EAM19 Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 I've written on here about my heartbreak after my ex ended things over a year ago, I wrote a lot about struggling for months with it and finally got over it at Christmas. So been broken up for a year and 4 months. I had been talking to someone new for the past 5 months and we went on a few dates but he ended things as we're going back to uni. I was upset bit understand and we have said no hard feeling sor anything. Coming off feeling upset about that, my friends ended up put with my ex's friends (all one group) and we went back to his to have a little party there. I was sick a few times and my ex came in. He apologised to me loads about what had happened and then also kissed me, which was very surprising and I didn't see it coming. I was very drunk so went to sleep after this. I woke up still quite drunk and he came up and we ended up having sex all night. I feel like I have 1)betrayed myself, 2) completely acted with no self respect, 3) made an idiot of myself. I say if I hadn't been that drunk i wouldn't have let it happen, but I think deep down I know I would have. It gave me some sick kind of validation. And waking up knowing it didn't really mean anything for either of us and he probably thought I was convenient for sex that night, it makes me feel a bit empty inside and stupid. Part of me wants to speak to him, the other part doesn't and I don't know how I feel now Link to post Share on other sites
Blind-Sided Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 14 minutes ago, EAM19 said: I feel like I have 1)betrayed myself, 2) completely acted with no self respect, 3) made an idiot of myself. Ummmmmmmmmmmmm. Yep. You hit the nail on the head. on all points. Your biggest mistake was simply going to a party where he was going to be. You are still broken hearted after a year.... DO NOT be where he is, and DO NOT talk with him now. I'm sorry... but sleeping with someone is just a way to set you back in your recovery. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 25 minutes ago, EAM19 said: Part of me wants to speak to him, the other part doesn't and I don't know how I feel now What would you like to speak about, exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 I was going to tell you, exes will often have meaningless sex with people they know are still heartbroken or still in love with them. But it seems on reading your old threads, he may in fact still care for you. Has he got the travelling out of his system? Link to post Share on other sites
Author EAM19 Posted August 15, 2020 Author Share Posted August 15, 2020 23 minutes ago, Blind-Sided said: Ummmmmmmmmmmmm. Yep. You hit the nail on the head. on all points. Your biggest mistake was simply going to a party where he was going to be. You are still broken hearted after a year.... DO NOT be where he is, and DO NOT talk with him now. I'm sorry... but sleeping with someone is just a way to set you back in your recovery. I really did feel over him, but he was my first live and I was going to be with friends. I didn't want or expect him to kiss me and I was so drunk and the attention felt nice I guess. So stupid of me Link to post Share on other sites
Author EAM19 Posted August 15, 2020 Author Share Posted August 15, 2020 12 minutes ago, elaine567 said: I was going to tell you, exes will often have meaningless sex with people they know are still heartbroken or still in love with them. But it seems on reading your old threads, he may in fact still care for you. Has he got the travelling out of his system? I know he thinks I'm lovely and would love to friends with me but I've always avoided wherever he is and don't talk to him. It wouldn't have happened if I wasn't so drunk, I hadn't spoken to him all night he just kissed me and I let it all happen. And now I feel so stupid and ashamed of myself Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 Let it go. Just avoid the ex and alcohol in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
schlumpy Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 Ready to quit letting booze make decisions for you? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted August 15, 2020 Share Posted August 15, 2020 Speaking to your EX isn't going to get you answers or absolution. You went there to have fun. You got drunk & you turned to an EX for comfort & validation. Many people have done that. Don't beat yourself up or dwell on it. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off & get on with life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FudgeSwirl Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 Because you unfortunately take back what you did with your ex, you have already evaluated the situation, not pleased it happened, and are ready to move on. It's okay not to be friends with exes because most of the time having them around in life makes healing slow and difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EAM19 Posted August 16, 2020 Author Share Posted August 16, 2020 2 hours ago, FudgeSwirl said: Because you unfortunately take back what you did with your ex, you have already evaluated the situation, not pleased it happened, and are ready to move on. It's okay not to be friends with exes because most of the time having them around in life makes healing slow and difficult. I take it back because it just felt so nice at the time and now I'm worried I miss him again, or miss it at least. I never got closure I needed from him, we haven't spoken since Christmas and we don't have each other on any social media apart from when he goes onto my Instagram to look at my stories. I've just confused myself and my feelings and I wish I had said something to him at the time 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 15 minutes ago, EAM19 said: I take it back because it just felt so nice at the time and now I'm worried I miss him again, or miss it at least. I never got closure I needed from him, we haven't spoken since Christmas and we don't have each other on any social media apart from when he goes onto my Instagram to look at my stories. I've just confused myself and my feelings and I wish I had said something to him at the time Don't settle for FWB if you really want a relationship. You'll just keep getting hurt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EAM19 Posted August 16, 2020 Author Share Posted August 16, 2020 13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: Don't settle for FWB if you really want a relationship. You'll just keep getting hurt. I can't imagine that ever happening, I wouldn't be able to handle itand to be honest I don't think he would want it either I think I was just for him on that night because of the other girls he couldn't have gone for them and probably just wanted sex with someone. He just was drunk telling me how sorry he was for everything and saying "I missed this" when we were in bed together and I know it's all bulls*** and I told him that when drunk. We haven't spoken since and can't imagine we would. He didn't message after and I don't expect him to. I think he got what he wanted and that was it Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 He seems like a creep if he decides an easy time to get some sex is when you're drunk and vulnerable. You need to cut him off 100%. Stop making excuses about closure. Closure is the breakup itself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EAM19 Posted August 16, 2020 Author Share Posted August 16, 2020 14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said: He seems like a creep if he decides an easy time to get some sex is when you're drunk and vulnerable. You need to cut him off 100%. Stop making excuses about closure. Closure is the breakup itself. Honestly would love to know what he was thinking and why he kissed me, especially after I had been sick. The way he ended it he acted like he wanted nothing to do with me, nothing he has ever done or said since ever gave me the impression he was even attracted to me. Oh, and at Christmas he brought some random tinder date to the bar where I work and I got an early finish and snuck out. The last message I had to him was "dont bring dates to my work its inappropriate" and he proceeded to block me on everything for a month, only to unblock me and stalk my Instagram Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 Just stop being with him or obsessing over him. Look up AA online if you continue to do regrettable things when drunk or need to get drunk to cope or socialize. Link to post Share on other sites
TeddyBundy1993 Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 He wasnt thinking anything other than taking an opportunity of you as you were wasted alone with him. This dude is loving every bit of attention you are giving him. You clearly are not over him. And often we ruin our progress of recovery by doing such things. Dont be hard on yourself we all makes such mistakes be careful for the future avoid contacts with and not meeting him with your mutuals friends. Recovery is already hard, and exes like these makes it much more difficult. Link to post Share on other sites
Author EAM19 Posted August 16, 2020 Author Share Posted August 16, 2020 1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said: Just stop being with him or obsessing over him. Look up AA online if you continue to do regrettable things when drunk or need to get drunk to cope or socialize. I don't get drunk to cope or socialize. Saw him loads out at Christmas as we have a lot of the same friends and nothing of the sort happened. I got a bit too drunk one night and threw up as we all do. I really thought I was over him, any time I've seen him or heard of him since I haven't cared. It just felt so comfortable at the time and I was uspet about a different biy and he was giving me attention. He was my first and my first live and first heartbreak and it's a hard thing to forget especially when hes in front of me telling me how sorry he is and kissing me Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 2 hours ago, EAM19 said: Honestly would love to know what he was thinking and why he kissed me, especially after I had been sick. I don't mean to sound crass, but probably because he was drunk and horny and knew you likely still have a soft spot for him so he tried his luck. He doesn't sound like a great person, Eam. I would not be too hard on yourself, but I would also not contact him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Wiseman2 Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 4 minutes ago, EAM19 said: . Saw him loads out at Christmas as we have a lot of the same friends and nothing of the sort happened. I got a bit too drunk one night and threw up as we all do. How old is he? He doesn't seem ready willing or able to have the kind of committed relationship you want. Ok. Now put it behind you and block and delete him. Don't dwell on Christmas 9 mos ago. It's over now so it's time to stop thinking about "firsts" and start thinking about next . He was a training wheels relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author EAM19 Posted August 16, 2020 Author Share Posted August 16, 2020 6 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: I don't mean to sound crass, but probably because he was drunk and horny and knew you likely still have a soft spot for him so he tried his luck. He doesn't sound like a great person, Eam. I would not be too hard on yourself, but I would also not contact him. I'm not going to. What I mean is I hate that he had the nerve to, knowing how drunk I was and probably would go for it. If I had been sober it wouldn't have happened. We didn't really talk in the morning and I kind of wish I had said something but I know there's no point Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 It sounds like you're over him, just not quite as fully as you'd like. I haven't read all the responses, but my thought would be to let this become water under the bridge (which it soon will be anyway) and move on. No point contacting him if you don't like him anymore or like how he makes you feel about yourself, etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FudgeSwirl Posted August 16, 2020 Share Posted August 16, 2020 10 hours ago, EAM19 said: I take it back because it just felt so nice at the time and now I'm worried I miss him again, or miss it at least. I never got closure I needed from him, we haven't spoken since Christmas and we don't have each other on any social media apart from when he goes onto my Instagram to look at my stories. I've just confused myself and my feelings and I wish I had said something to him at the time I understand. Sadly the ends of many relationships including marriage provide no closure for one of the parties involved. In time it will get easier and if you have to if you haven't done so already, block his number and all social media. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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