Ruby Slippers Posted September 2, 2020 Share Posted September 2, 2020 On 8/24/2020 at 7:53 PM, rjc149 said: Lol this is a red pill myth that I think happens like .0005% of the time. Parental discrepancy rate / paternal fraud is around 2%. In other words, about 1 in 50 fathers raises kids who he doesn't know are not biologically his. There's a whole article about it on Wikipedia. Rates vary by country. It seems generally the poorer the country, the more common it is. Link to post Share on other sites
kismetkismet Posted September 2, 2020 Share Posted September 2, 2020 (edited) 4 hours ago, OrbitalKat said: Initial attraction fades, compatibility is more important. I think if the two partners have healthy libidos the sex will not necessarily stop. Even if you were very attracted initially to your partner, in time she/he will be just your significant other and you won't necessarily be so enthraled by them. And also even if you were not initially that attracted to your partner, they will become just your partner and if you have a healthy libido and things are good in the marriage otherwise, sex will be fine. I think only if you marry someone you're disgusted by there is a problem. I wasn't initially attracted by my ex husband but he was persistent chasing me and I've never quite known if I was attracted or not, but we had an amazing sex life right up until the end. He even mentioned that when we split, how good that part of our marriage was. Totally! I think there's also a difference between someone being classically good looking, vs being attracted to someone. In the stories I mentioned above, it wasn't just about looks, it was about not being drawn to the person after a period of time, or wanting to have sex with them very much - for example the girl who wasn't attracted to her fiance wasn't attracted to him in part because he was an alcoholic and would behave grossly and pee the bed. And the girl the friends were talking about didn't have much in common with the guy she wasn't attracted to. I totally agree with you that 'attraction' develops and changes over time. I wasn't initially attracted to one of my first serious boyfriends, but after he pursued me for months I developed an attraction to him because I liked being with him so much. Our 4 year sex life was one of the best parts of our relationship. It took years for the attraction to wear off and for me to see him objectively again. Meanwhile, my husband is very traditionally attractive and I'm crazy about him, but I sometimes forget how other people see him, because now i'm so used to him he's just... mine. If his looks changed I'd still be just as attracted to him. Edited September 2, 2020 by kismetkismet Link to post Share on other sites
OrbitalKat Posted September 2, 2020 Share Posted September 2, 2020 It sounds to me that in the first example, the guy had an alcohol problem, which is a no go. Who in the world would like to have sex with a gross drunk? And I see how you won't be attracted to someone you don't have much in common with. So it's about compatibility more than the pure physical. But people sometimes think that not attracted means he/she is fat or bald or short or boring or whatever. So no way she/he could be attracted to that. It must be that they settled. They may have, in some cases, or may not, but I'm not sure I'd call it an attraction problem per se. For example, yes, my ex and I had great sex but I did settle by marying him because I knew that he wasn't a good person and I married him anyway. And then I stayed with him for a longer time than I should have in part because sex was good, which made me bonded to him. It's just complicated. Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted October 2, 2020 Share Posted October 2, 2020 There's also the other side of the equation, people who are unhappy in their marriage can have a tendency to rewrite their history to support their current feelings. So the attraction and love was there but they focus on that one thing that drives them mad/ angry about their partner and that overwrite everything else. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
major_merrick Posted October 2, 2020 Share Posted October 2, 2020 ^^^^ I agree with that ^^^^ I think most people have some level of attraction when they marry. Or perhaps they are so desperate that their brain registers the concept of "Finally, somebody!" as attraction. Then it fades as reality sets in. My attraction to my husband is not really physical. I mean, the sex is great and I enjoy it....but its never been an "OMG you're so hot" kind of thing. For pure attractiveness, women are my thing and always have been. But my husband and I are just so comfortable together. We're old friends, and we finally figured out that being together is a natural fit, since even when we were with other people we kept coming back to our relationship. If that wasn't the case or if something happened, I could see myself being all nasty and saying something like "Well I was never attracted to him in the first place." When in reality, the truth is much more nuanced. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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