Facebook nightmare

[Veronica73]

This is nuts. If your husband won’t care, then why not just tell him?

And her driving by your house is NOTHING compared to what you did. You were stalkerish to him. Repeatedly. And you messed up her life.

If I was in her situation I would put my blame on my husband. But you can also bet I would go on the attack on the OW as well. I ABSOLUTELY would go up against someone who was trying to take my man away, assuming I still wanted him. And even if I didn’t want him, I would probably find a way to humiliate her anyway. Because 1)I am gifted at that. I rarely use that gift, but if I have to, I absolutely will. And 2) I will take going after MY husband as a personal attack on ME and I will respond in kind. And I’m usually a really easy-going person. But someone goes after someone or something that is really important to me...watch out.

So you have it easy as far as I can tell. The fact that you think SHE is out of line makes me laugh. Be glad it’s not my husband you screwed.

Edited August 23, 2020 by Veronica73

[stillafool]

21 hours ago, Maylady said:

Like I said before...I doubt my husband will care.

I'm almost certain he's cheated on me I  the past.  We are basically just roommates. 

Anyway, if what me x (I guess its x) mm told me is true, and she figured this all out on her own, she must be some surreal detective.  He had to have told her something.  From what I've read here, that's being thrown under the bus.  I still wish he'd come back.  I still believe I deserve more than what I got and am getting.

You wish he'd come back to what?  Having sex with another man's wife?  Just because you say your husband doesn't care who what you do doesn't mean MMs wife feels the same about him.  Apparently he regrets what he did with you and that is why he wants no more.  If your husband doesn't have a problem with you having sex with other men then find a single guy to do it with.

[pepperbird2]

op,

Really ask yourself why this is so important to you. Why does it matter so much? Is it really this guy or is it something else? I mean you had to know, even if you chose to ignore it, that this relationship was doomed pretty much right from day one, and yet you chose to invest this level of emotional energy into it.
Why? Were you  running from something? Were you hoping g to be "rescued" form your own bad marriage? That this guy would fall for you, sweep you off your feet and you wouldn't be alone?
If that's true, then paradoxically, ,being on your own is just what you need. Learn to depend on yourself so that when you meet someone special they will be in your life because you really want them not just feel like you need them.

[Prudence V]

On 8/23/2020 at 4:56 AM, Maylady said:

Like I said before...I doubt my husband will care.

I'm almost certain he's cheated on me I  the past.  We are basically just roommates. 

 

These boards are full of posters (often men) who admit freely that they hold a double standard on this - that while they consider their own marital indiscretions to be relatively minor, they would not be able to tolerate their spouse doing the same. So I wouldn’t assume that just because he *may* have been unfaithful himself in the past, that he’d be unfazed by your obsession with your xAP, especially in the light of all the drama it’s creating. 

[Artdeco]

OP, let go!!

You started this whole thing, it was your idea, including the suggestion of having sex. He wasn’t the proactive participant here. You were. Affair aside, even if this had been a “normal” dating situation between two single people, you came on way too strong and behaved stalkerish. Suggesting sex, suggesting to meet up, Facebook stalking, having a friend call/text him, forcing racy pics upon him......my God! Nobody wants that! No single guy. No married guy! It doesn’t matter who. Everybody, man and woman, would feel uncomfortable with that, seriously. 
If you both were single, he would’ve probably ended it too. No offense, but you sound immature, and a little unstable. Or a little intense maybe. And the way I read your OP, he has never really been THAT smitten, maybe you read too much into it, but what did HE actually do to “lure” you in? I don’t see it. You should’ve noticed right off the bat that he has always been rather aloof. 
 

Also - why are you still questioning whether or not he’s you exMM, like you did in your last post? To me, this “relationship” sounds over-over-over. No need to cling to someone who has no interest in being with you. I don’t know what you’re missing. I would also respectfully suggest you stop blaming the wife. You acted way worse than her. She’s just mad. And: believe him when he says she found out all by herself. It’s really not that hard. Emails, FB and other passwords, phone records, Credit Card receipts, the list goes on......Easy!

[Prudence V]

1 hour ago, Artdeco said:

You started this whole thing, it was your idea, including the suggestion of having sex. He wasn’t the proactive participant here. You were. Affair aside, even if this had been a “normal” dating situation between two single people, you came on way too strong and behaved stalkerish.

If you were both young and single, and you were chatting to a GF over coffee about this, she’d tell you he’s just not that into you. He’s had sex with you twice, and that seems as much body fluid as he’s willing to invest. She’d tell you to move on, cut your losses. 
 

The same advice applies here. 

[pepperbird2]

you can't do anything to change him. All you can do is work on yourself and try to figure out why he matters so much.

[Maylady]

Well she pulled up beside me at the corner store and yelled "hey you whore, stop calling my husband.  And you better tell your husband before I do".  Is this grounds for a restraining order?

[DKT3]

11 minutes ago, Maylady said:

Well she pulled up beside me at the corner store and yelled "hey you whore, stop calling my husband.  And you better tell your husband before I do".  Is this grounds for a restraining order?

Yeah, not likely.  I mean you where screwing her husband and you've continued trying to contact him after he told you to stop. I think you have more ground for one then she does.  Surely you can not be that naive. 

[Maylady]

So DK....I have more grounds than she.  I'm going to look into it.  This is getting to be too much.

[assertives]

He meant you have more grounds of being served with a restraining order by your xMM than you serving his wife one. 

[basil67]

2 hours ago, Maylady said:

Well she pulled up beside me at the corner store and yelled "hey you whore, stop calling my husband.  And you better tell your husband before I do".  Is this grounds for a restraining order?

I wouldn't imagine it's grounds for a restraining order.    But I would tell your husband before she does.  

Edited August 26, 2020 by basil67

[Amethyst68]

So are you still stalking your exMM?

[BaileyB]

7 hours ago, Maylady said:

Well she pulled up beside me at the corner store and yelled "hey you whore, stop calling my husband.  And you better tell your husband before I do".  Is this grounds for a restraining order?

It’s a warning. Tell your husband before she does. 

[elaine567]

Small town, she has told at least one gf you know about. The one in the car.
She may not tell your husband, but her friends and family might.
Or it may just slip out in the small town gossip rumour mill...

[Prudence V]

7 hours ago, Maylady said:Well she pulled up beside me at the corner store and yelled "hey you whore, stop calling my husband.  And you better tell your husband before I do".  Is this grounds for a restraining order?

If you have proof that she called you a whore (eg you videos her doing it, on your phone) you may be able to have her charged with crimen injuria. If not, it’s he said, she said - she’ll deny she called you that, but agree that she told you to stop calling her husband (and he’ll support her in this, as he’s also told you to stop it). As for telling your husband - you knew that was a possibility, but have persisted in believing that he wouldn’t care, so that’s hardly a threat. So without the evidence of a recording, it’s unlikely you’d have grounds. 
 

If, however, you have records of every attempt she’s made to harass you (this, the drive byes, anything else?) *and* can show that your own record is squeaky clean (you’ve not been harassing her or her husband), you’d start to have a case. But your own record isn’t squeaky clean - she and her husband will have records of all the times you’ve contacted him despite him telling you not to, as well as details of your relentless pursuit of him during the “affair” (if you can call two shags “an affair”; more like a “two night stand”), and you’ll be likely to come off far worse. 
 

Quite aside from your own husband’s response to all this. How are you planning to deal with that? 

[stillafool]

7 hours ago, Maylady said:

Well she pulled up beside me at the corner store and yelled "hey you whore, stop calling my husband.  And you better tell your husband before I do".  Is this grounds for a restraining order?

No.  Once they find out the real story they may agree with her.

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, Maylady said:

Well she pulled up beside me at the corner store and yelled "hey you whore, stop calling my husband.  And you better tell your husband before I do".  Is this grounds for a restraining order?

I highly doubt it. 

You seem very uninformed about the law and culpability. Perhaps a police officer at your local precinct could explain it better to you. You might just realize that they actually have more tangible grounds than you for taking legal action to get you to stay away. 

And you need to tell you husband. She's going to do it anyway. He might as well hear from you first. You said earlier in this thread that he likely wouldn't care, so what's stopping you? All you have to say is this: "So, hubs, just thought you should know I've been having an affair and his hot and crazy wife is going to tell you, but hey, no biggie, right? I'm off to 7-11, you want anything? Big Gulps are on sale right now." 

Unless of course... you know it wouldn't go down like that, and he very much would care. 

Me thinks you are in a world of self-created denial and it's about to blow right up on you. You can mitigate some of that by making a mature choice and sitting down with your husband to have an adult conversation. You haven't been behaving much like an adult recently. Now would be a good time to start. 

[stillafool]

I agree about getting ahead of her and telling your husband.  The truth coming from you will make it look better as if you confessed rather than him being surprised by her.  Since you say he wouldn't care anyway this should be easy for you.

[Starswillshine]

You cannot file a report without exposing yourself. And while your husband may not really seem interested in you, it will be a different ballgame when he realizing he is financially supporting a woman to sleep around with another man. Quite the blow. 

Play with fire... you sometimes get burned. The BS is not acting like a loon. Given your stalkers ways, it sounds easy for the MM and his BS to paint the picture of a bunny boiler and you are the one stuck with a court order. 

[mark clemson]

Only someone with knowledge of the local laws in your jurisdiction will be able to give you fully sound advice on what will/won't work there.

If you ever want to go to court, you'd need court-admissible evidence. I'm guessing you'd need that for a restraining order as well.

It sounds like this BS is taking pleasure in publicly humiliating you, etc, and so may do so again. IF what she's doing counts as harassment legally in your area, then having your cell phone handy to record whatever she does will presumably come in handy.

If it were me, I wouldn't make any counter-threats until I had whatever evidence is needed to bring legal force to bear firmly in hand. If/when that is achieved, it is possible to counter. For example, while this is not a suggestion or recommendation for you specifically, if someone has evidence someone else is breaking the law they can not only get the police involved, but also possibly float the idea of bringing that evidence to the HR department at their place of work or similar. Or threaten to post video online, etc. Of course those activities might be in violation of local laws too, or potentially look bad to a judge, so it would be very important for a person considering such actions to have sound legal advice. But speaking generally, once someone has been documented violating the law they are in a more vulnerable position and thus more likely to respond to any counter-threats, if made.

I would also note that good legal advice often doesn't come cheap, so generally it's better to settle matters without going through any stuff like the above, IF that is possible.

Edited August 26, 2020 by mark clemson

[lana-banana]

13 hours ago, Maylady said:

Well she pulled up beside me at the corner store and yelled "hey you whore, stop calling my husband.  And you better tell your husband before I do".  Is this grounds for a restraining order?

Not a snowball's chance in hell, unless you have taped evidence of genuinely threatening behavior. She was on public property, didn't pose a physical threat, and didn't make any kind of verbal threat either---in fact, she was telling you to leave her family alone, which she has every right to do. "You better tell your husband before I do" is just that: a warning. Might as well tell him now.

[Maylady]

6 hours ago, Prudence V said:

If you have proof that she called you a whore (eg you videos her doing it, on your phone) you may be able to have her charged with crimen injuria. If not, it’s he said, she said - she’ll deny she called you that, but agree that she told you to stop calling her husband (and he’ll support her in this, as he’s also told you to stop it). As for telling your husband - you knew that was a possibility, but have persisted in believing that he wouldn’t care, so that’s hardly a threat. So without the evidence of a recording, it’s unlikely you’d have grounds. 
 

If, however, you have records of every attempt she’s made to harass you (this, the drive byes, anything else?) *and* can show that your own record is squeaky clean (you’ve not been harassing her or her husband), you’d start to have a case. But your own record isn’t squeaky clean - she and her husband will have records of all the times you’ve contacted him despite him telling you not to, as well as details of your relentless pursuit of him during the “affair” (if you can call two shags “an affair”; more like a “two night stand”), and you’ll be likely to come off far worse. 
 

Quite aside from your own husband’s response to all this. How are you planning to deal with that? 

What even is a two night stand?  We saw each other a couple of times a week for over a month and only had sex twice.  I think that's more than "a two night stand". We did discuss how we had many things in common and we were falling for each other. We kissed and hugged at times.  It was more than a two night stand

[stillafool]

46 minutes ago, Maylady said:

What even is a two night stand?  We saw each other a couple of times a week for over a month and only had sex twice.  I think that's more than "a two night stand". We did discuss how we had many things in common and we were falling for each other. We kissed and hugged at times.  It was more than a two night stand

All this for only a little over a month and sex 2 times?   Obviously he was lying about falling for you because as you can see he's gone and asked you to stop bothering him.  Don't believe everything people tell you.  

[Lurker123]

51 minutes ago, Maylady said:

What even is a two night stand?  We saw each other a couple of times a week for over a month and only had sex twice.  I think that's more than "a two night stand". We did discuss how we had many things in common and we were falling for each other. We kissed and hugged at times.  It was more than a two night stand

OP...with all due respect, you really need to drop this. You sound like you still think there may be some kind of future for you and this MM.. I think it’s glaringly obvious to everyone including him that this is going no where. What you have is a guy who was tempted into cheating on his wife through persistent messages and racy photos, slept with you twice and met up with you a few times more. His wife has now discovered the affair... he’s sh*tting his pants as he’s probably worried you’ll reveal more than what he has admitted to BW and is trying to run for the hills as fast as possible.  He’s realised the error of his ways and discovered the reality that actually this could end his happy little ‘bubble’ as he knows it.

My advice would be, tell your husband the truth, focus on what you want in your life going forward and try and forget and move on from this MM. Your attentions at the moment seem obsessed with getting this ‘restraining order’ against BW... I personally don’t think a couple of drive bys and a bit of shouting warrant such a drastic step, especially since it appears you were the one STILL contacting MM after he asked you to leave him alone. Put yourself in her shoes- she’s probably angry, frustrated and upset that she’s found out her husband has cheated on her. Likely embarrassed as well given that this is a small town you say you live in, so she may be striking out so as to try and gain a bit of dignity back, who knows? 
 

Forget MM and BW and focus on your own future and relationship situation in hand- neither of them will be part of it, so they don’t warrant any more of your time or attentions.