Is it silly to feel absolutely outclassed by another guy?

[Interstellar]

On 8/9/2020 at 7:02 PM, Peter1995 said:

Also, his impressive physical size combined with his handsome face made him very attractive - like, very, VERY attractive. I have never felt that outclassed by another guy in my entire life, so it felt hopeless to try competing with him, even if I had dared to do that in the first place.

You shoulda ask for his number.

[Peter1995]

On 9/5/2020 at 6:30 PM, smackie9 said:

This is what is called a "Humbling experience." Karma was putting you in your place. I say it's a message to set more focus on other attributes, and stop relying on your looks so much....getting a little too puffed up.

Well yes, the thing here though was that I did try to show my best side and felt just like I usually do when people have found me charming and all that, and I had noticed that the girl who I was talking to had been checking me out a few times earlier that evening, and she seemed quite interested after we had been talking for a while.
So it was a very strange and diminishing experience when the other guy simply showed up and immediately had dramatically more success in every possible way:
I had approached one of the girls and made a bit of effort in order to create a good romantic tension, and he was approached by both her and several other girls who immediately seemed very interested in him, and he had got that far in like seconds before he had got a chance to show his personality.

The only explanation that I could think of was that he probably had the kinds of looks that are very far above almost all other guys, so that I appeared very average compared to him even though I had tried to show my best personality as well.

[smackie9]

Geeeee I want a picture of this guy!

[Peter1995]

Just now, smackie9 said:

Geeeee I want a picture of this guy!

I should have taken one, haha.

I wonder what this guy's relationship is with women in general.

[explosivetomato]

This all seems very odd.

You try to chat up a girl last year on a night out and another guy took her attention instead. We’re almost a year on and you’re still obsessed with this? How is this even something to worry about? It happens in every bar or nightclub in the world, every night.

You also seem to have an unhealthy fixation on the guy himself!

Edited September 7, 2020 by explosivetomato

[Peter1995]

Just now, explosivetomato said:

This all seems very odd.

You try to chat up a girl last year on a night out and another guy took her attention instead. We’re almost a year on and you’re still obsessed with this? How is this even something to worry about? It happens in every bar or nightclub in the world, every night.

You also seem to have an unhealthy fixation on the guy himself!

Well, it was several things all at once - the fact that I had been trying to be my best both in looks and personality and did make a good impression on one of the girls, and yet the other guy makes a still dramatically more powerful impression on both her and several other girls right from the start without even doing anything other than showing up.

[smackie9]

It's possible these ladies knew him, so there was already an attraction built up, long before you came along.

Edited September 7, 2020 by smackie9

[Peter1995]

Just now, smackie9 said:

It's possible these ladies knew him, so there was already an attraction built up, long before you came along.

I don't think they knew him, because they were asking him for his name and where he came from, and there was nothing that indicated that any of them knew him at all.

Edited September 7, 2020 by Peter1995

[explosivetomato]

9 minutes ago, Peter1995 said:

Well, it was several things all at once - the fact that I had been trying to be my best both in looks and personality and did make a good impression on one of the girls, and yet the other guy makes a still dramatically more powerful impression on both her and several other girls right from the start without even doing anything other than showing up.

But it’s nearly a year ago. It was a throwaway moment that transpired when you were our trying to pick up women. You seem to have analysed everything in detail and now have a fixation on this man and why he’s so great.

Were you attracted to him and is that what you’re trying to come to terms with?

[Peter1995]

2 minutes ago, explosivetomato said:

But it’s nearly a year ago. It was a throwaway moment that transpired when you were our trying to pick up women. You seem to have analysed everything in detail and now have a fixation on this man and why he’s so great.

Were you attracted to him and is that what you’re trying to come to terms with?

It was just the way he caught all those girls' attention by storm without doing anything at all, whereas I had tried to be my best in both looks and personality to make a good impression on one of the girls.

It would have been another story if he caught the attention of the girl that I had been talking to, but he also caught the attention from several other girls as well, and with absolutely no effort.

Edited September 7, 2020 by Peter1995

[explosivetomato]

13 minutes ago, Peter1995 said:

It was just the way he caught all those girls' attention by storm without doing anything at all, whereas I had tried to be my best in both looks and personality to make a good impression on one of the girls.

It would have been another story if he caught the attention of the girl that I had been talking to, but he also caught the attention from several other girls as well, and with absolutely no effort.

But why are you obsessed with it? Everyone had seen men (and women) like that. I’m not sure what you’re looking for on here.

You were in a nightclub and an attractive man got lots of attention from women. Not sure where the news is there or what the issue is?

[Peter1995]

Just now, explosivetomato said:

But why are you obsessed with it? Everyone had seen men (and women) like that. I’m not sure what you’re looking for on here.

You were in a nightclub and an attractive man got lots of attention from women. Not sure where the news is there or what the issue is?

It was mostly that it felt weird that he seemed to be so much more attractive than me.
I really felt as if I would be totally invisible to most women whenever he was in my presence, and that he would be the instant favourite for most girls if they saw both of us at the same time.

[explosivetomato]

1 minute ago, Peter1995 said:

It was mostly that it felt weird that he seemed to be so much more attractive than me.
I really felt as if I would be totally invisible to most women whenever he was in my presence, and that he would be the instant favourite for most girls if they saw both of us at the same time.

But you’ll never see him again. You don’t know him. I cannot fathom why this bothered you a day on, never mind a year.

is the self-worth dictated by the amount of women who find you attractive and your place in the “pecking order” looks wise? There’s more to life.

[Peter1995]

Just now, explosivetomato said:

But you’ll never see him again. You don’t know him. I cannot fathom why this bothered you a day on, never mind a year.

is the self-worth dictated by the amount of women who find you attractive and your place in the “pecking order” looks wise? There’s more to life.

Well yes, I will stop thinking about it from now on.

It's partly a pure curiosity as well, I think - it seems like his relationships with women would be tricky.

[explosivetomato]

1 minute ago, Peter1995 said:

Well yes, I will stop thinking about it from now on.

It's partly a pure curiosity as well, I think - it seems like his relationships with women would be tricky.

It honestly sounds to me like you’re fetishising him and aren’t sure how to say it. Is that actually what this is about? It’s nothing to be ashamed of if so.

[Peter1995]

Just now, explosivetomato said:

It honestly sounds to me like you’re fetishising him and aren’t sure how to say it. Is that actually what this is about? It’s nothing to be ashamed of if so.

Not really that, I am more curious about what his relationship would be with women in general.
It seems like it would be quite complicated.

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Peter1995 said:

Not really that, I am more curious about what his relationship would be with women in general.
It seems like it would be quite complicated.

What are you basing that on? 

You saw this guy for moments in a club. You have literally zero information to hazard a guess what his relationships are like, in any way, shape or form. 

Are you trying to make yourself feel better by assuming he's got a complicated love life even though he's super-hot? How would knowing anything about his relationships be of practical use to you?

Edited September 7, 2020 by ExpatInItaly

[Azincourt]

On 8/10/2020 at 12:02 AM, Peter1995 said:

Last year I was at a club where I spotted a cute girl, and I decided to try flirting with her. She seemed a bit hard to get at first, but she warmed up after about 10-15 minutes. However, right when I was starting to get along with her, another guy appeared, and he was probably about 6'10 and also very muscular in a proportional way - which was very different from me, since I am 6'0 and have a normal quite slim build - as well as having a very handsome face.

 

 

Yeah, there's plenty of men I feel outclassed by.

I go between living at Ibiza, Saint-Tropez, mykonos,  The  Netherlands, and other places where a significant number of fashion models congregate to spend their holidays.  I've made friends with guys who work for fashion brands all the way from Calvin Klein, up to Giorgio Armani, Ralpha Laurel, Abbercombies, an many other high-end fashion brands, which often leave me feeling like I'm outclassed.

Because I am outclassed.

Wouldn't you feel completely outclassed if you were standing next to Jeff Bezos and he wanted to buy the house you spent the last 5-10 years saving a downpayment for, and he just goes ahead and not only buys the house but the entire city with his pocket change?

What sets me apart is that I'm dauntless, and I'm not afraid of hitting on someone like Sara Sampaio, because I know that my chances of taking her home with me are so low that I'm not going to feel disappointed when I do get rejected.

6 feet is pretty average these days. You're not gonna be getting women  based on your height.  You have a very handsome face?  That already puts you well above most other men. Now what you need to do is to transform that body from slim, to hulking. You see that Henry Cavill guy/Chris Pine/Chris Pratt/Chris Evans?

That's the body attractive women are seeking for, the hotter they are, the more they want a bulked up dude, not a bodybuilder mind you, but a Calvin Klein's catwalk body if you please.

If you are physically healthy, and your doctor gives you the go-ahead to do it, join a gym. Hire a personal trainer then tell him what you want and then GO FOR IT MAN. Slave away at them heavy weights.

On 8/10/2020 at 12:02 AM, Peter1995 said:

 

 

 

And the moment he appeared, I noticed that the girl I was flirting with started eyeing him with great interest, and she actually seemed a little bit shocked by the sight of him. She eventually told me that she was just gonna ask someone something, then walked straight up to him and started flirting with him

Women in nightclubs, women in music festivals, women in general who are looking for casual sex to tend to drop a guy quickly, a guy they were flirting with, if a better-looking guy comes along and is interested in them, yeah, I've noticed that in my nearly 20 years of going to nightclubs and bars and parties, every night, every week, every month, every year. But there's nothing wrong about that. I'll also drop a woman quickly if someone more attractive than her shows interest in me, unless I feel like I'm going to have to work a lot more with the #2 woman who just entered the scene.

If I haven't had sex in a long time, like a month or two, I just go for the woman I feel wants to have sex with me the most. 

 

On 8/10/2020 at 12:02 AM, Peter1995 said:

 

, even though she had been hard to get around me at first - and not only that, but he also had caught the attention of 3 other girls, and all of them, including the girl that I had been talking to, had immediately started to flirt with him a lot, and started thinking of excuses to get physical contact with him, such as asking if they could feel his arm muscles and asking him to lift them up and things like that. And the fact that he was significantly bigger and more powerful than me made me feel very intimidated by him, so I dared not try to compete with him, and left instead.

Bro, once I was in a nightclub when Cristiano Ronaldo Himself entered the nightclub. Hundreds of women stopped talking to the men they were talking to and stared at Ronaldo all the time, so what, man, rich/gorgeous soccer players can have nearly every woman they want to get with, that's how life is, just like Saudi Arabian princes can have 4 simultaneously wives going and I can only have one. The sooner you accept the facts of life, the faster you'll enjoy your youth.

I also didn't bother talking to women as soon as Ronaldo entered the place. Felt that I couldn't compete with a greek god with 1 billion euros in the bank at the age of 35, so why bother. I just went home and went to sleep instead. I felt pretty diminuished as a man, as it's normal for a guy to feel like that when he's literally in the presence of a man with Hollywood A-List good looks, and the money to join the billionaire's club.

 

On 8/10/2020 at 12:02 AM, Peter1995 said:

Also, his impressive physical size combined with his handsome face made him very attractive - like, very, VERY attractive. I have never felt that outclassed by another guy in my entire life, so it felt hopeless to try competing with him, even if I had dared to do that in the first place.

Is it weird to feel this way when someone who is overwhelmingly attractive shows up like this? Because I felt a bit silly for thinking this way when this happened, but I did feel that he was way too attractive to be a realistic competition, and I could certainly tell that from how those girls melted in front of him so easily.

I usually never feel threatened in the lloks department by other guys like this, but this guy was just too much - I felt very strongly that "no, I have no chance", and I felt that the fact that he had got 4 flirty admirers within seconds by just showing up whereas I had sort of got along with 1 of them after approaching her and making an effort to charm her said a lot. Sure, of course his physical size made a big impact on them at first, but they were definitely into him as well.

I know what you mean.  When I was 18, I befriended a guy no one liked because he'd sleep with everyone's girlfriend so everyone hated him, except me. I reckon, guy's so physically attractive, I can't really blame my girlfriend for sleeping with him. I'd sleep with Selena Gomez if she wanted to sleep with me. Let thee who has never sinned throw the first stone. I don't judge people.

Then this guy took a liking to me,  got me to join his modelling agency, and suddenly I was introduced to a world of stunningly gorgeous men who looked like they were the sons of gods, and as I got to meet and befriend and spend time and date the women who worked there as fashion models, I  was given the opportunity to step into the social circles of rich soccer players/tennis players/rich actors, and BRO, do these men sleep with a lot of gorgeous women.

It's how life is, bro. We take what is offered to us, by the women who want to sleep with us, or we live like Jesuit priests, because only a handful of men can have the same life that example of masculine perfection you just talked about has.

 

[explosivetomato]

On 9/4/2020 at 10:36 PM, Peter1995 said:

Yes, I guess the guy that I saw at the club would have a similar problem:
all the girls who had started hitting on him were definitely super-into him, and they seemed to compete for his attention and barely even notice each other.
Of course, they would be focused on his looks at that point, since they didn't know him, but they did look at him with a really tender a flirty gaze and gave him compliments, tried to find excuses to touch him, and were giddy in general, so it wouldn't surprise me if those who may have ended up dating him got a mad crush on him later.
Two of them also directly invited him to do something with each of them, but he seemed to mostly give a flattered laugh as a response.

I am not sure how he handled that situation, since he seemed to find all of them attractive, but maybe he dated each of them at a time.

 

28 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

 

Yeah, there's plenty of men I feel outclassed by.

I go between living at Ibiza, Saint-Tropez, mykonos,  The  Netherlands, and other places where a significant number of fashion models congregate to spend their holidays.  I've made friends with guys who work for fashion brands all the way from Calvin Klein, up to Giorgio Armani, Ralpha Laurel, Abbercombies, an many other high-end fashion brands, which often leave me feeling like I'm outclassed.

Because I am outclassed.

Wouldn't you feel completely outclassed if you were standing next to Jeff Bezos and he wanted to buy the house you spent the last 5-10 years saving a downpayment for, and he just goes ahead and not only buys the house but the entire city with his pocket change?

What sets me apart is that I'm dauntless, and I'm not afraid of hitting on someone like Sara Sampaio, because I know that my chances of taking her home with me are so low that I'm not going to feel disappointed when I do get rejected.

6 feet is pretty average these days. You're not gonna be getting women  based on your height.  You have a very handsome face?  That already puts you well above most other men. Now what you need to do is to transform that body from slim, to hulking. You see that Henry Cavill guy/Chris Pine/Chris Pratt/Chris Evans?

That's the body attractive women are seeking for, the hotter they are, the more they want a bulked up dude, not a bodybuilder mind you, but a Calvin Klein's catwalk body if you please.

If you are physically healthy, and your doctor gives you the go-ahead to do it, join a gym. Hire a personal trainer then tell him what you want and then GO FOR IT MAN. Slave away at them heavy weights.

Women in nightclubs, women in music festivals, women in general who are looking for casual sex to tend to drop a guy quickly, a guy they were flirting with, if a better-looking guy comes along and is interested in them, yeah, I've noticed that in my nearly 20 years of going to nightclubs and bars and parties, every night, every week, every month, every year. But there's nothing wrong about that. I'll also drop a woman quickly if someone more attractive than her shows interest in me, unless I feel like I'm going to have to work a lot more with the #2 woman who just entered the scene.

If I haven't had sex in a long time, like a month or two, I just go for the woman I feel wants to have sex with me the most. 

 

Bro, once I was in a nightclub when Cristiano Ronaldo Himself entered the nightclub. Hundreds of women stopped talking to the men they were talking to and stared at Ronaldo all the time, so what, man, rich/gorgeous soccer players can have nearly every woman they want to get with, that's how life is, just like Saudi Arabian princes can have 4 simultaneously wives going and I can only have one. The sooner you accept the facts of life, the faster you'll enjoy your youth.

I also didn't bother talking to women as soon as Ronaldo entered the place. Felt that I couldn't compete with a greek god with 1 billion euros in the bank at the age of 35, so why bother. I just went home and went to sleep instead. I felt pretty diminuished as a man, as it's normal for a guy to feel like that when he's literally in the presence of a man with Hollywood A-List good looks, and the money to join the billionaire's club.

 

I know what you mean.  When I was 18, I befriended a guy no one liked because he'd sleep with everyone's girlfriend so everyone hated him, except me. I reckon, guy's so physically attractive, I can't really blame my girlfriend for sleeping with him. I'd sleep with Selena Gomez if she wanted to sleep with me. Let thee who has never sinned throw the first stone. I don't judge people.

Then this guy took a liking to me,  got me to join his modelling agency, and suddenly I was introduced to a world of stunningly gorgeous men who looked like they were the sons of gods, and as I got to meet and befriend and spend time and date the women who worked there as fashion models, I  was given the opportunity to step into the social circles of rich soccer players/tennis players/rich actors, and BRO, do these men sleep with a lot of gorgeous women.

It's how life is, bro. We take what is offered to us, by the women who want to sleep with us, or we live like Jesuit priests, because only a handful of men can have the same life that example of masculine perfection you just talked about has.

 

Beyond parody. Love it...

[Peter1995]

27 minutes ago, Azincourt said:

It's how life is, bro. We take what is offered to us, by the women who want to sleep with us, or we live like Jesuit priests, because only a handful of men can have the same life that example of masculine perfection you just talked about has.

 

Yes, I am not sure what came out of this guy's conversation with those girls, but based on the girls' body language and the very strong spark between them and him, it honestly wouldn't surprise me if he got intimate with all of them that same night - they were always finding excuses to touch him, and he touched their shoulders and arms every now and then and seemed to check them out without even trying to hide it, and they seemed totally fine with that.

Edited September 7, 2020 by Peter1995

[explosivetomato]

8 minutes ago, Peter1995 said:

Yes, I am not sure what came out of this guy's conversation with those girls, but based on the girls' body language and the very strong spark between them and him, it honestly wouldn't surprise me if he got intimate with all of them that same night - they were always finding excuses to touch him, and he touched their shoulders and arms every now and then and seemed to check them out without even trying to hide it, and they seemed totally fine with that.

You spent a lot of the night watching this guy didn’t you? If you focused more on yourself you’d have fewer issues.

[WesHightower]

Here’s a move in that situation.  Wait till the initial swarm quiets down a bit and then you go strike up a conversation with him, maybe even make it appear to others that you are buds or the like. Be extra friendly and jovial, as if nothing could bother you.   Now all of a sudden you are part of the cool kids and these girls are looking at you differently.  It’s sort of like, some guys find it easier to meet good looking women if they (the guy) are just hanging out with a female friend who is really hot.  You sort of become what you associate yourself with.  They can’t all be attracted to his type.  Some of them may not even be attracted to him, they are just following the crowd.  Also remember, what you as a guy see as intimidating and what you think would be attractive to women isn’t necessarily what women are attracted to.  Men are very obvious and visual in what they are attracted to, women are not. Everyone has seen the hot girl with the ugly troll.   Some women may want to talk to the guy and find him interesting but would have no intention of sleeping with the guy.   

[explosivetomato]

21 minutes ago, WesHightower said:

Here’s a move in that situation.  Wait till the initial swarm quiets down a bit and then you go strike up a conversation with him, maybe even make it appear to others that you are buds or the like. Be extra friendly and jovial, as if nothing could bother you.   Now all of a sudden you are part of the cool kids and these girls are looking at you differently.  It’s sort of like, some guys find it easier to meet good looking women if they (the guy) are just hanging out with a female friend who is really hot.  You sort of become what you associate yourself with.  They can’t all be attracted to his type.  Some of them may not even be attracted to him, they are just following the crowd.  Also remember, what you as a guy see as intimidating and what you think would be attractive to women isn’t necessarily what women are attracted to.  Men are very obvious and visual in what they are attracted to, women are not. Everyone has seen the hot girl with the ugly troll.   Some women may want to talk to the guy and find him interesting but would have no intention of sleeping with the guy.   

Walking up and striking a jovial conversation with a stranger in a club will get him earmarked as either a weirdo or hitting on the person involved. That’s utterly dreadful advice.

look at the way the OP writes. I don’t imagine he can swagger up and pull off the kind of charismatic showing you are suggesting.

Edited September 7, 2020 by explosivetomato

[Azincourt]

42 minutes ago, explosivetomato said:

You spent a lot of the night watching this guy didn’t you? If you focused more on yourself you’d have fewer issues.

Sure, but the problem is that the woman he was interested in completely lost interest in him and wanted that other guy, and so did the women who were around him.  Thankfully there aren't all that many men like the guy OP described, so guys don't have to worry much about being outclassed, but it's still true that the most attractive of women go for the hottest of men, or for the richest, so the rest of us non-Adonis just have to be patient and we'll meet women who aren't surrounded by such godlike men.

Edited September 7, 2020 by Azincourt

[WesHightower]

2 hours ago, explosivetomato said:

Walking up and striking a jovial conversation with a stranger in a club will get him earmarked as either a weirdo or hitting on the person involved. That’s utterly dreadful advice.

look at the way the OP writes. I don’t imagine he can swagger up and pull off the kind of charismatic showing you are suggesting.

In many cases you are correct but personally I’ve found it’s easier if you project the right attitude and you can find some sort of common ground.  I walked up to Michael Jordan in a bar one night and struck up a conversation with him based on the fact that I’m from North Carolina.  I spoke with him for probably 30 minutes. I could tell that people in the bar were thinking ‘ who the f*** is this guy.  He’s got  Michael Jordan laughing and joking?”  Now I am a salesman by profession and much of my job is engaging people and getting them to like me and to let their guard down.  The most useful tool is making someone laugh.  If you can make someone laugh whether it be a woman or a customer or the greatest basketball player of all time, you are half way home.  I’m naturally an introvert but I’ve learned these things from years of selling and it’s something that most anyone can learn.  There’s quite a bit on YouTube about this-some of it’s bad, but there is a lot of useful info to be had.