My Female Best Friend and I

[Aj856426]

Sorry for the long post but wanted to be as specific as possible. Thanks for who reads it and responds. It's appreciated. Really hope to get some female's perspective on this as well.

 

I have a female best friend. She’s amazing and love her to death. We are very close and share a lot.

The other night we went out with a bunch of coworkers for some drinks and food. It was fun. We all were having a great time. We sat next to each other of course. At one point we were all chatting and laughing and I said something that she felt was really smart. She slapped me on the shoulder hard as her reaction (she was kind of intoxicated at this point since we did shots and had other drinks) but immediately apologized. She rarely says sorry but also the occasion rarely calls for it too but I could tell by her reaction after she hit me she was sorry, she felt bad. Anyways she rubbed on my shoulder for a few seconds to take the "sting" out. It didn’t really hurt as I am in pretty good shape and physically solid.

Later in the evening, my friend told everyone why don’t we go back to her place to continue hanging out. We all played drinking games jammed out to music and had lots of fun. Throughout the evening, she would grab my hand several times, and we would hold hands for several seconds or so. Once she came inside off the front porch after talking to another woman and I was coming out of the kitchen from making another drink at the same time into the living room and she made a motion to put her cheek out there towards meas she walked passed me all cute meaning she wanted me to kiss her cheek. I without hesitation obviously kissed her cheek and kissed it well. At one point, I text her even though she is about five feet away and ask her if she’s OK. She says, yeah, and send me a ‘Love you❤’ right after. I tell her I love her back in a text.

Early in the morning (3am), everyone finally left besides my friend I. I didn’t want to leave the mess for her to pick up by herself, so I thought I would stay a little after and help clean up. It didn’t take too long to clean up.

She was tired as was I. It was 3am after all. She said something about a pain in her upper back and neck area. I proceeded to help see if I could rub on it a minute to help her out. I had one of my arms wrapped around holding onto her while we were standing up yet. I was rubbing her back with the other. I told her maybe she needed to be adjusted. I adjust people often and have adjusted her a few times as well.

She was saying right before I did it she was scared (she has said this before in the past right before I do it) but she also said she trusts me she always has. After adjusting her, I pick her up off the floor and stand her back up. We hug tightly, and I rub her back a little more as we hug. After a minute, she goes and locks the front door and turns off the lights inside and out. She comes and takes my hand, and says to come to lay with her for a while.

I honestly didn’t think a big deal about it initially. We laid there for a few minutes and I have my arm around her back as she's laying there. A short time went by, and she jumps up out of bed and tells me to roll over on my stomach and goes into the other room. A minute later, she comes back and straddles my butt while I’m lying in the bed. She starts to lift my shirt up so she can massage my back with massage oil (not expected at all).

She is a massage therapist, by the way. She massages my back for about ten minutes or so and then lays next to me, saying she’s tired. So I throw my arm around her to comfort her. She turns her back to me and gets right up against my chest with her back. I put my arm around her torso and hold her tightly. Shortly later, she moves her hand into mine, to where we are holding hands.

We lay like that for an hour or two our feet touch as well hers on top of mine. She wakes up and starts to move around and adjust how she’s laying. We are still wearing most of our clothes except for my shirt is off. She turns to face me, and we get all entangled together at this point, and she does most of that. We are like that for a while, and then she moves around again.

Eventually, we are laying like we were. My arm and hand are around her waist, but I’m not doing anything inappropriate. We lay like that for much of the rest of the night. We hold hands several times throughout laying together. We cover up at some point also because she’s cold but then gets hot a short time later because I produce a lot of heat. Lol.

A couple of hours later, it’s daylight. I eventually get up and start to get my shirt back on and shoes on. She asked while I’m getting ready in a real sleepy voice if I’m not going to snuggle with her anymore. I say that it’s time for me to go (I had some things I needed to get to that day). She asks me to get her some water before I leave so she can take her pills to help with the hangover.

Now don’t get me wrong I wanted to stay there and lay with her all day. I kissed her on the cheek and forehead as I’m leaving and tell her I love her. She replies the same. As I’m driving down the road, I’m trying to understand what just happened that night. I see her the next day at work, and she comes up and gives me a huge long hug and tells me she loves me. I reply the same.

What is everyone’s opinion on this? She is older than I by ten years if that makes any difference. Was it the alcohol? Was she saying something even though we had been drinking? I've purposely not trying to think of her as more than a friend for most of oir time in that relationship because I felt that wasn't what she wanted from me. I have tried very hard to respect her on that. I will say thought that there was so sort of energy I could literally feel with her while laying in bed. Nothing like I have ever felt before. It felt natural whatever it was.

What should I do? Is there anything to do or should I just keep going with the flow of life? Thoughts, advice, or criticism?

[Wiseman2]

Affairs happen with or without alcohol all this time. This is about your extracurricular 'friends", not drinking. Whatever happened happened because you were both in the same time and place and made it happen, not because of booze.

[Timshel]

Seems to me that she wanted you to rock her world, why didn't you?

[Aj856426]

Well I would "rock her world" if she wants it. I would want it to happen because she wanted it to happen as well. If that's the case maybe another chance will happen. I mean, from my experience in the past any woman who's comfortable enough to take me to her bed is very trusting in me. I would prefer it to have meaning rather than a one night stand. 

Edited August 15, 2020 by Aj856426

[Timshel]

Ask her out on a proper date!  It seems that she is receptive and maybe frustrated already, sheesh.

[Aj856426]

Timshel, frustrated how?

[snowboy91]

I get the feeling you both were on a knife edge. You both seemed to be enjoying the company and physical contact, and probably wanted to take it further in the moment, but weren't sure whether what you were doing was a signal to take things further, or whether they just wanted some comfort, and whether it would ruin the friendship - so much so that neither of you said or did anything to cross that boundary.

Her behaviour since suggests she does perhaps want something more from you - it might be worth talking to her about that night just to make sure you're on the same page. It's a little bit of a risk to bring it up, but less risky than making a move and then finding out that there wasn't anything to it.

Edited August 16, 2020 by snowboy91

[Wiseman2]

Don't hang out with older co-workers in this drunken nebulous quasi sexual way.

Do you have a GF? 

[Acacia98]

13 hours ago, Timshel said:

Ask her out on a proper date!  It seems that she is receptive and maybe frustrated already, sheesh

I think he did the right thing on the night in question. If they are to change the status of their relationship, it should happen when they're both sober. There's so much room for disastrous misunderstanding when people are drunk.

So, yes. He should definitely ask her out on a date now.

[Aj856426]

She is very special to me. We do get along very well. We like doing a lot of the same things. I'm just not sure what my next step is without pushing the wrong button. Part of me feels I should take things slow with her and see what direction she wants to take things. I fear that if I ask about that night it could make things weird between us even though she knows I care about her a lot. What would you women want to have done if you were in this situation?

[gaius]

On 8/15/2020 at 8:38 PM, Aj856426 said:

Timshel, frustrated how?

That she put herself out there for you and didn't get any response. 

You say that you want to wait for her to give you a direction but she already did. And you kind of either didn't notice or ignored it. Probably offending her on some level in the process. And making her think you're not interested. 

At this point if you want her, go after her. Unless she's a little desperate she's not going to keep initiating and giving you chances after you turned her down once already.