 6, 2020 Share Posted August 6, 2020 (edited) It sounds to me like she left you for this poly (3-person) relationship, but, now that she has gotten pregnant, they are not supportive enough of her. So she has returned to you for security in raising the child. To me, this sounds like a lot for her to ask for. Some things for you to consider: - Do you actually want her back? - Do you think she actually wants you back, or is in truth coming to you more for assistance with the pregnancy and baby? - Do you think she's likely to cheat on you and/or form a new relationship after some time if you were to take her back? (You mention she is a "sex addict".) - If you take her back and IF you both stay together, is helping raise the child something you want? - How does the law treat children outside of marriage generally in your country? If you end up loving the child, what parental rights does the father have under the laws of your country that he might assert? Could he decide to take the child away from you one day or try to get you in trouble for your lesbian relationship (I understand Malaysia is a majority muslim country) or otherwise become a threat to you? I certainly don't have a specific recommendation as this situation is way outside of any of my personal experience. You could consider being a supportive friend (while pursuing other relationships) if that's possible for you emotionally. That way you can support her with the baby while not being tied up in a relationship with her where you are not sure whether to trust her or not and/or starting to feel like the child is "part yours" on an emotional level due to you taking the role of a family member. It does seem to me it seems like you have a lot to think about before deciding whether to take her back. Edited August 6, 2020 by mark clemson Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 6, 2020 Share Posted August 6, 2020 She's not alone. She has the new woman & the baby's father. Do not commit to fixing her mistake. She cheated on you once. If you take her back you will become attached to the child. She will cheat on you again & then she'll leave you broken hearted on two fronts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Anne Avery Posted September 3, 2020 Author Share Posted September 3, 2020 thanks for responding. 🙂 none of that of her fault.. maybe her past drive her to be this kind of person.. her father was so strict and always beat her up. she confessed about her sexual abuse (by her uncle) to her father but her father did nothing! her mom left her and her siblings when she's 8. I know that's too much on her. But i don't think i want to spend my life raising a kid. And right now i have a new girlfriend. Knowing that she's alone in all that breaks my heart.. Remembering all the memories when we're together hurts me.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MrPlop Posted September 3, 2020 Share Posted September 3, 2020 1 hour ago, Anne87 said: thanks for responding. 🙂 none of that of her fault.. maybe her past drive her to be this kind of person.. her father was so strict and always beat her up. she confessed about her sexual abuse (by her uncle) to her father but her father did nothing! her mom left her and her siblings when she's 8. I know that's too much on her. But i don't think i want to spend my life raising a kid. And right now i have a new girlfriend. Knowing that she's alone in all that breaks my heart.. Remembering all the memories when we're together hurts me.. No no no, don't make excuses for her actions. She is an adult, if she cannot take responsibilities for the actions imagine taking care of a child. Always remember doesn't matter how hard you try you cannot help those that don't want to help themselves. Become a parent because you want to, not because of someone else's bad decision. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 3, 2020 Share Posted September 3, 2020 10 hours ago, Anne Avery said: none of that of her fault.. * * * But i don't think i want to spend my life raising a kid. And right now i have a new girlfriend. * * * Knowing that she's alone in all that breaks my heart.. Remembering all the memories when we're together hurts me.. She wasn't raped. She chose to cheat on you. She chose to have unprotected sex with a man during the threesome. So yes it is her fault she got pregnant. Choices have consequences. Since you know you don't want somebody else's kid just stay away. Concentrate on your new relationship although I gotta say that was fast. Again she's not all alone. She has the baby's father & his wife. Where are her parents in all this? Strict or not, this is their grandkid. That softens a lot of hearts. She also has siblings. If she really doesn't want to raise this baby, she can put the child up for adoption. Break ups are emotionally painful. You do dwell on the good times & mourn for them in the throws of your grief. Because you are still longing for her, I suspect your new GF is a rebound. Be careful with her heart. Link to post Share on other sites
usa1ah Posted September 3, 2020 Share Posted September 3, 2020 Title should be your ex gf got pregnant. Link to post Share on other sites
C52 Posted September 3, 2020 Share Posted September 3, 2020 I recommend you stay out of this drama totally and eternally. If you'd feel better doing something, then the most I'd recommend is giving her the name of a good attorney who can guide her through the legal issues and responsibilities of the baby-daddy. Otherwise stay out of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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