Facebook nightmare

[pepperbird2]

15 hours ago, Maylady said:

Well she pulled up beside me at the corner store and yelled "hey you whore, stop calling my husband.  And you better tell your husband before I do".  Is this grounds for a restraining order?

I don;t get you. You slept with this woman;s husband and yet you feel you ahve any moral high ground and at all?
 

[stillafool]

16 hours ago, Maylady said:

Well she pulled up beside me at the corner store and yelled "hey you whore, stop calling my husband.  And you better tell your husband before I do".  Is this grounds for a restraining order?

TBH, at this point just be glad that is all she did because some betrayed spouses lose it and fists start flying.  I think she is definitely going to find a way to tell your husband though.  She feels like you have that coming.

[Amethyst68]

Forgetting the whole proof thing just now, how do you think you'd get a restraining order without your husband knowing?

You'd still have to attend court wouldn't you?

[Maylady]

I feel like I know she'll  tell my husband.  I'll deL with that then.  I really think we'll go on like we have been.  Right now I feel used. I feel he brought up a bunch of emotions in me and ran away like a coward without a word.  No sorry no nothing.  I guess everything he touches turns to s***.  He should think about that in the future before he tries to impact someone's life.

He should at least be respectful and apologize like a man.

I wasn't the only one in this.

[ExpatInItaly]

38 minutes ago, Maylady said:

He should at least be respectful and apologize like a man.

Perhaps you should lead the way.

Woman up and apologize to his wife. Apologize for having sex with her husband.

Apologize for sending inappropriate photos in an attempt to get him to pay attention to you.

Apologize for creeping his wife online. 

And then?

You should at least be respectful and apologize like a woman  to your husband. 

 

[jspice]

1 hour ago, Maylady said:

I feel like I know she'll  tell my husband.  I'll deL with that then.  I really think we'll go on like we have been.  Right now I feel used. I feel he brought up a bunch of emotions in me and ran away like a coward without a word.  No sorry no nothing.  I guess everything he touches turns to s***.  He should think about that in the future before he tries to impact someone's life.

He should at least be respectful and apologize like a man.

I wasn't the only one in this.

YOU started it. He finished it. 
You’re not the innocent victim here. He has nothing to apologise to you for. 
Get over it. 

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

On 8/14/2020 at 9:41 AM, Maylady said:

So about 6 months ago a guy I went to high school with friended requested me on facebook.  We didnt know each other that well in school but I accepted.  

I noticed we had a certain friend in common.  This friend in common treated me pretty bad in high school.  

I looked through his profile just to see what he was up to.

One day i messengered him that i we both knew this person and i had a story to tell him about her.  He messaged back "ok....tell me"  

I thought maybe I shouldn't tell him because she hurt me pretty bad and I didnt want to bring up old hurts.

But it started a dialogue between us.  Just casual texting started from there. Once a week.  I told him I was married for 18 years with a grown child from a previous relationship.

He was married for 13 years with 2 children.

A few months of casual texting.  Nothing sexual or romantic

Then i brought up the story about this girl from high school again.  

He said " ok, well tell me the story."

I said why not meet for a drink and I'll tell you and he agreed.

We met for a drink and we talked for about an hour and left.

I couldnt get him off my mind.  My marriage hasn't been good for a while but I'm financially reliant on my husband.

So I started texting him more intimate things.  I eventually texted him an intimate pic.  At first he was shocked but then seemed to be I to it too.

We started meeting a couple times a week.  For a quick drink.  Sometimes wed just sit and talk at a park in our neighbourhood.  Sometimes go sit by lake and talk

We seemed to just click.  We didnt kiss all the time, as we were in public.  When we didnt cuddle and kiss it was so good.  I suggested we get a hotel room. He agreed.  We picked  a time met there and had sex.  It was heaven.  I felt almost giddy.

We kept meeting but things were different.  I could feel him pulling away.

We ended up having sex again in his car..(I know...not good). 

 

"We ended up having sex again in his car..(I know...not good). " - so this last sentence in the section I've quoted here.....THIS was the point you think it's "not good??????"  Not all the OTHER things YOU did before this that were also NOT GOOD (that I bolded)?  

This is 100% your fault for pursuing this married man.  Good or bad, this is who you are now.  Someone who chased after someone else's husband, got him, and is now angry that he decided he wants to be better than that.  

A  year from now it will be interesting to see the lessons you have learned.  I wish you luck.

Edited August 27, 2020 by CautiouslyOptimistic

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

On 8/22/2020 at 11:56 PM, Maylady said:

Like I said before...I doubt my husband will care.

I'm almost certain he's cheated on me I  the past.  We are basically just roommates. 

Anyway, if what me x (I guess its x) mm told me is true, and she figured this all out on her own, she must be some surreal detective.  He had to have told her something.  From what I've read here, that's being thrown under the bus.  I still wish he'd come back.  I still believe I deserve more than what I got and am getting.

You don't deserve more, and I think you are pretty naive if you sincerely have no clue that this could have been easily discovered by an attentive wife.  You have so much to learn.  I'm speaking as a 47 year old woman who caught her husband cheating.  You really have no idea how easy it is because men are super dumb about covering their tracks.....

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

2 hours ago, Maylady said:

 He should think about that in the future before he tries to impact someone's life.

 

I'm curious if you're capable of self awareness.  You do realize YOU started this, right?  YOU impacted HIS life?  He just fell for your bait.

[DKT3]

7 hours ago, Maylady said:

I feel like I know she'll  tell my husband.  I'll deL with that then.  I really think we'll go on like we have been.  Right now I feel used. I feel he brought up a bunch of emotions in me and ran away like a coward without a word.  No sorry no nothing.  I guess everything he touches turns to s***.  He should think about that in the future before he tries to impact someone's life.

He should at least be respectful and apologize like a man.

I wasn't the only one in this.

You kinda are the only one in this. I mean you threw yourself at this guy, he accepted. NOW he clearly wants nothing to do with you. 

 

[Prudence V]

10 hours ago, Maylady said:

Right now I feel used. I feel he brought up a bunch of emotions in me and ran away like a coward without a word.  No sorry no nothing.  He should think about that in the future before he tries to impact someone's life.

He should at least be respectful and apologize like a man.

OK, let me get this straight: you want him to apologise for how you responded to him? (bolden, in your quoted post). Not for anything he did - which, by your own account, was simply going along with what you were dragging him into. You responded emotionally to him (because of your own situation) and that is somehow his fault? Somehow you’ve turned that onto him - that he tried to “impact your life”, when your own account describes nothing of the sort.
 

You tried (very hard) to impact his life, including dragging him off for sex in a hotel room (after which he started “pulling away” - I guess the sex wasn’t that good in his view, even if you enjoyed it) and for a quickie n a car. None of which did the trick - mind games, bad sex, and a rapid descent into bunny boiling terrified the stuffing out of him and set his BW into rottweiler mode, but you’re still clinging to a fantasy of riding off into the sunset with this guy? We’ve left the land of wishful thinking here, and are driving at speed into full-on delusion territory. 
 

I understand you feel lonely. Your kid is grown, your marriage stale, you’re supported by your H so presumably not gainfully employed - you’re probably feeling you don’t have a role or a purpose or that you don’t matter much to anyone, and you were hoping this guy was going to change all that. He wasn’t. He can’t. Only you can. Get a job, or a hobby, or make some real friends (without falling in infatuation with them, preferably) or go out and volunteer in your community. There are many ways to find connection and purpose that don’t involve the back seat of an old (uninterested) school friend’s car. 

[Prudence V]

17 hours ago, Maylady said:

What even is a two night stand?  We saw each other a couple of times a week for over a month and only had sex twice.  I think that's more than "a two night stand". We did discuss how we had many things in common and we were falling for each other. We kissed and hugged at times.  It was more than a two night stand

The sex wasn’t even good enough for him to want to shell out for a hotel room the second time. “Two night stand” was probably  generous. 

[Maylady]

Well she showed up at my house when I wasn't there.  My husband went out for drinks with her and she told him everything.  Like I said he doesn't care

[BaileyB]

Well then, explain to us again why you stay in the marriage? You obviously have no love or respect for your husband or you wouldn’t have done what you did. And, it would appear that your husband feels the same way...

[stillafool]

On 8/30/2020 at 1:42 PM, Maylady said:

Well she showed up at my house when I wasn't there.  My husband went out for drinks with her and she told him everything.  Like I said he doesn't care

I imagine you are now relieved because she can no longer hold that over your head.  Is your husband good looking?  If so, .....

[mark clemson]

Hopefully now that that's taken care of, she'll leave you alone. I suspect it won't satisfy her, but perhaps I'm wrong, or perhaps there will be a little more of the "harassment" but it will then taper off. The less you seem to be bothered, presumably the less of this there will be.

If it was me in your shoes, I would debrief my husband to find out what she asked about, etc, in addition to simply informing him, just so you have that info.

Perhaps now that the revenge affair is done, it's time to re-assess where you are in life in terms of your marriage, etc?

[C52]

If your husband truly doesn't care - and it appears you don't much care either, then it seems you're only staying due to financial reasons. Why don't you start looking for work so that you can become a bit more independent and move on to someone else.

You seem to be in a confused and unhappy situation. The trouble is, you won't resolve your issues with someone else's husband -- certainly not this poor schmuck. He got in way over his head - and so did you.

[ExpatInItaly]

On 8/30/2020 at 7:42 PM, Maylady said:

Well she showed up at my house when I wasn't there.  My husband went out for drinks with her and she told him everything.  Like I said he doesn't care

Perfect. 

So file for divorce and be done with it, so you can be free to pursue a man you actually want to be with. No guy is going to stick around for a married woman for long, so you better get used to being tossed aside by future affair partners if this is the merry-go-round you intend to stay on. They'll have sex with you, sure, but that''s where it will end if you have no plan on leaving your husband. 

You have nobody to blame but yourself for making a mess of your life. 

[elaine567]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

but that''s where it will end if you have no plan on leaving your husband.

Plenty get all fired up and leave their husband to find their MM does not want to and will not leave his wife, even if he does leave, some of them will still go back to their marriage...

[Amethyst68]

Or he's just telling you that while he's getting all his ducks in a row ready to divorce.

[elaine567]

5 minutes ago, Amethyst68 said:

Or he's just telling you that while he's getting all his ducks in a row ready to divorce.

Yes that did cross my mind.
One guy on here planned to leave in 8 years, ie as soon as he thought his kids were old enough to understand.
He played the perfect husband who had seemingly got over the cheating, but 8 years later, he just walked out as he has planned, leaving his wife blindsided.