Is it silly to feel absolutely outclassed by another guy?

[Peter1995]

3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Vainity is a weakness. It cripples you exactly in this way with this mirror mirror on the wall obsession. Once you stop obsessing over your looks, you may start enjoying life and getting dates.

I guess this is how things work, huh; no matter how much a guy gets validation from people that he is one of the very handsome guys, there could appear another guy at any moment who is still ridiculously much more attractive and completely eclipses that guy.

[Ruby Slippers]

21 minutes ago, Peter1995 said:

I guess this is how things work, huh; no matter how much a guy gets validation from people that he is one of the very handsome guys, there could appear another guy at any moment who is still ridiculously much more attractive and completely eclipses that guy.

Yes. You shouldn't skate by on your looks. We've all heard the generalizations about men and women who don't really develop their intelligence, personality, compassion, or other positive character traits because they skate by on looks and are lazy. 

Don't be that guy. Be the total package, who's cute as well as smart, kind, loving, charitable. This will make you a great long-term catch for like women, and will make you much more magnetic in every way. 

[Peter1995]

6 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

Yes. You shouldn't skate by on your looks. We've all heard the generalizations about men and women who don't really develop their intelligence, personality, compassion, or other positive character traits because they skate by on looks and are lazy. 

Don't be that guy. Be the total package, who's cute as well as smart, kind, loving, charitable. This will make you a great long-term catch for like women, and will make you much more magnetic in every way. 

Yes, and I have practised those traits as well, and always heard that I come off as genuinely charming and likeable.

The thing that bothered me at that club was that, even though I showed my best and most charming side and felt great about myself in every way, this other guy still got much more success much more quickly without even making any effort, only because of his looks.

Edited August 10, 2020 by Peter1995

[Ruby Slippers]

Because in the club most people are looking for cheap, fleeting thrills, so the hot bod/pretty face rules. Basically, you and he were pieces of meat to those women. They just went for the bigger piece of meat with more sizzle.

[Peter1995]

Just now, Ruby Slippers said:

Because in the club most people are looking for cheap, fleeting thrills, so the hot bod/pretty face rules. Basically, you and he were pieces of meat to those women. They just went for the bigger piece of meat with more sizzle.

It seems to me as if those girls would be very jealous of each other though, since all of them were definitely really into him. It must have been tricky for him to have to pick only one of them that night and reject everyone else.

[Ruby Slippers]

Maybe he took all of them home. Some people are into that.

And some people lose all reason around a very hot person. I've had a few boyfriends like this, and it's really funny to see how women behave around them, as if they'd jump on them naked if they could lol

[Peter1995]

5 minutes ago, Ruby Slippers said:

Maybe he took all of them home. Some people are into that.

And some people lose all reason around a very hot person. I've had a few boyfriends like this, and it's really funny to see how women behave around them, as if they'd jump on them naked if they could lol

Yes, these girls seemed infatuated by that guy very quickly. They looked at him with eyes full of tender love, probably because his looks combined with his pretty smile made him look truly beautiful. So I am sure that all of them at the very least tried to get a date with him that night.

Edited August 10, 2020 by Peter1995

[kendahke]

14 hours ago, Peter1995 said:

I was trying to get a hard-to-get girl develop interest in me,

That's what you dismissed too readily. Your mistake was saying to yourself, "if I keep at it, I'll get her". She wasn't going to let you keep her interest. She never was open to you... she played along because she didn't know who you were or what you were capable of, but had she ever been that interested in you, you wouldn't have had to try so hard.

Learn to read the room. Playing hard to get = I'm not interested in you.

Edited August 10, 2020 by kendahke

[JRabbit]

1 hour ago, Peter1995 said:

Yes, these girls seemed infatuated by that guy very quickly. They looked at him with eyes full of tender love, probably because his looks combined with his pretty smile made him look truly beautiful. So I am sure that all of them at the very least tried to get a date with him that night.

One thing you have completely missed in your posts is that you assume these women didn't know this guy already and are 100% after him because of his looks.  I spent many nights partying in bars and majority of the guys girls see they already know from either school, work or just the bar scene.  There were always guys who had many women friends, this whole scenario could just as easily be made up entirely in your head. 

I am not saying the women weren't interested in this guy, but they might already know he has a great personality along with those looks to match. Don'tr assume all women are so shallow, many of us like men with less traditional good looks.

Try not to make so many assumptions on others situations when you truly don't know what the scenario is, then beat yourself up over it.

[mark clemson]

14 hours ago, Peter1995 said:

This is one reason why the night at that club made such an impact on me - that was the first time I had felt not just rivalry, but complete hopelessness in regards to my relative looks.

Yeah, so you're a 6' guy with a handsome face who get's plenty of attention from women and now some guy comes along who's even MORE of a "Chad" and your potential ONS or whatever flits on over to him. So, one time, the shoe was on the other foot for you. I agree it is a useful lesson for you.

Now you can accept the lesson that indeed there's always someone better (along one set of parameters if not another) and go back to winning MOST of the time. Take it from a 5'10" guy with a handsome face (apparently) and big broad shoulders -  lucky for you there are only so many guys like him in the world and LOTS of women who need dates and eventually husbands/LTRs. So, there are likely to be plenty left over for you. 🙂  You've probably already been that guy who got most of the female interest in some social contexts. And no doubt it will happen again. I've definitely been that guy in some social contexts where I was (on a surface level) the most attractive guy *currently in sight* (important caveat).

So, yes, take the lesson to heart and be kind to the other guys when you're soaking up the ladies.

[Peter1995]

1 hour ago, mark clemson said:

Yeah, so you're a 6' guy with a handsome face who get's plenty of attention from women and now some guy comes along who's even MORE of a "Chad" and your potential ONS or whatever flits on over to him. So, one time, the shoe was on the other foot for you. I agree it is a useful lesson for you.

Now you can accept the lesson that indeed there's always someone better (along one set of parameters if not another) and go back to winning MOST of the time. Take it from a 5'10" guy with a handsome face (apparently) and big broad shoulders -  lucky for you there are only so many guys like him in the world and LOTS of women who need dates and eventually husbands/LTRs. So, there are likely to be plenty left over for you. 🙂  You've probably already been that guy who got most of the female interest in some social contexts. And no doubt it will happen again. I've definitely been that guy in some social contexts where I was (on a surface level) the most attractive guy *currently in sight* (important caveat).

So, yes, take the lesson to heart and be kind to the other guys when you're soaking up the ladies.

I wasn't really thinking about how handsome other people thought I was, it was more that I had got used to never feeling that threatened by other guys, so I started to subconsciously assume that I was always one of the more handsome guys in every situation, since I had got that type of validation throughout my life. So it was a real shocker when this super-gorgeous guy appeared and made me feel almost below average compared to him, and I realised from the moment I saw him that I no longer had a chance - and the reactions from all those girls further confirmed this (and I did get the impression that they didn't know him).

So yes, my lesson there was pretty much that even if I might be considered one of the more handsome guys in almost every situation (judging by my past experiences), there can also be that situation when an unusually attractive guy like him can appear at any moment who is simply on an entirely different unique level and also much taller and more powerful-looking than me all at once, and who will effectively make me invisible.

Edited August 10, 2020 by Peter1995

[Wiseman2]

In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a hunter from Thespiae in Boeotia who was known for his beauty. According to Tzetzes, he was a Laconian hunter who loved everything beautiful Narcissus was proud, in that he disdained those who loved him, causing some to take their own lives to prove their devotion to his striking beauty. Narcissus is the origin of the term narcissism, a fixation with oneself and one's physical appearance or public perception

[Peter1995]

5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

In Greek mythology, Narcissus was a hunter from Thespiae in Boeotia who was known for his beauty. According to Tzetzes, he was a Laconian hunter who loved everything beautiful Narcissus was proud, in that he disdained those who loved him, causing some to take their own lives to prove their devotion to his striking beauty. Narcissus is the origin of the term narcissism, a fixation with oneself and one's physical appearance or public perception

I do sometimes wonder if I would have stood a chance that evening if I gave my absolute best. 

It did however seem as if this guy made a dramatically more powerful impression on much more girls with only his looks and no effort whatsoever, and the fact that I only made a fraction of the same progress with one of the girls while I tried to present myself at my best probably means that the girls would just ignore me completely as long as he was at that place, and most likely get annoyed if I tried any approaches at all.

Edited August 10, 2020 by Peter1995

[ExpatInItaly]

3 hours ago, Peter1995 said:

Yes, these girls seemed infatuated by that guy very quickly. They looked at him with eyes full of tender love, probably because his looks combined with his pretty smile made him look truly beautiful. So I am sure that all of them at the very least tried to get a date with him that night.

Tender love?

Dude. Come on. You are projecting here and need some perspective. These girls were momentarily enamored by a hot guy, sure. But that is not "tender love." They were all strangers. These girls didn't love him; they didn't even know him. You have no clue if any of them tried to get dates with him, nor if he was interested in any of them. You have no idea if the girl you were tying to talk would have even been a good match for you.  You're reliving all of this through a filter that is likely much more exaggerated in your own mind than the reality of the situation really calls for. 

I think the better question is here to reflect on why you're still hung up on something that happened on a random night last year. Has something else recently triggered your insecurity? 

[Wiseman2]

4 minutes ago, Peter1995 said:

It did however seem as if this guy made a dramatically more powerful impression on much more girls with only his looks and no effort whatsoever, and the fact that I only made a fraction of the same progress with one of the girls while I tried to present myself at my best probably means that the girls would just ignore me completely as long as he was at that place, and most likely get annoyed if I tried any approaches at all.

  Google "narcissistic injury". The narcissist's attempts at being seen as perfect are necessary for their grandiose self-image. If a perceived state of perfection is not reached, it can lead to guilt, shame, anger or anxiety because the subject believes that they will lose the admiration and love of other people if they are imperfect.

[Peter1995]

10 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

  Google "narcissistic injury". The narcissist's attempts at being seen as perfect are necessary for their grandiose self-image. If a perceived state of perfection is not reached, it can lead to guilt, shame, anger or anxiety because the subject believes that they will lose the admiration and love of other people if they are imperfect.

Maybe I have always had a narcissistic attitude to my own looks because of my previous experiences without fully realising it, and then when the guy at the club appeared I was forced to accept that he was way way above me in terms of looks, so that this made me feel totally inadequate in looks compared to him...?

Edited August 10, 2020 by Peter1995

[nospam99]

Try dating at 5'8'' = 32.9th percentile. Two thirds of other men in the US 'distract' women. Op is 82th percentile. His 'outclasser' is 99.99th

[Wiseman2]

The Magic Mirror is owned by the Evil Queen and has been depicted in different versions as either a hand mirror or a mirror on the wall. Every morning, the Evil Queen asked the Magic Mirror the question "Mirror mirror in my hand, who is the fairest in the land?". The mirror always replies: "My Queen, you are the fairest in the land." The Queen is always pleased with that because the magic mirror never lies.

But, the Evil Queen asked the Magic Mirror the question "Magic Mirror in my hand, who is the fairest in the land?" The mirror replies: "My Queen, you are the fairest here so true. But Snow White beyond the mountains at the Seven Dwarfs is a thousand times more beautiful than you." 

[Peter1995]

14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

The Magic Mirror is owned by the Evil Queen and has been depicted in different versions as either a hand mirror or a mirror on the wall. Every morning, the Evil Queen asked the Magic Mirror the question "Mirror mirror in my hand, who is the fairest in the land?". The mirror always replies: "My Queen, you are the fairest in the land." The Queen is always pleased with that because the magic mirror never lies.

But, the Evil Queen asked the Magic Mirror the question "Magic Mirror in my hand, who is the fairest in the land?" The mirror replies: "My Queen, you are the fairest here so true. But Snow White beyond the mountains at the Seven Dwarfs is a thousand times more beautiful than you." 

I guess that that's what it was like to me, then? I took for granted that I was consistently considered one of the more handsome guys with only minor competition wherever I went just because of my past experiences, and then felt very uncomfortable when the guy at the club appeared and forced me to realise that he was dramatically much more attractive than me and that I had no chance against him?

Edited August 10, 2020 by Peter1995

[Wiseman2]

21 minutes ago, Peter1995 said:

I guess that that's what it was like to me, then? 

The moral of the story is if they are surrounded by 7 dwarfs, you need to move on.

[smackie9]

Hey this happens to women too! Hot body walks up to the bar and every guy in the place is either watching her, wolf calling, whistling or making a run at her.

 

[Peter1995]

13 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Hey this happens to women too! Hot body walks up to the bar and every guy in the place is either watching her, wolf calling, whistling or making a run at her.

 

Yes, that's true.

It was however a bit shocking when I had got used to always being considered one of the most good-looking guys in every situation, and then a guy who is much much more good-looking still, much taller AND much more physically intimidating makes an entrance and takes over all attention in the room with ridiculous ease like that, and makes me feel completely invisible.

I guess that it served me well to have that experience, and be taught once and for all that someone like him does exist.

Edited August 10, 2020 by Peter1995

[mark clemson]

Or at least glancing over...

[Peter1995]

2 minutes ago, mark clemson said:

Or at least glancing over...

I am not sure if I understand what you mean...?

[mark clemson]

Ah, sorry, the above crossed posts - I was responding to this from Smackie...

32 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Hey this happens to women too! Hot body walks up to the bar and every guy in the place is either watching her, wolf calling, whistling or making a run at her.