jamesgee Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 So I was seeing this girl for going on 16 months in London. Due to my own silly hang ups I could never really commit fully to her in the sense that I could tell her I love her declare ourselves fully exclusive. Nonetheless things were going well, we were having fun and everything was generally good. Then lockdown happened and she had to go back to her home country (Italy). And let's just say contact was becoming more and more sporadic on my behalf, mainly due to issues I was having with my business projects causing stress. When she finally returned to London she acts distant and aloof. In the three weeks she was here I see her just twice. When she leaves again for Italy for two weeks and I decide to give her space and initiate no contact. At this point I am pining for her, realising I really love this girl and want a future with her. She returns to London and again, she acts highly aloof, eventually saying it's best we do not meet. I say why? And she responds via text with "It’s that I have been waiting for you too long and, as I mentioned, I moved on. We can't give each other what we want. And, I am hanging out with another guy now so I would like to avoid any problems" Now I know this is on me, my inability to commit fully, to say we were in a full on relationship. Nonetheless she started seeing another guy while we were ostensibly together (it was implied) which I found suspect. The point is, I realise now I really love this girl and want to fully commit. Should I divulge how I feel about her in a text in an attempt to get her back? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 Sorry to hear that. It's over. She's with someone else. You were incompatible and add to that the distance. This isn't about her. Or "winning" anything. It's about your ego and only wanting what you can't have. Reread her text. It's clear honest and final. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 I think you should leave it be and not contact her anymore. You only seem to want her when you think she is getting distant. That says a lot, and suggests that if you got back together, you would again realize you're not that into her and pull back. Over the course of the time you were seeing each other, her feelings changed and she has indeed lost interest. I strongly doubt she's going to be open to the idea of rekindling with you; her attention is with another man now. Let this be a lesson to not drag something on this long if you think you might really want to give it a go. Or, perhaps you are not really listening to your own gut and walking away when you know you're not that interested yourself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 Don't chase her. She has a new relationship & has asked you to respect that. You gave this woman enough heartache by not committing & then ignoring her when she wanted your attention. Now that she has made peace with your rejection & moved on to someone new, you want to come along & screw up the life she's rebuilding. Don't be that guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 Adjust your timing for your next GF. That's your only reasonable option. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 10 hours ago, jamesgee said: Due to my own silly hang ups I could never really commit fully to her in the sense that I could tell her I love her declare ourselves fully exclusive. Why? What was the obstacle if you say you want a second chance? Everyone has time for a 5 minute call at the end of the day to someone who's important to them, so your "silly hang ups" are really not a good excuse. Quote Now I know this is on me, my inability to commit fully, to say we were in a full on relationship. Nonetheless she started seeing another guy while we were ostensibly together (it was implied) which I found suspect. You made it clear that you weren't available, so she wasn't going to squander her youth behind someone she knew didn't want to commit. She did the right thing--she moved on with her life and found someone who is prepared today to be the kind of man she needs. You didn't want to be that man when you had the chance. Quote The point is, I realise now I really love this girl and want to fully commit. Should I divulge how I feel about her in a text in an attempt to get her back? only if you want your behind handed back to you on a pike. Leave her be... she's moved on and you don't need her new man and his mates rolling up on you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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