When friends decide to go dark on social media

[QuietRiot]

Ever have friends, the real life one's even, that you have added on on FB one day disappear from the grid of social media? Or perhaps give everyone fare warning of doing so? Some of them have probably over a thousand friends on FB, but some include their close ones as well.

One time, I met up with a woman that I knew in real life that had lost touch that way. She told me she went off FB because she just didn't want anyone knowing what's going on in her life...anymore. It was funny, as she used to be pretty active in showing off what she was doing pretty frequently.  But she did tell me that she had broken up with her boyfriend and around that time....she went off the FB grid.

So I tend to think that's what triggers these moments where people go off social media...as I think it's due in part to a divorce or break-up...they don't want any of their friends getting nosey asking "Hey, what happened with you an Brian?" or whatever?

[basil67]

I went off the grid when COVID started.  Too much hysteria from all quarters and I just needed some peace and quiet.   

 

[d0nnivain]

I'm the one who goes dark on social media.  Sometimes I just don't want to see other people's drivel, drama or happiness.  

My world certainly doesn't revolve around my social media contacts.  

[JRabbit]

It very well could be for someones safety that they have gone off social media. It is very easy to see where people live, hang out, with whom and their daily routine just from social media.

[Blind-Sided]

I have a few friends who do that from time to time.  When I ask in person... they just tell me they are tired of the negativity.   Eventually they come back... but when it's an ACTUAL friend... does it really mater? Just send them a txt. 

[Angelle]

I've thought about it. I'm starting to write emails more often, text (I don't like talking on the phone, unless I'm really close to someone). 

[Wiseman2]

Is it possible they updated their privacy settings or blocked/ muted or restricted you?

It's quite possible they can see who's viewing or visiting and got creeped out.

Edited August 20, 2020 by Wiseman2

[QuietRiot]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is it possible they updated their privacy settings or blocked/ muted or restricted you?

It's quite possible they can see who's viewing or visiting and got creeped out.

Nope, not possible at all as I've spoken with them about it. Not sure how they could even see who has been at their profile.

Basically taking a break or one day decided not to post things about their lives anymore, typically due to a significant event that happened in their life.

Edited August 20, 2020 by QuietRiot

[QuietRiot]

On 8/14/2020 at 10:20 AM, JRabbit said:

It very well could be for someones safety that they have gone off social media. It is very easy to see where people live, hang out, with whom and their daily routine just from social media.

Yeah, this one woman I went out with told me she broke up with her b/f last year, which was around the same time she went dark. So she was going through some stuff.  She eventually started being more active online later.

[hippychick3]

I went dark on SM for a short time when I decided to divorce my ex. I didn’t delete SM. I just didn’t post anything for a long time. I’m pretty private so did not want to share what I was going through and I had no interest in posting superficial stuff. Some family members actually reached out asking me what was wrong. 

[QuietRiot]

This woman's page is filled with concerned people, her birthday even came and went with many wishing her a happy birthday, but a peep. People have been posting to her wall, "Where have you been??" Even from her sister...since the announcement of her departure from FB back in July.

She left 3.5K plus friends high and dry with them voicing their concerns of her whereabouts. THough I don't know her that well, there does seem to be a bit of eeriness to it. Her sister posted to her wall, 'Has anyone seen my sister?!"

That is a  bit weird that she'd have to post that to her wall, would her sister not have some kind of DIRECT contact with her via the regular phone?

Edited August 21, 2020 by QuietRiot

[CaliforniaGirl]

For a while I paused my FB because I was so sick and tired of watching people scream at eachother with political memes.

I came back because my work required it. I unfriended everyone but literally my closest friends and family. Now when I see anyone get scream-y about what a collective puddle of sludge the opposite party is, I just pause them (can't remember what that's called) for 30 days. Every time, LOL.

Edited August 31, 2020 by CaliforniaGirl

[CaliforniaGirl]

On 8/21/2020 at 7:31 AM, QuietRiot said:

This woman's page is filled with concerned people, her birthday even came and went with many wishing her a happy birthday, but a peep. People have been posting to her wall, "Where have you been??" Even from her sister...since the announcement of her departure from FB back in July.

She left 3.5K plus friends high and dry with them voicing their concerns of her whereabouts. THough I don't know her that well, there does seem to be a bit of eeriness to it. Her sister posted to her wall, 'Has anyone seen my sister?!"

That is a  bit weird that she'd have to post that to her wall, would her sister not have some kind of DIRECT contact with her via the regular phone?

Her sister didn't know where she was? Dude, come on.

In that case, call the police.

I'm sure the sister was being facetious. Because otherwise somebody WOULD have called the police. 

[mark clemson]

On 8/21/2020 at 7:31 AM, QuietRiot said:

She left 3.5K plus friends high and dry with them voicing their concerns of her whereabouts.

Perhaps it's just a new, more passive-aggressive way of being an attention wh*ore?

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I think it's usually just someone going through a hard time.  

Sometimes they're sick of all of the negativity on Facebook and need a break.

If they delete profiles entirely, they have just decided they want nothing to do with social media.  Usually because they don't want people knowing their business. I have a friend from high school who is a very conservative evangelical Christian mother of 4.  I noticed she went off of ALL social media entirely when one of her four children came out as gay.

[lana-banana]

Social media is toxic. The algorithms that drive engagement prioritize the most negative, outrageous, upsetting and provocative material; even if you try to filter for only positive things, something wild and horrible will always slip through. It's bad for our brains. While some people are able to moderate themselves to only 30 minutes a day or something, many people can't and they need to do something more drastic.

You don't owe anyone online anything, no matter how many followers you have. "Followers" aren't even real relationships! If your friend decided she wanted to prioritize herself and her real-world relationships then good for her. (As CG said, I'm sure her sister was being facetious.)

[Caauug]

On 9/6/2020 at 7:13 PM, lana-banana said:

Social media is toxic. The algorithms that drive engagement prioritize the most negative, outrageous, upsetting and provocative material; even if you try to filter for only positive things, something wild and horrible will always slip through. It's bad for our brains. While some people are able to moderate themselves to only 30 minutes a day or something, many people can't and they need to do something more drastic.

Very true.

About 10 yrs ago I was heavy into gaming in FB with multiple accounts feeding each other. The other players were demanding I spend more time as I was in a different time zone from most of them, I was getting nothing done at home and I was feeling depressed because of it. About the same time I replaced my supervisor at work when he left and my cross shift also left, this had me doing 3 people's jobs as my old position was not filled. A shock from an even time roster to 7 days a week with 24 hr on call. I just stopped FB for about 7 yrs. and only went back a couple of yrs ago when I was planning my first trip back in 20 yrs to see family and old friends. No more gaming, only used for communication and posting a few photos. I am testing FB out with selling stuff, not really working yet.... 

SM has it's place but for so many people it becomes additive. Use it as a tool, don't you be the tool for it.

[ExpatInItaly]

Eh, social media is not that exciting. Sometimes people really do get bored of it and don't bother with it. 

That was me for a couple years. I just felt no need to keep my profile updated.  I still browsed from time to time to see what friends and extended family were up to. I occasionally post now, but mostly since I live abroad and people were concerned when Corona virus kicked Italy's ass back in the spring and went into total nationwide lock-down overnight. I was getting several posts and messages to check in, so I updated my profile with a few things rather than responding to every message individually. 

In short, taking a break from social media  doesn't necessarily mean that something dramatic or serious has happened. It could simply be losing its appeal for the person in question. 

[QuietRiot]

There  are some that are the complete opposite. I had this woman show up on my "People you may know" feed...looked at it and we share a couple of mutual friends. Turns out she's in the same field of work I'm in. Figured I'd use that as an opener. lol.

She has over 3,000 friends on FB, and for a small town person, that's kind of unusual. She's a selfie fanatic, even selfies in the gym mirror post-workout. So quite the attention seeker. Chances are, she accepts every friend requests she gets.

Usually people that warrant this many friends is a real estate agent or some kind of marketer or in sales...for the purpose of work, but she's just a paper pusher. So no reason for this other than seeking attention.

Some like to think they are some kind of minor celebrity...and when people wish them a Happy Birthday...she make an announcement, thanking everyone, as opposed to whomever their REAL friends are. She speaks to others as if they are an audience and not actual friends.

Edited September 13, 2020 by QuietRiot

[Watercolors]

On 9/13/2020 at 6:55 AM, QuietRiot said:

There  are some that are the complete opposite. I had this woman show up on my "People you may know" feed...looked at it and we share a couple of mutual friends. Turns out she's in the same field of work I'm in. Figured I'd use that as an opener. lol.

She has over 3,000 friends on FB, and for a small town person, that's kind of unusual. She's a selfie fanatic, even selfies in the gym mirror post-workout. So quite the attention seeker. Chances are, she accepts every friend requests she gets.

Usually people that warrant this many friends is a real estate agent or some kind of marketer or in sales...for the purpose of work, but she's just a paper pusher. So no reason for this other than seeking attention.

Some like to think they are some kind of minor celebrity...and when people wish them a Happy Birthday...she make an announcement, thanking everyone, as opposed to whomever their REAL friends are. She speaks to others as if they are an audience and not actual friends.

I deleted all of FB "friends" who have 3,000+ friends b/c as you pointed out, it's literally just post after post of them taking a selfie doing something or wearing something. Because it was annoying as hell. For instance, I was friends with this woman who got mad at me for posting a snarky FB comment on her milionth shoe selfie, "I wish I could afford such expensive shoes. But not all of us work in marketing." I could have muted her, but I snapped, frankly. I mean, enough with your shoe collection Kim K. I mean, she must have posted 10 photos a day on her FB of her shoe collection like she was a Kardashian. And, we did hang out in person a few times, but she told me she adds everyone on FB no matter who they are. 

People with more than 500+ FB friends or IG friends treat profiles like digital currency. Like money. For attention and networking opportunities. It makes more sense that a famous band has 1 million followers, than someone like my cousin who has 5,000 followers who is nothing more than a temp recruiter who posts scantily clad selfies and comments in Valley-girl speak on everyone's posts.

And I have a cousin who is a real estate agent who has 3,000 FB friends and he uses his FB account to drum up business for himself. So his posts are always written for a public audience then actually a personal connection. 

[Ellener]

On 9/19/2020 at 7:38 PM, Watercolors said:

I could have muted her, but I snapped

Isn't that the whole thing in a nutshell?

 

[QuietRiot]

On 9/19/2020 at 8:38 PM, Watercolors said:

I deleted all of FB "friends" who have 3,000+ friends b/c as you pointed out, it's literally just post after post of them taking a selfie doing something or wearing something. Because it was annoying as hell. For instance, I was friends with this woman who got mad at me for posting a snarky FB comment on her milionth shoe selfie, "I wish I could afford such expensive shoes. But not all of us work in marketing." I could have muted her, but I snapped, frankly. I mean, enough with your shoe collection Kim K. I mean, she must have posted 10 photos a day on her FB of her shoe collection like she was a Kardashian. And, we did hang out in person a few times, but she told me she adds everyone on FB no matter who they are. 

People with more than 500+ FB friends or IG friends treat profiles like digital currency. Like money. For attention and networking opportunities. It makes more sense that a famous band has 1 million followers, than someone like my cousin who has 5,000 followers who is nothing more than a temp recruiter who posts scantily clad selfies and comments in Valley-girl speak on everyone's posts.

And I have a cousin who is a real estate agent who has 3,000 FB friends and he uses his FB account to drum up business for himself. So his posts are always written for a public audience then actually a personal connection. 

 

Yeah,  I would sometimes see someone post, "Thank you for all the b-day wishes and messages! I appreciate it so much!" in one blanket, impersonal message to everyone on her friends list. lol

[basil67]

1 hour ago, QuietRiot said:

 

Yeah,  I would sometimes see someone post, "Thank you for all the b-day wishes and messages! I appreciate it so much!" in one blanket, impersonal message to everyone on her friends list. lol

I removed my birthday from FB so that I no longer have to write this response.   My most recent birthday was the first one without the FB noise and it was good.

[basil67]

On 9/20/2020 at 10:38 AM, Watercolors said:

People with more than 500+ FB friends or IG friends treat profiles like digital currency. Like money. For attention and networking opportunities. 

The beauty of FB is that it can be whatever we want it to be. The person in marketing can use it to increase their reach.  The person who wants to connect with distant friends can use it for that. The enthusiast can spread word of their religion or politics.  And the person who doesn’t want to see those things doesn’t have to follow.   Me? I don’t really care what friends are posting...I’m  there for the private groups which support my interests and to know what events are happening. 

[mark clemson]

On 9/13/2020 at 1:10 AM, enigma32 said:

I worry about the people who just plain disappear. A kid I grew up with has completely disappeared. A few of us from the old neighborhood have tried to track him down to make sure he is ok and even his family doesn't know where to find him. He was always the type to get in trouble with the law so he is likely either locked up somewhere or he died in an alley. I hope he shows up one way or another. 

I've had something parallel - not completely the same, but a HS friend who I couldn't find. I was worried she had died. But eventually I found her. We exchanged a few catch-up messages and she is living a good life.

An ex-GF has an account that is open but not updated since literally like 2001 or something. I suspect she may have died unfortunately as she had a dangerous illness.