TheTruth711 Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 When my husband and I make love, it lasts for at least two hours. At the end I’m normally totally spent and sore all over and would be okay to do it again in a few days...3-4 days. However the very next night he’s ready to go again. It’s unbelievable and even annoying. When I refuse, he gets mad, goes quiet and ignores me for the next days until somehow he acts kind with the end goal being sex. Im truly sick of this behavior. It is like living with a teenager. Today is actually our marriage anniversary and he’s been pouting and sulking all day because I refused to do it two days ago. It is very lonely living with someone who’s always in his feelings. Infact I regret having sex with him only to be ignored soon after because sex makes me feel vulnerable. Are all men insatiable? Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 Are all men insatiable? Nope. You and your husband simply have a big libido mismatch. Common in marriage. Have you two had a civil, sit-down conversation about the issue? On one hand, I think it is unfair to expect a partner to be faithful when their needs aren't getting met. On the other hand, I think it is unfair for meeting the high-drive partner's needs to cause physical pain. There's gotta be a compromise, almost like a contract. Let me ask....is he using a condom? Because I can't imagine a guy thrusting at full speed without a condom and lasting two hours. Condoms often decrease sensitivity, so if that's the case going without might solve some of this. Or I could be totally on the wrong track... Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 Two hours? Is that one continuous sex session, or is that multiple times over a span of two hours? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 You two have obviously been together for quite some time, given that you're married. Surely it hasn't taken years to figure out a mismatched libido? When did this start happening? Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheTruth711 Posted August 10, 2020 Author Share Posted August 10, 2020 1 hour ago, major_merrick said: Are all men insatiable? Nope. You and your husband simply have a big libido mismatch. Common in marriage. Have you two had a civil, sit-down conversation about the issue? On one hand, I think it is unfair to expect a partner to be faithful when their needs aren't getting met. On the other hand, I think it is unfair for meeting the high-drive partner's needs to cause physical pain. There's gotta be a compromise, almost like a contract. Let me ask....is he using a condom? Because I can't imagine a guy thrusting at full speed without a condom and lasting two hours. Condoms often decrease sensitivity, so if that's the case going without might solve some of this. Or I could be totally on the wrong track... We very rarely use condoms. He’s always been able to last that long, even longer when we were dating. Even after he comes he does not need to take a (30 minute?) break. He pretty much keeps going that very minute. I have to ask him to stop. This is seriously stressing me out. I can’t sleep at night because I know he’s going to want it. When I doze off he moves around intending to wake me up so we get it on. I asked if we could atleast schedule sex so I can rest peacefully on days it does not happen, as well as have time to prepare myself mentally and physically. He was not happy with my suggestion. He didn’t ask for a ‘scheduled day’ for about two weeks. He clearly thinks too highly of himself to ask for sex. Finally he buckled and asked if I wanted to talk, then somehow led to it. The very next day he was trying again! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheTruth711 Posted August 10, 2020 Author Share Posted August 10, 2020 11 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said: You two have obviously been together for quite some time, given that you're married. Surely it hasn't taken years to figure out a mismatched libido? When did this start happening? I too have a high libido, but need more time to recharge. When we were dating we never lived together. I saw him once or twice a week so everything seemed ok. I didn’t feel worn down by the long sessions because I got enough time to rest when I left him. if I knew he expected that to happen everyday maybe I would have rethought the whole relationship. It is very stressful and hurtful being ignored when you cannot deliver. Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheTruth711 Posted August 10, 2020 Author Share Posted August 10, 2020 1 hour ago, ShyViolet said: Two hours? Is that one continuous sex session, or is that multiple times over a span of two hours? The breaks are to normally just to switch positions. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 Your needs are just as important as his. Given that you're getting physically sore every time, you can't continue like this. Discuss ways to meet in the middle. Maybe you have sex more often but not for 2 hours each time. Maybe sometimes he can masturbate while you watch. There are lots of ways to be sexual without hours of penetration every time. Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 8 minutes ago, TheTruth711 said: I too have a high libido, but need more time to recharge. When we were dating we never lived together. I saw him once or twice a week so everything seemed ok. I didn’t feel worn down by the long sessions because I got enough time to rest when I left him. if I knew he expected that to happen everyday maybe I would have rethought the whole relationship. It is very stressful and hurtful being ignored when you cannot deliver. Your husband is a complete douche. Sorry, but this sort of behavior is immature, selfish and completely ridiculous. There's nothing wrong with having high libido. There is, however, everything wrong with how he's responding not getting his demands. What is your husband like in other areas of the marriage. When he isn't sulking about not getting his ends wet, does he behave like a decent human being? 7 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 53 minutes ago, TheTruth711 said: He pretty much keeps going that very minute. I have to ask him to stop. This is seriously stressing me out. I can’t sleep at night because I know he’s going to want it. When I doze off he moves around intending to wake me up so we get it on. I asked if we could atleast schedule sex so I can rest peacefully on days it does not happen, as well as have time to prepare myself mentally and physically. He was not happy with my suggestion. This is kind of disturbing. Does he care about your feelings at all? Sex should be pleasurable and a positive experience for both people involved. He is demanding sex even though it stresses you out, is physically uncomfortable for you and is causing you not to be able to sleep at night. That is seriously not OK. He's either extremely selfish and inconsiderate, or borderline abusive. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 Don't be manipulated. Basically he's emotionally abusive. When you need sleep, sleep in the guest room. Go to your doctor to discuss this. Be frank about the discomfort exhaustion and your husband's abusive attitude. You do not owe him sex every time he wants it. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 I agree that rousing you from sleep so he can get sex is cruel. But it takes two to tango. You're being too much of a doormat in the situation. You need to talk about this and learn to set and maintain boundaries. If you don't, one day you're going to have your "I've had it" moment and lose all respect and admiration for him. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 This isn't the first time you've written about problems in bed. Last time, it was about him no longer being interested in foreplay and getting upset when you got a vibe to give yourself what he can't be bothered doing. I noticed in your previous post where you said "He told me his pleasure comes from seeing me satisfied". Because it sounds to me like you're not only dissatisfied, but being left in pain too. Have you told him that between his lack of foreplay and pumping away for two hours that you're not getting pleasure? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 4 hours ago, TheTruth711 said: if I knew he expected that to happen everyday maybe I would have rethought the whole relationship. Time to rethink the whole relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kamani Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 How old are you guys? I have no idea. Is this him being so horny and wanting sex everyday and banging you for two hours? Or is this, one or none of you orgasam, so he wants to orgasm and won't give up till then so it goes on for 2 hours. Still it doesn't happen and he wants to try next day too..? Based on you previous post which another poster quoted I feel it is the latter..? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 It sounds like you are the one who is never satisfied because the sex is lousy. Take a break. If he's moody and nasty avoid him rather than reward him as a receptical. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 (edited) Looking at your other thread, this sounds like a pretty dissatisfying marriage. You say you won't divorce because it's against your religious beliefs. If that's really the way you feel, this means you have to find a way to live with the situation. If I were in your situation, I'd start seeing a counselor to learn strategies for making the best of it. Edited August 10, 2020 by Ruby Slippers Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 What is his "completion" time frame for oral sex?? Does he "finish" quicker during oral sex than vaginal sex?? Can you also use your hands and/or mouth to get him closer to completion before he enters you?? Link to post Share on other sites
JRabbit Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 2hrs ? Who has time for that routinely? Like doesn't he work or something? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 (edited) 15 hours ago, TheTruth711 said: When my husband and I make love, it lasts for at least two hours. At the end I’m normally totally spent and sore all over and would be okay to do it again in a few days...3-4 days. However the very next night he’s ready to go again. It’s unbelievable and even annoying. When I refuse, he gets mad, goes quiet and ignores me for the next days until somehow he acts kind with the end goal being sex. Im truly sick of this behavior. It is like living with a teenager. Today is actually our marriage anniversary and he’s been pouting and sulking all day because I refused to do it two days ago. It is very lonely living with someone who’s always in his feelings. Infact I regret having sex with him only to be ignored soon after because sex makes me feel vulnerable. Are all men insatiable? My ex-husband was exactly like this and it was maddening because there's more to me than just being a sex toy. It wasn't 2 hours every time, but he didn't like "quickies." It can be very dehumanizing to be treated this way. I'm sorry :(. Edited August 10, 2020 by CautiouslyOptimistic 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 10, 2020 Share Posted August 10, 2020 1 hour ago, Happy Lemming said: What is his "completion" time frame for oral sex?? Does he "finish" quicker during oral sex than vaginal sex?? Can you also use your hands and/or mouth to get him closer to completion before he enters you?? On 5/20/2020 at 3:56 AM, TheTruth711 said: He doesn’t even like oral done on him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheTruth711 Posted August 10, 2020 Author Share Posted August 10, 2020 39 minutes ago, CautiouslyOptimistic said: My ex-husband was exactly like this and it was maddening because there's more to me than just being a sex toy. It wasn't 2 hours every time, but he didn't like "quickies." It can be very dehumanizing to be treated this way. I'm sorry :(. I’m happy that you understand exactly what’s happening here. He too doesn’t like quickies at all. It has to be this long drawn out session every single time it happens! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheTruth711 Posted August 10, 2020 Author Share Posted August 10, 2020 9 hours ago, basil67 said: This isn't the first time you've written about problems in bed. Last time, it was about him no longer being interested in foreplay and getting upset when you got a vibe to give yourself what he can't be bothered doing. I noticed in your previous post where you said "He told me his pleasure comes from seeing me satisfied". Because it sounds to me like you're not only dissatisfied, but being left in pain too. Have you told him that between his lack of foreplay and pumping away for two hours that you're not getting pleasure? Yes, he warmed up to the vibe a little just about a week ago. But he doesn’t want to me to ‘dictate’ what settings/intensity I prefer. He seems to get offended when I bring up anything that may challenge his performance. Even when I try to show him what feels good or ask him not to squeeze too tight, these things offend him! Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheTruth711 Posted August 10, 2020 Author Share Posted August 10, 2020 7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said: It sounds like you are the one who is never satisfied because the sex is lousy. Take a break. If he's moody and nasty avoid him rather than reward him as a receptical. Those long sessions do nothing for me at all in terms of pleasure. I agree to it because it’s my duty as a wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author TheTruth711 Posted August 10, 2020 Author Share Posted August 10, 2020 1 hour ago, JRabbit said: 2hrs ? Who has time for that routinely? Like doesn't he work or something? That’s the thing, this all happens at night. After 10-11pm. Sometimes we’re done after 1am. We have a young child in our small apartment so daytime isn’t possible. At night I'm usually very tired and just want to sleep really. I’m usually not horny, I actually am a morning person but he’s not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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