hawx79 Posted August 8, 2020 Share Posted August 8, 2020 I have known my girlfriend almost 3 years and we have been engaged early this year. We don't like yet together tho but wanted after we get married, but cause of Corona we had to postpone everything. In 2 weeks we are meeting again. I told her that I don't feel that she loves me as much I do. Her reply was that in a relationship its normal that the one loves more then the other! Is this another way of saying that she doesn't love me? I also complained about why I am always the first one that says "I am missing you" and "I love you". She told me that the man should give love to the woman! When I tell her that I love her her reply is usually "me too!" This doesn't sound satisfying to me. She is sending me selfies but only when I ask for it and there not of good quality. On her Facebook she has many beautiful pictures that she didn't send me at all. And when I made a profile there, she deleted them! I also noticed in one picture she is not wearing my ring! She told me she forgot it that day while she told me earlier she always wear it. Now she is often going out to parks and roaming around the city where she lives. She is very vague about what she does and I don't want to be paranoid but I cant help but thinking maybe she is hoping to find a new man. Should I expect that our next meeting will be our last? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 8, 2020 Share Posted August 8, 2020 7 minutes ago, hawx79 said: I have known my girlfriend almost 3 years and we have been engaged early this year. We don't like yet together tho but wanted after we get married, but cause of Corona we had to postpone everything. In 2 weeks we are meeting again. I told her that I don't feel that she loves me as much I do. Her reply was that in a relationship its normal that the one loves more then the other! Is this another way of saying that she doesn't love me? I also complained about why I am always the first one that says "I am missing you" and "I love you". She told me that the man should give love to the woman! When I tell her that I love her her reply is usually "me too!" This doesn't sound satisfying to me. She is sending me selfies but only when I ask for it and there not of good quality. On her Facebook she has many beautiful pictures that she didn't send me at all. And when I made a profile there, she deleted them! I also noticed in one picture she is not wearing my ring! She told me she forgot it that day while she told me earlier she always wear it. Now she is often going out to parks and roaming around the city where she lives. She is very vague about what she does and I don't want to be paranoid but I cant help but thinking maybe she is hoping to find a new man. Should I expect that our next meeting will be our last? Is this and arranged marriage? Or a LDR? You seem overly concerned with social media and who said ILY first etc. basic trivia. Do you get along on important issues? In 3 years you should be more secure. It sounds like you are finding reasons to postpone the marriage because you really don't want to marry yet, at all or marry her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author hawx79 Posted August 8, 2020 Author Share Posted August 8, 2020 (edited) 8 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Is this and arranged marriage? Or a LDR? You seem overly concerned with social media and who said ILY first etc. basic trivia. Do you get along on important issues? In 3 years you should be more secure. It sounds like you are finding reasons to postpone the marriage because you really don't want to marry yet, at all or marry her. Its a LDR, we met each other frequently over the past. She has met my parents, we went travelling together and she lived during her vacations with me. And you are wrong! If I didnt want to get married why did I propose to her you think!? I absolutely want to get married to her and start a family but I don't feel her love. Edited August 8, 2020 by hawx79 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 8, 2020 Share Posted August 8, 2020 4 minutes ago, hawx79 said: I don't feel her love. Is she looking for residency in your country? Link to post Share on other sites
Author hawx79 Posted August 8, 2020 Author Share Posted August 8, 2020 (edited) 14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Is this and arranged marriage? Or a LDR? You seem overly concerned with social media and who said ILY first etc. basic trivia. Do you get along on important issues? In 3 years you should be more secure. It sounds like you are finding reasons to postpone the marriage because you really don't want to marry yet, at all or marry her. Yes that too. I am Dutch and she is Russian. Edited August 8, 2020 by hawx79 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 8, 2020 Share Posted August 8, 2020 At a minimum you should have a LONG engagement & some serious pre-martial counseling. You two have a communication issue & if your emotional needs aren't being met, you should not marry Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 8, 2020 Share Posted August 8, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, hawx79 said: Yes that too. I am Dutch and she is Russian. Is this from a Russian bride site? If so she will play along until she gets residency. After all most marriage of convenience are not about love. Edited August 8, 2020 by Wiseman2 4 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 17, 2020 Share Posted August 17, 2020 If your feelings are stronger for her then hers are for you, then that will put you at a disadvantage in the relationship. I think you are feeling that disadvantage right now. I don't know if the things you are concerned about are major problems or only major problems magnified by your suspicions. Hire a PI for a week and find out what she is up to. That may solve that problem. Right now you need to quit confronting her about her lack of feelings. Instead watch, listen, and learn and put off your plans to marry her. Pull back and see if she comes after you. Link to post Share on other sites
Caauug Posted September 23, 2020 Share Posted September 23, 2020 On 8/9/2020 at 1:08 AM, hawx79 said: I told her that I don't feel that she loves me as much I do. Her reply was that in a relationship its normal that the one loves more then the other! Is this another way of saying that she doesn't love me? I also complained about why I am always the first one that says "I am missing you" and "I love you". She told me that the man should give love to the woman! When I tell her that I love her her reply is usually "me too!" This doesn't sound satisfying to me. She does not love you the same way as you love her, I think she is trying to tell you that. The Disney form of love is/was a lie but it likely kept you entertained as a kid. Too bad so many people believed it for the truth. LDR are hard work for both parties, sometimes it's not worth the work or sometimes one party doesn't take it seriously and just uses it as option 2. Be Careful. On 8/9/2020 at 1:08 AM, hawx79 said: She is sending me selfies but only when I ask for it and there not of good quality. On her Facebook she has many beautiful pictures that she didn't send me at all. And when I made a profile there, she deleted them! I also noticed in one picture she is not wearing my ring! She told me she forgot it that day while she told me earlier she always wear it. Why are you letting her get away with lying to you? She now knows she can do it again and you will just let it slide. She is seeing you as a push over or weak, she is loosing respect for you. Her actions and responses are clearly showing you that. On 8/9/2020 at 1:08 AM, hawx79 said: Should I expect that our next meeting will be our last? I think YOU should make it your last..... Why would you continue being used by someone that deceives and misleads you? Let her go to pray on some other sucker..... You don't need a parasite like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted September 24, 2020 Share Posted September 24, 2020 If you don't feel loved, you aren't. Trust your gut feeling. I'll make a sweeping generalisation here and say that when you choose to get involved with someone who wants to escape their country of birth, you're likely inviting a whole lot of heartache in to your life. Are you on an equal financial footing? If not, think hard about why she agreed to marry you and see it for what it is. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ellener Posted September 27, 2020 Share Posted September 27, 2020 (edited) On 8/8/2020 at 12:26 PM, hawx79 said: I absolutely want to get married to her and start a family but I don't feel her love. Children take over 20 years to raise, and need a tremendous amount of love, and will demand it with problem behaviours if their parents don't provide it for them. Which often challenges any marriage even where it's filled with love- just because it's so exhausting. I'll never really forgive myself for giving my son a father who was incapable of love who used him as a mini companion then eventually just abandoned him on a whim when he met a new woman and got bored being a dad! And his example and behaviour caused a lot of serious issues for my son which then it was left as my responsibility to fix and cope with until my son was mature enough to deal with them himself. Helping someone get residency in a safe free country is an act of love in itself, if that's what you want to do, but just be aware it's not going to be a great basis long-term for raising a child is what I'm saying. So many difficult scenarios come to mind. Edited September 27, 2020 by Ellener spelling 1 Link to post Share on other sites
boymommy Posted October 6, 2020 Share Posted October 6, 2020 LDR are tough. It can make people suspicious and behavior (that normally wouldn't be a big deal) can be immediately be overreacted to and blown out of proportion. I struggle with anxiety and sometimes am not really that great when my boyfriend gets busy and goes hours without returning a text/email. I know he's there but at times LDR can make you feel insecure or overly needy if you have a tendency toward that behavior to begin with..being seperated from your loved one can at times be a trigger. Through therapy I have learned coping skills to deal with this in a healthy way which has helped me understand my boyfriend and also helped to keep lines of communication open with boyfriend as well. He in turns does not dismiss my concerns but tries to help and is very receptive because he wants to make our relationship work. Have you tried counseling? Its possible she isn't as into as you are, it's possible she has a different way of showing love, it's possible you two aren't communicating well...you need to talk to her to find out. Be honest and tell her what you are feeling. Not in an accusatory way though. Make it about you and your anxious feelings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 7, 2020 Share Posted October 7, 2020 These things get worse not better. BEWARE! Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 On 8/8/2020 at 1:32 PM, hawx79 said: Yes that too. I am Dutch and she is Russian. Ut oh. Caution. Take heed. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 I dont have personal experience, but from what I've heard and seen Russian women tend to be more unwilling to show or express love. But if you have been sending her money you better be really careful. Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 (edited) I'm going to sound like a jerk, but from what I have heard, Russian women tend to have a rather "practical" view when it comes to romantic relationships. Edited October 11, 2020 by Veronica73 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HadMeOverABarrel Posted October 11, 2020 Share Posted October 11, 2020 9 hours ago, Veronica73 said: I'm going to sound like a jerk, but from what I have heard, Russian women tend to have a rather "practical" view when it comes to romantic relationships. You're not the only one who's "heard" this. 😉 I've seen a few in action, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts