I broke up with my boyfriend 4 months ago and he is already dating someone!

[shalina1789]

My ex boyfriend was very obsessed with me. He would constantly make very overwhelming advances of love on a daily basis and it was suffocating. He would constantly say "marry me" or i'm his "soulmate" when we only were together for around 8 months. He was also the type to never leave me alone and was constantly on my case, sending me half an hour voice messages and honestly paragraphs every single day. I realised it was all an act when he started comparing me to his ex girlfriend and actually told me to change my hairstyle to look like hers at one point. He told me he was into girls with short hair and bangs (or fringes). I have long thick hair and no bangs. He had all his pics of him and his ex on social media too and would constantly talk about her. I broke things off for the reasons of love bombing, his infatuation with his ex still and the fact that he very heavily disrespected his parents in front of me. 
anyway, i broke up with him at the end of april. When I broke up with him, he was insensitive towards a suicidal matter I was dealing with. And he literally said to me "you will regret breaking up with me" and "youre my soulmate. I will wait for you to come back. You are going to come back" 

It is now august. I'd say its been 3 months. And a month ago someone told me that he has a new girlfriend, to which I really didnt entertain. I just said "more life to him" and I moved on. Today someone else showed me a picture of a girl on his story on instagram and said "is this his ex"? I said no its not. And i've never seen this girl before but she was his type like short hair and bangs. Now I'm sorta starting to think everything he said to me was just a lie? i just realised he would never really post me on social media and his excuse was always "i dont want the evil eye" so he'd always be reluctant? He would honestly never take me to places like where he was with this new girl either. I've always ended up in abusive relationships whether its physical abuse or mental abuse. He played a lot of mind games on me. A lot. And it's really messed me up, I know I broke up with him but I am the one who is suffering. I'm just thinking whether he knew this girl during our relationship? Or maybe there was other girls in his orbit whilst he was with me? I don't know, it's kinda getting to me. I've spiralled greatly since I broke up with him. He's the one who f***ed up and I dont think he even cared about how hurt i was. Its s***

[shalina1789]

27 minutes ago, shalina1789 said:

My ex boyfriend was very obsessed with me. He would constantly make very overwhelming advances of love on a daily basis and it was suffocating. He would constantly say "marry me" or i'm his "soulmate" when we only were together for around 8 months. He was also the type to never leave me alone and was constantly on my case, sending me half an hour voice messages and honestly paragraphs every single day. I realised it was all an act when he started comparing me to his ex girlfriend and actually told me to change my hairstyle to look like hers at one point. He told me he was into girls with short hair and bangs (or fringes). I have long thick hair and no bangs. He had all his pics of him and his ex on social media too and would constantly talk about her. I broke things off for the reasons of love bombing, his infatuation with his ex still and the fact that he very heavily disrespected his parents in front of me. 
anyway, i broke up with him at the end of april. When I broke up with him, he was insensitive towards a suicidal matter I was dealing with. And he literally said to me "you will regret breaking up with me" and "youre my soulmate. I will wait for you to come back. You are going to come back" 

It is now august. I'd say its been 3 months. And a month ago someone told me that he has a new girlfriend, to which I really didnt entertain. I just said "more life to him" and I moved on. Today someone else showed me a picture of a girl on his story on instagram and said "is this his ex"? I said no its not. And i've never seen this girl before but she was his type like short hair and bangs. Now I'm sorta starting to think everything he said to me was just a lie? i just realised he would never really post me on social media and his excuse was always "i dont want the evil eye" so he'd always be reluctant? He would honestly never take me to places like where he was with this new girl either. I've always ended up in abusive relationships whether its physical abuse or mental abuse. He played a lot of mind games on me. A lot. And it's really messed me up, I know I broke up with him but I am the one who is suffering. I'm just thinking whether he knew this girl during our relationship? Or maybe there was other girls in his orbit whilst he was with me? I don't know, it's kinda getting to me. I've spiralled greatly since I broke up with him. He's the one who f***ed up and I dont think he even cared about how hurt i was. Its s***

Sorry I dont know how to edit. I just feel so easily replaced once again. I always end up giving so much of myself to someone for them to trample on me. It just hurts, knowing that your worth is next to nothing. 

[basil67]

With all due respect, you ended it with him and for good reason.  He has every right to move on with his life - and three months is not that short amount of time.

[Beachead]

Hey OP,

I would reread your first paragraph there and take a moment to reflect on what your upset about.

You chose to date the guy, whom you realized wasn't who you wanted, so you justifiably ended it.  I think you expected him give chase,  even though you know you wouldn't have gotten back together with him because this would help validate that you are lovable.  You may have some struggles with self-confidence/self-esteem that you may want to take some time to address.

In any case, what else is a person supposed to do after they're broken up with, except move forward, which is what he's doing.  A breakup ultimately means that.  People go their own way, find new people, and its no longer your business just as what you do with your life now, is no longer his.

- Beach

 

Edited August 10, 2020 by Beachead

[Wiseman2]

Your instincts are good. It's was a good i8 to end this. He seems suffocating and a bit deranged.

[ShyViolet]

3 or 4 months is not unusually fast for him to get into another relationship.  I'm not sure how long you expected him to stay single after the breakup.  The guy is moving on with his life.  I suggest that you do the same, and stop worrying about what he is doing.  

[d0nnivain]

Yes, much of what he said to you was love bombing & a lie.  That shouldn't mess you up because you saw right through it.  You need to be proud & hold your head high. 

This guy moved on so quickly because he's incapable of being alone.  It has nothing to do with you, his EX or the new guy.  He's just a flawed guy. 

I'm sorry for whatever suicidal issues you were dealing with.  I hope whoever was going down that dark path has found some light.  

[kendahke]

I would chuck his instagram pic stunt in the category of him continuing to love-bomb you, except now it's jealousy bombing you. It's an extension of him telling you "you'll be back", etc. He's more than likely expecting you to call him in a jealous rage about it.

He knew your friends would take it to you... that chick might be some random girl he ran into on the street and sweet talked her into taking a picture and posting it because he knew it would get back to you.  He knows your friends well enough...

Your best bet is to make sure he's blocked on all your social media and to tell you friends to stop bringing his antics back to you to tell on him. If they cared about you and your happiness, they wouldn't do that.

[Uptown182]

3 hours ago, d0nnivain said:

Yes, much of what he said to you was love bombing & a lie.  That shouldn't mess you up because you saw right through it.  You need to be proud & hold your head high. 

This guy moved on so quickly because he's incapable of being alone.  It has nothing to do with you, his EX or the new guy.  He's just a flawed guy. 

I'm sorry for whatever suicidal issues you were dealing with.  I hope whoever was going down that dark path has found some light.  

This ^^^
 

Something tells me this current gf won’t last long either.  Guys like this jump from relationship to relationship.  You did the right thing, you’re probably just feeling down because he’s in a new relationship and you’re not.  However you need to understand this relationship he’s in right now is not real.  He will go through life changing women like he changes his underwear.  You were right to break up with him, he sounds like a narcissist, you dodged a bullet!

[Uptown182]

12 hours ago, ShyViolet said:

3 or 4 months is not unusually fast for him to get into another relationship.  I'm not sure how long you expected him to stay single after the breakup.  The guy is moving on with his life.  I suggest that you do the same, and stop worrying about what he is doing.  

I think she’s trying to move on...it’s just easier said than done.  

[Woggle]

Both of you should just move on.

[mark clemson]

Possibly he has "insecure attachment" (possibly pretty severely in his case) and so "needs" someone, anyone. Not sure about the weirdness with the former GF, but if he had half a clue about how people's minds work generally he would have just asked you to try wearing bangs without telling you why. "I want you to do it so you look more like my prior GF."  Duuuuh.

Anyhow just realize that he's (probably) not the type of person that can handle being on their own very well and that's very likely to be the root of what's driving his behavior. Either that or he just likes playing mind games, including with himself, to keep himself convinced that he feels "needed/wanted". Something along those lines.

Be glad this ended. From a LTR perspective, you dodged a bullet IMO. No need to look back.