Was This Unnecessarily Nasty?

[Not So Sad Now]

2 minutes ago, stillafool said:

It would be best to block her so you don't know anything about her or what she/he is doing so you can move on and forget about this.  The last thing you need is to follow his new gf.

Where did you get the idea that I "follow"her from? Why would I want to do that? I do two sports at a competitive level, for some reason she joined a FB group for one of them that I'm a member of last week and started posting, despite having no involvement in the sport (it's a group for experienced local competitive swimmers). 

I'm simply not reacting to this. 

 

 

[stillafool]

Just now, Not So Sad Now said:

Where did you get the idea that I "follow"her from?

 

 

Sorry "follow" was the wrong word.  It's just why not  block her to help yourself put him out of your mind.

You still didn't answer what you would have considered to be the most respectful way he could drop your things off without having contact.

[Not So Sad Now]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

Sorry "follow" was the wrong word.  It's just why not  block her to help yourself put him out of your mind.

You still didn't answer what you would have considered to be the most respectful way he could drop your things off without having contact.

And that's a question I'm not going to answer further than I've done already. I might be a bit upset about this, but I'm not here to be interrogated on how to say the right things to please someone on an Internet forum. 

Chill. 

[stillafool]

1 minute ago, Not So Sad Now said:

And that's a question I'm not going to answer further than I've done already. I might be a bit upset about this, but I'm not here to be interrogated on how to say the right things to please someone on an Internet forum. 

Chill. 

We aren't trying to interrogate you but to understand so as to know how to help you.  This is related to the topic of your thread.  

[Not So Sad Now]

51 minutes ago, stillafool said:

We aren't trying to interrogate you but to understand so as to know how to help you.  This is related to the topic of your thread.  

It might be less tedious for all of us if you just wrote out the words you want me to say, and I copied and pasted them? 

When there's a relationship break up, there are 2 people involved. If you want to be a decent person, then you try to treat people as kindly and with as much respect as possible. You can't control what's already happened but yiu can control to some extent what people think of you and how much you upset others. 

Or you can choose to be selfish and act badly and upset people further as long as it suits you. I'm always polite, no matter how upset I am. He knows this. 

Even when I was a student at uni, I've never heard of anyone acting as immaturely as he did. The friends in real life that I've spoken to about it (male and female) are pretty horrified (no, I haven't been gossiping about him, I've just told them I had a break up and how it was communicated). Either he's utterly ashamed and embarrassed about what he did, or he's a coward, or he's getting a kick out of milking my hurt for as much as it's worth. None of those options are very admirable on his part. 

The reason I asked for my stuff back is that I really didn't trust him not to have sex on it, or to bin it if I asked him. He's already lied to me and I think he would just have done what was most convenient to him (continued using it) whatever he told me. He probably did already have sex on it and thats why he couldn't return it in person. 

Thankfully, I'm now getting to the stage that I'm really glad that I don't have to deal with this any more. 

[stillafool]

I completely agree with you that the way he broke up with you was extremely dry and hurtful.  I also agree with everything else you said.  I just wanted to know your version of how he could have done a better job of breaking up where you wouldn't have felt so disrespected.

[rjc149]

23 hours ago, Not So Sad Now said:

Every other female friend I know has collected their stuff in 5 minutes and had a civilised chat when they're broken up.

Curious as to how you think a civilized chat would have gone, given the circumstances? 

I'm not saying that he's being compassionate about this whole thing. He's not. But it doesn't seem like he's being as deliberately as cruel as possible in order to inflict maximum emotional trauma on you. It's understandable that you feel that way, but I would keep in mind that he's likely feeling very guilty and yes, he's mourning the loss of your relationship in his own way. Unless he's a bona-fide sociopath that you willingly dated for 2 years, which says as much about you as it does about him. 

He ended the relationship by telling you he cheated, which you feel was unnecessary -- but would you have been content with him just saying 'it's over, bye?" I doubt it. Maybe he's being cowardly, maybe he's being overly brusque and callous, but he simply doesn't want to face his choices and face how he hurt you. And honestly, there isn't a need for him to do that. The relationship is forever over. A civilized 5-minute chat as he's purging himself of your possessions isn't going to give you any closure. Your closure comes from your own ability to accept, forgive, and let go. 

[PegNosePete]

22 hours ago, Not So Sad Now said:

If you want to be a decent person

Well, there's the rub.

This guy is quite clearly a total and utter douchebag.

Is it likely that someone who is a total and utter douchebag will act like a decent person?

Surely it is more likely that someone who is a total and utter douchebag, will act like a total and utter douchebag?

His actions are completely 100% in line and appropriate for someone who is a total and utter douchebag. Your only mistake here, is expecting kind and decent behaviour from someone who is not kind or decent.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

I would bet any money his new girlfriend put him up to a lot of this, and didn't want him meeting you in person for any sort of chat. Even if she doesn't know exactly who you are (which seems very unlikely at this point), I would guarantee she knows he's got a recent ex and doesn't want him around you. 

In any event, you discovered he's the type of guy who has secret girlfriends (ie. the one before you two started dating) He's a tool and he's been a tool the entire time you've known him. It's just that you didn't really see the extent of it until now. Perhaps on some level you've always had some reservations about him. Now you know without a shadow of a doubt that's never been the guy you thought he was. 

[Not So Sad II]

It's me again. 2 things happened today. Firstly, I went onto Whatsapp and changed my profile photo on there. I dont use WhatsApp much but I have my ex on it, amongst others, although I haven't contacted him since the day of the leaving of my things at my door 2 weeks ago, when I only contacted him by WhatsApp because I thought he'd blocked me by text. 

I checked in later and saw that he had blocked me on whatsapp - his profile picture is no longer visible. So he seems to have blocked me in response to me changing my profile picture (just a standard head and shoulders shot, quite professional looking). 

That upset me again, so then I went onto FB to look at the page of the woman he dumped me for (her page seems to be completely public). Her status now reads "single" - there are comments saying "thought you were single anyway?" and she replies with a tear emoticon. There's no photos of him, he hasn't liked her posts, but it was definately her as there is a little online trail on his page ieading me to her. Almost as if it was put there deliberately. 

And yes, I did check this stuff because I find the more I know about my mystery man ex, the less I view him as some sort of hero I'm unable to forget. I wish I could be the type of person that cuts people off without a second thought, but I haven't contacted him and he is still, I believe, doing things to upset me. 

He has form for this kind of thing in the past, when he thought I was seeing someone else, he twice turned up at my gym or in the car park outside, only to stomp about in front of me, ignoring me, 2 or 3 times. But that was years ago. 

[Wiseman2]

6 minutes ago, Not So Sad II said:

It's me again

That upset me again, so then I went onto FB to look at the page of the woman he dumped me for

I believe, doing things to upset me. 

 Why do people make multiple accounts like this? Unfortunately, you are doing things that upset you like tracking  him . Maybe you need answers or closure.

Edited August 29, 2020 by Wiseman2

[ExpatInItaly]

You should block him back on What's App, OP. 

It's too triggering for you. This guy needs to be out of your life in every possible way.

[Not So Sad II]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

 Why do people make multiple accounts like this? Unfortunately, you are doing things that upset you like tracking  him . Maybe you need answers or closure.

Because I forgot my password for the original one  and couldn't get the reset password page to load on my phone, so I made a SECOND account. 

[Not So Sad II]

39 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You should block him back on What's App, OP. 

It's too triggering for you. This guy needs to be out of your life in every possible way.

I agree. I've blocked him on FB. I'm not friends with him on FB (neither is the other woman) but I've blocked him anyway.