Superluminal Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 Hi All, Something interesting and confusing has been happening lately. My exMM and I have been over for many years. We still work at the same company and I've been working from home during the pandemic while he continued to go into work every day. During the midst of all of this craziness, I got a (work) email from him, asking how I was doing and that he was worried about me. We've communicated in the past but it was always for business purposes only. This is the first "personal" one in many years. I replied but kept it very impersonal. But then I got another email. And another. Just the usual banter about daily life and such. I have since returned to work part-time and he requested that we meet for coffee. I obliged...more out of curiosity than anything. We talked as if nothing had ever happened between us. Like old friends. But then I asked about his wife and how things were going at home (he left me to reconcile with his wife after being with me for about 1 year). He said it's OK, that they get along OK but that there's hasn't been much movement forward on their marriage. And the kicker...that when he's with her, he wishes it were me. And that he wants me in his life even though he's back with his wife. Why the hell would he reach out to me again and say such things? I can see myself falling back down into this endless pit of misery... Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 Don't fall for any bulls***. If he's saying that he's choosing you over the wife, that's what he'd say. Anything short of that is a bunch of f***ing malarkey best ignored. Don't get sucked into a self- defeating vortex. Respect yourself. You're too valuable for this kind of crap. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 (edited) 32 minutes ago, Superluminal said: I can see myself falling back down into this endless pit of misery... Good lord, what kind of a strange appeal do these men have that all they have to do is send an email, offer to buy coffee, and suggest that they are unhappy in their marriage such that a woman is willing to give up all the work she has done to chart her own path and put some distance between herself and an unhealthy relationship. You do have some control here, I hope. Sorry if this is harsh, but you do realize that the whole “my marriage isn’t happy and I really wish it was you...” is an excuse as old as time. I mean, the guy couldn’t even come up with anything unique or interesting... if this is all it takes to get you feeling like you are at risk of falling back into this endless pit of misery then you really haven’t done the work you needed to do after the split. Edited August 15, 2020 by BaileyB 4 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Brokenhearted2020 Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 I've just posted a thread myself below yours on a similar topic although I am only two months past D Day, at the time my EXMM decided to reconcile with his wife. I don't have much advice but I do think it's all about control and he wants to know that he could still have you. For you and him that much time has passed I wouldn't be surprised if he would he happy to restart the affair now his wife has calmed down and has probably started trusting him again. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazelnut Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 Use your brain instead of your feeeeelings. You've just undone all that hard work you did. Sigh. Did down and find your strength or you'll be in for a world of pain and misery AND YOU KNOW IT. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Luna66star Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 After many years he decides you are the one for him? C'mon. I would feel totally wierd from hearing this from a MM. I think he's just looking for an affair as things at home are dull. He described it in those terms. Using the term "ok" says it all. He's bored and looking for excitement. You need to keep the distance from him on personal matters. You are nice & convenient, there right at work. Especially if you were willingly to fool around with him before. Maintain your self-respect, don't get involved again. Keep him at a distance but cordial. Better yet, spell it out for him, and say no to his invitations for something more personal. It is tempting especially if you are feeling lonely. He doesn't want you as his GF/wife. He already has one. It's going to be the same old BS with him eventually. Don't fall for "we can just be friends". He wants to sleep with you. He also won't respect you for allowing him to come waltzing back into your life. He will regard you as his "easy" side chick girl. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 (edited) On 8/14/2020 at 8:29 PM, Superluminal said: Hi All, Something interesting and confusing has been happening lately. My exMM and I have been over for many years. We still work at the same company and I've been working from home during the pandemic while he continued to go into work every day. During the midst of all of this craziness, I got a (work) email from him, asking how I was doing and that he was worried about me. We've communicated in the past but it was always for business purposes only. This is the first "personal" one in many years. I replied but kept it very impersonal. But then I got another email. And another. Just the usual banter about daily life and such. I have since returned to work part-time and he requested that we meet for coffee. I obliged...more out of curiosity than anything. We talked as if nothing had ever happened between us. Like old friends. But then I asked about his wife and how things were going at home (he left me to reconcile with his wife after being with me for about 1 year). He said it's OK, that they get along OK but that there's hasn't been much movement forward on their marriage. And the kicker...that when he's with her, he wishes it were me. And that he wants me in his life even though he's back with his wife. Why the hell would he reach out to me again and say such things? I can see myself falling back down into this endless pit of misery... For the same reasons he did before and I guess because you've responded and met up he feels like you'd be open to it...even you yourself say you can see yourself falling down the pit of misery, which means the door isn't closed and he figured that out after he "reached out casually" and continued and you responded favorably. I think he's priming to restart the affair, but since you know it' a pit of misery and nothing has changed (i.e. he's wishing and hoping it were you but still married and trying to have an affair again) I would quickly close that door and keep it moving. Edited August 21, 2020 by MissBee 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 On 8/15/2020 at 1:29 AM, Superluminal said: And the kicker...that when he's with her, he wishes it were me. He got to you, and it was just soooo easy... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Amethyst68 Posted August 21, 2020 Share Posted August 21, 2020 It's easier than finding a brand new AP, he already knows your soft spots, what will reel you in. It works, you only need to look at your reaction, the trouble is nothing's really changed. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted September 5, 2020 Share Posted September 5, 2020 Nothing has changed. He's still married and wants you back as his bit on the side. Don't give him the satisfaction. Have you chosen to be single all this time? Link to post Share on other sites
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