bh58 Posted August 12, 2020 Share Posted August 12, 2020 Hello, all. I have been engaged with a lady for a few years now. Been a couple for 7 years. About eight months into our ship, she told me about her good friend, male, that she had been good friends with since junior high. Great guy, she can talk to him about anything. She disclosed that, prior to our meeting, they were sometimes FWB. In fact, she once told him she wanted to have another woman as a threesome. He was able to make it happen with one of his friends. So they did. That information, in and of itself, was not a deal breaker. The guy and my fiance still catch up via text and phone, and my attitude was "whatever." During the last 4 years, she and I have enjoyed visiting a nude resort about an hour away. The resort is pretty laid back, and has its share of swingers, but we are not into swapping--maybe just some exhibitionism. However, last summer, she told me that she was going to ask her former FWB to go with us for the day to that spot. He was bringing his then gf, and was traveling a few hours to where we were, so we could ride together. As we were waiting, the whole thing began to gnaw on me, so the fact that they were running an hour late was the perfect opportunity for me to back out. I went home, and they visited the place. What I had a problem with was the fact that she wanted to ask him to attend, since it was his birthday. What was going through her mind that she wanted to invite him there, even if it was to be as two couples? Did she not think that hanging around naked with a former FWB would conjure up old feelings? Can someone help me wrap my head around this? Link to post Share on other sites
Mystery4u Posted August 12, 2020 Share Posted August 12, 2020 So much wrong here... Engaged for a few years? Why even bother getting engaged? When she told you she was still in contact with her FWB why was your attitude 'whatever'? Should have set your boundary there and then as clearly you are not comfortable with it. Since you were fine with them keeping in contact, in her eyes she made the next logical step in meeting up somewhere where they have something in common... wonder what that is... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted August 12, 2020 Share Posted August 12, 2020 Anything like this is reason to be wary, but the fact that she was OK with him bringing his GF along doesn't suggest to me that she's invested in more than a friendship. 3 hours ago, bh58 said: Did she not think that hanging around naked with a former FWB would conjure up old feelings? Can someone help me wrap my head around this? You're making a pretty strong assumption about how she would feel - albeit a valid one. Keep in mind that not everyone who spends time around their ex has old feelings conjured up - and keep in mind they were occasionally FWB, not strictly dating, so I wouldn't necessarily say that feelings were all that involved even then. It's a bit of a tough one - it's definitely the kind of setting where that sort of thing would occur. But for her, it may be all innocent and wants to share the resort experience with a friend. Have you had a detailed conversation about what your expectations, desires fears etc. are in that sort of setting? You and your partner see the situation differently and it's crucial to be on the same page. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 12, 2020 Share Posted August 12, 2020 6 hours ago, bh58 said: She disclosed that, prior to our meeting, they were sometimes FWB. In fact, she once told him she wanted to have another woman as a threesome. He was able to make it happen with one of his friends. So they did. He was bringing his then gf, and was traveling a few hours to where we were, so we could ride together. As we were waiting, the whole thing began to gnaw on me, so the fact that they were running an hour late was the perfect opportunity for me to back out. Did she not think that hanging around naked with a former FWB would conjure up old feelings? Can someone help me wrap my head around this? Yes, she did know that it would conjure feelings. Bragged about her threesome? I think she's grooming you for another sexual adventure. But hey, "whatever." 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2020 Share Posted August 12, 2020 I don't really see feelings in here on her part. I do see her edging you toward something that involves you, her & him. That couples' thing at the nude resort was her testing the waters to see if you were open to some level of swinging & in her mind her friend is a safe bet (clean). You two need to have some frank discussions about your expectations & boundaries. Included in that must be why you have been engaged for so long without actually tying the knot 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 12, 2020 Share Posted August 12, 2020 Did they send you any selfies, since you couldn't go? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bh58 Posted August 13, 2020 Author Share Posted August 13, 2020 I will offer a little background first. In all fairness, I am now 61, and she is 46. I have been married twice already, and she once. I have a 20 yo daughter, and her 2 sons are 20 and 17. We dont have any biological clocks ticking, and we would like to see how the kids get on their respective paths with careers and school before tying the knot. And no, she was not bragging about the prior threesome, just offering full disclosure, so that I would be aware. I have, in the past, done similar. I certainly don't try to hang with old FWB's, though. BTW, no to the selfies at the resort, as they have a strict no-photo rule. His gf that he brought was not comfortable being nude around other people, so fiance said that they kept clothes on. Not everyone there is un-clothed, and it is more of a laid back resort atmosphere. When they were about to leave, around 1030 pm, they tried to find a nearby motel to sleep, but they were all full. Ended up dropping fiance of at her apartment, and the two of them went to his brother's house. Who knows what would have happened had they been able to find a motel? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 Unfortunately the relationship with your GF seems quite strained. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 So what is your real issue here? You don't seem particularly bothered by her sexual adventures since they equal your own. I won't pretend to understand the need for full disclosure since most people will simply not fully disclose their past relationships. It's just more lies though omission that can acid etch your future. If you were looking to get married and wanted to avoid tying the knot with a former town-whore then I get why that would be important to you but you are on endless trek towards a marriage mirage that sits wavering on the horizon. After three years engaged it's more likely to vanish before you get there. Or is that just when you want to ask her to marry you, she does something like this? Link to post Share on other sites
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