Erica_2 Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 (edited) Hey, So, I have a difficult situation on my hands regarding my two Male best friends and my boyfriend of 3 years. My boyfriend has no problem with my two friends however they seem to have a dislike towards him. At a New Years Eve party two years ago, My boyfriend joined me. It was a small flat with a lot of people who he didn’t know. He’s not great at large gatherings like this, and I know he can feel awkward. After a while he asked me if he could meet his brother in town, we both ended up leaving the party to meet his bro. My friends have since brought this up, saying they feel my boyfriend should have took what I wanted to do into consideration, and not just decided that he wanted to go, so we go. Although it wasn’t like this. At another outing a few weeks back, my boyfriend and one of my Male friends were chatting. After a good few drinks, my friend asked my boyfriend where we’d like to live. I came back from the bathroom, and my friend says “would you live there Hannah, joe says it’s far” my boyfriend replied “no I never”. My boyfriend has since told me he didn’t mean it was far, just that we hadn’t discussed this part of town to live yet. That caused my friend to feel embarrassed in front of people he later told me over some drinks. I know my two friends do not like him, but he’s good to me. I love him, and we are happy. I have an engagement party next weekend and I don’t know whether to invite my bf, although he wants to go, after a few drinks there could be an other issue between him and my friends. I don’t want to ever have to choose between them, if it got to a stage where they start arguing, and I don’t want it to get to this. What should I do? Thank you Edited August 13, 2020 by Hannah90 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 You posted this dilemma before. Did you end up going on that day trip with your friends or staying home with your BF? This is more of the same. If you can't invite your BF around your friends, then you need to chose. One of those relationships isn't working. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Erica_2 Posted August 13, 2020 Author Share Posted August 13, 2020 (edited) 12 minutes ago, d0nnivain said: You posted this dilemma before. Did you end up going on that day trip with your friends or staying home with your BF? This is more of the same. If you can't invite your BF around your friends, then you need to chose. One of those relationships isn't working. The trip ended up being cancelled luckily. I love my friends, they look out for me and I cannot lose them. On the other hand, I also love my boyfriend and we are happy. my bf and friends don’t often see each other so to break up when everything else is fine between us would seem a shallow reason. Even though it’s one that causes me anxiety at the thought of them arguing if they see each other too much. May I ask what you would do in this situation? Edited August 13, 2020 by Hannah90 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 I'd bring my BF & tell my friends to love him because I do, or at least to tolerate him out of respect for me. I would not intentionally sperate them. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 13, 2020 Share Posted August 13, 2020 Let adults manage their own likes and dislikes and interactions with people. Invite people and if they decline, that's fine. Never force people together or force people to be friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 I'm not hearing any legitimate reason why your friends should not like your boyfriend. Has your boyfriend ever legitimately done anything wrong that should cause your friends not to like him? Because it sounds like your friends are just being jerks. I think your friends are in the wrong and you should let them know to stop meddling in your life and trying to dictate who you date, or else you don't need friends like them in your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Erica_2 Posted August 24, 2020 Author Share Posted August 24, 2020 On 8/15/2020 at 7:22 PM, ShyViolet said: I'm not hearing any legitimate reason why your friends should not like your boyfriend. Has your boyfriend ever legitimately done anything wrong that should cause your friends not to like him? Because it sounds like your friends are just being jerks. I think your friends are in the wrong and you should let them know to stop meddling in your life and trying to dictate who you date, or else you don't need friends like them in your life. Me neither, I had a chat with my friend who has the issue. In conversation he said my boyfriend isn’t his “best mate”, I asked him what the problem is. He said when my boyfriend said “no I never” to where we would live (see the main post) that my boyfriend should have “owned his own s***” and not deny that he said it. My friend also said that when we went for a meal me and my boyfriend went up to pay for our meals together, and we each paid for our own. My friend said this made my boyfriend seem like a “princess”. I explained that my boyfriend pays for a lot of things, he paid for my drinks all that evening and bought my friends a round of drinks, for all 6 of us. I proceeded to tell my friend that I was happy and that my boyfriend gives me no trouble, plus he never bad mouthes my friends. do you think is fair? Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 24, 2020 Share Posted August 24, 2020 Stop talking to your friends about your BF. You are "stuck in the middle" because you placed yourself there. If you have issues with the BF discuss them with him rather than gossip behind his back to your friends. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Erica_2 Posted August 24, 2020 Author Share Posted August 24, 2020 Just now, Wiseman2 said: Stop talking to your friends about your BF. You are "stuck in the middle" because you placed yourself there. If you have issues with the BF discuss them with him rather than gossip behind his back to your friends. I don’t talk about my bf with my friends, but they’re “issues” with him seem trivial. Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 24, 2020 Share Posted August 24, 2020 26 minutes ago, Hannah90 said: I don’t talk about my bf with my friends, but they’re “issues” with him seem trivial. Keep things separate. Talk to your BF directly about things. Talk to your friends about anything else but your BF. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 24, 2020 Share Posted August 24, 2020 4 hours ago, Hannah90 said: I don’t talk about my bf with my friends, but they’re “issues” with him seem trivial. Tell them this. Defend your bf and tell them he is here to stay so stop talking sh-- about him to you. Stand up for him and they will back off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 24, 2020 Share Posted August 24, 2020 All of the issues your friend raised make him seem like the "princess." None of it effected him so he needs to just get over it. I would spend more time with your BF & not subject him to your judgy friends. Link to post Share on other sites
asya47 Posted August 24, 2020 Share Posted August 24, 2020 Do as your feelings and intuition tell you (I recommend testing your intuition using the Volikov test). If both are dear to you, and you are dear to both of them, then they will learn to put up. Link to post Share on other sites
Ostepop Posted August 28, 2020 Share Posted August 28, 2020 Well. I honestly think you need to have a sit down with your friends and tell them to stop interfering in your relationship as it's not their business. It's not and you know it. Now if you were visibly abused then it would be another matter naturally. You can of course choose your friends over your BF and he'll probably break up, but then you risk having this cycle repeat when you get a new BF later. Deal with these friends and if they don't respect your wishes then... Who in your life is good to you again? Link to post Share on other sites
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