Facebook nightmare

[Wiseman2]

Delete and block him and everyone associated with him from all your social media and messaging apps. Unfortunately you can't do anything about drive-bys but you need to stop the madness.

Remember this love triangle?: Amy  Fisher is an American woman who shot and severely wounded Mary Jo Buttafuoco, the wife of her illicit lover, Joey Buttafuoco.

[Maylady]

He said she was surprised at my looks.  Not who she would have thought.  He agreed.  Saying he cant believe he risked his life for someone he wouldn't even normally be interested in.  Nice.

Now my self esteem is in the crapper along with everything else.

Do many MM feel this way?

[jspice]

You brought this on yourself. 
You did the same thing she did except you did it on FB. 

[mark clemson]

No doubt he enjoyed the chasing at some level while it lasted. Perhaps he's the type of guy who gets a turned on by "a little crazy"? I get it, actually. The appeal wears off after a while tho, IME. Particularly when the cohesion of your family is at stake.

I think now that she's had a look at you, assessed the "competition" etc, IMO she's likely to leave you alone if you do the same to her and "hers". I could always be wrong about that, but that's my guess.

I wouldn't let your self-esteem suffer too much. You're "the enemy", what's she going to do, tell him you're gorgeous?

Edited August 20, 2020 by mark clemson

[elaine567]

10 hours ago, mark clemson said:

what's she going to do, tell him you're gorgeous?

I think the OP knows where she stands in that "competition" and that is why it has upset her so much.
She thought the wife was dull and dowdy and that she could swoop in and steal her man as she was a far better prospect.
But the wife is pretty and slim and she is not going to let the OP steal her life.
The husband now realises where his bread is best buttered and he is not going to let a fling ruin his marriage so he supports his wife and threw the the OP under a bus..
The wife is not "nuts" or "crazy" she is a decent and innocent woman trying to save her marriage and her family...

Truth is, trying to prise a MM away from his wife and family is difficult.
It is usually all talk and no action as regards leaving.
Most men are in affairs for "extra". 
Extra sex, extra excitement, extra fun, extra attention... but they are not in affairs because they want a new wife. 
They already have one of those and are usually in no mind to swap her for a woman who is cheating on her husband...
How could he ever trust her?
 

[Acacia98]

12 hours ago, Maylady said:

Now my self esteem is in the crapper along with everything else.

Your self esteem was already in the crapper. That was one of the reasons why you had an affair in the first place.

[Prudence V]

12 hours ago, Maylady said:

 

Do many MM feel this way?

People have EMRs for many reasons. But a MM choosing a MW for an EMR May be doing so because he thinks she’s “safe” - she has the same ties and constraints as he has. If he’s not looking to leave, but merely to leaven his M or make it more tolerable, then someone in the same position as him, who’s also not likely to leave their M but to get what they’re not getting in the M so that the M seems more bearable. Sure, there are cases where it does turn out to be the Big Love Story, where both APs leave their unhappy Ms and ride off into the sunset together, but this doesn’t seem like one of those situations. 

[Prudence V]

1 hour ago, elaine567 said:

Truth is, trying to prise a MM away from his wife and family is difficult.

... unless they’ve already checked out, and are looking for a catalyst to help them leave. This doesn’t seem like one of those situations. 

[Prudence V]

12 hours ago, mark clemson said:

I think now that she's had a look at you, assessed the "competition" etc, IMO she's likely to leave you alone if you do the same to her and "hers".

Perhaps. Or perhaps she could become obsessive, wondering “what was it he saw in her?” if it wasn’t something as superficial as looks. 
 

(Interestingly, this is another of those “damned if you do, damned if you don’t “ things for MM. If the OW is visibly hotter than the BW, the MM is a “superficial POS“ who “doesn’t appreciate the finer qualities of the BW” or “the way she sacrificed her body/ looks / youth / etc having his kids, etc”. If the OW isn’t visibly hotter, then it’s “they always trade down, because they know no attractive woman would be interested in a MM” or “of course she’s not as attractive as the BW! How could any OW ever be as attractive as a BW?”...)

[Amethyst68]

15 hours ago, Maylady said:

Well his wife has driven past my house twice in the past couple of days.  She stopped and just stared at me from her car while I was outside.

I was furious with MM.  I didnt think he'd ever tell her about me.  I texted him a sarcastic message from a friends phone, thanking him for his crazy stalking wife.  He actually replied to say...I didnt tell her.  She told me.  She figured out everything on her own.

I told him shes nuts.  He said to stop contacting him.  I said get your crazy wife to stop and then I will.

What a mess

You started it by stalking her on Facebook she's just returning the favour! Stop contacting her husband, she's not going to stop while you keep trying to talk to him.

[stillafool]

16 hours ago, Maylady said:

 

I told him shes nuts.  He said to stop contacting him.  I said get your crazy wife to stop and then I will.

What a mess

If he's actually telling you not to contact him I hope you are listening.  He's not interested at all.

[mark clemson]

5 hours ago, elaine567 said:

The wife is not "nuts" or "crazy" she is a decent and innocent woman trying to save her marriage and her family...

While I don't disagree with most of your post - respectfully, you don't know this...

[mark clemson]

4 hours ago, Prudence V said:

Perhaps.

Fair points, Prudence...

[Maylady]

The thing is we all live in the same town.  And now that she knows who I am where I live and what I drive we could run into each other anywhere.  I have no clue what she'd  do if that happens.  This affair only went on for about a month.  She needs to take it down a notch.  We only had sex twice.  

When my friend texted him she said he was a piece of s*** who owes me an apology for playing around with my feelings.  He didnt bother to reply to her at all.

So its obvious I wasn't a serious threat.

I just want her to leave me alone.  Shes acting crazy, coming to my home and staring at me from her car. And the other time she drove by with someone else in the car.  They were looking at me and laughing.  I dont need to be harrassed.

My husband said someone was leaving weird messages at his work.  Dont know how she knows about any of that.  And he said some stranger is facebook messaging him about meeting up.  Shes acting like a loon. 

 

[BaileyB]

28 minutes ago, Maylady said:

This affair only went on for about a month.  She needs to take it down a notch.  We only had sex twice.  

I don’t need to be harrassed.

This is the risk when you interfere in another marriage - you just never know how the other person will respond. There are men on this site who become violent toward the other man. Betrayed spouses who will tell the workplace and the other individual will be fired. Women who call and spread gossip and do any number of other things... Not saying that it is right or acceptable. Unfortunately, it is one possible consequence when you decide to sleep with another woman’s husband - when you are discovered, you have no control over how the other person will react and people can be unpredictable and irrational when they are hurt and angry. What’s more, it matters not how long the affair went on or how many times you had sex with the man... You can try to minimize the affair but the damage has been done. 

You don’t deserve to be harassed, she also didn’t deserve to be betrayed. 

Edited August 22, 2020 by BaileyB

[Timshel]

1 hour ago, Maylady said:

She needs to take it down a notch.  We only had sex twice.  

Shes acting like a loon. 

 

I know, right?  If you had sex three times with her husband, then she would have something to be mad about, pffhhht.

[Notagainplease]

2 hours ago, Maylady said:

The thing is we all live in the same town.  And now that she knows who I am where I live and what I drive we could run into each other anywhere.  I have no clue what she'd  do if that happens.  This affair only went on for about a month.  She needs to take it down a notch.  We only had sex twice.  

Shes acting crazy, coming to my home and staring at me from her car. And the other time she drove by with someone else in the car.  They were looking at me and laughing.  I dont need to be harrassed.

 

How dare she step out of the house and make herself known to you. How dare she show you there are consequences for sleeping with someone else's husband! The nerve this woman has. It must have been really hard on you to see her looking pretty and slim and all that. You have a fine talent for making yourself sound like the victim here. Life must be infuriating right now.

Seriously though; if you don't want her ruining your marriage and reputation in town, you probably are wise to back off, stop contacting MM through one of your pals or from strange phones and lick your wounds.

[Maylady]

49 minutes ago, Timshel said:

I know, right?  If you had sex three times with her husband, then she would have something to be mad about, pffhhht.

I'm not trying to make moot of this.  But I've read on here years of infidelity.  Even though I felt more than him...we did not continue on for years and years.  A month and she acts like this? Calling my husband's work.  And I know it's her.  

[Timshel]

Maylady, you must remove your feet from the puddle of sh*t you have stepped in.  Best to do this with Grace.  There is a reason you are in this nonsense and rather than have you as a hapless twit, you are a woman who has crapped all over another woman's life.  Own it. 

I know that you are hurting, no emotionally stable woman would be such an a**hole to another woman.  You can do better than this and you know it.

[BaileyB]

32 minutes ago, Maylady said:

I'm not trying to make moot of this.  But I've read on here years of infidelity.  Even though I felt more than him...we did not continue on for years and years.  A month and she acts like this? 

Are you really trying to argue that it could have been worse, you could have had sex with her husband for years and the fact that only slept with him twice means it is somehow “not as bad.” I’m sorry if this is not what you want to hear, but it’s not really possible to claim the moral high ground when you have slept with this woman’s husband...

If you don’t want to be harassed and you want to be treated with respect, then you need to make better decisions for yourself in the future. I’m sorry, it’s honest advice. Had you treated her with any kind of respect, you wouldn’t find yourself in this position. 

Edited August 22, 2020 by BaileyB

[Maylady]

I thought this is where you come when you need support.  I dont need negative in my life.  I thought me and him had something.  I'm very upset.  I dont think there is ever any reason to harass.   I'm thinking of going to the cops and getting a restraining order before this escalates to something I cant control.

[Timshel]

Woman this is support.  I know that in person counseling is not an option for many at this time.  Talking with a therapist about what is hurting you is a good idea and zoom counseling is available.

In the meantime, if you feel as though taking out an order of protection against your affair partner's wife is what you need to do to feel safe, by all means.

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Maylady said:

I just want her to leave me alone.  Shes acting crazy, coming to my home and staring at me from her car. And the other time she drove by with someone else in the car.  They were looking at me and laughing.  I dont need to be harrassed.

This is a really logical consequence for sleeping with someone's partner.  Did you expect to be able to do this without consequence?

[DKT3]

2 hours ago, Maylady said:

The thing is we all live in the same town.  And now that she knows who I am where I live and what I drive we could run into each other anywhere.  I have no clue what she'd  do if that happens.  This affair only went on for about a month.  She needs to take it down a notch.  We only had sex twice.  

When my friend texted him she said he was a piece of s*** who owes me an apology for playing around with my feelings.  He didnt bother to reply to her at all.

So its obvious I wasn't a serious threat.

I just want her to leave me alone.  Shes acting crazy, coming to my home and staring at me from her car. And the other time she drove by with someone else in the car.  They were looking at me and laughing.  I dont need to be harrassed.

My husband said someone was leaving weird messages at his work.  Dont know how she knows about any of that.  And he said some stranger is facebook messaging him about meeting up.  Shes acting like a loon. 

 

Honestly, after you pretty much describe it as not s big deal and you only had sex twice,  you sound like the loon since you're sooo wrapped up in this guy and what he is thinking,  doing and intending.  You have to see that. Right?

[DKT3]

44 minutes ago, Maylady said:

I'm not trying to make moot of this.  But I've read on here years of infidelity.  Even though I felt more than him...we did not continue on for years and years.  A month and she acts like this? Calling my husband's work.  And I know it's her.  

so do you believe her calling your husband is worse than you having sex with hers? Its clear you do.