Facebook nightmare

[Maylady]

So about 6 months ago a guy I went to high school with friended requested me on facebook.  We didnt know each other that well in school but I accepted.  

I noticed we had a certain friend in common.  This friend in common treated me pretty bad in high school.  

I looked through his profile just to see what he was up to.

One day i messengered him that i we both knew this person and i had a story to tell him about her.  He messaged back "ok....tell me"  

I thought maybe I shouldn't tell him because she hurt me pretty bad and I didnt want to bring up old hurts.

But it started a dialogue between us.  Just casual texting started from there. Once a week.  I told him I was married for 18 years with a grown child from a previous relationship.

He was married for 13 years with 2 children.

A few months of casual texting.  Nothing sexual or romantic

Then i brought up the story about this girl from high school again.  

He said " ok, well tell me the story."

I said why not meet for a drink and I'll tell you and he agreed.

We met for a drink and we talked for about an hour and left.

I couldnt get him off my mind.  My marriage hasn't been good for a while but I'm financially reliant on my husband.

So I started texting him more intimate things.  I eventually texted him an intimate pic.  At first he was shocked but then seemed to be I to it too.

We started meeting a couple times a week.  For a quick drink.  Sometimes wed just sit and talk at a park in our neighbourhood.  Sometimes go sit by lake and talk

We seemed to just click.  We didnt kiss all the time, as we were in public.  When we didnt cuddle and kiss it was so good.  I suggested we get a hotel room. He agreed.  We picked  a time met there and had sex.  It was heaven.  I felt almost giddy.

We kept meeting but things were different.  I could feel him pulling away.

We ended up having sex again in his car..(I know...not good). 

The next time we met he said things were not great in his marriage, but he didnt want to leave his family.  He said he thought his wife was getting suspicious.  But we didnt stop texting or seeing each other.

Then one day out of the blue he tells me that his wife found out and we are done.  He asked to go back to just be friends  I was mad and said no.  And that was it.

But I couldnt stop thinking about him.

I texted him that I missed him and he said his felt the same.  His wife booted him out.  I asked if we could be together again.  He said he didnt know what was happening in his marriage but he didnt want to lose his family.

I wanted him back so I sent him a racy pic of me....and then boom...he blocked me everywhere.

I was so upset, i was calling him from other numbers.  The first time he hung up when he knew it was me.  Then he just wouldn't answer. 

I left some angry messages but no response.

I'm just devastated.  If his wife booted him out.  Why is he ignoring me.  I thought we had something.  He said he was falling for me.

I think I deserve some sort of explanation.

Please help.

[Veronica73]

It seems like he did explain. He doesn’t want to lose his family.

[Maylady]

But his wife kicked him out.  And he made me feel like something could happen with us because they weren't together.

He said he wanted to go back being friends.  I said no at first but I'll do that now.  I dont want to totally lose him

[Veronica73]

Just because she booted him out doesn’t mean they aren’t working on their marriage. Or at least he is trying to get her back.

[d0nnivain]

He's ignoring you because he blames you for the demise of his marriage.  In his mind you lured him into an affair.  When he tried to end things you kept after him & his wife found out, causing her to boot him out.  He conveniently overlooks the fact that he cheated.  He didn't have to keep talking to you over FB.  He didn't have to meet you & he could have declined sex.  He did none of those things.  Yet, he wants nothing to do with you now because he still thinks it's your fault his marriage ended. 

Leave him alone & get yourself divorced.  Your husband deserves better. 

[Starswillshine]

He doesn't want to lose his family. Until the divorce is finalized, there is a chance for him to get back home with his wife. I am certain she told him that if he wants any sort of chance, he can never speak to you again (this is common and completely understandable). He is trying to win his wife back. 

[Maylady]

But after she kicked him out he kept in contact.  I thought we had a chance to go back to our relationship.  He said he missed me too   then all of a sudden I was ghosted.

[JRabbit]

Just now, Maylady said:

But after she kicked him out he kept in contact.  I thought we had a chance to go back to our relationship.  He said he missed me too   then all of a sudden I was ghosted.

These are the lies people tell when they want to be unfaithful. Sorry you are hurting.  It is a typical habit of a cheater. 

[d0nnivain]

15 minutes ago, Maylady said:

 He said he missed me too   then all of a sudden I was ghosted.

He may miss you & the excitement of sneaking around, of getting some "strange" but maybe he met with a lawyer & found out how much he really stood to lose by choosing you.  

Maybe if you put this much effort into your own marriage you wouldn't have strayed in the 1st place 

[pepperbird2]

1 hour ago, Maylady said:

So about 6 months ago a guy I went to high school with friended requested me on facebook.  We didnt know each other that well in school but I accepted.  

I noticed we had a certain friend in common.  This friend in common treated me pretty bad in high school.  

I looked through his profile just to see what he was up to.

One day i messengered him that i we both knew this person and i had a story to tell him about her.  He messaged back "ok....tell me"  

I thought maybe I shouldn't tell him because she hurt me pretty bad and I didnt want to bring up old hurts.

But it started a dialogue between us.  Just casual texting started from there. Once a week.  I told him I was married for 18 years with a grown child from a previous relationship.

He was married for 13 years with 2 children.

A few months of casual texting.  Nothing sexual or romantic

Then i brought up the story about this girl from high school again.  

He said " ok, well tell me the story."

I said why not meet for a drink and I'll tell you and he agreed.

We met for a drink and we talked for about an hour and left.

I couldnt get him off my mind.  My marriage hasn't been good for a while but I'm financially reliant on my husband.

So I started texting him more intimate things.  I eventually texted him an intimate pic.  At first he was shocked but then seemed to be I to it too.

We started meeting a couple times a week.  For a quick drink.  Sometimes wed just sit and talk at a park in our neighbourhood.  Sometimes go sit by lake and talk

We seemed to just click.  We didnt kiss all the time, as we were in public.  When we didnt cuddle and kiss it was so good.  I suggested we get a hotel room. He agreed.  We picked  a time met there and had sex.  It was heaven.  I felt almost giddy.

We kept meeting but things were different.  I could feel him pulling away.

We ended up having sex again in his car..(I know...not good). 

The next time we met he said things were not great in his marriage, but he didnt want to leave his family.  He said he thought his wife was getting suspicious.  But we didnt stop texting or seeing each other.

Then one day out of the blue he tells me that his wife found out and we are done.  He asked to go back to just be friends  I was mad and said no.  And that was it.

But I couldnt stop thinking about him.

I texted him that I missed him and he said his felt the same.  His wife booted him out.  I asked if we could be together again.  He said he didnt know what was happening in his marriage but he didnt want to lose his family.

I wanted him back so I sent him a racy pic of me....and then boom...he blocked me everywhere.

I was so upset, i was calling him from other numbers.  The first time he hung up when he knew it was me.  Then he just wouldn't answer. 

I left some angry messages but no response.

I'm just devastated.  If his wife booted him out.  Why is he ignoring me.  I thought we had something.  He said he was falling for me.

I think I deserve some sort of explanation.

Please help.

I'm sorry, but this sounds like he got what he wanted from you and has moved on. Please, even though it may be very hard, don't waste any more of your mental energy on him. It's not worth it.

[BaileyB]

Assuming that what he said was true, that he values his family and wants to be with them, his decision to end all contact with his affair partner is entirely logical and probably the best decision in this whole story...

It’s time for you to move on...

Edited August 14, 2020 by BaileyB

[mark clemson]

I agree with many folks above that the reason he's cutting contact is in an effort to reconcile with his wife. Like it or not, right now she is Plan A and you are Plan B (if that). Since Plan A knows about Plan B, she's insisting that Plan B be eliminated from his life. Just because he's trying to do this doesn't mean his reconciliation will succeed, but from his perspective it makes it much more likely.

Many betrayed spouses can become vindictive, somewhat understandably, so don't be shocked if his wife tells your husband or similar. Might or might not happen - but don't be shocked if it does. Suggest you plan for that eventuality.

Also suggest you stop chasing him and let him attempt to reconcile, something he has every right to do. Accept that this is probably over, one way or another, and start moving forward with that in mind. Ultimately, closure comes from within, with or without input from him, it will just take significantly longer than you'd like.

[Wiseman2]

📲 She may have access to all his apps as part of a transparency  thing.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

6 hours ago, Maylady said:

Facebook nightmare

 

How does Facebook  really connect to any of this nightmare ???

 

 

(or are you from the school that blames Facebook   for the fact that all of your personal data is in one spot on the internet?)

 

 

[Amethyst68]

Chances are he's already back with his wife and wants to forget about you. 

[ShyViolet]

I don't get the title of this post.... facebook nightmare?

Anyway, what you did towards the end was stalking behavior.  He told you he was ending it, he blocked you, and you kept calling him from other numbers?  Leave this man alone.  He's not interested anymore.  He doesn't owe you an explanation.... you already did get your explanation.  

[basil67]

We don't get to say what we deserve.   Rather, we receive what we deserve.

[Maylady]

Yes, but my friend texted him in an effort to see where he was at. Because I couldnt get a hold of him.  She basically said he used me terribly.  And she was glad he was only in my life for a month.  And he never even responded.  Like I'm just nothing.  I just fell for him to quickly i guess.  

[Noproblem]

20 minutes ago, Maylady said:

Yes, but my friend texted him in an effort to see where he was at. Because I couldnt get a hold of him.  She basically said he used me terribly.  And she was glad he was only in my life for a month.  And he never even responded.  Like I'm just nothing.  I just fell for him to quickly i guess.  

I think it's time for you to ask for divorce from your husband, be single again and find someone you deserve who treats you better.

 

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, Maylady said:

She basically said he used me terribly.  

No disrespect, but you sound less like a victim than a volunteer to me. Or should I say, instigator...

 

13 hours ago, Maylady said:

I said why not meet for a drink and I'll tell you (gossip about a mutual aquaintence) and he agreed.

I couldnt get him off my mind. So I started texting him more intimate things.  I eventually texted him an intimate pic.  At first he was shocked but then seemed to be into it too.

We started meeting a couple times a week.  I suggested we get a hotel room. He agreed.  We picked  a time met there and had sex. 

 

Edited August 15, 2020 by BaileyB

[Amethyst68]

1 hour ago, Maylady said:

Yes, but my friend texted him in an effort to see where he was at. Because I couldnt get a hold of him.  She basically said he used me terribly.  And she was glad he was only in my life for a month.  And he never even responded.  Like I'm just nothing.  I just fell for him to quickly i guess.  

He used you? In what way? You were the driving force behind the whole affair. In your own words it was you who made or suggested every single step in this "nightmare".

If anything he could legitimately argue you "used him terribly".

Please set your husband free, he deserves so much more.

[jspice]

He didn’t use you. You threw yourself at him. Now he’s done. 

[DKT3]

Where is your responsibility in all of this? You instigated the affair,  you suggested making it physical. 

He gave you an explanation you just don't accept it because he isn't picking you.

Maybe its time to focus on your house,  and figure out a way to no longer "use" your husband. Figure out a way to support yourself.  Good chance his wife will contact your husband soon.

[Maylady]

I dont think my husband would care quite frankly...  his wife doesn't care enough... he told me that he feels she doesn't even love him anymore.  So why go back to that? If he even did.  Why? And why now cant we even be friends.  He wanted  that after she found out?

[DKT3]

13 minutes ago, Maylady said:

I dont think my husband would care quite frankly...  his wife doesn't care enough... he told me that he feels she doesn't even love him anymore.  So why go back to that? If he even did.  Why? And why now cant we even be friends.  He wanted  that after she found out?

Words vs actions...your husband does not care, but you haven't told him. Action trumps word.

His wife does not care, but she threw him out. Action trumps words.

See the pattern 

So following the pattern he said he wanted to stay friends but his actions say what?

Not really that complicated. 

 

Edited August 15, 2020 by DKT3