April1995 Posted August 9, 2020 Share Posted August 9, 2020 Hello guys, so this has taken me a while to do because I don’t have anyone I can confide too, due to judgment and embarrassment. I've been with my husband for 6 years and married 3, and even before we got married I was unhappy but still went along with it (more fool me) so here’s the situation, I’m trapped! It all began with how much he was drinking & gambling then excessively spending. Little did I know that he’s maxed out all my credit cards without me knowing & has set up 3 loans in my name making me 30 thousand pounds in debt. He constantly lies about everything, I’ve had to hide my credit cards and change my passwords to everything. we argue everyday more than once, And he doesn’t get how betrayed I feel & how I can’t move forward! I’m so utterly depressed and stuck. I have no one to speak to or tell about all of this- I just can’t see how I can get out of all this?? I need a plan.. why can’t I just walk away!? (finally feel relieved just for writing this all down, any advise would be great) Thank you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 9, 2020 Share Posted August 9, 2020 3 minutes ago, April1995 said: married 3, and even before we got married he was drinking & gambling then excessively spending Sorry to hear this. privately and confidentially talk to an attorney asap to get your fiances severed however that works in your jurisdiction . All his debt will ruin your future and you could be accountable for it with creditors hounding you for years. Check your credit score. Talk to your banks. Cancel all credit cards. Open private funds in your or a (very) trusted relative's name. Make sure he has no access to your personal funds. Get a PO box and a safety deposit box for tour valuables and documents and have anything important sent (and forwarded) to the po box. There is no shame, just damage control. Definitely enlist the help of trustworthy friends and family for support and assistance. A lawyer can help you with this d for damage control as awell as eventual divorce, which is the only safe route out of this nightmare. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author April1995 Posted August 9, 2020 Author Share Posted August 9, 2020 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Sorry to hear this. privately and confidentially talk to an attorney asap to get your fiances severed however that works in your jurisdiction . All his debt will ruin your future and you could be accountable for it with creditors hounding you for years. Check your credit score. Talk to your banks. Cancel all credit cards. Open private funds in your or a (very) trusted relative's name. Make sure he has no access to your personal funds. Get a PO box and a safety deposit box for tour valuables and documents and have anything important sent (and forwarded) to the po box. There is no shame, just damage control. Definitely enlist the help of trustworthy friends and family for support and assistance. A lawyer can help you with this d for damage control as awell as eventual divorce, which is the only safe route out of this nightmare. Thank you for all your advise - it’s definitely time for me to start taking these steps forward. Just so hard to know where to begin 1 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 You should talk with a solicitor or do some research on the legalities of being married with respect to finances. I'm unsure as to how he got loans in your name without your signature. Dump the credit cards and get a consolidation loan that you can manage. Dump everything in your life you don't need. Cut cable tv, expensive cell phones, and don't go anywhere, etc.... Deal in cash until you are out of debt. You will have to keep your finances separate from his. Have one common checking account that you both contribute to for common expenses. As soon as you are able to - get out. File and run. And under no circumstances have children with your husband. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 Agree that you need to do as much research as possible to find out what legal protections you have. You may be required to pay off your debts, but worry about that later - right now, stop the bleeding. Figure out a way to separate and get any kind of assistance you can. You'll probably need to set up a secret consultation with a divorce attorney (a credible one) who can then assist you. Ask them everything you can about finding resources to help you mitigate the damage, even if it's setting up forbearance, debt restructuring, and payment plans. But you have to get out of this marriage - there is no trust at all, and without trust, you have no marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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